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RE: Old fashioned pleasantries - 1/15/2008 9:41:28 PM

laurell3

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Actually it happened to me today at work that I passed a co-worker whom I don't know that well but respect and have worked on a few important projects with. I said Hey Maureen how's it going and kept moving as I was late and clearly she was going somewhere. She said not all that well. I stopped and had to walk down the hall after her to follow her and stop her and ask her (keep in mind I really don't know her) is there anything I can do? Can I cover something for you or help you in any way? Which suprised the hell out of her. She said no, I'm really suprised you even stopped, but thanks it cheers me up a bit.

Not only do I think general pleasantries in overall life are dying out, I think people are often suprised when you extend them now. That having been said, the internet is somewhat of a different story as is exchanging pleasantries with someone that where you don't know their SO or family. In my social circles it would be considered odd to ask after the family if you don't know them and even overreaching.

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Post #: 41

RE: Old fashioned pleasantries - 1/15/2008 10:29:21 PM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
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From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
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quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

Actually it happened to me today at work that I passed a co-worker whom I don't know that well but respect and have worked on a few important projects with. I said Hey Maureen how's it going and kept moving as I was late and clearly she was going somewhere. She said not all that well. I stopped and had to walk down the hall after her to follow her and stop her and ask her (keep in mind I really don't know her) is there anything I can do? Can I cover something for you or help you in any way? Which suprised the hell out of her. She said no, I'm really suprised you even stopped, but thanks it cheers me up a bit.

Not only do I think general pleasantries in overall life are dying out, I think people are often suprised when you extend them now. That having been said, the internet is somewhat of a different story as is exchanging pleasantries with someone that where you don't know their SO or family. In my social circles it would be considered odd to ask after the family if you don't know them and even overreaching.

Yes, actually it is pretty easy sometimes to make the atmosphere nicer and make people smile. A little attention and treating them decent.

About your internet remark, yes..it is different here, many people "hide"here...beeing anonym....asking/telling about family might uncover them.

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Post #: 42

RE: Old fashioned pleasantries - 1/15/2008 10:46:42 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

I would do this with any couple, lifestyle or not. It doesn't have anything to do with kink and everything to do with how I was raised.

Master Fire

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Post #: 43

RE: Old fashioned pleasantries - 1/16/2008 1:23:50 AM

Marsh

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Joined: 12/27/2007
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LaTigress: Your comment, "On the whole we've become a society of rude, selfish people, expecting instant gratification and thinking our time, wants and needs are more important that everyone else's." HOWEVER, just because others behave this way does not mean we all need to. We each have a personal choice regarding our own behaviour. "
I so agree, and measure those I encounter or interact with by the social graces they demonstrate.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 44

RE: Old fashioned pleasantries - 1/16/2008 1:47:58 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
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I always hold the door open for people. And i love how clumsy they act or how supprised they look. They are not used to people that have such habbits any more.

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Post #: 45

RE: Old fashioned pleasantries - 1/18/2008 8:27:35 AM

YesMistressIrish

Posts: 1135
Joined: 5/1/2007
From: Calif
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

I always hold the door open for people. And i love how clumsy they act or how supprised they look. They are not used to people that have such habbits any more.

Justme: It is a wonderful thing to do and I do it for people with strollers, and especially old folks who are the cream of our society and deserve respect.

When people stand and open the door for me I say things like: "Thank you so much. I really appreciate that." And: "Glad to see good manners, Thank you!" etc.

The Ma'am thing used to bother me a little because I wasn't raised with it however for many years I have I really appreciated it and now it has a special meaning for me, of course. It can put me in domme-space in a heartbeat. And that's a good thing....

(in reply to Justme696)

Post #: 46

RE: Old fashioned pleasantries - 1/18/2008 8:45:40 AM

Alumbrado

Posts: 5560
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Old fashioned pleasantries and manners are not dictated by demanding that others participate in anyone's fantasy protocol or power dynamic. They are either freely given, or they are corrupted by being coerced.

When I speak with anyone socially, I treat them as a real human being, and I ask about things in which I have a genuine interest. Their status as sub, switch, or dominant is simply not a factor, unless they have demonstrated the common courtesy of asking me to become involved in those roles before hand. The concept of consent doesn't just extend to whippings.

And the social niceties which I regularly employ are mine alone to decide, and not open to juvenile appeals to peer pressure.

