RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? (Full Version)

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MistressNoName -> RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? (1/9/2008 10:50:46 AM)

subtee,

Great topic. I can only answer it though by broadening out your "munch" definition though, since I have attended munches, group meetings, demos, as well as other organized bdsm events...and they are different. Overall, my experience within the local community has been wonderful. What I get out of attending functions - networking, meeting people, talking with other people, the opportunity to broaden my skill base, hear people speak who are considered lifestyle "celebs," share POVs with like-minded individuals...and I could go on. It's a chance to learn and grow and get out of my otherwise largely vanilla existence. I live in NYC and there is so much going on here all the time. A virtual cornucopia of groovy events happening every week. So, in that respect, I consider myself fortunate. I'm seldom more than an hour away from something of interest to me. That having been said, though, I can understand why others who may not have the diversity of events happening in their neck of the woods, might be bored or otherwise jaded in regard to attending events...and I can also understand why a seasoned player might feel there's nothing much out there for them, because even here, a lot of what is offered is presented on a basic level, accessible to most, unless it specifies a higher experience level.

Additionally, one also has to be aware that not all events are created equal. That is, I personally do not attend munches for one simple reason - I tried one munch and didn't care at all for how it was run. I inquired about another area munch and received negative feedback on it and did not wish to waste my time. However, I do enjoy getting together with fellow group members after a meeting for supper - which is sort of an impromptu munch. But what I have enjoyed most are group meetings with a shared purposed and larger events.

Hope that helps some.

MNN



MissHarlet -> RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? (1/9/2008 10:52:32 AM)

Munches can also be a great place for a first meeting with someone .. you are surrounded by people and it can be an indication of the seriousness of intent of the person you are meeting.  Not foolproof but another place to meet.  Especially if you have been and know some of the people attending ... safecalls in person ...



subtee -> RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? (1/9/2008 10:52:55 AM)

Hey, the.dark, thanks for posting here; you may have suspected--you (and John) are some of those I referenced in my OP above as those I respect very much, so I'm glad to get your thoughts.

I've heard a few grumblings about cliques or exclusion, but honestly, that seems to be the exception. I'm sure you're right, it would be cool.

How about the assertion that they're often in crappy restaurants? ~smile~

Tee



domiguy -> RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? (1/9/2008 10:55:12 AM)

It sounds God awful.  Meeting people because you share somewhat of a similiar idea of an aspect of sexuality and a power dynamic.  Ick.

I just imagine people dressing up in leather and as fairies...Speaking in Klingon. I can just imagine being scrutinized for my external beauty....Being eye candy is such a drag...Doesn't anyone want to get to know the real me? ...I have needs, wants and desires...I am a human being!

Way too selective and way too private to have any desire to meet the "creepy" masses or have others looking over my shoulder to see what I am doing.

"Excuse me Domiguy I couldn't help but notice that subsusies' clit is really extended right now!"...I respond, "Why thank you for noticing, Barry. Nice stretch of weather we have had of late."



subtee -> RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? (1/9/2008 10:58:12 AM)

Hi tbj; thanks for your experiences. The first seems to be an awesome realization of the best purposes of munches. You're still attending and enjoying then?

The second example is too bad! It will inevitably reflect those involved, it seems to me.

Cheers,

Tee



MasterWilliam55 -> RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? (1/9/2008 11:04:33 AM)

I attend munches on occassion in my local area, primarily to keep in touch with friends, touch base with other Dom/Dommes, and have a laugh with subs I may have dated in the past. I find if I attend to many over a short period of time I get a little bored and give them a break for a month or two. A well organized and established munch can be a godsend for many newbies. They can help integrate you into the community and on occassion, you may run across a suitable partner. Public play parties are another matter. I much prefer private parties where I know I'll mingle with those that for the most part share my particular proclivites. The venies for public play parties in my area are not particularily upscale and don't suit my particular needs. Non-the-less, I've attended a few of those and found them to be fun




subtee -> RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? (1/9/2008 11:05:53 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

Plus I am very shy and even moreso among people I don't know.


Sistah! I'm feeling ya...I'd hug ya, but I'm too shy, tee hee.

Thank you for saying!!



subtee -> RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? (1/9/2008 11:09:46 AM)

quote:

While I could have the 7' x 3' x 3' cage mounted to a winch in in the ceiling in my place, I would hate having to move it when E's parents wanted to visit.  I own a massage table which works for some things, but when I want to go nuts, I like a lot of equipment (and a crowd).


Well get to cutting those rugs for a "kink" addition to the homestead, complete with bleachers and in law-proof padlocks, yes?



RCdc -> RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? (1/9/2008 11:18:05 AM)

[;)]Tee... crappy restaurents have been known!  Maybe I am a bit of a snob, but I do think that the place it's held does make a big difference to the munch.  You gotta be comfortable - good atmosphere, good food (especially if the group is a mid week evening, because people work and need to eat) and good selection of drinks/coffee/tea etc.
I have also never been to a munch where the owners/managers didn't know exactly what the group is - i believe that is really vital for safety and it's responsible.
 
If you are going to attend a munch/group etc, I would really recommend checking with the organiser what is expected, because they are all different and what a munch may be in the UK, may be different in the states or elsewhere.
 
the.dark.



subtee -> RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? (1/9/2008 11:24:04 AM)

Thanks, MNN;

So maybe a munch would also be a way to find others to connect with even if it doesn't end up to be at the initial munch...that's cool. (But it may the kind of situation others have suggested too: the idea of splinter groups?)

quote:

I live in NYC and there is so much going on here all the time. A virtual cornucopia of groovy events happening every week.


I live in Iowa...plenty of "corn"; groovy events would be, um, groovy. Thanks for so much info!

