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Emotions: What makes a man male? - 1/14/2008 8:41:27 AM

JDEmpath

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I am directing this question primarily at women, although anyone is welcome.

What do you think is considered acceptable levels of emotional sensitivity in a man? Does his lower or higher degree of emotional sensitivity make him less of a man in your estimation, more of a man? When you compare his demeanor with women, do you make a distinction in what might be appropriate behavior in response to certain things? Are men expected to respond differently to social issues such as acceptance, rejection? Should they be considered a "rock" upon which to lean while you are overcome by emotion?

And of course.....why?

Thanks in advance...

JDE

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RE: Emotions: What makes a man male? - 1/14/2008 9:36:35 AM

FullCircle

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Anyone who thinks women are more emotionally sensitive then men haven’t been through a divorce.

I don’t see lack of emotional sensitivity as being inferior or superior they are just character traits that suit different applications.

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RE: Emotions: What makes a man male? - 1/14/2008 9:56:57 AM

kittinSol

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I think our society places far too high a value on sentimentality disguised as emotion.

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RE: Emotions: What makes a man male? - 1/14/2008 10:07:04 AM

trainedobedients

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Here an opinion on your topic from a submissive female. I do believe Dominant men are more in control of their emotions and do react differently to before mentioned and they should. I like it like that, no gender confusion there. It may be different with switches or submissive men they are obviously more in touch with their 'soft' femine side. Which is fine but not in a relationship with me. I hope this answers some of your questions.

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RE: Emotions: What makes a man male? - 1/14/2008 10:38:36 AM

Lashra

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I don't like overly emotional people regardless of their gender. I'm not an overly emotional person myself and that could be the reason. However I like men who aren't afraid to show their emotions, now I don't mean crying at the drop of a hat that would get on my nerves. But I would take that over the emotionless "rock" type. People who are afraid of emotions or don't "feel" have some issues. Issues which I wouldn't want to have to deal with.
So my answer in a nutshell is, I prefer men (and women) who are balanced in their emotions. Yes feel and show it without going crazy overboard.

~Lashra

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RE: Emotions: What makes a man male? - 1/14/2008 10:47:13 AM

breatheasone

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Emotions are a HUMAN thing...Men and woman are different and therefore respond differently to emotions. No, I personally do not view a man as less of anything if he cries.

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RE: Emotions: What makes a man male? - 1/14/2008 10:57:08 AM

kittinSol

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You know... I'm not convinced men and women are that genetically different when it comes to handling emotions; but I know they are raised differently.

When I was little, I would abhor what boys were taught (act on your aggression, fight, don't cry, bully back, be a MAN, stop crying like a GIRL).

I'm horrified, today, when I hear people babytalking little girls, telling them how 'cute' and 'pwwweeetty' they look, whilst encouraging little boys to be tough and cool. At the same time though, our culture as a whole has pushed forward the envelope of sentimentality to absurd levels, whereby we expect candidates to the presidential election to show they're capable of crying.

We haven't come far, really, as a society, when it comes to gender stereotypes

.

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RE: Emotions: What makes a man male? - 1/14/2008 11:08:37 AM

faerytattoodgirl

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testosterone + ego + machoness... = male emotions

just as estrogen on females opens up emotions that may or may not have existed before.

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RE: Emotions: What makes a man male? - 1/14/2008 11:14:58 AM

juliaoceania

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I find men get emotional over different things than I do, but that does not make them less sensitive or less emotional than me, it makes them different. I want a man that can feel compassion for others, cry at sad movies, and is sensitive to how I feel. I have that.

Now he doesn't get emotional over the same things all the time, and that is okay. He also does not express his emotions the same way I do, and that is okay. Here is the thing, I find men can become distant and seemingly cold to mask their emotions. They can compartimentalize their emotions, but that does not mean they do not have them... that is just a different expression of them... this is just my experience

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RE: Emotions: What makes a man male? - 1/14/2008 11:20:57 AM

charmdpetKeira

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quote:

What do you think is considered acceptable levels of emotional sensitivity in a man?

