To Munch, or Not to Munch? (Full Version)

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subtee -> To Munch, or Not to Munch? (1/9/2008 9:37:10 AM)

This has been asked and answered before; yes I’ve read the posts. However, I bring it up again in a slightly different manner, because some folks that I very much respect on these boards have been strongly encouraging in terms of attending munches and other group meetings/activities (for brevity’s sake I’ll label all such activities as “munches,” recognizing that the groups and the goings on may be vastly different from one another).
 
Indeed, there seems to be very little dissent (a happy rarity for this site), as to the munch issue, from what I’ve read: munches are (usually) deemed valuable not only to meet and commingle, but also to further one’s edification, experience and/or path within WIIWD. If so inclined, please give me your thoughts and experiences:
 
If you’ve attended, has it been positive? Do you encourage others to attend as well? In what ways has it been beneficial to you?
 
If you’ve attended and found munches less than fulfilling or worthwhile, why were they lacking? In what ways was it negative or not valuable for you?
 
If you’ve chosen not to seek out local groups or attend munches, what are your reasons?
 
In advance, thank you!



TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? (1/9/2008 9:42:23 AM)

Munches are great when you are new to a community.  They let you get to meet the people who actually have the keys to the rooms with the play equipment.

After that, it is just the congregation of a bunch of people with nothing in common but their sexual differences to the majority of people.

So you can put me down for one "they perform a useful function, but bore the hell out of me".

Taggard



Jeffff -> RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? (1/9/2008 9:42:26 AM)

Oops...............sorry...I thought this was a thread about oral sex

Jeff


but agrees with TDW



thetammyjo -> RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? (1/9/2008 9:51:00 AM)

I adored the munches in NYC and in Bloomington.

It was a great way to meet similarly minded folks without the pressures of scening or playing.

However they can get insular over time, the people responsible for making it happen obviously must attend and some folks just enjoy the atmosphere more than others. You'll also get the folks who will come once or twice, not get laid, and never come back. You can also easily get folks who attend off and on as job or other obligations allow.

The trick then is to attend when you can as often as you can and expect only to make friends if you are willing to give as much information/conversation as others.

A munch is not for someone who is uncomfortable talking to strangers (there will always be one or two new folks in my experience) and in my opinion work best when old timers to the munch reach out to the new people. If you are not comfortable talking or at least acting interested in what others say, a munch is unlikely for you. Try to find a workshop instead where you can sit and watch until you get more comfortable.

It also isn't for the very afraid of being seen in public. I'm told it's a very scary thing to attend because someone might see you. I haven't really understood that because even at the Applemunch people wore street clothes or even their work clothes, folks didn't bring toys, and we were respectful of others in the restaurant so no screaming "Bring that slut over here" across the place. So if you are afraid it will be obvious it's for kinky folks, ask about the atmosphere and clothing of attendees before you go -- it's most often very casual unless the group has gotten private space.




DesFIP -> RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? (1/9/2008 9:53:12 AM)

Oops, sorry. Why I haven't ever been?

Distance primarily. It's an hour from here to the 'local' one. Two and a half to NYC, two to Albany.

I'm a single parent. Two hours spent traveling wouldn't leave me any time to be there.



MissHarlet -> RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? (1/9/2008 9:57:13 AM)

Munches are a great way to let people get to know you as a person .. not just a name on the screen ... can be intimidating when you are new ... can be fun or boring .. depending on the host or hostess....but overall my experience is that they are are a great networking tool for meeting new people and staying in touch with old friends.  I recommend them to newbies and people that are new to an area. 



Rover -> RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? (1/9/2008 9:58:17 AM)

On a quantitative basis, they're a real mixed bag.  Some are nothing more than meat markets.  Some include presentations/workshops.  Most are just opportunities to socialize with other folks from a wide variety of social/economic backgrounds who have a common interest in BDSM (kinda like CollarMe but in person over a meal).
 
On a qualitative basis, you'll judge each munch individually based upon your motivation for attendance.  If you're looking for education, the strictly social gatherings might bore you.  If you're looking just to hook up, the educational types might bore you.  Many people attend several different munches in order to enjoy several different "flavors"... or to suit their taste for that particular night. 
 
If you haven't been to a munch before, I suggest going to several different ones (and more than once since the attendance can vary from month to month) to get an idea of what each has to offer.
 
And if none have anything to offer you, consider starting your own.  You're surely not the only one who feels as you do.
 
John



everhope -> RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? (1/9/2008 10:17:28 AM)

morning subtee,

Munches mostly called "socials" here in southern cali are about networking . i am a people person. i enjoy others company and i like meeting new people.

i happen to live in area where i could attend some kind of function every single night of the week, if i choose to. 
it is an alternative to meeting people online is all. i like the face to face interactions.
one of the socials here has kareoke. (sp). a lot of people like that. i think it is simple some people are more social than others.

there are a lot of educational type happenings here as well and big events. i am of a curious nature so i have attended these also.
i like hanging out with people. i like learning how others structure their relationships. i have found overall people with a twist/kink have a great sense of humor.
who doesn't like to be free to be who they are?




