Do you have fantasies you don't share readily with your subs?

Do you have fantasies you don't share readily with your subs? (Full Version)

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AAkasha -> Do you have fantasies you don't share readily with your subs? (1/14/2008 11:00:50 PM)
I'm wondering how many femdoms have personal, intense fantasies they don't readily share with submissives -- either at all, or at least until there's a very deep level of trust and understanding. Do you think your fantasies might scare them away? Have you ever been slightly insecure because you felt a sub might think you were "weird" or "too kinky?" I was looking at some old journals from when I was starting college (damn, I feel old). I remember having some serious conflicts about revealing some fantasies I had at the time to my then-boyfriend. Looking back, those fantasies were pretty tame (doggie play, for the most part, but really heavy on the objectification, and he was a prideful one, and I thought he'd look at me like I had three heads -- plus, you know how "fragile" young love can be) but I still was filled often with some dread, fear, but nervous excitement at the same time. I've found myself in situations before, even as recently as a few years ago, where my partner KNEW I was thinking/wanting something and for whatever reason I couldn't bring myself to just spit it out, for fear that it would sound odd or come across too -- well, cruel. Not ironically, though, those instances were usually leading into a new level of intensity because the acts were obviously close to the core for me - at least at the time. Akasha

AtlantaMistress -> RE: Do you have fantasies you don't share readily with your subs? (1/14/2008 11:10:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha I'm wondering how many femdoms have personal, intense fantasies they don't readily share with submissives -- either at all, or at least until there's a very deep level of trust and understanding. Do you think your fantasies might scare them away? Have you ever been slightly insecure because you felt a sub might think you were "weird" or "too kinky?" AAkasha, Certainly the majority of fantasies you would only share with a sub that you trust and have a deep level of understanding - but at that point, if he has truly submitted - His pleasure should be all about making me happy and how "weird or kinky" should never be a question. Isn't that the point - that he is there to help me fulfill my fantasies, using him as a tool to do just that, and be happy that I have allowed him the honor of being a part of something to bring me such pleasure?[sm=whip.gif]

literaryfairy -> RE: Do you have fantasies you don't share readily with your subs? (1/14/2008 11:10:38 PM)
I'm still going through my awkward phase, as far as sexuality goes. Hell, I'm awkward period. A lot of my fantasies go unsaid except for in my anonymous, friends only, lock-and-key sex blog. Other than that, despite whatever derangement is going on between my ears, it stays unsaid for the most part. Someday, though. ; )

thetammyjo -> RE: Do you have fantasies you don't share readily with your subs? (1/15/2008 5:07:54 AM)
Learning about me is a process so yes, the degree and level of fantasies or desires I reveal to a trainee is quite different than what I share with a slave of many years. I don't expect a potential to share everything with me upfront. I do demand to know limits, I do need to know desires and needs, and I want to know a few fantasies. The rest will come with time and continued communication.

MamaDomme1 -> RE: Do you have fantasies you don't share readily with your subs? (1/15/2008 6:38:12 AM)
I have deep fantasies that I choose not to share until there is a very deep relationship with my partner. None of those fantasies are tame in any way either. The tame ones, I can share with most. ;) On the same hand, I would never expect my partner to share their deepest ones either without a complete level of trust in the relationship.

