RE: Help Help Help

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Kirren -> RE: Help Help Help (1/14/2008 5:35:17 PM)
I gave her what I felt would be the best solution. In all honesty she should have to feel what he was feeling. Does she think that she is above that?

Prinsexx -> RE: Help Help Help (1/14/2008 5:37:34 PM)
~he is really well known there and demanded that I do not show him up.~ So what? ~I promised I wouldnt ~..did you ask what he meant by showing you up? ~but eventually I got so drunk and lost him. I dont remember much more of the evening,~ don't drink like this but if I were young and inexperienced and especially in such a state of not knowing I probably would have done so also... ~He wants me to decide what punishment I should get for my behaviour. ~...why? doesn't he know? ~He is a real sadist and is used to dealing with extreme masochists - which i am not.~....sadists are sadists and prefer to deal with non masochists as it hurts more ~Would it be appropriate to offer him something off my list of hard limits ?~ absolutely not...hard limits are hard limits ~He has given me no deadline for this, but wants an answer sooner rather than later.~then give him an answer next year as opposd to three years time ~To the subs, what would you offer ~..all of the above~ (since I am a masochist) I apologise for my light hearted and usual irreverence but my advice would be to simply find another who made you feel protected and safe right from the beginning and one who enabled you to experience the evening without having to numb yourself with alcohol.

MissMagnolia -> RE: Help Help Help (1/14/2008 5:39:00 PM)
Why are you asking me questions about how she feels kirren? Ask her. By the way, as fascinating as you apparently think you are kirren, I was addressing the post to the forum posters, not just you. And no, it is not OUR job to make her feel any worse than she already does, or make her feel how he felt.. She isn't YOUR sub is she? Is he YOUR Dom?

SirJohnMandevill -> RE: Help Help Help (1/14/2008 5:39:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Kirren I would suggest a public apology, something in the way of going back to said club, dressed scantily, or how ever he would have you dress, as this place and to these people is where the disrespect came into play, and I would also suggest that you would have to beg to even be allowed to do so. I of course, would make you do so kneeling, and bared or as close to it, for all to see, and I would make you debase yourself, as that embarrassment would not even come close to the embarassment that you had caused him in the place of his friends and life style venue. Fact is these people see you as a slut...plainly. You get trashed, you go in and make out with whom ever. This scenario, or variation thereof, seems like a most excellent idea. I'm going to keep it in mind, since my idea of "punishment" also leans toward the physical. I bet for Satine the emotional and mental pain of admitting she disrespected her/a Dominant will be worse than the cane. Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Physical and Emotional Punishments)

Prinsexx -> RE: Help Help Help (1/14/2008 5:44:12 PM)
quote: Sorry, I'm English, I dont know if that makes things worse. Satine. x oh well that explains it all....nobody is beating YOU up more than you are beating up yourself....... life is too short and carrying this amount of guilt around with you is IMPO just far too unhealthy...... PS will somebody just give me an air fare to anywhere, just anywhere out of the UK...I also need to drop a load of baggage......

Kirren -> RE: Help Help Help (1/14/2008 5:44:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia Why are you asking me questions about how she feels kirren? Ask her. By the way, as fascinating as you apparently think you are kirren, I was addressing the post to the forum posters, not just you. And no, it is not OUR job to make her feel any worse than she already does, or make her feel how he felt.. She isn't YOUR sub is she? Is he YOUR Dom? Perhaps I came off as being ....catty, and that wasnt MY intention. But your reply was uncalled for. And indeed catty. But thats okay. I know how some peoples kids can be. So...I was, as you were generalizing that I had offered what I had to say about this. Take it or leave it. Makes no difference to Me... Oh...and I dont think Im -that- "fascinating", Nor did I ever state such. So, really, no need to make this a personal attack. I dont see that she does feel bad. I feel that she wants help making her life easier. She needs to be punished. Im not trying to make her feel bad...Im trying to make her THINK... But think of Me what you will..Im okay with that. ;)

Prinsexx -> RE: Help Help Help (1/14/2008 5:46:59 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirJohnMandevill I bet for Satine the emotional and mental pain of admitting she disrespected her/a Dominant will be worse than the cane. I beg to differ.... emotional and mental pain go together like tea and toast or fish and chips here in the UK.....sorry about the cultural bias...flame me I can take it

Kirren -> RE: Help Help Help (1/14/2008 6:02:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Prinsexx quote: ORIGINAL: SirJohnMandevill I bet for Satine the emotional and mental pain of admitting she disrespected her/a Dominant will be worse than the cane. I beg to differ.... emotional and mental pain go together like tea and toast or fish and chips here in the UK.....sorry about the cultural bias...flame me I can take it LMAO...Thats great...I thought it was just us Catholics.