RCdc -> RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? (1/9/2008 10:17:52 AM)

I think it would be misleading to put munches into the same 'box' as playparties or fetish events.
Parties and events tend to have a higher number of people are actually wanting to play and can be meat markets.
Munches are non dress codes get togethers nothing really any different to any other gathering of like minded people.
 
They can be lovely.  They can be tough.  Just like any group of people, there are little groups formed.  Not all groups are identical and they are held in public places.
 
I have attended different munches on and off.  I don't think you should go with any expectations other than there will be people there that have kink or BDSM as an interest and it will all be cool.
 
the.dark.



takenbyjohnr07 -> RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? (1/9/2008 10:18:16 AM)

Munches changed my life and the people there helped me come out (so to speak). They are a great bunch of people who are kind, caring and have taught me so many things. They never even complained when i asked a million questions in the beginning. The best part now is, i can attend them and the play parties with my Owner and our D/s relationship is out in the open and everyone is as happy for us as we are for them. So i'm all for them. However, i went to another Munch about two hundred miles from my home once and it was awful. So i guess that's why people have different opinions on them.



subtee -> RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? (1/9/2008 10:18:27 AM)

Thanks TDW. So the reference to the "play equipment" is assuming one doesn't have play equipment of their own? Or are you bored with the play equipment after a time?

Am I right in thinking you suggest that the useful function is a forum for newbies?

Again, thanks.

[Edited for grammar.]



subtee -> RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? (1/9/2008 10:23:45 AM)

Good thoughts, tammyjo. I imagine many are shy or intimidated, but it's certainly wise to remember we are likely to receive in kind the effort we put forth.

Do you find, on the whole, workshops to be less social? Is it less like to be a "meat market" or an atmosphere in which trolling takes place?

Thank you!



subtee -> RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? (1/9/2008 10:27:53 AM)

Hi, DesFIP;

I appreciate, I really do, how hard it would be for you to attend. May I ask, would you attend something that far away if it were on a weekend? Something day-long with other activities and including folks near to you?

Thanks for your input



subtee -> RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? (1/9/2008 10:31:29 AM)

MissH, thanks for your post. It has been mentioned before that munches are beneficial for newbies or folks new to a community...I'd not like to read further into your words; is the benefit lessened then for more those more seasoned, either to WIIWD or to the community?




Aileen1968 -> RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? (1/9/2008 10:31:30 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee 
If you’ve chosen not to seek out local groups or attend munches, what are your reasons?
 
In advance, thank you!


I have no desire to ever go to a munch.  Sitting and eating with a bunch of strangers whose only common thread is kink holds no appeal to me.  Plus I am very shy and even moreso among people I don't know.



subtee -> RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? (1/9/2008 10:40:03 AM)

Hi John, you're right, it seems to me, that what one may receive in value or benefit from attending begins firstly with what their motivation is to attend. This is the purpose for my original questions--what are the reasons to attend, what is gained in terms of education, fellowship, hooking up and whatever else anyone cares to share.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

And if none have anything to offer you, consider starting your own.  You're surely not the only one who feels as you do.
 
John


Hmmmmm...reading my mind are ye? Tee hee. I don't believe I expressed how I feel here. Or are you positing that I'd not be alone were I to conclude that existing munches have nothing to offer?

Thanks for you thoughts



MissHarlet -> RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? (1/9/2008 10:41:01 AM)

Not at all .... I often attended .. there are none in my area and Im considering starting one .. just that the reason for attending them changed once I was no longer new to the area or lifestyle .. then it became more for seeing old friends and meeting people I didnt know from online.  I think that people attend for a variety of reasons .. I was only stateing why I thought they were beneficial to those that are new to the lifestyle or area



TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? (1/9/2008 10:42:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

Thanks TDW. So the reference to the "play equipment" is assuming one doesn't have play equipment of their own? Or are you bored with the play equipment after a time?

Am I right in thinking you suggest that the useful function is a forum newbies?


While I could have the 7' x 3' x 3' cage mounted to a winch in in the ceiling in my place, I would hate having to move it when E's parents wanted to visit.  I own a massage table which works for some things, but when I want to go nuts, I like a lot of equipment (and a crowd).

I think munches are great for newbies, to meet the others in the community.  I have never met anyone I have either played with, much less had a relationship with, at a munch.  Maybe it's just my local community...

Taggard



MissHarlet -> RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? (1/9/2008 10:43:17 AM)

Not all munches are good .. thus try several .. some have classes some are just social .. some have people that are friendly some are merely cliques .. same as vanilla events ... its just another venue that works for some and not for others..... in my opinion the more options you have the better ... what do you have to lose by trying?



subtee -> RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? (1/9/2008 10:44:40 AM)

Hey, everhope, this is a great perspective. You're one of those folks I suspect who gets the most out of interacting with people and opportunities in your world. Right on.

And I so agree with this:

quote:

i have found overall people with a twist/kink have a great sense of humor.


Nearly daily I am nearly peeing my pants, thanks to Ron, Jeffff and many others. I just keep on kegeling!



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