the training value of a service oriented sub/slave (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion



Message

femdom4u2besub -> the training value of a service oriented sub/slave (8/28/2005 9:55:13 AM)

It is my belief that those of you that read the forums are more prone to be truly interested in the lifestyle, so I wanted to pose these few questions to you all.

1. If you are a Dom/me would you value a service submissive/slave more if they had trained with others or had some professional training for example if you wanted a domestic/chauffer/office manager… slave/sub would it be of value if they had previous experience and or training?
2. If you had someone in mind but they had no formal training would you send them or suggest that they go get formal training? An example may be a cook or a nanny.
3. As Dom/me would you seek formalized training to hone your skills? If the person holding the classes was of reputable character in the community?
4. If you are a submissive/slave would you take it upon yourself to undertake some formalized training even at some financial cost to yourself? Say as an apprentice in a B and B maybe even for room and board?

Of course the duration and the cost would be proportionate to the skills needed. I am not talking about those of you whose main interest is sexual submission but those of you who have a yearning to serve.

It is my observation over the years that fewer and fewer subs/slaves are into service and yet I feel that as this world gets busier and busier that is exactly what we need. Just wanted to hear what all of your thoughts are on the subject.



LadyAngelika -> RE: the training value of a service oriented sub/slave (8/28/2005 10:05:12 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: femdom4u2besub
It is my belief that those of you that read the forums are more prone to be truly interested in the lifestyle, so I wanted to pose these few questions to you all.


It all depends on what you mean by lifestyle. Many people who read the forums don't consider themselves "lifestyle", myself included.

quote:

ORIGINAL: femdom4u2besub
1. If you are a Dom/me would you value a service submissive/slave more if they had trained with others or had some professional training for example if you wanted a domestic/chauffer/office manager… slave/sub would it be of value if they had previous experience and or training?

When I am attracted to someone, I am attracted to the sum of what they are. I think everyone has inherent value. Whether they have a skill is really not important to me. What is important is that they want to keep learning.

quote:

ORIGINAL: femdom4u2besub
2. If you had someone in mind but they had no formal training would you send them or suggest that they go get formal training? An example may be a cook or a nanny.

Only if it was something they were interested in doing. As I would with any friend, I would want someone to live out their dreams and aspirations. If that means helping them figure it out, then so be it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: femdom4u2besub
3. As Dom/me would you seek formalized training to hone your skills? If the person holding the classes was of reputable character in the community?

Hone my skills... hmmm... I am naturally dominant. I don't need to hone my dominant skills, they are embedded in my personality. As for the technical stuff for S&M play, I usually read up on it or ask friends. I go to people I can trust.

quote:

ORIGINAL: femdom4u2besub
4. If you are a submissive/slave would you take it upon yourself to undertake some formalized training even at some financial cost to yourself? Say as an apprentice in a B and B maybe even for room and board?

This isn't applicable to me, but I would say that my answer to question #2 applies.

quote:

Of course the duration and the cost would be proportionate to the skills needed. I am not talking about those of you whose main interest is sexual submission but those of you who have a yearning to serve.

And some have both. The lines aren't so black and white. To be honest, I find that most boys that I meet have no formal serving experience but love to cater to my needs in any way they possibly can. I find that genuine effort very endearing.

quote:

ORIGINAL: femdom4u2besub
It is my observation over the years that fewer and fewer subs/slaves are into service and yet I feel that as this world gets busier and busier that is exactly what we need. Just wanted to hear what all of your thoughts are on the subject.

Maybe it's a sign that just simple service isn't enough? Just a thought.

- LA



fastlane -> RE: the training value of a service oriented sub/slave (8/28/2005 10:21:34 AM)

Ma'am, I think that training and practice are essential to any aspect of becoming better, whether it is sports, business or kink.
Some of us have been blessed with natural tools of the trade, while other's must work very hard to please, serve, satisfy, etc...
Still, good gene pool or not, I say practice, practice, practice....to truly hone your skills.

Kevin



lonewolf05 -> RE: the training value of a service oriented sub/slave (8/28/2005 10:39:02 AM)

quote:

4. If you are a submissive/slave would you take it upon yourself to undertake some formalized training even at some financial cost to yourself? Say as an apprentice in a B and B maybe even for room and board?