Is there some kind of instrument, I am unaware of, to measure this sort of thing?

quote:

Does his lower or higher degree of emotional sensitivity make him less of a man in your estimation, more of a man?

No, it would only be an indication of whether or not they are compatible with me.

quote:

When you compare his demeanor with women, do you make a distinction in what might be appropriate behavior in response to certain things?

I try not to compare the two.

quote:

Are men expected to respond differently to social issues such as acceptance, rejection?

Not by me.

quote:

Should they be considered a "rock" upon which to lean while you are overcome by emotion?

Being “overcome by emotion” is something I am trying to eliminate.

Those I am most attracted to, when combined with my personality, would create a balance between “give two shits” and “git er done!” Therefore, where one is lacking or over zealous, in a given situation, the other would compensate.

quote:

And of course.....why?

Because people are individuals with individual personalities, prospective, and experiences; creating standards, in such a way, for the behavior of any given group, is unreasonable.

k

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RE: Emotions: What makes a man male? - 1/14/2008 12:11:28 PM

faerytattoodgirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

I find men can become distant and seemingly cold to mask their emotions.

yes exactly what i was trying to point out with testosterone/estrogen factors.
when do you see a grown man cry? very rarely... when do you hear them say to you "i love you" and mean it...very rarely... men are built on testosterone(yes estrogen too..but very very little) as women are built on estrogen(and testosterone as well but again very little) so it is harder for men's true feelings to come out. they dont do it on purpose...its just how things are.

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RE: Emotions: What makes a man male? - 1/14/2008 12:27:58 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

when do you see a grown man cry? very rarely... when do you hear them say to you "i love you" and mean it...very rarely... men are built on testosterone(yes estrogen too..but very very little) as women are built on estrogen(and testosterone as well but again very little) so it is harder for men's true feelings to come out. they dont do it on purpose...its just how things are.

If I put on certain movies, my Daddy is sure to get misty on me over it. My Daddy has no trouble saying "I love you" if it is something he feels like saying. He has plenty of testosterone. Many of these things are cultural expectations that are put on men, not the way men are by nature. I would say that men and women do think differently, and that these differences can cause men to respond and react to things differently... but inability for men to express emotions with tears is a cultural thing. Men in other cultures are more adept at showing emotions...

One emotion that is linked to over abundance of testosterone is anger and rage. But that is with an over abundance.

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RE: Emotions: What makes a man male? - 1/14/2008 12:46:05 PM

marieToo

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I think men and women tend to be more (or less) emotional depending upon the type of emotions being experienced. For instance, women cry more easily, and about more things than men do. Men only cry over one of three things: Death of a loved one, a broken heart, and the birth of their children, but chicks cry over the sunset, a sad movie, a particular song, and on and on and on. And I think men tend to express anger more readily than females, where females are more likely to control it or supress it. I think the expression of certain emotions are seen more in males and certain ones are seen more in females.

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RE: Emotions: What makes a man male? - 1/14/2008 12:49:29 PM

MistressPav

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There is NOTHING that will bring me to tears faster than to see a grown man cry.

Not in the BDSM/pain sense, but in the real-world, emotionally hurting type of crying.

< Message edited by MistressPav -- 1/14/2008 12:50:23 PM >

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RE: Emotions: What makes a man male? - 1/14/2008 12:51:18 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

And I think men tend to express anger more readily than females, where females are more likely to control it or supress it. I think the expression of certain emotions are seen more in males and certain ones are seen more in females.

The question is, do they get angry because they are men, or do they get angry because that is the only socially acceptable way to express a sad emotion?

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RE: Emotions: What makes a man male? - 1/14/2008 12:56:30 PM

faerytattoodgirl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

when do you see a grown man cry? very rarely... when do you hear them say to you "i love you" and mean it...very rarely... men are built on testosterone(yes estrogen too..but very very little) as women are built on estrogen(and testosterone as well but again very little) so it is harder for men's true feelings to come out. they dont do it on purpose...its just how things are.

If I put on certain movies, my Daddy is sure to get misty on me over it. My Daddy has no trouble saying "I love you" if it is something he feels like saying. He has plenty of testosterone. Many of these things are cultural expectations that are put on men, not the way men are by nature. I would say that men and women do think differently, and that these differences can cause men to respond and react to things differently... but inability for men to express emotions with tears is a cultural thing. Men in other cultures are more adept at showing emotions...

