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RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/13/2008 3:35:00 PM

Justme696

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696
But the point was "the lazy way" .

I'm not speaking for luci but some dominants do not put much thought, creativity and wisdom into punishments. They hear about popular punishments and just go for it, without a lot of regard to consequences. "Corner time" indicates thought was put into it - a start time, an end time, an assignment to "think about things" during the process, and a goal of learning as the outcome.

Just being pissed off and not talking to your submissive for an undetermined period of time, with no instructions as to what he/she should do during that time, and with no consideration of consequences and outcome...is often times the "lazy way."

I agree, if you just use this method..it is lazy.

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RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/13/2008 3:40:08 PM

loverly

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all i wish to say / ask is this.... what are these "naughty deeds" that require punishment? for myself... since i am a grown adult... IF i place myself in the position or feel strongly enough to be there and wishing to make HIM happier than He ever thought possiable... WHY would i be willfully disobeying direct orders and thus require punishment? simply .. i wouldnt ...perhaps a person needs correction in the form of learning Disipline... but i dont think being sent from her Dominants presence is good for that... as that is a pretty serious punishment ( one that would work for me btw as i am an attention slut and so would hurt me to not be allowed His company) and too being grown and consensually in this ...i would like to believe that a talk and being made to understand the error of my ways or a better way to do things would work.. after all.. i am grown and willingly wanting to make him happy as well as be happy... alot of times the girls who have to act out to get attention make me sad in that i believe ( unless it is a little girl action they are required to act out with ) that being naughty for spankings and attention just says the Dominant in possession isnt paying attention to his girls needs and desires and not rewarding her for he good behaviour and so she looks for it in other , more , negitive ways. Or perhaps the need to serve and make One happy isnt as strong and thus the service given is lacking. i cringe so many times when i see in a Dominants profile "Punishment will be metted out accordingly" or something similar...and they say nothing of lovingly beating someones hinney until she begs for more or stop or.. lol you knowwwww... lol but i8t seems as if alot wish for the punishments to happen.. rather than not.. like an excuse to do this.....
anyway ......just one persons thoughts....lovely

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RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/13/2008 3:43:49 PM

AquaticSub

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People aren't perfect.

I was nearly punished when I kept screwing up what kind of cereal he wanted. I bought the wrong box the first time, I was warned. Convinced I had it right this time, I went out again. Somehow I mixed it up in my mind and thought I was getting the right box when it was still the wrong box. This, the second time, I was given a sterner warning and told that if I screwed up again that box of cereal would be all I ate until it was gone. I haven't screwed it up since.

A few days ago we joked that if I had kept messing it up, we would have eventually gotten to the point where I would have had to eat the box itself.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 1/13/2008 3:44:34 PM >

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RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/13/2008 3:45:33 PM

ownedgirlie

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Punishment works in some dynamics and not in others. One does not have to be a child or roleplay a child to receive punishment in their dynamic. There have been many, many threads which have discussed, debated and argued the "to punish or not to punish" concept, which you may find interest in searching and perusing through. The OP in this particular thread is asking about a particular kind of punishment - not whether to punish or not. Threads of this sort are so often derailed by those who do not participate in a punishment dynamic. It may be productive to begin a separate thread on that topic, rather than divert away from the OP's original question.

< Message edited by ownedgirlie -- 1/13/2008 3:46:27 PM >

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RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/13/2008 4:16:03 PM

LuckyAlbatross

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I've never known this method, when applied regularly, to be useful or productive in any long term relationship.

Now, taking time outs, pushing away from the table in the heat of the moment to calm down, that's understandable.

But actively shutting down and preventing communication- never seen it help except to make the sub feel scared and shamed into behaving well and less likely to bring up a real problem in the future.

The issue the OP has however seems to have a lot more problems than this particular punishment.

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RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/13/2008 5:09:44 PM

slaveluci

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

quote:

it's a lazy dom's way of punishing

mmm i know it was an opinion, but kids get put in corners too at schools. I guess silence is similar to that.

And how well does that usually work? I would venture to say that, as a solution to a behavior problem, it fails miserably. It doesn't address the root of the behavior at all. It shames them in front of other kids, shows them who is boss and all that. But serve to teach and truly correct? Probably not so much in my opinion............luci

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RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/13/2008 5:11:23 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

quote:

it's a lazy dom's way of punishing

mmm i know it was an opinion, but kids get put in corners too at schools. I guess silence is similar to that.

And how well does that usually work? I would venture to say that, as a solution to a behavior problem, it fails miserably. It doesn't address the root of the behavior at all. It shames them in front of other kids, shows them who is boss and all that. But serve to teach and truly correct? Probably not so much in my opinion............luci

I'd disagree. It got me to stop throwing blocks.

Corner time has it's place, both with kids and in d/s relationships. Not every relationship but there is a place for it.

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RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/13/2008 5:12:41 PM

slaveluci

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quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696
But the point was "the lazy way" .

I'm not speaking for luci but some dominants do not put much thought, creativity and wisdom into punishments. They hear about popular punishments and just go for it, without a lot of regard to consequences. "Corner time" indicates thought was put into it - a start time, an end time, an assignment to "think about things" during the process, and a goal of learning as the outcome.

Just being pissed off and not talking to your submissive for an undetermined period of time, with no instructions as to what he/she should do during that time, and with no consideration of consequences and outcome...is often times the "lazy way."