-------

and do what when i get there? i have been doing domestic janitorial dirty work all my life,,from now doing pool care and i have done the septic tanks to EVERYTHING in the house, painting, drywall, appliances, all that major heavy duty stuff to mere drudgery of making beds, sweeping vac'ing etc.........
i have had professional experience privately and commercially........from lawyers to housewives......

i doubt any b n b is going to teach ME much i don't already know.......including public service since i worked casino restaurants for 5 years in nevada..........

more n likely "I" would be teaching THEM............i doubt there is much anyone is gonna show me what i don't know already.

wolf

p/s AND Ladies' High Tea ------------SERVICE...............






femdom4u2besub -> RE: the training value of a service oriented sub/slave (8/28/2005 11:27:39 AM)

But wolf do you think you are the exception rather then the rule, would be my next question and do you think that all that experience has made you a better slave? That you have experience and some service to offer...? It does in my mind and I was trying to find out if that was a general feeling or just mine? ( And the B and B was only an example)

I dont know if what I think is too outdated. I believe as LA says and service just isnt enough anymore. I dont know. And I know that many if not most are both service and sexually submissive not one or the other But still it seems that it is expected and that is what has me wondering.

Also to reply to LA observations of her natural dominate abilities I again was only talking obout specific skills. For instance I would go to a training faciillity to learn to do some medical proceedures if that was what I was interested in. I would pay to go if it was enough of an interest for me, or complicated rope work, or the safe use of electrical devices. I know some would go to a mentor or friend but would another avenue be to go to someone who trains in this? I dont know thats why I asked. Also just for the record my idea of those interested in the lifestyle is someone who is just that truely interested in it, reads, learns, talks, thinks and has it as a part of their life as opposed to those who come to sites like this for the...hook up only. Again only my opinion. Hope that helps.

And fastlane...my friend. Your view of practice, practice, practice would you say then like sports and jobs and other skills that you are more valubalbe with a formalized training or is it enough to have the will and the desire to excel and practice at the task?



lonewolf05 -> RE: the training value of a service oriented sub/slave (8/28/2005 12:08:00 PM)

value of a service oriented sub/slave - 8/28/2005 1:27:39 PM


femdom4u2besub
Curious





Posts: 28
Joined: 11/5/2004
Status: offline But wolf do you think you are the exception rather then the rule,
*********very well may be. i am normally, the older of the people "I" find here. usually, EVEN ...SOME dommes..like MINE..are YOUNGER and less experienced than i am in life itself.




would be my next question and do you think that all that experience has made you a better slave?

***********define better? SOME dommes prefer a 9 inch dick on a slave vs one that can keep Her from living in a pigsty. and "I" have seen for myself some real 2 legged pigs in my time. some of my temp dommes lived in a house i wouldn't put my dog into.


I dont know if what I think is too outdated. I believe as LA says and service just isnt enough anymore.
******so uh, it's better to find a boy that lays around playing with himself all day and expecting his ass to be beat than one that will keep a domme from being a pig? interesting....i think "I" prefer a clean house over some air brained young punk kid with his hand down his panties...



and that is what has me wondering.

*****"I" see NOTHING to wonder about actually. it's a no brainer.....but then, SOME of these young punk boys don't HAVE any brains either.


wolf





OsideGirl -> RE: the training value of a service oriented sub/slave (8/28/2005 12:34:32 PM)

It goes beyond just service for us. My "deal breaker" question to submissive and slaves that we're talking to as a beta is "What are your goals?" Keep in mind that I don't care if the answer is "I want to learn to crochet" or "I want to travel more" or "I want to lose my gag reflex so I can deep throat".

And I have to say that I'm apalled at the answers. The most frequent asnwers are "I just want to serve" and "I just want to be the best submissive/slave that I can". We asked what that means to them the answer is often "I'd be obedient". Well, news flash, I can get my dog to obey, I want more than that. To me this is a cop out. It's like saying "world peace". It sounds great but if you have no cohesive plan on how to get there, then you're just blowing smoke up my butt.

The best answer I ever got from a sub came from a male sub. He told me that he was taking cooking classes so that his Mistress would not have to cook when she came home from work. He also told me that he wanted to take massage therapy classes so that he could pamper her.

Along the lines of what you're talking about. Here in Southern California there is a group called "Formals Dinners". This is group where the submissives serve the Dominants with etiquette and protocol. It's a very interesting concept.






NakedOnMyChain -> RE: the training value of a service oriented sub/slave (8/28/2005 1:00:08 PM)

As a sub, I think it would be extremely interesting, if nothing else, to seek out professional experience. Being in a monogamous relationship, though, makes it a little harder to find.



