Tigrita
Posts: 484
Joined: 8/16/2007
From: California
Status: offline
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quote:
ORIGINAL: juliaoceania
quote:
Showing weakness, especially letting down the emotional armor and showing I'm not as tough as I try to be all the time. Admitting that my feelings can be hurt, that I'm not 100% secure and sometimes need reasurance. Very, very dangerous for me. Worked so long on only being able to count on myself and be totally strong, secure, and self-sufficient, admitting that life gets to me and I'd like someone to lean on can be the most dangerous, vulnerable thing for me. Because when the armor comes off and you start counting on that, and then for some reason they can't protect you when your armor is off, that is when you really get hurt the most.
I was like this too, and then the most beautiful thing can happen, my armor came off and I found I didn't need protectinganymore. I was okay, even if it hurt. I also knew the armor wouldn't fit anymore, even if I attempted to put it back on. Now he knows me so well that if I start to get defensive because I am hurting, he calls me on it. No armor, and I just say "My feelings are hurt". At first that made me feel very vulnerable, but now it is empowering to present outside what is going on inside. You see, it doesn't change the fact that one's feelings are hurt or that one is not completely secure because they do not say it out loud for fear of being weak. It just becomes one little way that one is living inauthentically.
The most wonderful thing can happen in our intimate relationships if we just allow it, we set aside our facades and accept each other the way we really exist, if we are lucky that is, and we are willing to take a risk. Emotional honesty is not easy to come by because many of us are taught that it is not acceptable to show how we really feel, which in my opinion causes a disconnect between intimacy and the lack of it...just my opinion of course
That is really beautiful julia. I think I'm finally there. It has been a journey. Giving in to vulnerability and getting burned, then over-compensating and putting up walls, then finally learning that you can bring the walls down and still trust yourself enough to know that even if (and when) you get hurt for whatever reason, that it might have been worth it, and that you are strong enough to survive it and continue to grow. I think being hurt now, or the possibility of it, doesn't make me put up all the walls again, I'm ready to keep seeking and embracing intimacy, and I have certainly remembered its beauty again; a dangerous beauty to be approached cautiously, but still ever so beautiful. Intimacy and vulnerability are indeed what make possible the deepest connection that I crave. Knowing that vulnerability is not a pit that I'm destined to be trapped in, but have the strength both to embrace the beauty of, and to break free of when I know it is not good for me, as unfortunate as that may be. Thanks for reminding me of the next chapter. I'm glad you've found the beautiful place where it works for you. I thought I had too, but it turns out I'm still looking, but without quite so many walls now.
Sorry if that was a hijack, and for the unloading, I just wanted to follow that through.
< Message edited by Tigrita -- 1/11/2008 9:25:30 AM >
_____________________________
~ Tigrita
There is no right path, only the path you take.
Success is making life happen, versus just letting life happen to you.
"Many of the things I enjoy, I enjoy because I don't enjoy them." - Charlotte
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RE: Vulnerability - 
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