One emotion that is linked to over abundance of testosterone is anger and rage. But that is with an over abundance.

So when a man murders or rapes or does whatever crime...they can blame it now on cultural issues? and not take responsibility for their actions? "mom told me to do it"

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RE: Emotions: What makes a man male? - 1/14/2008 1:03:43 PM

marieToo

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

And I think men tend to express anger more readily than females, where females are more likely to control it or supress it. I think the expression of certain emotions are seen more in males and certain ones are seen more in females.

The question is, do they get angry because they are men, or do they get angry because that is the only socially acceptable way to express a sad emotion?

That's a very good question. Some men probably do feel influenced by society as far as the expression of certain emotions. On the other hand, it may be that anger is a secondary emotion that springs from hurt. Or so the experts tell us.

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RE: Emotions: What makes a man male? - 1/14/2008 1:25:16 PM

NorthernGent

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

The question is, do they get angry because they are men, or do they get angry because that is the only socially acceptable way to express a sad emotion?

In my experience, both women and men demonstrate fairly similar levels of anger; anger simply manifests itself in contrasting styles. Some women resort to emotional manipulation when angry; some men resort to violence when angry. I'm yet to meet a person who can deny an emotion such as anger.

Women are not born; women are made is my take on the situation - then again, I place great store in the impact of society's values and conditioning.

Personally, I like to think through my issues and make a rational decision based on balance, and I'm convinced there are plenty of women out there who are no different, i.e. we all can choose to keep a lid on it, whether male or female.

Picking up on Keira's "eliminating being overcome with emotion point", I have a different take on it: human beings are emotional, and as such, attempting to deny such human behaviour is like fighting a losing battle, and that comes from someone pretty much on a level - never down, rarely up - but I can't deny I have a range of emotions, from empathy to sympathy etc. To illustrate, I defy anyone to watch an animal or a child being abused and not be overcome with emotion.

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RE: Emotions: What makes a man male? - 1/14/2008 1:41:20 PM

cyberdude611

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It's a physiological difference. Brains in men and women are not wired the same.

Scientists have found a certain number of neurons link the emotions of fear and aggression differently in men and women in the brain. The male brain is also programmed to respond to external stimuli differently than woman who are programmed to respond more to internal stimuli. In men, the emotions of fear and aggression are more closely linked to the motor neurons and this may explain why men are better fighters and have slightly better reflexes. Men are pre-wired for violence mostly because of self-defense. The cavemen had to face a lot of rivals not just from other animals but other humans.
Women respond more to internal stimuli. The female brain may be able to pick up more about what is going on inside the body and may identify deficiencies quicker. And the reason for that is for child development. The body will try to maintain a perfect environment for the fetus to develop.

The brain is like a computer. And just like your computer, it has a limit in how much information it can process at one time. The brain can obviously do a hell of a lot more at one time than your computer. But it still has a limit. So it needs to devote certain processes to certain areas and over our evolutionary history, the brain has organized or prioritized how to use those resources in a way to respond to the different streeses males and females have faced.

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RE: Emotions: What makes a man male? - 1/14/2008 1:45:38 PM

charmdpetKeira

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quote:

ORIGINAL: NorthernGent
Picking up on Keira's "eliminating being overcome with emotion point", I have a different take on it: human beings are emotional, and as such, attempting to deny such human behaviour is like fighting a losing battle, and that comes from someone pretty much on a level - never down, rarely up - but I can't deny I have a range of emotions, from empathy to sympathy etc. To illustrate, I defy anyone to watch an animal or a child being abused and not be overcome with emotion.

Perhaps further clarification is in order?

I am not trying to eliminate emotions; I feel, acknowledge, and then search for why. In some cases I have found that what I thought I was causing the emotion wasn’t it.

On top of that, I recognize that acting on emotion often worsens the situation. I want the person I am dealing with to focus on my message, not my response to their actions.

k

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Life is tough, that does not mean it isn't fair.

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