LadyLolly
Posts: 140
Joined: 5/21/2005
Status: offline
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In all things, balance is required to sustain it, otherwise, drain a resource and it is gone, crumbles, breaks. So it is with a D/s or BDSM dynamic. The wells on both sides must be replentished or they run dry. What is required depends on the dynamic and the individuals involved. The tender of the exchange as well as the nature and extent of the exchange should be covered by negotiations - and communication.
In a top/bottom exchange things are faily simple, limited and well defined, I want you want, I get, you get, it occurs, balance maintained, end of story.
For those that simply want a candy bar out of the kink machine plugging coin into the vending unit provides balance. No direspect intended to the professionals providing a service - if I want my flat tire fixed so I can get on my way I'd expect to pay the garage to perform that service too.
In a personal exchange, it takes investiture of time and energy to excercise the care, control and training of a submissive/slave. For those that claim to enjoy and desire to serve, practical efforts and tasks performed allow for conservation and redirection of that time and energy for the Dom/me and balance is again maintained. The weight of command and responsibility for decisions is time and effort intensive. A great deal of thought, research and stress accompanies a leadership role - there's a reason why executives are more highly compensated than the mailroom clerk.
What do I give up? I give up putting myself first, always looking to the needs of those in my care first. I give up abdicating hard, and on occasion, agonizing decisions that need to be made to others. I give up handing off the consequences for decisions I make to anyone else. Ultimately, I assume the burdern for the welfare, well being, health and safety of those that entrusted themselves into my care, even to my own detriment. So, if on occassion I have knots in my shoulders from the stress, I'm not the least bit apologetic for asking for the 47th massage that day, my slippers and a pina colada - with a pink umbrella if you would.
Too, at the risk of being labled sexist and making generalizations, males have traditionally courted, sought the time and attention of females, by providing - be it trinkets, gifts or what ever. Not sorry, but we like it that way - who wouldn't? However, when you discover that you HAVE to buy some ones time, when it's required/demanded, perhaps it's time to re-evaluate just what dynamics really are in place.
One aspect that many find appealing in D/s is that the dynamics and power/control/responsibility flow is defined, desired and accepted. The vanilla goal of strict 50/50 is dispensed with as impractical and leads to self defeating power struggles instead of being in tandem. The nature and preferences of a dominant and a submissive should compliment rather than compete with each other. There have always been those that are selfish and self centered to the detriment and exclusion of others. By the same token, those that conduct themselves like they are the sole factor in a dynamic ...soon will be.
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What do you give up? - 
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She does suffer from depression/mania, so she does tend to need quite a bit of calming and centering time. I keep my cell with me at all times, just in case she's in need of such care. 
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