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RE: Trust and honesty - 1/26/2008 7:42:50 AM   
Littlepita


Posts: 1430
Joined: 10/6/2005
Status: offline 		That doesn't sound like much fun.

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“I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naive or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.” – Anais Nin

(in reply to Siona)
Profile   Post #: 41
RE: Trust and honesty - 1/26/2008 9:21:24 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		given my strong povs about marriage and cheating, the potential relationship wouldn't even happen and/or gotten that far for someone to install a foreign program on my laptop. that in itself is a breach of privacy - my privacy.  i'm not a UM to have my computer activities monitor. and as boring as it might sound, i spend most of my time previewing CDs from artists and/or scheduling shows/interviews.

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...2011 - year of the fabulous rock star life ...and i do it so well...


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(in reply to MasterRoad)
Profile   Post #: 42
RE: Trust and honesty - 1/26/2008 9:32:20 AM   
MissHarlet


Posts: 2728
Joined: 9/11/2005
From: El Paso , TX US
Status: offline 		Without trust there is no relationship ..there is only control ... and I hate webcams .. refuse to have one or watch one .... Im not submissive ..but would never consider doing this and think that anyone that does allow it needs to reexamine why they are allowing it ... it is involving others who are not consenting as they are unaware of the relationship .. ie the vanilla BF... it just totally reeks of deceit and tackiness to me ... I totally believe that one that lies to or cheats on others will eventually do the same to or on me .. and that comes from experience.  I want no part of that ever again.

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Protectress of hearts/souls of all submissives calling Bounty's Place home, by order of Bounty~Proprietor

To be respected you must be respectful, to be loved you must be willing to love,
to be trusted you must be willing to trust.

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 43
RE: Trust and honesty - 1/26/2008 9:53:12 AM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterRoad

How would you feel about a Dom who was married wanting a relationship on the side with you and wanting to install software on your computer so that your activities online could be remotely monitored, your files examined, and accessories such as webcam and microphone turned on. To complete the scenario, you are living in a vanilla relationship and are not to let on about the affair.

I am asking because someone I know is in this situation and although she has made her decisions, I am still curious about the responses of others.


soooooooo many alarm bells went off when i read this ... not judging people who do this sort of thing and enjoy it ... more power to you ... but here is what my thoughts were

a)married ... dont go there .. thats what the wife is for ... if he cant be true to  those vows he wont be true to me
b)ditto for me being in a relationship and not letting on .. that is bringing my own partner into things without their consent ... a totally unacceptable thing to do
c) scrutiny of internet/software/webcam/mic ... if they dont trust me ... then the relationship (if you can call it that) has no foundation ... if they want to watch and hear me .. then why not just ask ... or have a real relationship with me

I was chatting with a Dom once who managed to workout my yahell password ...(i had made it stupidly obvious) ... at night when i signed off and went to bed he would log into my yahell and read back through my message archives to check i wasn't cheating on him ... he slipped up once and mentioned something to me i know i hadn't told him but had mentioned to someone else ... it was a disgusting breach of privacy and trust and has made me very wary of the intentions of those who couldn't trust my word.  

< Message edited by softness -- 1/26/2008 9:55:12 AM >

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(in reply to MasterRoad)
Profile   Post #: 44
RE: Trust and honesty - 1/30/2008 1:02:44 PM   
MasterRoad


Posts: 188
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline 		I believe that those who do not trust or breach the trust of others should not expect to be trusted. They seem to reap what they sow. 

< Message edited by MasterRoad -- 1/30/2008 1:03:33 PM >

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(in reply to softness)
Profile   Post #: 45
RE: Trust and honesty - 1/30/2008 2:40:24 PM   
Thorns82


Posts: 92
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Los Angeles, CA
Status: offline 		I wouldn't cheat on my spouse and would never become willingly involved with someone who was cheating on theirs.  I wouldn't grant access to my computer to someone unless I completely trusted them - as in dated them, in person, for at least 6 months.  People can pull all kinds of info off your machine.  Setting up something like that sounds like a good way to get your identity stolen.

(in reply to Siona)
Profile   Post #: 46
RE: Trust and honesty - 1/30/2008 2:48:29 PM   
MasterRoad


Posts: 188
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline 		But wouldn't even the suggestion of doing that to a computer imply that the person didn't trust you? what is any realtionship without trust?

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No one wants their last words to be "Oh My God... the old gypsy woman was right..."

(in reply to Thorns82)
Profile   Post #: 47
RE: Trust and honesty - 1/30/2008 3:01:00 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterRoad

But wouldn't even the suggestion of doing that to a computer imply that the person didn't trust you? what is any realtionship without trust?

For myself, no...it has nothing to do with trust and everything to do with the fact that the parties involved are CHEATING and LYING...that's it. Nothing else.

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to MasterRoad)
Profile   Post #: 48
RE: Trust and honesty - 1/30/2008 3:09:17 PM   
BlackPhx


Posts: 3432
Joined: 11/8/2006
Status: offline 		First response from me? Does his wife and her husband know. If not then it is a relationship built on a lie, if not to each other to their partners. Little good ever seems to come of that. As for the software, if her spouse uses the computer, her kids, etc. it is an invasion of their privacy. Keyloggers etc. are out there, most of us who are computer savvy, scan for such constantly. I have no problem turning my web cam on for Master whenever he desires, I have nothing I hide from him that I post anywhere, email, etc. He can read, listen and watch to his hearts content. But he trusts me and knows I will do nothing dishonorable or that I need to hide, and I trust him. When we first come together, because I had caught my then X2B with child porn and a couple of groups dedicated to it, he opened up every cd, dvd and computer file he had to me and said go , look, until you know. He has been in and on my computer I have been in and on his, no secrets. But I can't build a relationship that relies on trust, on a lie. If the SO's don't know, it would be just so wrong for me.

poenkitten 

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 49
RE: Trust and honesty - 1/30/2008 4:27:11 PM   
NaiveTempest


Posts: 345
Joined: 11/20/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		There is enough shit to deal with in day to day life without throwing in such an complex and untrusting relationship into the mix. I place a very high value on trust and honesty and cheating really isn't worth it to me. Been there, bought the shirt, it faded by the second wash. If you're in a relationship that doesn't "do it" for you, then get out of it. Or is "cheating" a kink in and of itself now?

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"All the things I should have said that I never said/All the things we should have done that we never did/All the things I should have given, but I didn't.../Give me these moments back..."

Kate Bush, "This Woman's Work"

(in reply to MasterRoad)
Profile   Post #: 50
RE: Trust and honesty - 1/30/2008 4:37:48 PM   
Thorns82


Posts: 92
Joined: 9/7/2007
From: Los Angeles, CA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterRoad

But wouldn't even the suggestion of doing that to a computer imply that the person didn't trust you? what is any realtionship without trust?


There is no relationship without trust.

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 51
RE: Trust and honesty - 1/30/2008 6:34:44 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline 		Let me get this right....married guy wants to cheat on wife....wants to install software on the cheatee's computer to make sure she is not cheating on HIM....

The word "hypocrite" comes to mind.  As does "stupidass".

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You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to Thorns82)
Profile   Post #: 52
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