RE: Is this disrespectful?

RE: Is this disrespectful? (Full Version)

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agoodgirl4Daddy -> RE: Is this disrespectful? (1/14/2008 12:44:39 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub Agreed. If I was to write a note to a dominant that we were meeting with, I would think it would fairly obvious that they are allowed to speak with me, particularly if I do this more than once. However, instead of ignoring me completely and responding to my owner only (which I do think is rude and so does he), we would much prefer that they simply speak with Valyraen and say "Your girl keeps writing me. I've always practiced X,Y, and Z. Am I allowed to speak with her?" or simply let us know that they would be more comfortable speaking dominant to dominant. i agree wholeheartedly with AquaticSub's response. communication is so important, and checking things out with the person in question always seems to me to be the way to go.

MissAidan -> RE: Is this disrespectful? (1/14/2008 12:45:55 PM)
I never expect people to know, or adhear to my set of rules, protocols, etc. I simply practice them myself and alter them when dealing with someone who practices differently. It is difficult, however, to alter my own when not knowing that the person or people I am dealing with practice differently. Edited to say that it is incorrect to say that I have flat out ignored all of her emails. I understand where she gets this from though, as all too often I too over-generalize and focus on the negative.

AquaticSub -> RE: Is this disrespectful? (1/14/2008 12:50:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissAidan I never expect people to know, or adhear to my set of rules, protocols, etc. I simply practice them myself and alter them when dealing with someone who practices differently. It is difficult, however, to alter my own when not knowing that the person or people I am dealing with practice differently. Just curious - Is it usual for you to get notes from subs/slaves that you don't think you are supposed to speak with?

Justme696 -> RE: Is this disrespectful? (1/14/2008 12:52:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissAidan I never expect people to know, or adhear to my set of rules, protocols, etc. I simply practice them myself and alter them when dealing with someone who practices differently. It is difficult, however, to alter my own when not knowing that the person or people I am dealing with practice differently. Edited to say that it is incorrect to say that I have flat out ignored all of her emails. I understand where she gets this from though, as all too often I too over-generalize and focus on the negative. None of our business of course...buttttttttt....will you 2 (or more) manage to be together again?

MissAidan -> RE: Is this disrespectful? (1/14/2008 12:54:11 PM)
Not on this site, no, Aquaticsub. As for working things out, I believe things are in the works right now to do so. We shall see.

Justme696 -> RE: Is this disrespectful? (1/14/2008 12:54:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AquaticSub quote: ORIGINAL: MissAidan I never expect people to know, or adhear to my set of rules, protocols, etc. I simply practice them myself and alter them when dealing with someone who practices differently. It is difficult, however, to alter my own when not knowing that the person or people I am dealing with practice differently. Just curious - Is it usual for you to get notes from subs/slaves that you don't think you are supposed to speak with? Do you mean with that question; How can you answer when you think it is not O.K. to answer a sub/slave as Dom(me)? The slave contacting You, means she is allowed and therefor also allowed to be contacted?

Justme696 -> RE: Is this disrespectful? (1/14/2008 12:59:22 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissAidan Not on this site, no, Aquaticsub. As for working things out, I believe things are in the works right now to do so. We shall see. Would be nice if it can be worked out. It seems it was just a misunderstanding

NakedOnMyChain -> RE: Is this disrespectful? (1/14/2008 1:00:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: juliaoceania quote: ORIGINAL: NakedOnMyChain Trite though it sounds, I think that honesty is the best policy. Send her a polite, respectful e-mail and ask her why she doesn't reply to your e-mails when she sends them to your master. Tell her that it hurts your feelings a bit. If she's is being disrespectful or if she has a valid reason, you can go from there, but nothing much can be done until you know her reasoning. I do not know that I would feel comfortable expressing those feelings to someone who flat out ignored all my previous attempts at communication. That's completely understandable. I was simply relating what I would do in that situation.

