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Play parties, public Dungeons etc. - 1/9/2008 8:25:21 PM

takenbyjohnr07

Posts: 787
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

i like them because we can be out in public as a D/s couple and are accepted by everyone and it's the norm. i would like it to be like that in every day life too, but i'm grateful that we do have places to go in the meantime.

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i am the sole property of Johnr. He is the love of my life and the greatest Owner and i will live to serve and, please him only every day of my life.

Post #: 1

RE: Play parties, public Dungeons etc. - 1/9/2008 8:33:56 PM

subantionette

Posts: 57
Joined: 1/7/2008
Status: offline

I have never been to either, I am not sure of whats around me for the lifestyle actually. It sounds like it be fun. A place to be open and free about the lifestyle choice i've made would be great.

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)

Post #: 2

RE: Play parties, public Dungeons etc. - 1/9/2008 8:36:47 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

You'll find no one is really accepted by everyone at parties and there's actually a lot considered "norm" and a lot considered "unacceptable" at kinky parties.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to subantionette)

Post #: 3

RE: Play parties, public Dungeons etc. - 1/9/2008 8:40:51 PM

ksub4u

Posts: 124
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

You'll find no one is really accepted by everyone at parties and there's actually a lot considered "norm" and a lot considered "unacceptable" at kinky parties.

D/s "society" is just like vanilla society - from the socially unacceptable to the popular crowd and all types in between. I don't think there is an 'Eden' on earth for any group of people. We're all way too human to attain that level of acceptance.

That being said, play parties, dungeons, etc., just aren't my thing. I find my relationship too intensely private and personal to put it 'out there'. But to each his/her own.

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 4

RE: Play parties, public Dungeons etc. - 1/9/2008 8:41:57 PM

ksub4u

Posts: 124
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

You'll find no one is really accepted by everyone at parties and there's actually a lot considered "norm" and a lot considered "unacceptable" at kinky parties.

LA - can you share what the 'norms' and 'unacceptables' might be at a kinky party? I'm curious!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 5

RE: Play parties, public Dungeons etc. - 1/9/2008 8:43:47 PM

subantionette

Posts: 57
Joined: 1/7/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ksub4u

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

You'll find no one is really accepted by everyone at parties and there's actually a lot considered "norm" and a lot considered "unacceptable" at kinky parties.

LA - can you share what the 'norms' and 'unacceptables' might be at a kinky party? I'm curious!

I would like to know too, so if i do go i wont mess up

(in reply to ksub4u)

Post #: 6

RE: Play parties, public Dungeons etc. - 1/9/2008 9:19:06 PM

Honsoku

Posts: 422
Joined: 6/26/2007
Status: offline

It's not so much behavior (as long you remember standard manners you should be fine), as much as each group develops it's own standards of what is "acceptable" bdsm. Some groups are better about this than others, but they almost all have some area(s) which is "unacceptable" to the majority. The closer to the extreme end of things you get, the more likely that the group will find it "unacceptable" and will ostracize those that participate in it.

Honsoku

(in reply to subantionette)

Post #: 7

RE: Play parties, public Dungeons etc. - 1/9/2008 9:23:40 PM

subantionette

Posts: 57
Joined: 1/7/2008
Status: offline

Thanks for that advice Honsoku. I will keep that in mind, i love learning new things and this one on topic i do need to learn more on.

(in reply to Honsoku)

Post #: 8

RE: Play parties, public Dungeons etc. - 1/9/2008 9:37:53 PM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ksub4u

LA - can you share what the 'norms' and 'unacceptables' might be at a kinky party? I'm curious!

Okay, I'm not LA, but I've been to a lot of public parties and have some experience in this area.

For some strange reason I've yet to fathom, sexual intercourse is pretty much taboo at a lot of functions, even private held parties. Go figure.

Drinking or drug use can get you kicked out and banned from a number of the larger orgs (Janus and Apex for sure and several of the smaller orgs as well.)

I've been to several parties in which women could be naked but men couldn't. Don't get that one either. Guess some people don't like to see dangly bits that actually dangle.

There are several groups that won't allow members less than 21 yo. You can die for your country at 18, but don't even think about going out in public for a spanking. ::shrugs::

Plenty of groups which are gender/orientation specific and that's actually okay with me. I don't want to go somewhere I'm not wanted in any event.