pixelslave -> RE: Do you have fantasies you don't share readily with your subs? (1/15/2008 9:43:28 AM)
Akasha, I think it's *very sad* that a Domme can extract a submissive male's deepest fantasies as she drills into his mind and psyche as the trust between them grows, but can't *trust him* on the same level to share hers as well. I've been on the opposite end, where I knew such things existed and my Domme feared I'd reject her if she revealed all of herself to me. I've bumped up against the walls inside her mind that weren't open for her to share with me that I never made it beyond. I wanted to be with all of her, the total woman, and not just the part she wanted to portray; the "strong Domme" in control of everything she needed for others to always see. [&o] I could never reconcile that in my mind as I'd been totally open with her and was ever so thankful that she loved me for being the submissive male that existed at my core; something most vanilla women just aren't capable of understanding or willing to accept. As such, why would I possibly have ever rejected her for being the dominant woman she was; particularly for having "dark fantasies" or other things that go against the grain of normal society similarly to me? [&:] I gave her my complete trust which she never took advantage of. She certainly could have done immense physical or emotional harm to me had she chosen to at the times I was in positions under her total conrol that left me completely vulnerable to her. I hope for the women who are in strong relationships with their subs, ones where trust is firmly established, that they'll take the risk to share more of themselves and step out on that flimsy limb to expose more of themselves. I hope they'll risk sharing their secret desires with their subs; connecting themselves to them on an even deeper level in doing so. I believe there are many rewards waiting for them as a result with so little to risk or lose. [8\|] Dommes expect us subs to open ourselves to them all the time, to examine and learn where our buttons are. Why not take the same risks that we take all the time; reaping similar benefits and gains as well? I often see posts from women on these boards complaining of subs not wanting to see them as *real women* with *real needs* *and desires*, but instead as "posterboard dommes" only here to serve their fantasies. Whether you realize it or not, perhaps some of you unintentionally perpetuate that attitude by not sharing equally of yourselves! [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m23.gif[/image] I hope this adds a different perspective to the discussion from the other side of the coin. For me, this is part of what's been missing in some of my past relationships with Dommes! [&:] - pixel

AAkasha -> RE: Do you have fantasies you don't share readily with your subs? (1/15/2008 9:56:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pixelslave Akasha, I think it's *very sad* that a Domme can extract a submissive male's deepest fantasies as she drills into his mind and psyche as the trust between them grows, but can't *trust him* on the same level to share hers as well. I've been on the opposite end, where I knew such things existed and my Domme feared I'd reject her if she revealed all of herself to me. I've bumped up against the walls inside her mind that weren't open for her to share with me that I never made it beyond. I wanted to be with all of her, the total woman, and not just the part she wanted to portray; the "strong Domme" in control of everything she needed for others to always see. [&o] I could never reconcile that in my mind as I'd been totally open with her and was ever so thankful that she loved me for being the submissive male that existed at my core; something most vanilla women just aren't capable of understanding or willing to accept. As such, why would I possibly have ever rejected her for being the dominant woman she was; particularly for having "dark fantasies" or other things that go against the grain of normal society similarly to me? [&:] I gave her my complete trust which she never took advantage of. She certainly could have done immense physical or emotional harm to me had she chosen to at the times I was in positions under her total conrol that left me completely vulnerable to her. I hope for the women who are in strong relationships with their subs, ones where trust is firmly established, that they'll take the risk to share more of themselves and step out on that flimsy limb to expose more of themselves. I hope they'll risk sharing their secret desires with their subs; connecting themselves to them on an even deeper level in doing so. I believe there are many rewards waiting for them as a result with so little to risk or lose. [8\|] Dommes expect us subs to open ourselves to them all the time, to examine and learn where our buttons are. Why not take the same risks that we take all the time; reaping similar benefits and gains as well? I often see posts from women on these boards complaining of subs not wanting to see them as *real women* with *real needs* *and desires, but instead as "posterboard dommes" only here to serve their fantasies. Whether you realize it or not, perhaps some of you unintentionally perpetuate that attitude by not sharing equally of yourselves! [image]http://www.collarchat.com/micons/m23.gif[/image] I hope this adds a different perspective to the discussion from the other side of the coin. For me, this is part of what's been missing in some of my past relationships with Dommes! [&:] - pixel That's a really interesting perspective. I think a lot of my position on this has to do with my own psychological relationship with my deepest, darkest fantasies. I don't want to just reveal them all up front anyway; what's the point in that? I prefer a relationship to move in stages, from sensual to sexual to outright nasty, and by putting it all on the table on the first date it's sort of like wasting the climax. Also, I know my fantasies and fetishes, the really deep ones, are kind of complicated. Revealing them at the wrong time can confuse someone. I have to feel that they really understand me on a level that it will make sense, it will fall into place. Some of my fantasies are so obscure that if I told someone early on in a relationship, he'd surely look at me like I had three heads. Why would I want to put both of us in that situation of awkwardness. I'm a sadist, and sometimes that comes in conflict with my compassion. Sometimes it's difficult to own up to the cruel things I want to do to someone I adore. That doesn't make me selfish, that makes me human. To say that femdoms should just own up to everything they desire (because they want submissives to do the same) is to deny them the ability to have some sense of vulnerability themselves. When I am getting more and more attracted to someone on an emotional level, my conflicts increase at times, depending on my mood. When a submisisve just anxiously, impatiently indicates I should just share my darkest fantasies because he shared his, I think that demonstrates a lack of compassion on his part. I'm sure submissives sometimes keep a few things close to the vest until the appropriate time. I am perfectly happy to go there at the appropriate time. But to do so too soon would be a disservice to my submissives and to myself. It also would deny both of us the most passionate and emotionally intimate moments in power exchange. It's funny, as I read your post again, you're really saying the same thing anyway. Sure, I share my darkest* fantasies with a sub, but not until I am comfortable with him and we're at the appropriate stage in our relationship. Of course, it makes my head spin when a submissive figures out my darkest desires before I start to share them -- wow, then I'm really in an amazing place. But I don't expect all subs to be mindreaders. Just the best ones :) Akasha

