Contracts (Full Version)

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takenbyjohnr07 -> Contracts (1/9/2008 1:03:26 PM)

Are they ever used by real time or married couples? i'm not sure why you would have a contact in the first place? Does that mean that you don't trust the other person to abide by what the two of you have already decided on when you discuss what each other wants and needs? Also, if the contract is broken or if you don't have a contract each of you is free to walk away. either way  So my question is what purpose does a contract serve? Thanks



MistressNoName -> RE: Contracts (1/9/2008 1:11:50 PM)

In my opinion, the purpose of a contract in a M/s situation is to clarify and document the dynamics and the boundaries of the power exchange. To spell out protocol and to not leave "expectations" to chance. The contract would be a time-limited document and allow for reevaluation after a set period of time.

BTW, a legal marriage (strictly vanilla) is also a contract and depending on how you view it and the laws of your jurisdiction, it can be considered legally, financially and spiritually binding. A M/s contract, while not legally binding, is a contract based upon a system of honor, which to me is more important than simple legal considerations.


MNN



RCdc -> RE: Contracts (1/9/2008 1:12:01 PM)

I believe it's just cool to sit and write out something clearly and they can be updated and altered at set times.
It's a way of setting out 'schedual' for some.  And for others, it is just like a marriage contract, but without having to do the whole marriage thing(when outside of it).  For others, its a fetish.  And for others, its no different to having a journal or diary.  It can be another form of communication.  And for some it's a part of what makes their relationship a Ds or Ms one.  Personally, we don;t have one, but never say never, that is Darcys' decision hey.
 
I have a paperwork fetish so I can understand why some people can use them in that way.  I love paper and words and writing, most importantly I love reading words - which rocks because that is what Darcy does best (well one of them!) 
 
the.dark.



TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: Contracts (1/9/2008 1:16:19 PM)

I am sure I could just pull up one of my old posts on this exact topic, but I will go through the exorcise of explaining anyway.

The reasons I use contracts:

1) I have a paperwork fetish.  I think the actual physical documents of consensual slavery are fucking hot.  I find contracts hot the way I find brands and collars and leashes hot.  They are a physical representation of an intangible bond.

2) They are an excellent tool for negotiation.  When I negotiate with a slave, I send a contract template.  They send it back after having filled in some areas.  I fill in more areas and change some of the things she filled in if I do not like it and send it back.  This process goes back and forth until we both are happy with the contract.  Sure, this could happen verbally, but then it becomes an issue of who remembers what.

3) They are an excellent way to track progress.  I do not ever sign "lifetime" contracts.  The contracts I make have an end date.  The first contract with a slave would be for no more than a week.  They then grow in length until they reach 5 years.  This would be the longest I would ever consider contracting a slave.  At the end of the contract, there is a review and the negotiation process begins again.  Not only can I track the progress of a given slave, but I can look back over all of the contracts I have ever written and see how I have grown as an Owner. 

4) They provide some amount of legal protection.  They certainly are not legal, but having a contract can convince a DA not to prosecute.  It is often more important to have the facts on your side rather than the law.

Taggard



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Contracts (1/9/2008 1:21:04 PM)

For me, it lays out what I expect in the relationship as well as protocols I like, what I have to offer and the things I find are important in a relationship. I also talk about finances, conflict resolution, my needs and wants, my skills, my pitfalls.

Master Fire



takenbyjohnr07 -> RE: Contracts (1/9/2008 1:29:43 PM)

Are You still with the people that, because of the contract You had an intangable bond with? Just curious. Thanks. All of you make great points and are telling me things i never thought of.



AquaticSub -> RE: Contracts (1/9/2008 1:31:00 PM)

Yes they are used by some. However, those contracts rarely have any legal worth whatsoever so anyone who wanted to leave would probably not have to abide by that contract.

For some it's way to have all the rules and expectations written down, that way you know everything you've discussed and it's easy to review what you are supposed to be doing. For others it's the formality and a binding of their lives together that appeals to them, like a marriage contract. Like a vanilla couple's pre-nup, it does not by itself imply a lack of trust but it could be a symptom of. I have heard it advised to have a set period of time, be it monthly, every six months, yearly or so on, where the contract must be renewed and possibly amended.

They only appeal to me as the first, somewhere to have things written out, a tool to start discussion about how to handle different things in our relationship and our future. That said, we don't have a contract and it's unlikely we will be making one anytime soon. While having everything all written out appeals to me, actually making it into a contract doesn't really appeal to us.



Aileen1968 -> RE: Contracts (1/9/2008 1:32:57 PM)

I think that contracts are just sterile.  Definitely not for me.



TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: Contracts (1/9/2008 1:36:54 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

Are You still with the people that, because of the contract You had an intangable bond with?


My "pet" Kat is on a 6 month contract right now.  She went through a weekend, three weeks, six weeks and now six months.  It will be a year on March 9th.  She's been collared, cuffed, branded, and thoroughly enslaved.

Yeah, I am pretty happy with my contracts...