Tee



subtee -> RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? (1/9/2008 11:33:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissHarlet

Munches can also be a great place for a first meeting with someone .. you are surrounded by people and it can be an indication of the seriousness of intent of the person you are meeting.  Not foolproof but another place to meet.  Especially if you have been and know some of the people attending ... safecalls in person ...


Great thought I hadn't considered. Many thanks, MissH



subtee -> RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? (1/9/2008 11:36:27 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

It sounds God awful.  Meeting people because you share somewhat of a similiar idea of an aspect of sexuality and a power dynamic.  Ick.

I just imagine people dressing up in leather and as fairies...Speaking in Klingon. I can just imagine being scrutinized for my external beauty....Being eye candy is such a drag...Doesn't anyone want to get to know the real me? ...I have needs, wants and desires...I am a human being!

Way too selective and way too private to have any desire to meet the "creepy" masses or have others looking over my shoulder to see what I am doing.

"Excuse me Domiguy I couldn't help but notice that subsusies' clit is really extended right now!"...I respond, "Why thank you for noticing, Barry. Nice stretch of weather we have had of late."


Effing hilarious voice of dissention. (kegel, kegel, kegel); it's appreciated.



Mercnbeth -> RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? (1/9/2008 11:36:49 AM)

What you 'get' from a munch depends on what you bring to it. That speaks as much to expectations as it does personality. We went to one last night with a group I would hold up as a standard for what a munch should be. The founding members, in particular Beach Mystress from this site, make a point to make every newcomer feel welcome. There is no majority represented. Last night there were 2 female Dominant couples, 2 male Dominant couples, 1 male couple, 1 switch hetero couple, 2 single submissive males, 3 single submissive females, 2 dominant males, and a few others without any label in particular. We talked about who was going to what club, when; the NY Yankees, beth's tee-shirt collection, CBT 'toys', home made banana bread (yummy samples provided!), the holidays, UM's, soy candles and wax play, pets, fire play, and how a steak ordered could come out too salty. Is there drama sometimes? Sure - but there is no requirement to participate.

We enjoy going, because I am a very social person. Although beth isn't as social I had other reasons for her attendance. I enjoy hanging out with people who share a common interest and it doesn't matter if that common interest is casual or at a higher, or lower, intensity than mine. Similar to the reason for joining CM, my original reason for attending as many "lifestyle" social gatherings as possible was to provide beth with a perspective other than mine. Enough time has passed where that is no longer the case. Now we go because we enjoy the experience and more importantly, the people.

When considering a first time visit to a munch group, treat it as you would meeting a person you met on CM. Do some 'homework', check 'references', trust your 'gut'. Appreciate that no two are alike. Don't take as absolute anyone's opinion, positive or negative, about a particular group. Go expecting nothing and you won't be disappointed but could be pleasantly surprised.



subtee -> RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? (1/9/2008 11:43:47 AM)

Hi MW, I think you've articulated what seems to be one the most valuable and therefore common reasons to attend (if I'm reading everyone's words right): attending the overarching "munch" group allows one to find smaller, niche groups that more closely identify or relate in kink or personality or....?

I see nothing wrong with that!

Tee
p.s. I love that you "have a laugh with subs [you] may have dated in the past." Awesome.



mhawk -> RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? (1/9/2008 11:47:30 AM)





well my Lord,Mistress and myself choose not to seek out any munches or go to any simply becasue they hold no interest to us in addition seeing that my Lord is away all week,is home for fri night -sun night, He wants to relax and just be Himself and for my Mistress,She stays pretty busy with Her work as well,many are the nights i go in and help her after hours. 

W/we all would just rather spend our time at home. 





subtee -> RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? (1/9/2008 11:52:57 AM)

the.dark, can I come to yours???

It's only a hop, skip and a...oh wait...~sigh~



Rover -> RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? (1/9/2008 11:53:13 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: domiguy

It sounds God awful.  Meeting people because you share somewhat of a similiar idea of an aspect of sexuality and a power dynamic.  Ick.


This may have been said with tongue in cheek, and if so I apologize to Domiguy and am only using as an example of what others may legitimately be thinking.
 
I suppose these sorts of sentiments inspire the question... so why are you "here"?  As in, the only difference between online communities like Collarme and munches are the venue.  You can "socialize" online all by yourself in your housecoat and slippers or you can socialize at a restaurant in public attire. 
 
To say that you would get nothing from socializing face to face is really an admission that you're getting nothing at all from these forums.
 
John



subtee -> RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? (1/9/2008 12:00:17 PM)

Hi Merc, yours are also among those posts I consistently respect however, how would I go about:

quote:

When considering a first time visit to a munch group, treat it as you would meeting a person you met on CM. Do some 'homework', check 'references', trust your 'gut'. Appreciate that no two are alike. Don't take as absolute anyone's opinion, positive or negative, about a particular group. Go expecting nothing and you won't be disappointed but could be pleasantly surprised.
?????

Perhaps it is a situation in which, for some of us at least, it would be better to first attend with someone significant and trusted, as you did with beth. Very cool.

Tee



subtee -> RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? (1/9/2008 12:13:11 PM)

 
quote:

You can "socialize" online all by yourself in your housecoat and slippers

Ohmygod, can you see me???!! (I can't remember the last time I heard the word "houecoat," thanks for that!)

Seriously, certainly you can realize a benefit soley gained with interaction here (yes, friendships, fellowship, connection and edification) and the value that brings to some? Or does one have to attend other activities for it to be "real?" Help me understand, please. 



MissHarlet -> RE: To Munch, or Not to Munch? (1/9/2008 12:21:01 PM)

Now now ..everyone knows that us real Dommes are always dressed online .. now that its cold Im always online in my flannel corset and thighhighs .. they are of course a geeky plaid !!! <EG>



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