Making too much noise can get you stern looks from DM's. Repeated offences will get you banned from future events.

Touching anyone for any reason without permission is liable to get you a guest pass to the front door with a boot up your back side. Touching someone's toys will also get you into trouble. These are both good as far as I'm concerned.

That's a short list from the top of my head while on cold medication.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to ksub4u)

Post #: 9

RE: Play parties, public Dungeons etc. - 1/9/2008 9:42:48 PM

ksub4u

Posts: 124
Joined: 11/27/2007
Status: offline

Celeste, thank you so much for sharing! I have heard about the 'no intercourse' thing, which I just don't get, but whatever. lol I appreciate your insight.

Honsoku, thank you also for your input!

Celeste, hope you're feeling better soon. This stupid cold I've had has lasted for weeks now.

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 10

RE: Play parties, public Dungeons etc. - 1/9/2008 9:45:10 PM

BitchGoddessD

Posts: 391
Joined: 4/15/2007
From: Wisconsin
Status: offline

Don't interrupt any scenes. Share any concerns with the Dungeon Master. Are two that come to my mind.

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Just call me D

(in reply to ksub4u)

Post #: 11

RE: Play parties, public Dungeons etc. - 1/9/2008 9:49:52 PM

fairerthanshe

Posts: 3035
Joined: 1/18/2007
Status: offline

Greetings LA,

Yes, even in the kink friendly open minded paradise that is Austin we run into nay sayers of creativity and bringers of cookie-cutter domination...

While some groups do not allow any 'sexual contact', many in Austin do, and for the most part, SJ and I and maybe one or two other couples regularly participate in sexual activity at these parties. One of the things I think would be good for the scene in general, is if people took more risks and did more edge play at the larger parties. It seems to me that all the mentoring programs lack a little product demonstration in the edgier areas.

well wishes ~ fairer than she

_____________________________

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Recently honored with membership in the West Coast Assholes

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 12

RE: Play parties, public Dungeons etc. - 1/9/2008 9:52:32 PM

subantionette

Posts: 57
Joined: 1/7/2008
Status: offline

Thank you all very much. This is all great information for me to know.

(in reply to fairerthanshe)

Post #: 13

RE: Play parties, public Dungeons etc. - 1/10/2008 8:41:19 AM

ghitaPVH

Posts: 1363
Joined: 11/14/2007
Status: offline

most of the "Events" Ive been to, at least at the local level, seem to get a bit cliquish. seems alot like high school in my opinion. usually Id rather stay at home or go to a very small get together with one or two other couples and then we generally have much more fun. At the really BIG events, you have to be even more careful about "protocols" because there are so many different people there from different versions of the lifestyle that any little thing can offend someone. I once got yelled at at BASH becasue I looked at someone wrong. jeesh.

mainly no sex, ask about nudity, some places have a topless ok, some places say nipples have to be covered with electrical tape or pasties (tape is so much cheaper, and ripping it off later is alot of fun too). Most people feel drinking or drugs should not mix with playing, so while some places allow you to drink at events, once you drink you give up the ability to play...if you want to play you stay sober. other places have a no alchohal at all policy. Dont talk during scenes (at least withing a close distance of the scene) dont try to "join" a scene, dont "expect" to play with someone. Dont touch someone who you dont know you have permission to touch (although some groups Ive been to are really frikkin huggy. I hate huggy groups).

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(in reply to subantionette)

Post #: 14

RE: Play parties, public Dungeons etc. - 1/10/2008 8:57:59 AM

kyraofMists

Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

You'll find no one is really accepted by everyone at parties and there's actually a lot considered "norm" and a lot considered "unacceptable" at kinky parties.

LOL I was thinking the same thing when I read the OP.

The most accepted that we have felt is at events that are hosted by Leather communities. We have felt least accepted at BDSM events and within the communities where we used to live... there is something about our play that just seemed to put people off *eg* The people that we have met who are part of the Leather community tend to have a much more positive reaction to our play than many who are part of the BDSM community.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 15

RE: Play parties, public Dungeons etc. - 1/10/2008 9:12:50 AM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

Most newcomers shouldn't worry too much about the rules; you're likely going to be too intimidated to break any rules (other than many functions don't permit photography, but that depends on the group.) Usually, the rules are spelled out very clearly at the front door, by the same people who check identification (make sure you bring some, even if you're obviously older than Death.) Also, many functions require that you dress in 'street clothes' until you're actually in the door, though this is function specific and usually that information is clearly stated on the way in.