Taggard



takenbyjohnr07 -> RE: Contracts (1/9/2008 1:38:29 PM)

Yes, i can see the reasoning for some, but it's not for us either. i guess i'm just a romantic  and all that we have decided on is branded in my heart.  



TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: Contracts (1/9/2008 1:39:26 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

I think that contracts are just sterile.


I think that is probably true, but a contract, once signed, is pretty much forgotten. 

I find that the contract allows me to have total creative freedom within the confines of the contract.  I know what is, and what is not, desired, and within those limits, I can go crazy.  The sterility...that pure black and white...allows me to paint all sorts of hues, colors and shades in my relationships.

I guess I am one of those kids who just could never color outside the lines.

Taggard



takenbyjohnr07 -> RE: Contracts (1/9/2008 1:41:28 PM)

That's great Taggard. i hope everything works out for the two of You.



Aileen1968 -> RE: Contracts (1/9/2008 1:49:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aileen1968

I think that contracts are just sterile.


I think that is probably true, but a contract, once signed, is pretty much forgotten. 

I find that the contract allows me to have total creative freedom within the confines of the contract.  I know what is, and what is not, desired, and within those limits, I can go crazy.  The sterility...that pure black and white...allows me to paint all sorts of hues, colors and shades in my relationships.

I guess I am one of those kids who just could never color outside the lines.

Taggard



I think something like a contract is a personality thing.  It will appeal more to someone who likes their life neat and orderly.  Just another preference based on personality.  I like to scribble and I like things unscripted and spontaneous.  Talking about it, agreeing on it and planning it out are all huge turn offs for me.  But if it works for someone else then that's great.  Neither way is the better way or correct one.



xxblushesxx -> RE: Contracts (1/9/2008 1:50:11 PM)

I'd like to see an example of one of your contracts, Taggard. (not an actual contract, just an idea of what you get up to when you do make one.)

~Christina



TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: Contracts (1/9/2008 1:51:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

That's great Taggard. i hope everything works out for the two of You.


It's the three of us...right now...

Taggard



KnOcala -> RE: Contracts (1/9/2008 1:52:06 PM)

i think its just a fun way to open discussion about wants, needs and limits.  More for communication.  Don't get to caught up in it,  Its just a piece of paper in the end.  You are flesh and blood - when it comes down to it.  You have final say over anything you do.



LadyHugs -> RE: Contracts (1/9/2008 1:52:33 PM)

Dear takenbyjohnr07, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
In the area of contracts, it may be too restrictive for those who are unable to be confined to a black and white papered contract.  Long before people were able to write, read and comprehend, a person's word and or promise was a contract, a handshake was the seal of contracts agreed to and there are many forms of contracts.
 
Intent behind contracts are also important.  Many use contracts as a starting point and when it expires, say--three months in the future; both parties can see how they have grown in the relationship.  Contracts for me is a great tool as far as negotiations go, how commitment has to be more serious as a casual yes or no.  Some things in the check list will provoke thought and serious reflection as to how serious they are and or willing to try.  It opens dialog where its no longer casual play dates and a casual relationship.  The time to commit seriously at times happens when a contract enters into the picture.  It may be where a contract will weed through those who 'dangle people' along and those who really are serious about the relationship and all the investments involved.  Cold feet will show.
 
Indenture, is a legal contract for service in exchange for [insert terms of agreement/contract]; and each country and state/commonwealth and municiple laws will be different so, it wouldn't hurt exploring a 'service' contract and not be looking at it as a slave contract.
 
Just some thoughts.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs



Rover -> RE: Contracts (1/9/2008 1:53:56 PM)

I'm not a fan of the term "contract" as it relates to BDSM, primarily because they're not what they purport to be (ie: they're not contracts).  But I am in favor of anything that assists in the negotiation process, and in sharing one another's expectations for each other and for yourselves.  And admittedly, contracts serve such a purpose (so long as it's legitimate negotiation culminating in a consensual dynamic).
 
If you *have* to call it a contract, so be it.  I personally call it a "list of expectations".
 
John



TallDarkAndWitty -> RE: Contracts (1/9/2008 1:54:21 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx
I'd like to see an example of one of your contracts, Taggard. (not an actual contract, just an idea of what you get up to when you do make one.)


If you send me a real email address on the other side, I would be happy to send you one of my sample contracts.

Taggard



softpjOS -> RE: Contracts (1/9/2008 1:56:57 PM)

In the beginning Mistress and i had a contract.  With me being married, it helped clarify to my husband the boundries and expectations within our M/s relationship.  It also stated very clearly that She understood that my family would remain a priority and that She would in no way do anything to jeopardize my relationship with him. 
 
The contract was for one year and after it was up we all agreed that it wasn't necessary to continue using one.  It had given us all time to adjust and understand the dynamic of the relationship and allowed time for trust to be built. 
 
Five years later, we are still together and happier then ever :)   I strongly recommend a contract for any relationship that involves a vanilla spouse.
 
pj



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