vampiresscammy -> RE: Do you have fantasies you don't share readily with your subs? (1/15/2008 10:05:34 AM)
my sub has only ever enticed my fantasies to new heights and shown his full arousel at said 'oddity' so after the first came out it was like a little river growing to a vast and furious stream of desires, it just keeps feeding itself, my sub IS my dark side, he qualls and nourishes all that lies in shadow

pixelslave -> RE: Do you have fantasies you don't share readily with your subs? (1/15/2008 10:06:52 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha I am perfectly happy to go there at the appropriate time. But to do so too soon would be a disservice to my submissives and to myself. It also would deny both of us the most passionate and emotionally intimate moments in power exchange. It's funny, as I read your post again, you're really saying the same thing anyway. Sure, I share my darkest fantasies with a sub, but not until I am comfortable with him and we're at the appropriate stage in our relationship. Of course, it makes my head spin when a submissive figures out my darkest desires before I start to share them -- wow, then I'm really in an amazing place. But I don't expect all subs to be mindreaders. Just the best ones :) Akasha Exactly Akasha! Giving my complete submission to a woman is a process as we both get to know each other better over time and begin to establish our dynamic. It's not something for me that can happen overnight. [&:] I believe we are indeed both on the same page! [:D] - pixel

GrizzlyBear -> RE: Do you have fantasies you don't share readily with your subs? (1/15/2008 10:25:47 AM)
Yes I have fantasies that I don't necessarily share with subs. Not all of my fantasies are important enough to be make or break issues for an otherwise valuable relationship, and some of them are likely to rub up against a novice sub's hard limits. The kinks that are really important to me are no longer just fantasies. They get mentioned right away. With enough trust over a longer period, more and more can be shared. Every last dark detail? Probably not. Some fantasies are destined to remain fantasies.

matt4u -> RE: Do you have fantasies you don't share readily with your subs? (1/16/2008 10:49:43 PM)
Can I reverse this and say I have some wild fantasies I wouldnt share with a domme.

LadyPact -> RE: Do you have fantasies you don't share readily with your subs? (1/17/2008 6:14:30 AM)
This is a good thread. One that made Me sit back and think over the OP and some of the responses. I have to say that this is something that works over time, not over night. I started with My current sub about six months ago, and I can promise you that I have fantasies that he isn't aware of. I'm very sure the same is true in reverse. These things take a certain path of progression. I'm not the type to meet someone and then, BOOM, everything's laid out on the table. Trust takes a while to build. It isn't something that's just given. My husband of six years has a pretty good idea of all of what goes on in My head, but it took him a while, too.

aidan -> RE: Do you have fantasies you don't share readily with your subs? (1/17/2008 8:45:28 AM)
I don't think that it's unreasonable. Most Dommes I know realize that it'll take a while to get into their sub's head. It only makes sense that a Domme would be somewhat guarded as well. In fact, I'd be worried if somebody just poured themselves out without enough time together. Lord knows I have some secret fantasies and desires I don't share, because...well, I'm afraid of what people might think. And they're complicated, with a lot subtly to them. Dommes are humans too, and it's not hard to imagine another human feeling the same way. Everyone's entitled to their privacy.

