RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment (Full Version)

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Asherdelampyr -> RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment (1/14/2008 11:59:00 PM)

I always say just what I mean.... other than prev agreed upon sobriquets and the like, which im just doin *for fun*



digitalsky -> RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment (1/15/2008 3:28:16 AM)

I admire your honesty and devotion to this man. The fact that he has this effect on you should speak volumes about where the relationship is going. In my opinion, saying your name, especially during an intense scene, is a very powerful thing, something that should not be taken lightly.

Have you considered the fact that he is considering the possibilities of his actions, even now? Happiness is  something everyone wants, and talking to him about it, directly and honestly, can be the thing that makes up his mind and brings you both one step closer to something real. So maybe directness might be your friend in this. The only thing you have to worry about now, is timing. Good luck with whatever you decide.





antipode -> RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment (1/15/2008 5:52:32 AM)

No, I don't make those comments. I fail to see, however, how that would help you, I am not him. Only he can answer your question, and if you think he may not be truthful, you need to be out of there. FWIW, I dont think anybody ever lets things slip out, but that doesn't mean they can act on what they say. A married man may tell you he loves you, but that does not mean he will leave his wife and seven children... even if he says he will. And he can mean all of it. 



Tigrita -> RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment (1/15/2008 10:41:20 AM)

I've been folowing this thread and my heart really goes out to you.  Though I haven't been through the exact same thing, I know how nervewracking it can be to feel an imbalance in investment in a relationship, whether it is emotional, logistical, or both.  I've recently brough an imbalanced relationship to a close, and am opening up to a new one, but not wanting to give too much of myself too quickly, it is a hard balance to find.  I'm sure it must be vastly harder for you, only getting face time every few months.  I know a bit about long distance too, and it is so hard to connect in all the ways you want to when you can't see the look in their eye, when you don't get to hear those little passing thoughts as you drift to sleep or over coffee in the morning.  None of that is much help I suppose, just know I wish you luck, and I think one should never be afraid to  ask questions or express their feelings once they have them sorted out (though I also agree with burningdesire that overcommunication before you sort out your feelings can just add confusion and distress).  I started another thread that kind of spins off of this one about the commitment that tasks and expectations outside of play signify here, because it is something I've been thinking about too, but didn't want to hijack this thread even though it is kind of going in that direction. 

Best of luck to you, you're a smart and vibrant girl, you deserve all the happiness the world has to offer, and I've got a good feeling you might have found it if you're not afraid to just reach out and put your arms around it.



Lordandmaster -> RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment (1/15/2008 11:19:48 AM)

I really don't see how anything will be different in May.

Can't you just say "We've been seeing each other for eight months now..."?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Statepalace

I am asking in May because all of the conversations in my head begin with "We've been seeing each other for a year now..."



Statepalace -> RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment (1/15/2008 1:57:51 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

I really don't see how anything will be different in May.

Can't you just say "We've been seeing each other for eight months now..."?



Because I know He will be honest. I'm waiting because I know that if He honestly says "This is strictly casual", I will have to ask for those changes I mentioned earlier.

Because I know that I can wait till May and have it still be healthy for me (but that a year will be my limit), I don't want to give up those four months. If it is just casual, then those are the last four months I get to have and I want them.



marieToo -> RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment (1/15/2008 2:11:39 PM)

Words really don't mean shit.  Sometimes people tell us in the strangest, most-unlikely ways what their true intentions and feelings really are, even if they're trying not to.   Look for your answers in between the lines; that's the only place where the truth always rises.  



MsBearlee -> RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment (1/15/2008 2:29:08 PM)

 
Okay, I was gonna suggest just waiting to see of he ‘Walks his talk’…but I got so intrigued with the 8-ball, I hadda ask:

Question: Do guys tell the truth 'in the moment'? 

Magic 8-Ball:  Outlook not so good.

I’m gonna keep that thing around!!!  Thanks Rover!!!
 
B



Owner4SexSlave -> RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment (1/15/2008 5:48:12 PM)

OK, well I'm a bit guilty of something here myself.  Last Sunday night, I exchanged pet names with a girl who I know has a thing for me.  However, I have no real interest in her.  She's not very attuned to the lifestyle, however she's very Switch in terms of top/bottom play activities.  Complete to wanting to be in control of a session and being controlled as well.   Also, personality wise, we are not right for each other.   I made the mistake of letting a good time out at the bar, become mistaken for something else.   Yesterday, I went with her on an errand she had to do, because she asked if I would tag along and keep her company.  It became painfully clear to her, that I was not all that interested in making any commitment towards dating her.   Just the use of Pet names can be mistaken for something at times.   Ok, whew... I just bared my soul now.  Time to move onto another topic.



SilentTigresss -> RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment (1/15/2008 5:53:00 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

I believe you'll find your answer here....
 
http://web.ics.purdue.edu/~ssanty/cgi-bin/eightball.cgi
 
John


[sm=biggrin.gif]



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment (1/15/2008 9:38:49 PM)

Awkward or not, the only way you will know what he meant in a meaningful way is to ask...and express that you want him to be honest.

Master Fire



sunshinemiss -> RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment (1/15/2008 10:34:14 PM)

I've been thinking about you and your 4 months... and I wonder about it.  I wonder if he won't also need a little time after he hears your question... and that will bump up against your one year time line. 

My grandma always said (I love my grandma)... no time like the present.

good luck and peace



Statepalace -> RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment (1/15/2008 10:49:42 PM)

It's not like I will be asking for matrimony, monogamy or reproductive rights. I don't know if I even want two of those, and I don't have to have the other.