Exactly, ownedgirlie. Speak for me any day of the week because I never seem to fail to totally agree with you

. That is exactly what I meant. It didn't even occur to me to think the OP meant "corner time" or a "time out" period. That's way different than being ignored or given the cold shoulder/silent treatment IN LIEU OF dealing with the issue(s) at hand. You got it, as always

..........luci

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RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/13/2008 5:16:29 PM

slaveluci

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quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub
I'd disagree. It got me to stop throwing blocks. Corner time has it's place, both with kids and in d/s relationships. Not every relationship but there is a place for it.

Oh, you naughty little block-thrower, you

. I think it has it's place for some kids and for some sub/slaves, not all. I have misbehaved as a child and an adult and have been corrected and taught without ever having "corner time," actual or symbolic. As I responded above, it never occurred to me that the OP was referring to a "time out" method, but rather a silent treatment method. Big difference for me. Glad your little hiney learned to stop throwing blocks, though. Valyraen might disapprove of being hit with 'em

.......................luci

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RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/13/2008 5:21:28 PM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

Glad your little hiney learned to stop throwing blocks, though. Valyraen might disapprove of being hit with 'em.......................luci

I swear, I was just trying to a baseball star! Ok, I'm just messing around...

You are probably right though. He gets cranky when airborne objects come into contact with his head.

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RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/13/2008 6:58:35 PM

DesFIP

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It works for some, it doesn't work for others. Obviously if the sub has abandonment issues, then it's a short term solution that causes long term distrust. But so many d/s relationships are so short term anyway that for those types it doesn't matter.

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RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/14/2008 6:23:56 AM

saseblubutrfly

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The period of silence is until I find this 3rd person.

At what point does no contact become abandonment even if it is punishment? Or is there such a thing. I have a bizillion things flying through my head.

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RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/14/2008 6:38:31 AM

saseblubutrfly

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Anybody that knows about poly knows it can take months to find a new addition. It's not like I haven't been trying either.

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RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/14/2008 6:40:35 AM

KatyLied

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Why isn't he also looking for a third? And do you think it is wise to enter into a poly situation when you have issues with him as a couple? I don't see how adding a third in your situation will enhance anything.

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RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/14/2008 6:54:25 AM

saseblubutrfly

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All this has done is make me feel like he's pulling away and eventually there will be no more communication at all, just abandoned. Hey, that's ok. It's happened to me before. Just want him to be upfront and open with me is all. I've told him this. I do refuse to be his pimp.

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RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/14/2008 7:06:50 AM

LadyPact

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Well, this thread certainly ended up far from where it started. The original question is still a good one. Does silence/no contact work as a punishment?

Sorry, but I'm going to disagree with the masses and say yes, it does. Don't misunderstand My intent here. I'm not talking about days on end. Still, a short time period, with a start and an end, where there will be a discussion of the infraction afterwards, can be very effective. It also can work very well to limit communication until a certain task is completed which are those things a submissive is fully capable of. Not something outrageous, as in acquiring a third for a poly situation. That is not under the submissive's control. However, in situations such as My submissive telling Me he has taken his meds in the morning before I will respond to him, it works. (This was put in place because prior to the rule, he had a tendency to 'forget') It's very effective and it keeps his medications on schedule.

It may not work for everyone, or it might be considered lazy. Off the top of My head, I can remember two times of having to use a fifteen minute wait prior to discussing My disappointment in My submissive have helped to solve certain issues. Now that I think about it, the last time I had to do so was a couple of months ago. The punishments that work as those that don't need to be repeated often.

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RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/14/2008 7:29:54 AM

breatheasone

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To the original question....does ignoring someone work as a punishment?.... In my opinion no...and it is an awful dimwitted way to deal with a situation. This kind of punishment would be an IMMEDIATE deal breaker for me....PERIOD.

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RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/14/2008 7:33:10 AM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: saseblubutrfly

The period of silence is until I find this 3rd person.

At what point does no contact become abandonment even if it is punishment? Or is there such a thing. I have a bizillion things flying through my head.

You've got be kidding me.

I wouldn't expect you to be able to do that for a month at BEST. Years, decades at worst and he expects you to find a third when you can't even talk to him to ask questions and get further guidence?

I'd be gone.

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RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/14/2008 8:09:35 AM

KatyLied

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quote:

and it is an awful dimwitted way to deal with a situation.

I disagree. I've been on the receiving end of forced time outs where there was no contact for a few days. I was not abandoned nor did I suffer from feelings of abandonment. A time-out can be used as a means of allowing a person to process, reflect, respond, along with the obvious use of exerting some authority. It can also give a person some distance if they feel that more communication of a negative nature will be detrimental to the relationship. It isn't always a bad thing. I think, as in most things, it depends on the people involved and the circumstances.

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RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/14/2008 8:15:16 AM

fullofgrace69

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i hate no communication as a punishment, as i have self confidence issues so need to be able to communicate regularly with my Dom. one guy i was just talking to did this cos i'd failed to be online at a time i said i would be and it was enough to send me running, if someone was gonna use that before i was even under consideration than i definitly didnt wanna know. for me if there is a need to punish than the punishment shuld occur asap and it shuldnt be no communication. that said ive had time outs for being cheeky to an ex's friend once and they were like five minutes at a time that i can understand

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