Once inside, there's (rarely) any protocol rules that haven't been clearly spelled out in advance. Nobody will know you're dominant or submissive unless you specifically point it out. Nobody expects 'all' submissives to behave submissively; it's very similar to a vanilla party, in that there will be groups of people who have known each other a while. Generally, people at such parties are friendly, and happy to chat when they're not otherwise engaged. Don't be afraid to ask questions; everyone was a newbie there at one time or another. Don't feel the need to impress anyone with how submissive/dominant/skilled you are. If you're good at what you do, that'll show in time. People are usually friendly with newcomers, but at the same time they tend to be a little careful as far as who they play with, for good reasons.

Once you've been to a couple, you'll probably be laughing at how nervous you were.

Stephan

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 16

RE: Play parties, public Dungeons etc. - 1/10/2008 10:04:39 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

often, there are seperate areas for socializing and scening. it is a good idea to repect the atmosphere of both areas.

as Stephann also pointed out, it has been this slave's experience that there are a set of rules for play parties and public Dungeons, exclusive to that space---and those in charge usually make you read it's printed form, sign on the dotted line that you will COMPLY with the rules of that particular space, show the age-appropriate ID and cough up some $$$ to cover costs BEFORE allowing you into the inner sanctum.

We have had great fun and enjoyed hours of kinky entertainment at play parties and public dungeons.

(in reply to ksub4u)

Post #: 17

RE: Play parties, public Dungeons etc. - 1/10/2008 11:05:33 AM

backseatbebe

Posts: 195
Joined: 4/12/2006
Status: offline

a good guide line is just because people are in public doesnt mean you are invited to play along or use their toys
its more of private play in a public space, if you get what i mean
though afterwards if you enjoyed their scene let them know and get to know them for next time
truthfully i find play parties kinda tame and would love to see more hardcore stuff
(i actually think the swingers are way more hardcore than kinksters when it comes to public play)
so all of you who are too scared to go, its a much smaller step than you think

we actually have our play parties at the local swingers bar so sex is allowed (which is legal here in canada), so lots of comfortable play space and lounging. bar, dancefloor, cages, beds, private rooms, group rooms, and couches ..... our last location had glory holes, i miss those :( i believe the only unacceptable thing at the parties is pictures and not understanding no.

< Message edited by backseatbebe -- 1/10/2008 11:07:57 AM >

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 18

RE: Play parties, public Dungeons etc. - 1/10/2008 11:31:41 AM

Shammon5

Posts: 38
Joined: 7/17/2007
From: Ohio
Status: offline

I love playing in public! I told Ian-sama that I wish we could live at a play party and play whenever we wanted, because the energy there is just amazing. Also, there's free snacks... :-)

At most of the parties we've been to, everything is acceptable as long as it's within the party rules. Most of those include no penetration, or at least no uncontained fluids, covered nipples, and don't touch anyone else's property (people or toys). If you're going to do a scene that looks non-consentual or that takes up more space (like single tails) you have to clear it with the DM. In general, most of the parties we've been to have had very accepting and considerate people attending them. Several times, we've been the youngest couple attending, so we get a lot of stares and attention, but in general no one has bugged us.

(in reply to backseatbebe)

Post #: 19

RE: Play parties, public Dungeons etc. - 1/10/2008 12:10:43 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fairerthanshe

Greetings LA,

Yes, even in the kink friendly open minded paradise that is Austin we run into nay sayers of creativity and bringers of cookie-cutter domination...

While some groups do not allow any 'sexual contact', many in Austin do, and for the most part, SJ and I and maybe one or two other couples regularly participate in sexual activity at these parties. One of the things I think would be good for the scene in general, is if people took more risks and did more edge play at the larger parties. It seems to me that all the mentoring programs lack a little product demonstration in the edgier areas.

well wishes ~ fairer than she

I have never experienced such regulations and closed mindedness at my club. however, it is in chicago and a private membership club. All kinks welcome. Although I have wondered what would happen if scat was there. How welcome would that be? Peew. Anyway, they have bowls of condoms. The only rules are respect and no bothering the scene or people participating. No drugs or alcohol .

(in reply to fairerthanshe)

Post #: 20

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