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Faramir -> RE: feelings of worthlessness (8/26/2005 6:20:31 AM)
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I was disturbed by the general glib tone of the responses here, expressing a duality in submissives: healthy, "strong" submissives and the few, weak, broken ones who are subject to predation. The post from Merc and Beth was the best (worst) example:
quote:
There are some people who seek out the type of individual you describe. They do it because they lack self confidence. They don't feel they have what it take to dominate a strong individual. Weak people will always be prey for manipulative predator types. To call the predators "Doms" would be a disservice to the title.
What utter bullshit - submissives are either "strong" or "weak," - this models condemns anyone who faces questions of self-worth in response to their psycho-sexuality to being "weak." Bullshit. I utterly reject this glib, self-congratulatory and dissmissive model. Lemme tell you something: Strong, together submissives aren't bullet proof - they still can wrestle with doubt.
I've never met a submissive who didn't at some point wrestle with feelings of worthlessness and self-doubt over thier psycho-sexuality. In particular after very intense encounters, those feelings, even in submissives who generally accept their psycho-sexuality can well up. I think it is pretty understandable. When you look at yourself in the miror a few days later and say, "I had X, Y and Z done to me and I liked it - even asked for more. Why?" We are socialized to think that most BDSM activity is shameful, sick, even horrific. Beyond socialization, many submissives have a fundamentally conflicted state in their psycho-sexuality that cannot be "resolved" because it is the crux, the keystone: If you need to be "made" to do things, if you want edge or fear play, their is prima facia confliction. The whole point of that sort of psycho-sexuality is "I crave/fear X."
I hope younger, less experienced people in BDSM who read this thread will carefully consider the model presented by many of the earlier posters. By dividing submissives into a weak and strong pile (and who the fuck would ever classify themselves as weak prey - "Oh, weak little doormat - yea that's me."??) we create a false construct where the submissive who has understandable (perhaps even healthy?) self-doubt, and needs re-assurance of worth has to label themself a weakling.
I propose instead a model where submission and masochism can be expected to cause some level of confliction and self-doubt, and that it is not a sign of weakness to question, doubt, and seek assurance.
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