Kirren -> RE: Help Help Help (1/14/2008 6:03:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SirJohnMandevill quote: ORIGINAL: Kirren I would suggest a public apology, something in the way of going back to said club, dressed scantily, or how ever he would have you dress, as this place and to these people is where the disrespect came into play, and I would also suggest that you would have to beg to even be allowed to do so. I of course, would make you do so kneeling, and bared or as close to it, for all to see, and I would make you debase yourself, as that embarrassment would not even come close to the embarassment that you had caused him in the place of his friends and life style venue. Fact is these people see you as a slut...plainly. You get trashed, you go in and make out with whom ever. This scenario, or variation thereof, seems like a most excellent idea. I'm going to keep it in mind, since my idea of "punishment" also leans toward the physical. I bet for Satine the emotional and mental pain of admitting she disrespected her/a Dominant will be worse than the cane. Les (Purveyor of Fine, Handcrafted Physical and Emotional Punishments) Be careful John, I may start to think Im fascinating...or something. But feel free to use any of My ideas...Thats why I put them here...cause I dont have any one to use them on. My girl is well behaved. LOL.

Padriag -> RE: Help Help Help (1/14/2008 6:16:08 PM)
Here's my thought... just a perspective to ponder. It seems that his intent in having you pick the punishment was to force you to consider your actions more carefully. Or at least that would have been my intent were it me. Assuming that is the case, I would suggest a punishment reflecting that. For example, you are to go to a club on the same night... but not together. For the entire night he will ignore you and have nothing to do with you. You on the other hand must behave as whatever sort of "paragon of virtue" he wishes. In other words, if he wants you sober for the entire night, you remain sober. If he wants you to dress as a slut, you dress as a slut. If he wants you to reject every advance from anyone else, you reject every advance. And so on and so forth. At no point will he intervene or remind you of your obligation, you must carry out his instructions entirely on your own and without his guidance, though he will be watching. At the end of the evening (t at a predetermined time) you may approach him and offer to buy him a drink... if he accepts, you're forgiven and all is well... if he declines, you are to leave gracefully and accept that he's dismissed you.

Kirren -> RE: Help Help Help (1/14/2008 6:37:45 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Padriag Here's my thought... just a perspective to ponder. It seems that his intent in having you pick the punishment was to force you to consider your actions more carefully. Or at least that would have been my intent were it me. Assuming that is the case, I would suggest a punishment reflecting that. For example, you are to go to a club on the same night... but not together. For the entire night he will ignore you and have nothing to do with you. You on the other hand must behave as whatever sort of "paragon of virtue" he wishes. In other words, if he wants you sober for the entire night, you remain sober. If he wants you to dress as a slut, you dress as a slut. If he wants you to reject every advance from anyone else, you reject every advance. And so on and so forth. At no point will he intervene or remind you of your obligation, you must carry out his instructions entirely on your own and without his guidance, though he will be watching. At the end of the evening (t at a predetermined time) you may approach him and offer to buy him a drink... if he accepts, you're forgiven and all is well... if he declines, you are to leave gracefully and accept that he's dismissed you. Good idea as well. I like the way it ends. It has manners and ettiquite. And humiliation in some small way...good elements and suspense...Its nice.

MstrssScarlet -> RE: Help Help Help (1/14/2008 6:39:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia In satine's defence, she is only 22 and obviously pretty new to all this. She may have drunk more than she realised because she was very nervous and come on, let's all be honest, once you ARE pissed, most of us act like complete morons. Sober hindsight's a wonderful thing. It's no use to keep berating her for what she did, she KNOWS she fucked up already. She wants some advice on how to deal with the situation NOW. ps. Yes, I took my calm and happy pills this morning. 2 lots. I'm glad you took your happy pills. Too bad you did it AFTER suggesting she consume the contents of a garbage bin as a punishment. [:'(] I hesitate to take on young submissives because they are usually very new to the lifestyle and aren't always sure how to behave. Public events can be downright overwhelming. Patience, not punishment, is the key. I've had both good subs and bad. Never, ever would I consider leaving one drunk at an event where they didn't know everyone, especially a young girl. This guy is one of those oh-so-typical fanatics who want to appear as some macho dom with the perfect little slave girl walking two paces behind him while kissing his ass. He's an extreme sadist and you're not. He's SO extreme that he leaves marks that last over a month. Hon, unless you suddenly become an extreme masochist, this relationship is going nowhere. As someone else mentioned, doms (good ones anyway) have a way of getting inside your head. They will sometimes use this to set you up for failure, which I feel he did. Don't mourn over this guy. Make your apologies to whoever you feel necessary and start looking for someone more suited to your style. Ok, go ahead and flame. I don't care. This girl is in a bad situation and if she were standing here in my house, I would tell her exactly what I just said. Mistress Scarlet