The presumptuousness of claiming that it is required that someone else has to jump though artifical hoops is the epitome of passive aggressive manipulation and petty bullying masquerading as courtesy.

YMMV

< Message edited by Alumbrado -- 1/18/2008 8:48:52 AM >

(in reply to YesMistressIrish)

Post #: 47

RE: Old fashioned pleasantries - 1/18/2008 11:17:52 AM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Dear LadyPact, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I certainly feel that good manners or etiquette are as common place as it was in my youth. I think it carried over into the following generations and in a more hasty world, manners escape some as they are to busy to slow down and give the respectful salutes to one another. And, we only are as good as our practices.

I think manners/etiquette comes from within as well. For me, I do practice the Leather etiquette I was acquainted with and some are older than the people to whom I face. Of course, I have some whips older than some of these individuals [Chuckles]

The greeting protocols as well as other associating protocols do become blurred when there are so many who profess to be non-protocol and or mock those to whom enjoy and or practice formal and or semi-formal protocols in public.

I know I am a relic of the past. However, there has been an unchanged constant with me though. I really care about others. I want to offer my sincere respects as well as admiration for those to whom I exchange greetings, salutes, respects and or other interactions. I can only hope that they feel a bit of my heart in every exchange. I do hope they feel the appreciation I have of them. I hope also, they understand clearly that they matter to me. And, for a brief moment in time, they are the most important person in my world. And, when it is time to part--I pray they felt a piece of me that in summary is a bit of love for them, in a most respectful way.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to LadyPact)

Post #: 48

RE: Old fashioned pleasantries - 1/18/2008 11:40:39 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
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quote:

ORIGINAL: YesMistressIrish

quote:

ORIGINAL: Justme696

I always hold the door open for people. And i love how clumsy they act or how supprised they look. They are not used to people that have such habbits any more.

Justme: It is a wonderful thing to do and I do it for people with strollers, and especially old folks who are the cream of our society and deserve respect.

When people stand and open the door for me I say things like: "Thank you so much. I really appreciate that." And: "Glad to see good manners, Thank you!" etc.

The Ma'am thing used to bother me a little because I wasn't raised with it however for many years I have I really appreciated it and now it has a special meaning for me, of course. It can put me in domme-space in a heartbeat. And that's a good thing....

Haha yes.. I had that with "Thanks, Sir " made me feel old..but now I like it.
I love it also when I was with this special girl..and I hold open the door..hold her chair when we sat down to eat. She was in heaven and supprised a male did that for her.
Small things..big effect

At my work...190 people..I always say Hello to every one I meet. No matter how often I meet them..if they pass..I greet.
First they thought I was stupid (possible lol) but now they get pissed when I forget

< Message edited by Justme696 -- 1/18/2008 11:44:35 AM >

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Post #: 49

RE: Old fashioned pleasantries - 1/18/2008 1:23:43 PM

OldManCoyote

Posts: 6
Joined: 1/17/2008
Status: offline

I try to hold the door for people when I can, and let females enter before Me, and I've started to make it a piont to answer "thank you"s with "you're welcome"s instead of just saying "np" or "no problem." Beyond that I seem to always get little old ladies asking Me to get them things from the back of top shelves at grocery stores, which I always do with a smile and welcome.

-Coyote

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Post #: 50

RE: Old fashioned pleasantries - 1/18/2008 1:26:37 PM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: OldManCoyote

I try to hold the door for people when I can, and let females enter before Me, and I've started to make it a piont to answer "thank you"s with "you're welcome"s instead of just saying "np" or "no problem." Beyond that I seem to always get little old ladies asking Me to get them things from the back of top shelves at grocery stores, which I always do with a smile and welcome.

-Coyote

Yes..I do that too..the last year. Using full sentences..instead of lazy no prob.
Sounds nicer

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Post #: 51

RE: Old fashioned pleasantries - 1/18/2008 3:23:10 PM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Dear Old ManCoyote, Justme696, Ladies and Gentlemen;

Oh you wonderful gentlemen! Being a short person, it seems anything I want to purchase is on the top shelf and out of reach. The grocery stores specificly, do not have those rolling step latters with handles for customers to reach the products of choice.

I cannot express, on a personal note; enough thank you(s) as a height challenged lady; for helping others with the same challenges as I. So, to those who reach where others cannot--Thank you so, so very much! It is so appreciated and never forgotten.