Prinsexx -> RE: Is this disrespectful? (1/14/2008 1:01:06 PM)
quote: I almost told HM that I did not want to meet them because of two notes that had been disregarded previously. Dear xxblushesxx I experience this when initially contacting other 'pairs': that they take roles and presume a dynamic upon first contact. So I suppose she might have become your Domme already and therefore disregarded responding to you? I always say could we please communicate outside of any 'future' or 'assumed' dynamic please? That usually that gets the others to respond as human beings rather than the role they have assumed they are going to become. As they say, assumption is the mother of all fuck ups....(and how).

Justme696 -> RE: Is this disrespectful? (1/14/2008 1:02:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx quote: I almost told HM that I did not want to meet them because of two notes that had been disregarded previously. Dear xxblushesxx I experience this when initially contacting other 'pairs': that they take roles and presume a dynamic upon first contact. So I suppose she might have become your Domme already and therefore disregarded responding to you? I always say could we please communicate outside of any 'future' or 'assumed' dynamic please? That usually that gets the others to respond as human beings rather than the role they have assumed they are going to become. As they say, assumption is the mother of all fuck ups....(and how). So beeing "friends" first would be a good step?

ottRopesandKnots -> RE: Is this disrespectful? (1/14/2008 1:07:34 PM)
For those of you who took exception to what I wrote earlier, I see a huge distinction between being disrespected and not being given respect. I see a spectrum, where disrespect is one end of the scale, and respect is on the other end of the scale. The situation as described I think falls in the middle. Had the Dom/me attempted to order this slave around I would possibly consider that disrespectful. If the Dom/me in question had openly/publicly chastised the slave in question I would possibly consider that disrespectful. A refusal to answer "thank you" notes? I think that's a stretch. In the context I don't agree with any expectation of the Dom/me unless otherwise discussed. If you adopt the title of Slave, should you really be surprised if you're treated as such?

DaddyStrongWaits -> RE: Is this disrespectful? (1/14/2008 1:07:54 PM)
I agree with you, that all are equals, until something other is negotiated. Personally, as I would be your protector in the situation, I would inform her such is "our" position, and that her lack of correspondence to you has been noticed and neglectful. It makes us resistent to pursue much more than a merely social relationship with her at this point.. but perhaps she will understand and wish to include you in her further communications, and "we" might continue spending time getting to know each other better. Of course, I phrase this hypothetically in my own, while your Master might phrase things differently. My other personal preference, were I to pursue such, would be that correspondences with such shared intentions would be copied to all parties, or sent from an obviously joint account and written by my 'one' and signed by us both. DS

txnights05 -> RE: Is this disrespectful? (1/14/2008 1:10:13 PM)
I think it is extremely rude to simply ignore a correspondence like that. If she felt like it was inappropriate for her to be communicating with you a short note to that effect could have been sent. Since you did send messages to her directly, unless she assumed you were communicating behind your Master's back, a note back from her seems quite appropriate to me. Rude is rude in my book whether in a D/s contest or not.

Justme696 -> RE: Is this disrespectful? (1/14/2008 1:11:39 PM)
I wonder if this situation would have given the same problems outside the "lifestyle" . (no need to answer, thinking out loud )

MistressNoName -> RE: Is this disrespectful? (1/14/2008 1:20:24 PM)
Since he now knows how you feel about it and she is only corresponding with him, he should attempt to clear up the matter with her directly. That is what I would do if I had a sub and was in a similar situation. MNN

daddyncherry -> RE: Is this disrespectful? (1/14/2008 1:46:05 PM)
Wow not necessarily to the two people indicated in the OP...but just in general... When is rudeness ever aceptable? i mean sure people do humilation and that sort of thing but it seems that a few people here think it's okay to just be flat out rude...Lack of manners does not, IMO, show any kind of strength or dominance. If someone, such as a sub, especially one who is NOT yours, is polite enough to thank you for a nice time, and you ignore it, it gives them the upper hand when you show lack of any social grace whatsoever. Maybe i just can't fathom that because manners are very important to me in general and to think that it's just acceptable is beyond my comprehension. Also, when getting involved with a couple, it would seem to me that in order for things to not get "sticky", that a woman should try to make the other woman MORE comfortable with her presence...and this can be accomplished without being less dominant....but to respond only to the male of the couple....that just sounds like a good way to cause issues, hurt feelings and make things turn out not quite so nice...Especially when STARTING out....once you are all comfortable then you will see where things can go.