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Help Help Help (1/14/2008 6:41:15 PM)
She wants to please him and gain his approval to be cool more than she actually wants or is ready to form a solid foundation. And please do NOT make a public apology- not only will you have taken those people's time by acting stupid and drunkenly once, now you'll take more of their time by pretending to be SO important that you HAVE to apologize to them? Ew talk about imposing.

desertdancer -> RE: Help Help Help (1/14/2008 7:34:07 PM)
I'm a little worried. Your original post comes off as desperate to me. Are you really seriously willing to pluck something out of your hard limits just to please this guy? You have hard limits for a reason, being limits that you will not cross...hopefully to safe guard body or emotional wel being. I read this as a new relationship, as you said your not his s type. It worries me that your so willing to take more then you can in the beginnings of a relationship. What happens months down the road, when you've already exausted your hard limits due to more punishments and yet he wants or needs to punish you again? What will you have to offer? WHY would you offer a hard limit? Seems to me that your desire for this to go farther with this guy may cause you to make bad decisions. What will you do when he tells you that your punishment it three whacks with the cane or four or five... I'm actually scared for you. I hope you will slow down and look at your inner reasoning skills, and listen to them.

batshalom -> RE: Help Help Help (1/14/2008 7:48:13 PM)
Going out on a date, getting plastered enough to lose the man you were there with and winding up flirting / touching other men is pretty bad form. It's not unheard of, however. Telling a sub you will give her another chance if she comes up with her own suitable punishment is pretty bad form (unless she's psychic). It's not unheard of. Padriag offered some very gallant and sound advice. Learn from your mistakes, don't repeat them, but also don't beat yourself up (because no matter how much you do, it won't change the past). Oh yeah. As LA said, no public apology. Nothing says dramatic narcissist more than such a thing.

tigerstyle -> RE: Help Help Help (1/14/2008 7:50:30 PM)
Tempest in a teapot.

proudsub -> RE: Help Help Help (1/14/2008 8:01:16 PM)
quote: Also, why did it (assuming here) take him so long to notice you were absent and find you? I'm not really looking for answers here, but perhaps these are questions you should be asking yourself..... I was wondering the same thing, and why wasn't he watching you and limiting your drinks?[:o]

angelslave77 -> RE: Help Help Help (1/14/2008 8:13:12 PM)
Slightly off topic but so what if he left her and she was drinking she is a grown up who did something she was asked not to do(embarassed him), and was getting touchy feely with others. I tell you if my date did that I would hit the road too. Back on track sounds to me like you are completly incompatible I would be moving on if that were me

MstrssScarlet -> RE: Help Help Help (1/14/2008 8:13:38 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: batshalom Going out on a date, getting plastered enough to lose the man you were there with and winding up flirting / touching other men is pretty bad form. It's not unheard of, however. Telling a sub you will give her another chance if she comes up with her own suitable punishment is pretty bad form (unless she's psychic). It's not unheard of. Padriag offered some very gallant and sound advice. Learn from your mistakes, don't repeat them, but also don't beat yourself up (because no matter how much you do, it won't change the past). Oh yeah. As LA said, no public apology. Nothing says dramatic narcissist more than such a thing. I agree with most of your advice. She needs to learn from her mistakes and move on. Padriag did give an interesting solution, but I think it would be wasted on this particular relationship. I happen to disagree with LA. The only wasted apology is one that is not accepted. I've never felt it was a "waste of my time" to have someone apologize to me. At the very worst, it's not accepted and she's embarrassed. Isn't that a form of punishment that doesn't fall within her hard limits??? Mistress Scarlet

daddyncherry -> RE: Help Help Help (1/14/2008 8:20:46 PM)
i think she was totally inappropriate in her behavior, especially after being told to basically not make him look bad. IMO she defintiely deserves a punishment, i love the couple that have been mentioned and think they would be better at illiciting some change than a painful punishment. As for him asking her to pick her own punishment, i think he is getting a bad rap here on that end from some of ya'll. i recall vividly my Mother asking me "What do you think I should do with you? If you were in my shoes how would you punish you?"....OMG it was like the kiss of death.....it made it more humbling if i had to choose it, it also made her see where my head was, how sorry i was for the infraction at hand....This is where he may be coming from...if she chooses something too easy then she really doesn't think she was all that wrong....or she may choose something really harsh and he may see just how sorry she is (if she is). As far as him marking her and it lasting a month that someone mentioned...maybe she marks easily (?) Some people can't take much and they mark for a long time others, such as myself could be put through the ringer and have almost zero to show for it in like 3 days....Something about 2 hits with a cane being as much as she can handle just sounds like someone who hasn't been pushed very much..i mean she doesn't like much pain...BOO HOO....so maybe then physical punishment would be a good thing to add to this. And i'm not just trying to be mean...

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