RE: What is your view on getting gifts on a "date"

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

RE: What is your view on getting gifts on a "date"

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Off the Grid >> RE: What is your view on getting gifts on a "date"

Page: << < prev 1 [2]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

RE: What is your view on getting gifts on a "date&... - 1/8/2008 5:47:00 AM

LaMspeach

Posts: 794
Joined: 12/4/2004
From: Philadelphia area, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Lordandmaster accepts gifts.

I HOPE YOU'RE ALL PAYING ATTENTION.

I gave you the gift of my submission and the green jag ... what else do you want?

_____________________________

peach ~ LordandMasters devoted alpha slave
"Only when the year has grown cold does one know that the pine and cypress are the last to wither"

(in reply to Lordandmaster)

Profile

Post #: 21

RE: What is your view on getting gifts on a "date&... - 1/8/2008 8:08:46 AM

Leonardo

Posts: 113
Joined: 4/11/2005
Status: offline

Perhaps when you go meet someone, the words, "dutch treat" should flash in your mind and be uttered past your lips... maybe somewhat along the lines of:

"Fine, I'll go to dinner and a movie with you, but it is 'Dutch Treat', so that you will fully understand that there should be no prior expectations from either party."

Wrong as it may be, yes, there are alot of people out in the world who think that dinner and a movie automatically gives way to the expectation of sex. If a male or female want to have the mindset that they are paying for sex, their best option would be to find a prostitute and pay for the sex up front.

(in reply to bekaness)

Profile

Post #: 22

RE: What is your view on getting gifts on a "date&... - 1/8/2008 8:34:59 AM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

ORIGINAL: bekaness

I never dated in highschool, I was religious back then, but not now. So I am kind of lost in that being submissive, where is the line? Some of these women he bought really nice things, and they should of not allowed him to buy them things if they weren't planning on doing anything else with him.. True the saying a fool and his money are soon parted, but don't you think they should not have lead him on?

Hi Rebecca,

First off, a gift is just that. It's not payment, it's not quid pro quo. The women might be more likely to do things with a 'generous' man than one who didn't bring any gifts, but it's up to the woman (or man if the roles are reversed) to decide that no gift is sufficiant to leap into bed. Accepting a gift isn't leading a man on; it's just accepting a gift. If the man attempts to use that gift to manipulate the woman, she has the perogative to terminate the gift and keep or return the gift as she sees fit. Your logic is on par with "well, wearing that short skirt, she must have been asking for it, so it's not rape."

Myself, I make it very clear from the beginning there will be no play after, no touching, especially on the first date. They tend to anyway.. and I go with it because I enjoy it(I'm a redblooded woman just like the rest), not because they FORCE me to.. but it does irritate me that they go for it anyway especially after I had asked for no touching in the first place. Is this unreasonable to expect no physical contact on a first meet beyond a hug?

Did you read what you wrote the first time? You say "Don't touch." Then when they do, you change your mind. Then you get irritated that you let them change your mind?

If you want to say no, you need to be consistent. If I'm on a date, and we agreed no touching... and in the heat of an intimate, romantic moment, I lean in for a kiss...and then stop, because I promised "no kissing" sure it's sweet, but it's also a serious joykill. I've known women who claim to want a man who respects boundaries, yet consistently seek and engage in relationships with men who break them. If you aren't willing to establish and maintain your own boundaries on intimacy, why on earth should you expect your date to? Own up to your own role in the issue, beyond the "well, I'm human."

Keep in mind, I'm not saying you're a bad person or anything; only that you seem to be attempting to offload your own guilt or frustration for what you do onto others. You really need to own your own faults.

Regards,

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to bekaness)

Profile

Post #: 23

RE: What is your view on getting gifts on a "date&... - 1/8/2008 8:35:27 AM

lauren0221

Posts: 681
Joined: 8/29/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaMspeach

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Lordandmaster accepts gifts.

I HOPE YOU'RE ALL PAYING ATTENTION.

I gave you the gift of my submission and the green jag ... what else do you want?

I think he wants another car peach:)

(in reply to LaMspeach)

Profile

Post #: 24

RE: What is your view on getting gifts on a "date&... - 1/8/2008 9:36:40 AM

Lordandmaster

Posts: 10943
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline

There's always room for another fine car in the garage.

quote:

ORIGINAL: lauren0221

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaMspeach

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Lordandmaster accepts gifts.

I HOPE YOU'RE ALL PAYING ATTENTION.

I gave you the gift of my submission and the green jag ... what else do you want?

I think he wants another car peach:)

(in reply to lauren0221)

Profile

Post #: 25

RE: What is your view on getting gifts on a "date&... - 1/9/2008 7:08:12 PM

kiyari

Posts: 631
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

I think that someone should make it entirely clear UPFRONT BEFORE said date that this isn't a seqway into play,
this date is just a meeting for dinner and some nice conversation,
and make it clear nothing is to be expected later on simply cause we had dinner.

