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Our Master is cheating - 1/15/2008 10:25:20 AM   
subcolumbus


Posts: 9
Joined: 1/10/2008
Status: offline 		We are a gay male couple that have been together for many years. During the summer we met another man who turned out to be our Master. he has not moved in with us, but ALL agreed to a monogamous relationship. I just found out that he is cheating on us..and yes I do have the proof. I don't know what to do I can not tell my partner, he would not know how to deal with this and it would absolutely devastate him. I do Love him, but no longer trust him. any sugestions?
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RE: Our Master is cheating - 1/15/2008 10:29:29 AM   
loveNdevotion


Posts: 20
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		Yes...talk to your Master.  There was an agreement to be monogamous.  If he broke that agreement- it needs to be discussed.  Until you talk to him, and find out why, and what is going on in his head, no advice you get here is going to help all that much.    While I don't advocate keeping this from your partner, until you communicate with the dominant, there is not much to tell...

(in reply to subcolumbus)
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RE: Our Master is cheating - 1/15/2008 10:37:09 AM   
subcolumbus


Posts: 9
Joined: 1/10/2008
Status: offline 		The reason why I am not going to tell my partner is because our Master has been the father figure he never had. And he needs it badly. If I tell him this could do some serious mind issues.

(in reply to loveNdevotion)
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RE: Our Master is cheating - 1/15/2008 10:37:43 AM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline 		You need to sit down with ALL 3 of you get it out on the table and discuss this.  Determine if you want to continue or move on.  There is a trust issue that needs to be addressed.  Without that trust you have nothing.  Restoring the trust is hard work but can be done if everyone is commited to it. 

Mike


(in reply to loveNdevotion)
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RE: Our Master is cheating - 1/15/2008 10:39:33 AM   
SirMIkeSD


Posts: 613
Joined: 3/16/2007
From: San Diego, Ca
Status: offline 		With holding information from your partner on something like this is the same as lying to him.  This effects all of you and he needs to be part of the discussion.

Mike


(in reply to SirMIkeSD)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Our Master is cheating - 1/15/2008 10:40:54 AM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		LnD's advice is right; you need to address this with him.  Master or not, he broke his word.  You'll have to decide if you can get past it or not.

I would suggest that your partner has the right to know.  There's obviously strong issues on both sides; I know the personality of a person who takes infidelity very hard, and that it can do much more damage than good.  Yet, he also has the right to know if he's been exposed to STDs (and, honestly, his word that he was using condoms at this point isn't worth the piss in the bucket.)  I would hope and assume each of you are getting tested regularly; but it'll be 3-6 months before you're out of the woods. 

Some couples (trios, polyfidelitous groups) can get past infidelity.  Others are destroyed by it.  Talking about this is the only way you'll be able to resolve your frustrations, regardless of the outcome.  Yet, make sure you address your feelings for you.  Your other partner (fragile or not) is an adult, and will have to cope with his own issues.  If you're not happy about something, you need to fix it for you.

Stephan


_____________________________

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"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to loveNdevotion)
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RE: Our Master is cheating - 1/15/2008 10:45:37 AM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		It's a nice thought, but if the relationship goes belly up, because he was cheating,  well then they're going to be devistated anyway. You can't protect someone from life. If they're not mentally equipped to deal w/ith life and life's ups and downs I suggest mental help more than anything.

quote:

ORIGINAL: subcolumbus

The reason why I am not going to tell my partner is because our Master has been the father figure he never had. And he needs it badly. If I tell him this could do some serious mind issues.

(in reply to subcolumbus)
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RE: Our Master is cheating - 1/15/2008 10:49:03 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		It may come out that your master cheated and that you knew - then how will your partner feel?
Really, don't over protect him so you smother him and risk that he loses you as well.  Give him the honesty he deserves and be there for him.  Otherwise you take the risk that he loses you as well as your master.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to subcolumbus)
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RE: Our Master is cheating - 1/15/2008 10:54:38 AM   
sweetwenchie


Posts: 1993
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Sacramento, California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subcolumbus

The reason why I am not going to tell my partner is because our Master has been the father figure he never had. And he needs it badly. If I tell him this could do some serious mind issues.


