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RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/14/2008 8:38:12 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: saseblubutrfly

The period of silence is until I find this 3rd person.

At what point does no contact become abandonment even if it is punishment? Or is there such a thing. I have a bizillion things flying through my head.

Sounds to me as if he has set you up to fail...thus will be all your fault for the possible death of the dynamic...Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)

Post #: 41

RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/14/2008 9:05:41 PM

girlserveshim

Posts: 7
Joined: 12/17/2007
Status: offline

communication communication honesty communication trust communication communication. those are what make a good relationship

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 42

RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/14/2008 10:01:23 PM

Qithoras

Posts: 155
Joined: 4/28/2006
From: Adelaide, Australia
Status: offline

Fast Reply:

It depends on the situation, for example, if I had a slave, or a child for that matter, running around screaming or the such, I would ignore them, and hold them accountable for their actions once they had calmed down.

Or if I felt in a situation my anger might cause me to act in a way I would perhaps regret later, I would go for a walk or similar, to cool my head.

It's effective in certain situations, but not so much in others, as alot of answers here in CM, it's all based on the people and the situation in question.

I hope this helped to answer your question.

_____________________________

Knowing others is intelligence.
Knowing yourself is true wisdom.
Mastering others is strength.
Mastering yourself is true power.

-Tao Te Ching

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)

Post #: 43

RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/15/2008 6:09:22 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

I wouldn't submit to a bipolar who hadn't gotten stable yet. Hell, if I'm not stable due to anxiety or depression, he doesn't expect or want stability out of me. He wants me healthy enough to be able to give informed consent.

I'd send him an escort service number and tell him he can have his threesome using two from there and none from you. And that no sensible sub will agree to a threesome with someone who flakes off suddenly and frequently. Use the assessments on this thread as proof.

Next time, do yourself a favor and figure out ahead of time what you need to have a dramaless relationship.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to Qithoras)

Post #: 44

RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/15/2008 8:23:10 AM

ISOHOH49

Posts: 28
Joined: 10/20/2007
Status: offline

This can only be done in a non damage way to the sub if it is a long distance or on line relationship. Since the Dom and sub are not in the same area and the means of punishing are so limited, the sub understand that it is only method of punishment and not a form of rejection. But in all situation the sub must know why the contact is ending and when she/he will be allowed to contact the Dom again. It is not something that should be done often. I have had this done many times in my long distance relationship and it hurt me not to be able to talk with him but I understood why. It would effect me differently in a real time relationship. I would feel unwanted and it would broke my heart.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 45

RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/15/2008 10:35:40 AM

OmegaG

Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I've never known this method, when applied regularly, to be useful or productive in any long term relationship.

Now, taking time outs, pushing away from the table in the heat of the moment to calm down, that's understandable.

But actively shutting down and preventing communication- never seen it help except to make the sub feel scared and shamed into behaving well and less likely to bring up a real problem in the future.

The issue the OP has however seems to have a lot more problems than this particular punishment.

Yes, I've been advised that when he is really angry he will need to stop talking until he can speak civilly. Since this is the same way I handle my temper it seems logical. Though I suppose when one is at the recieving end it may be worse then when one is cooling down.

Time might tell, but it won't be something I'll purposely test.

_____________________________

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 46

RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/15/2008 1:14:35 PM

vampchick88

Posts: 346
Joined: 4/10/2007
Status: offline

I do tend to get quiet when somthing bothers me. I will never punish my sub by silent treatment or no contact. We already have 800+ miles between us. Communication is the one thing we have going for us. Even once we live together silent treatments will never be used. That is a form of severe abuse, I think he'd rather be flogged, or whipped than to have me ignore him....so would I.

_____________________________

Proud owner of rubberpet, the best investment of my time, trust, and heart that any Domme could ever dream of.

(in reply to OmegaG)

Post #: 47

RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/15/2008 2:20:27 PM

meticulousgirl

Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline

for me personally it's a "hard limit" i've had it done and it does nothing but make me an emotional wreck scene, the tears dont stop, i dont sleep, i barely eat, and the hurt never goes away once it's over.

it is a hard limit, it's a deal breaker infact, something i just cant deal with. Find another way to punnish me because i dont consider myself to be a masochist at all, ignoring, neglecting and torturing me mentally and emotionally is the last thing i need.

~meticulous~

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 48

RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/15/2008 2:32:41 PM

meticulousgirl

Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ISOHOH49

It would effect me differently in a real time relationship. I would feel unwanted and it would break my heart.

Couldn't have said it better myself ....*unwanted*

i still swear some Doms will never understand us as slaves, we give everything over to You at some point, and the majority of it, is never thought of by You again.

i guess i'm emotionally needy when it comes to the person that i serve, i dont know but, i do know that the last thing that i can handle when i screw up is being told that conversation will be limited, seeing Him permanantly will be limited etc...You as a Dom have no idea what that does when a slave has handed "it all" over to You. Some take it for granted and dont realize just how hard this is on us.

this is my biggest deal breaker and i never realized it until today and if it were to happen to me today, i would consider leaving over it, if He cant understand that part of me, and everything that i have put into this, understand that when i became His slave i trusted Him to understand me, my needs, my limits, my fears, what i could and couldn't handle, my wants, and trust that when i say this is too much that He should believe it but, doesn't or just ignores it then He's just ignoring me and what is healthy for me and at that point it's just not worth staying because the pain is far worse than any beating He could ever give me.

to me it's neglect, and in a sense stating that i'm not wanted or valued in whatever setup the "relationship" between Master and slave was set up as.