Justme696 -> RE: Is this disrespectful? (1/14/2008 1:53:28 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: daddyncherry Wow not necessarily to the two people indicated in the OP...but just in general... When is rudeness ever aceptable? i mean sure people do humilation and that sort of thing but it seems that a few people here think it's okay to just be flat out rude...Lack of manners does not, IMO, show any kind of strength or dominance. If someone, such as a sub, especially one who is NOT yours, is polite enough to thank you for a nice time, and you ignore it, it gives them the upper hand when you show lack of any social grace whatsoever. Maybe i just can't fathom that because manners are very important to me in general and to think that it's just acceptable is beyond my comprehension. Also, when getting involved with a couple, it would seem to me that in order for things to not get "sticky", that a woman should try to make the other woman MORE comfortable with her presence...and this can be accomplished without being less dominant....but to respond only to the male of the couple....that just sounds like a good way to cause issues, hurt feelings and make things turn out not quite so nice...Especially when STARTING out....once you are all comfortable then you will see where things can go. thank you..and so true. Nice piece of advise and logic thinking

takenbyjohnr07 -> RE: Is this disrespectful? (1/14/2008 2:15:33 PM)
i agree. as we have all experienced just because a person is an adult it does not mean that they have manners or sense. Was she nice to you in person? Maybe she is not answering because she foesn't care for you, or maybe she was told not to. My opinion would be is that she answers him, because she is interested in him and doesn;t want to offend him. You may be insignificant to her not because you're a slave.but because she's aftr somethging else. Eithger way she is wrong. There is no excuse not to be polite if someone is being polite to you.

daddyncherry -> RE: Is this disrespectful? (1/14/2008 2:38:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07 My opinion would be is that she answers him, because she is interested in him and doesn;t want to offend him. You may be insignificant to her not because you're a slave.but because she's aftr somethging else. Eithger way she is wrong. There is no excuse not to be polite if someone is being polite to you. This possible assumption was exactly what i was meaning when i wrote the part quoted below. i know that i would have a hard time not finding someone like that threatening to my relationship or maybe not even threatening, but as someone with an alterior motive toward my Master. Not saying that that would be the case, but it could be looked at that way soooo easily. quote: ORIGINAL: daddyncherry Also, when getting involved with a couple, it would seem to me that in order for things to not get "sticky", that a woman should try to make the other woman MORE comfortable with her presence...and this can be accomplished without being less dominant....but to respond only to the male of the couple....that just sounds like a good way to cause issues, hurt feelings and make things turn out not quite so nice...Especially when STARTING out....once you are all comfortable then you will see where things can go.

CreativeDominant -> RE: Is this disrespectful? (1/14/2008 2:44:33 PM)
Indeed, it may well be a matter of protocol for her but, as you correctly pointed out, no agreement to submit to her or to treat her as anything other than an equal has yet to come about. Protocol is one of those difficult things that I, personally, like to set aside when first dealing with someone...be they another male dominant, female dominant, switch, submissive, slave. I just try to be courteous and civil and expect the same in return. It's often been said on here that "no response" IS a response and in a case where there has been no meeting and no correspondence and no interaction at all but, a case such as yours is a perfect example of just how many ways that "no response" can be construed. Perhaps something for everyone to keep in mind the next time they decide to "not respond", especially if they have met the person who has sent them a note or who has spent some back and forth time in conversing via notes/phone?

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