Usualy making that clear makes people who think one meeting is going to quarentee them a fuck decide not to meet me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Just So.

It may sting a bit, as prologue may have led one to suspect some actual Potential.

YET...

When such waste products finally 'get it',
that dinner or whatnot will not buy [insert whatever intimacy here],
and in consequence, subsequently 'drop off the face of the Earth...

Well, such is a Great Mercy.

True colours revealed, and saves on gas, as well. ;)

_____________________________

Black Water Dragon

(in reply to YourhandMyAss)

Profile

Post #: 26

RE: What is your view on getting gifts on a "date&... - 1/9/2008 11:25:15 PM

MercTech

Posts: 3706
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline

Gifts on a first date... may be gauche these days. There are other ways to prove that a man is solvent enough to take care of a household than to show up with expensive frivolous purchases of candies and flower. (That is exactly what the ritual was about back in the 19th century) A souvenir of the date maybe. Stuffed bear from the carnival, etc.

Thinking back... the only time I ever brough something for a "gift" for a first meeting was when it was at a dinner at a mutual friend's home. I brought a bottle of the wine said lady had mentioned liking in an email.

Now, for a first play session, I've been known to gift with some sort of clothing.

Stefan

(in reply to kiyari)

Profile

Post #: 27

RE: What is your view on getting gifts on a "date&... - 1/10/2008 8:09:51 PM

Vendaval

Posts: 10297
Joined: 1/15/2005
Status: offline

In general, I feel uncomfortable with gifts early on in a dating situation.
That seems to put too much pressure on all concerned.
As the persons involved get to know each other and learn likes and dislikes,
then giving presents seems more appropriate.

_____________________________

"Beware, the woods at night, beware the lunar light.
So in this gray haze we'll be meating again, and on that
great day, I will tease you all the same."
"WOLF MOON", OCTOBER RUST, TYPE O NEGATIVE

http://KinkMeet.co.uk

(in reply to bekaness)

Profile

Post #: 28

RE: What is your view on getting gifts on a "date&... - 1/10/2008 8:43:10 PM

FatDomDaddy

Posts: 3183
Joined: 1/31/2004
Status: offline

(fast reply)

So let me get this straight...

Women getting gifts by men on the first date.... not acceptable

Women giving gifts to men on the first date.... perfectly OK I guess that another of the double standards I always hear women within in the community complain about.

< Message edited by FatDomDaddy -- 1/10/2008 8:54:30 PM >

(in reply to Vendaval)

Profile

Post #: 29

RE: What is your view on getting gifts on a "date&... - 1/11/2008 2:23:53 PM

FatDomDaddy

Posts: 3183
Joined: 1/31/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: FatDomDaddy

(fast reply)

So let me get this straight...

Women getting gifts by men on the first date.... not acceptable

Women giving gifts to men on the first date.... perfectly OK I guess that another of the double standards I always hear women within in the community complain about.

I guess it is!

(in reply to FatDomDaddy)

Profile

Post #: 30

RE: What is your view on getting gifts on a "date&... - 1/11/2008 5:51:13 PM

Griswold

Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: bekaness

When I read the post about 14 yr old with Teacher site.. there was another link..

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080107/ap_on_re_us/eligible_bachelor_rape;_ylt=As0a0wGL04yK8gpR.UfZ5.5H2ocA

To sum it up, guy bought girls some nice things and then tried to have sex/was turned down, so he raped them. I am not debating whether or not he did it, rather... I have been on some restaraunt meets with some Doms in the area and after deciding that those who are not active in the BDSM community/parties are often not my type, because after going to dinner with them they think we will then go play.
Am I completely off here? Is a dinner/movie invitation open invitation for a groping session?

I never dated in highschool, I was religious back then, but not now. So I am kind of lost in that being submissive, where is the line? Some of these women he bought really nice things, and they should of not allowed him to buy them things if they weren't planning on doing anything else with him.. True the saying a fool and his money are soon parted, but don't you think they should not have lead him on?

Myself, I make it very clear from the beginning there will be no play after, no touching, especially on the first date. They tend to anyway.. and I go with it because I enjoy it(I'm a redblooded woman just like the rest), not because they FORCE me to.. but it does irritate me that they go for it anyway especially after I had asked for no touching in the first place. Is this unreasonable to expect no physical contact on a first meet beyond a hug?

How does this whole dating thing work?? Please, I am new to the RT(as opposed to online) BDSM community within the last year and really would appreciate friendly advice.

Rebecca

As a male sub, who believes fervently in his own self esteem, I feel compelled to tell a woman on a first date..."you will NOT get to first base with me at ALL.....unless of course you buy me a drink...and only say no 10 times".

(I have to have some limits).

(in reply to bekaness)

Profile

Post #: 31