AFlyInYourWeb -> RE: Do you have fantasies you don't share readily with your subs? (1/17/2008 10:00:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact These things take a certain path of progression. I'm not the type to meet someone and then, BOOM, everything's laid out on the table. Trust takes a while to build. It isn't something that's just given. I agree, and even see the progression as a good thing. It creates a sort of mental and emotional strip-tease over time that can help maintain mutual interest.

pixelslave -> RE: Do you have fantasies you don't share readily with your subs? (1/17/2008 12:45:53 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AFlyInYourWeb quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact These things take a certain path of progression. I'm not the type to meet someone and then, BOOM, everything's laid out on the table. Trust takes a while to build. It isn't something that's just given. I agree, and even see the progression as a good thing. It creates a sort of mental and emotional strip-tease over time that can help maintain mutual interest. Well said Fly! Getting to know one another is akin to dancing with a new partner where there's a mutual interest in getting your rthym moving as one and your steps fully in sync. The longer you dance together, the better you get at it, and the more steps you take together to the music that both moves and inspires the two of you. [;)] - pixel

GoddessTeaze -> RE: Do you have fantasies you don't share readily with your subs? (1/19/2008 1:20:36 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: AAkasha I'm wondering how many femdoms have personal, intense fantasies they don't readily share with submissives -- either at all, or at least until there's a very deep level of trust and understanding. Do you think your fantasies might scare them away? Akasha I don't share every fantasy with My sub, what fun would that be? Where is the suprice element? :D No it won't scare the subs away because.. they would be all tied up [sm=evil.gif] Happy weekend You All, GoddezzT`

PanthersMom -> RE: Do you have fantasies you don't share readily with your subs? (1/19/2008 9:14:42 PM)
i'm sure most of us would say we have private fantasies we drag out and think of when we're bored that we wouldn't necessarily want to share. i don't think it's necessary to know everything in my partner's head. we each need a little space, even if it's only in our own minds. PM

LadyPact -> RE: Do you have fantasies you don't share readily with your subs? (1/23/2008 8:23:37 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: pixelslave quote: ORIGINAL: AFlyInYourWeb quote: ORIGINAL: LadyPact These things take a certain path of progression. I'm not the type to meet someone and then, BOOM, everything's laid out on the table. Trust takes a while to build. It isn't something that's just given. I agree, and even see the progression as a good thing. It creates a sort of mental and emotional strip-tease over time that can help maintain mutual interest. Well said Fly! Getting to know one another is akin to dancing with a new partner where there's a mutual interest in getting your rthym moving as one and your steps fully in sync. The longer you dance together, the better you get at it, and the more steps you take together to the music that both moves and inspires the two of you. [;)] - pixel What more can I say? Bingo!

unforegvn -> RE: Do you have fantasies you don't share readily with your subs? (1/25/2008 5:50:57 PM)
I absolutely have fantasies that scare them off, I have learned to keep mine to myself until they present themselves in conversation and only then do I encourage my sub to talk freely about the topic. I have on occasion been out at a first meeting that was going no where fast the subject turns to what my fantasies are - I regurgitate the scene for them drawing them into my web watching their eyes grow bigger by the minute their little heads shaking yes and their eyes screaming ARE YOU crazy.... I usually giggle the entire drive home...

spinntja -> RE: Do you have fantasies you don't share readily with your subs? (1/25/2008 7:51:17 PM)
I have two classes of fantasy I don't share: those that I know are way far away anything that would interest that particular partner and those that I have not yet figured out a way to realize. What would be the point?

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