NOT telling him could have serious repercussions as well.  you need to be honest with him, and with your Master as well.  Trust is hard earned, and once lost, can be very difficult to regain.  As others have stated, you really need to sit down all three of you, and get everything out in the open.  It would be bad enough to lose your Master without losing your partner as well.  Perhaps this relationship with your Master can be saved, perhaps not, but witholding information from your partner can only damage the trust he has in you.

_____________________________

"To make oneself an object, to make oneself passive, is a very different thing from being a passive object." - De Beauvoir

"You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist." - Nietzsche

(in reply to subcolumbus)
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RE: Our Master is cheating - 1/15/2008 11:20:57 AM   
SlaveOwnerDave


Posts: 113
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Petaluma, CA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subcolumbus
The reason why I am not going to tell my partner is because our Master has been the father figure he never had. And he needs it badly. If I tell him this could do some serious mind issues.

Greetings subcolumbus,

I understand your partner's situation all too well. But all these fine folks are quite right: You have to tell him.

Yes, I know it will hurt him. It will hurt A LOT!

But lying to him will hurt him much more! He relies on you more than he does on this "Master" who cannot be honest. I make it a point to be honest with everyone.

Of course, I believe everyone else should be honest, too. But especially Owners/Masters/Mistresses! These people's actions affect more than just themselves. They therefore must adhere to the highest standards.

If there is a good health clinic near by you, go in (I said, "Go in"! Do not just call.) and determine whether they have mental heath services. your partner needs to have his "issues" brought out where he can see them.

your partner must know--at all times--that he can trust you. This is more important than I can say in words.

Sincerely,
Master Dave

_____________________________

Intelligence, Logic, and Reason are useful--but only when used!

http://www.experienceproject.com/about/masterdavidgoodmen
http://Master-Dave.LiveJournal.com/
[link]http://people.tribe.net/MasterDave[/

(in reply to subcolumbus)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Our Master is cheating - 1/15/2008 11:30:20 AM   
takenbyjohnr07


Posts: 787
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline 		If you don't tell your partner and he finds out from someone else, and then finds out theat you knew al along. it cold hurt your relationship. i know you love your Master. Is he deserving of your devotion?

If he is cheating, it can be just a matter of time before he finds people he'd rther be with. You might lose both of them. i wish you luck, but most of all i wish you couratge. It is not an easy thing what you are up against.

_____________________________

i am the sole property of Johnr. He is the love of my life and the greatest Owner and i will live to serve and, please him only every day of my life.

(in reply to SirMIkeSD)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Our Master is cheating - 1/15/2008 12:10:54 PM   
GoddessTeaze


Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subcolumbus
I do Love him, but no longer trust him. any sugestions?

you've gotten great advice here from people, so I don't have to add on that point.

I just want to wish you strenght in this difficult situation, and protect yourself and your partner from further harm.

Warm Greetingz

GoddezzT`


_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

(in reply to subcolumbus)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Our Master is cheating - 1/15/2008 4:35:30 PM   
swtnsparkling


Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		cheating-lying = No trust = Goodbye for me

< Message edited by swtnsparkling -- 1/15/2008 4:36:47 PM >

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace
A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please



(in reply to subcolumbus)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Our Master is cheating - 1/15/2008 4:39:45 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		Tell your partner and if it bothers you as much as it seems then dump your master.  Find someone else who has the same priorities and values as you do.  You'll be much happier.

_____________________________



(in reply to subcolumbus)
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RE: Our Master is cheating - 1/15/2008 4:54:24 PM   
MissMagnolia


Posts: 3636
Status: offline 		You've been given wonderful advice. Heartbreaking as it all is, your "master" has broken a very basic rule of your relationship. If only you and he were involved, you may have resolved the problem. However, your long term partner, lover and friend is also involved. And yes, as devastating as he might be to learn of this, he would be much more devastated to think that you knew of this, and chose to hide it from him.