Respectfully submitted,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to OldManCoyote)

Post #: 52

RE: Old fashioned pleasantries - 1/18/2008 4:02:24 PM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

Manners put us a cut above the unwashed vanilla masses. You also have to adapt to the environment and if it is casual, be casual. Half the mark of a cultured person is being flexible enough to fit into different situations. When I am cheering and getting drunk in the stands at a University of Georgia football game you may not think of me as much of a gentleman, but I fit in just fine. Go Dawgs.

< Message edited by ExSteelAgain -- 1/18/2008 4:03:07 PM >

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Post #: 53

RE: Old fashioned pleasantries - 1/20/2008 5:54:23 PM

ImpGrrl

Posts: 575
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ExSteelAgain

Manners put us a cut above the unwashed vanilla masses. You also have to adapt to the environment and if it is casual, be casual. Half the mark of a cultured person is being flexible enough to fit into different situations. When I am cheering and getting drunk in the stands at a University of Georgia football game you may not think of me as much of a gentleman, but I fit in just fine. Go Dawgs.

"They", as a group, are not any more *or* less mannerly than "we", as a group.

It's just silly to think that kinky folk are anything but a cross-section of all other (non-kinky) folk.

(in reply to ExSteelAgain)

Post #: 54

RE: Old fashioned pleasantries - 1/22/2008 1:47:05 PM

Bamslilgirl

Posts: 142
Joined: 12/18/2007
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In my opinion, not doing this is totally rude & disrespectful. And, it's one good way to distinguish REAL Doms/subs from the fakes, and believe me, there are a lot of them!!!! First rule-ALWAYS SHOW RESPECT!!!!!!!!!!!

(in reply to ImpGrrl)

Post #: 55

RE: Old fashioned pleasantries - 1/22/2008 3:28:24 PM

Gwynvyd

Posts: 4949
Status: offline

I personaly like the old fashioned pleasantries... each day when i return to work, I ask my close co- workers how thier night or weekend was, how thier SO and children are doing. anything exciting happen over the weekend, any grand plans? It is a nice way to connect with the people I share many hours of my day with. I do the same with my friends outside of work.
We taught our son from the very begining yes Ma'am and no Ma'am and Sir. Please and Thank you. You hold doors for people, and pull out chairs. You always give a lady, or an elder your seat. Always have a willingness to help others with packages, or what ever they need doing.

Not only by doing these things does it brighten your day because you have done a good deed, but others watch you and some it might make them think they should begin doing the same. I remember riding on a shuttle and my son popped up and gave a lady his seat before I could, and the men around him all looked so sheepish that they had not thought of it or bothered. She was amazed that he was such a little gentleman. I was so proud.

Gwyn

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Post #: 56

RE: Old fashioned pleasantries - 1/22/2008 4:36:54 PM

swtnsparkling

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Shame more kids are not taught manners

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Post #: 57

RE: Old fashioned pleasantries - 1/22/2008 5:47:14 PM

Gwynvyd

Posts: 4949
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quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

Shame more kids are not taught manners

Well it starts with us.. not only as parents.. and aunts/uncles.. what have you...
but also as bystanders.
I have told rude children that they were infact rude, they should be ashamed of themselves, and thier parents should know better then letting them act that way unchecked.

Damn skippy I do.

Gwyn

_____________________________

Self avowed Geek-Girl~
Come for the boobs, stay for the brains.

Be the kinda woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the Devil says "Oh shit, shes awake..."
~ Softandshy's "Shiney"

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 58

RE: Old fashioned pleasantries - 1/23/2008 10:24:24 AM

MasterWilliam55

Posts: 361
Joined: 1/27/2006
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I happy to see hear that so many apreciate good manners. We all have put different nuances on what good manners are...but the intent is the same.
I teach my slave good manners which are approriate for the social setting we're in at the time. Behaviour may be relaxed a bit at a casual munch, or strictly conformal at a High Protocol dinner. Whether we know the people or not, plays a part in our approach. My slave is an extension of myself...she refects who I am and her behaviour tells a lot of people the kind of Dom/Person I am. She knows how to deal with inappropriate approaches from other Dominants without embarrasing them or marginalizing them. I usuisally let my slave work these things out for herself. Most slaves handle this very well on their own.

(in reply to Gwynvyd)

Post #: 59

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