~meticulous~

(in reply to ISOHOH49)

Post #: 49

RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/15/2008 2:42:44 PM

subtee

Posts: 5133
Joined: 7/26/2007
Status: offline

"The Silence of the Doms"

~SCREAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM~

_____________________________

Don't believe everything you think...

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)

Post #: 50

RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/15/2008 4:18:41 PM

everhope

Posts: 2179
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline

one area in life i need to improvement is time management. i could see not being able to speak with the Dom until specific tasks were completed an effective way in changing behavior. as punishment, being cut off from him would make me resentful.

now to the OP, silence until you find another submissive for him? oh please say it ain't true.

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 51

RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/15/2008 4:37:20 PM

marieToo

Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

"The Silence of the Doms"

~SCREAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM~

Lmaoooooooooo. That was good.

_____________________________

marie.

I give good agita.

(in reply to subtee)

Post #: 52

RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/15/2008 4:47:13 PM

everhope

Posts: 2179
Joined: 8/19/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: everhope

one area in life i need to improvement is time management.

oppss....forgot to edit.

(in reply to everhope)

Post #: 53

RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/15/2008 5:24:16 PM

Owner4SexSlave

Posts: 1311
Joined: 4/4/2007
Status: offline

I'll only do this for a "time-out", where she is silenced in order to regain calm and collect her thoughts. But never as a means for punishment. Basically it's quality time in silience for both her and I. After the time-out, good old fashioned conversation engages again.

(in reply to saseblubutrfly)

Post #: 54

RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/16/2008 4:25:47 PM

SweetieSub37

Posts: 8
Joined: 1/14/2008
Status: offline

This thread couldn't have come at a better time for me as i am about to get the silent treatment tonight from my Dom for not being able to complete an assignment. it is similar to the OP's dillema - i was supposed to find someone for my Dom to chat with by 7:00 p.m. tonight or i would be ignored. It's not like i haven't been trying...i've asked all my friends and tried to find nice people
online but to no avail. it's hard enough forging your own relationships without having to make a connection for someone else.

It made me feel better to read the replies in this thread anyway. I feel more confident about explaining my discomfort to my Dom and asking for him to
reconsider this assignment.

(in reply to Owner4SexSlave)

Post #: 55

RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/16/2008 4:42:14 PM

daddyncherry

Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

my Daddy sort of used that tactic a few times on me VERY VERY early on....but he didn't do it in a "silent treatment" type way...All 3 times he did were done in a "I'll give you some time to think on this"...The first time was for close to 10 days (this was just a couple weeks after we met and i was trying to push him away).....The second time was when he told me to do a daily affirmation thing the first time, and i told him i couldn't...He told me he would talk to me again when i could, after the weekend....The last time was when i was out of town on business...and i still hadn't told him my last name yet...he gave me the weekend away to consider telling him, or moving on.

All times were beneficial to me...but they were done in a productive way.

_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 56

RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/16/2008 4:58:22 PM

MistressNoName

Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696
But the point was "the lazy way" .

I'm not speaking for luci but some dominants do not put much thought, creativity and wisdom into punishments. They hear about popular punishments and just go for it, without a lot of regard to consequences. "Corner time" indicates thought was put into it - a start time, an end time, an assignment to "think about things" during the process, and a goal of learning as the outcome.

Just being pissed off and not talking to your submissive for an undetermined period of time, with no instructions as to what he/she should do during that time, and with no consideration of consequences and outcome...is often times the "lazy way."

Agreed. 100%. If there is no thought behind it, why bother? When I was subbing, I had the silent treatment done to me twice (same Dom)...in that I was to contact him when I'd come to my senses, sort of thing. It was juvenile, frankly, in my opinion. Still, there can be value in it, if there is thought going into it. When I have used this method it is always with an expressed time and the reason for the punishment is clearly spelled out. There can also be value when one or both parties needs time to "cool down," so to speak, which for me personally, sometimes I do need that. But I will always express a time limit. A submissive needs to hear that the Dom is not just throwing in the towel. And a Dom needs to be self-aware enough and confident enough in her/his position to not be afraid to confront issues head-on as they occur in a constructive manner.

MNN

_____________________________

aka Ms Petal - Check Me out on the Web.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 57

RE: Silence/No contact as punishment - 1/16/2008 5:13:35 PM

MistressNoName

Posts: 664
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline

quote:

i guess i'm emotionally needy when it comes to the person that i serve, i dont know but, i do know that the last thing that i can handle when i screw up is being told that conversation will be limited, seeing Him permanantly will be limited etc...You as a Dom have no idea what that does when a slave has handed "it all" over to You. Some take it for granted and dont realize just how hard this is on us.

Respectfully, meticulous - I think the reason behind the use of this kind of punishment is exactly b/c We DO know what value is assigned to Us by our subs/slaves. The whole point in any punishment is at least two-fold. All actions have consequences. In attempting to correct behavior, one method is to introduce a consequence for the behavior that would be so reprehensible as to suggest to the individual never to repeat the offending behavior again. But if a sub/slave is allowed an option to, in effect, "safeword" out of a punishment, then who is the Head of that relationship? The other reason why punishments are handed out is simply to appease the disappointment and yes, the anger of the Person who was offended by the behavior - ie - the Master/Mistress/Dom...whatever. But any punishment needs to make sense and should fit the crime. If a Dom is going to use silence as a punishment method, then she/he needs to be absolutely clear about why it's being used and that it does not become an exercise in passive/aggression on the Dom's part. That's when it becomes just plain silly and childish.

MNN

_____________________________

aka Ms Petal - Check Me out on the Web.

(in reply to meticulousgirl)

Post #: 58

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