I know that I can happily give of myself, without knowing if He shares my affections, for that length of time. If He says that He needs some time to think about it, I will be happy to extend that one year thing. It is a time line for me asking, not a cut off date for His decision.



I just want to share my life with Him. For me this would eventually mean living together, and since He is in Boston and I am in Orlando that would require a large move. No instant expectations on that, if He shares my feeling. Heck, that might take the better part of a year or two. I will just be asking if He wants to head in that direction.




Statepalace -> RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment (1/15/2008 11:07:34 PM)

Babydoll, very good advice, but I can't see myself looking again. This was an aberration in my "old lady with cats" life plan; if it does not work, I don't see myself searching for anyone else. I don't want a relationship; I want a relationship with Him.

Eyesopened - I know that a year may seem artificial, but for me it is a both a way to demonstrate patience (to myself and to Him) and a self imposed cap on the time I will allow myself to spend in an undecided relationship. I am ok with waiting a few more months.

burningdesires - Thank you for the post. I call it patience. I am also trying not to poke at it with a stick just because it's there, you know?  Trying not to open the oven before the timer goes off on the soufflé, just because I am impatient.... 



laurell3 -> RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment (1/15/2008 11:43:59 PM)

What if your souffle is done and you don't take it out of the oven?  How will you ever know where you are if you can't trust him to talk to him openly?



DisenchantedLife -> RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment (1/24/2008 8:22:04 PM)

Yes.... but I don't know if WE Can wait 4 months to find out the answer!  Don't think only of yourself here.  = )

Plus, what if something were to happen to him tomorrow, do you really want to spend the rest of your life not knowing?  There's a very good reason to end every conversatin with a loved one with the words "I love you".... what would you want your last words to be?

How about you ask him and if nots the "good" answer - you wait 4 months to make the change?  BUT if you ask him - you get 4 months extra of happiness and not limboness?

After reading 4 pages of this.. I'm dying to know!



sensiia -> RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment (1/25/2008 2:38:20 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Statepalace

Lol! Rover, the magic eight ball said "Ask Again Later". No help there.


I know it might sound silly, but the crux of the situation is that I don't know if I should mention it in some way.

If I don't say anything, and He meant it, well that would kind of suck and maybe cause some hurt feelings.

If I do bring it up, and it was an "oops" moment, then it's going to be rather awkward.

Really just wondering what the best course of action is, and trying to get some information.

Maybe the question should be "Men, would you want something you said in the heat of the moment brought up again, or would you prefer it not be mentioned?"


Is he a mind reader? One important issue is communication and it seems you are avoiding it. If something is bothering you he will identify it, not the issue but something going on in your head. Perhaps you should either open up and communicate or let it go, eventually it will cause unnecessary tensions especially within you which can detract from him.

Communication in any relationship is important.

quote:

Maybe the question should be "Men, would you want something you said in the heat of the moment brought up again, or would you prefer it not be mentioned?"


I am not sure about the men but why live always wondering, when all you need to do is ask. If you can not communicate in your relationship today what happens when there needs to be communication, it will eventually breakdown.



littlebitxxx -> RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment (1/25/2008 6:16:58 AM)

I mean absolutely no offense in this OP, but it may come out kinda rude.  Please take it in the spirit of tough love or whatever.  This all happened what?....almost 2 weeks ago.  And you're still dithering about it.  And you are in daily communication with your man?  Has he said anything at all to make you think he even remembers saying what he did?  If he has alluded to those words that got you all hot and bothered then there's your opening to ask if he meant them.  If he hasn't come anywhere near in two weeks, it may be that they were only heat of the moment stuff and he's hoping you didn't hear or have forgotten.  If it is bothering you, and I see that after 2 weeks and 4 pages it is......ASK!!  How many different scenarios are there gonna be?
a)  he doesn't remember and you feel like you've got egg on your face.  He will still appreciate you bringing up something that has been gnawing at your mind.
b) he does remember and didn't mean it.  It will at least open a line of discussion about exactly what your relationship does mean to him.
c)  he does remember and he does mean it.  'Nuff said on that one...just fly with it.

Now the only problem remaining is your reaction to the various scenarios.  And methinks you've done enough soul searching so as to know.

Bottom line:   ASK ALREADY!!!   Hugs to ya and let us know how it turns out.



master69dragon -> RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment (1/25/2008 8:43:49 AM)

If he said it, over and over, with your true name then he meant it. In my 18 years of experience I have said the infamous "L" word only once. Not to say I don't love (shit i said it again) my  slaves/subs, I do, but that doesn't mean I'm in LOVE (why do people have such a hard time with that word) with them. There is a huge difference and now the discussion has to be brought up because you can't stop thinking about it and it will effect your play time together.  A catch-22 scenerio - if you don't bring it up and he doesn't say it again then you'll be hurt, if he say's it was part of the play then you'll be hurt, if he says it again and means it well now your relationship has changed and you can do your back flips (make sure you stick the landing). Be careful going down this road because the worst pain in the world is a broken heart (see i have a sensitive side) Now I have to go whip somebody and get my mind back on track.



Statepalace -> RE: Things said in the heat of the, uh, moment (1/25/2008 4:47:54 PM)

Sorry to keep everyone waiting for the answers. To be continued is the best I can do right now!

I've made peace with the issue. We are making plans for His next two visits. I will be having that talk with Him on May 21st, in case anyone is counting down.




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