I mean how much of a father figure is this master? Is he really what you consider honourable and worthy of you and your partners devotion and loyalty? And you know what? He's done it once, he may make this a regular thing. Can you keep going through all this subterfuge? This hiding of the truth? Think carefully and think of you and your partner first.

_____________________________

if at first you dont succeed..then skydiving isnt for you

Resident Whip Cracker AND Resident Orbs Of Joy.


(in reply to Aileen1968)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Our Master is cheating - 1/15/2008 6:39:26 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Greetings subcolumbus. Sorry to hear about your Master not being fully truthful with you and yor S/O. Reiterating what the other poster have said. Please be open and honest with your partner above all. As you stated he will be devastated, chances are deep down inside he will appreciate you more for your honesty and will know he is able to lean on you during the healing process.
It may be wiser to bring this issue out in the open with your Master. Trust is one of the cornerstones to a healthy and thriving relationship and it is important to maintain it. I believe the better course of action is to listen to his side of the story and try to avoid being accusative though it'll be tough! If after you honestly feel there is no hope to regain trust then you and you partner may  have to consider walking away from your Master.
As someone pointed out, sometimes trust is able to be regained and other times it is not. Only you, your partner and your Master can determine if the decision is to stay and work through this or if it's best to walk away. I wish you all the best and hope it all works out in the manner which best suits all involved.


_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
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(in reply to subcolumbus)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Our Master is cheating - 1/16/2008 7:28:34 AM   
Rianne


Posts: 49
Joined: 11/30/2007
Status: offline 		I'm so sorry that happened to you, but I also agree with the other's advice to use any courage you can muster and tell your partner.  Being betrayed by one is hard...but by everyone in your family?  That would devestate me and really send me reeling.  You have the chance to prove to him exactly how devoted you are to him by doing this, and it can make your relationship all the stronger for it.

(in reply to beargonewild)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Our Master is cheating - 1/16/2008 3:05:48 PM   
PanthersMom


Posts: 2215
Joined: 11/26/2007
From: Cleveland Ohio
Status: offline 		it might hurt, but not telling him will hurt even more when he finds out you knew.  you and he were a couple before master, if you break that trust he has in you it will be devastating.  trust in that bond you have and tell him.  then the two of you need to talk to master.  do it together.  do it soon.  best of luck.

PM

_____________________________

That which does not kill me, better run pretty damn fast

I miss my ex, but my aim is improving!




(in reply to Rianne)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Our Master is cheating - 1/17/2008 7:05:26 AM   
batshalom


Posts: 1990
Joined: 9/17/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirMIkeSD

With holding information from your partner on something like this is the same as lying to him.  This effects all of you and he needs to be part of the discussion.


Agreed. And not only that, if he needs a father figure, he probably needs one that is trustworthy. Having a daddy is fine and dandy but his actions do not match the title.

(in reply to SirMIkeSD)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Our Master is cheating - 1/17/2008 4:27:08 PM   
SalomeMorte


Posts: 4
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline 		This sounds like a rough situation and is with great pain that I recommend you listen to the other posters. Any Dominant has a responsibility when they take on a sub. This guy had the nerve to take on not one but two! His whole attitude seems questionable and just because someone calls themself a Dom does not mean they have the respectable character to go with it. His actions strike me as selfish and ego-driven. I have had subs/boyfriends who I would inform that they were not allowed to be with others yet I could do what I wish with whomever I choose and they would have to accept it. Subs are people with feelings and needs and have given us the gift of their submission and absolutely deserve to know what the Dom wants and expects. Your Master should have set those terms as soon as he met the person he was cheating with if not sooner.  I have never owned a slave since I have to stop and think, do I really want to be responsible for a major part of this person's life and spiritual and sexual journey and growth as a submissive or even slave? I liken it to having children! So, my children I wish you all the best and that your Master attempts to rectify his behavior and earn his title. You two have a solid foundation of love and compassion toward one another and if I were you I would not jeopardize that!

< Message edited by SalomeMorte -- 1/17/2008 4:29:33 PM >

(in reply to subcolumbus)
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