LaughingDan -> RE: the training value of a service oriented sub/slave (8/28/2005 1:21:14 PM)

I am wary of 'formal training', it reminds me of all that crap about the way some mythical authority says a BDSM relationship should or should not work.

Every person is different, and every relationship has a unique dynamic. Establishing that can take considerable time and effort and preconceived ideas of right and wrong only hinder it.

So, I prefer a sub with no 'formal training'. I will train them myself.



lonewolf05 -> RE: the training value of a service oriented sub/slave (8/28/2005 1:41:45 PM)

Along the lines of what you're talking about. Here in Southern California there is a group called "Formals Dinners". This is group where the submissives serve the Dominants with etiquette and protocol. It's a very interesting concept.
OsideGirl
========
that is all well n fine and good. BUT!!!!!!!!!!

i hope like hell this ain't another one where it looks like one thing in southern cal and another in northern cal?
i had 'a' experience in southern cal wherein this lil smart mouthed girl sub claimed to be a know it all about High Tea Service and caused some feathers flying in a local club because if you aren't northen cal you are trash.........whew lawdy....she stirred it up good......


wolf
p/s
i wonder if these protocols are any different than what "I" learned in southern cal?




femdom4u2besub -> RE: the training value of a service oriented sub/slave (8/28/2005 1:54:25 PM)

Again let me address my inablilty to articulate what I was trying to say with regards to my reply to LA and now wolf. I agree with LA that now many think that service is just not enough anymore...but I agree with wolf in that there is nothing appealing in someone just expecting to be sexually dominated because thats what he's into. My outdated thinking is that first should be service and not expected sexual submission.

I would like to think that there are more subs out there like the one you describe Bobbi but as you have mentioned there is mostly that expectation of sexual gratification or sexual domination. It is disheartening and I am trying to understand how we got here or better yet how to get out of this trend for those of us that want something more traditional.

Also to NakedOnMyChain I would think that if there was this type of training that non sexual contact would be written into the agreement for those already in service to others and/or in monogamous relationships. If the focus is on learning a skill then that would be why one would be there not to be used in a sexual manner.

Then it would be useful to have people like wolf (I use you as an example because you offered your experience as an example for the discussion) or others that have much experience to pass down their experience. Like apprenticeships and traditions were passed on in prior generations.

I dont know.

Wanted to add in repy to LaughingDan that I am not talking about the dynamics inside the relationship but skills learned and brought to the relationship. Also I know not everyone thinks this way which is why I came here to discuss this...I often learn most by those that dont agree with me and who take the time to explain it so that I get another perspective.




LadyAngelika -> RE: the training value of a service oriented sub/slave (8/28/2005 2:58:54 PM)

quote:

Also to reply to LA observations of her natural dominate abilities I again was only talking obout specific skills.


I understand, to which I responded that I would usually go to a friend or read up about it online. I have paid once to go to a predicament bondage workshop, and yes, it was well worth it. I guess these days, I have enough of my work towards my M.Ed. to keep me busy ;-)

quote:

My outdated thinking is that first should be service and not expected sexual submission.


It's not so much outdated thinking but rather a different way of perceiving WIITWD. I can understand that your desire is to first get someone who is devoted to you for service and then bring the sexual part in. That is fine. See in my case, it's important for me to feel devotion before bringing the sexual part in. I don't call it service because I don't particularly need service. If I want my flat cleaned, then I will pay a proper maid. When I need to get something fixed, I'll call on a knowledgeable friend or a professional. If my boy happens to be handy in that area, then great. If I have a special skill I can help then with, then fantastic. In my last relationship, I spent hours trying to fix his computer. Wasn't I of service to him? See, this is where the whole notion of service becomes blurred to me. This is why I prefer to seek out devotion.

- LA



truesubboy -> RE: the training value of a service oriented sub/slave (8/28/2005 3:39:21 PM)

I'll reply to question number 4, which is the only one that pertains to me as a submissive male. I would be happy to obtain whatever training is necessary. I'm capable of doing a lot of service work, and I do find it appealing to serve in this way and take care of a Mistresses needs, but if training is required then I would do it. It's too bad that so many subs are only interested in the sexual side. Of course that's important, but the whole experience of serving a Dominant Lady is much fuller if it includes other things too.



CitizenCane -> RE: the training value of a service oriented sub/slave (8/28/2005 4:07:06 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

It goes beyond just service for us. My "deal breaker" question to submissive and slaves that we're talking to as a beta is "What are your goals?" Keep in mind that I don't care if the answer is "I want to learn to crochet" or "I want to travel more" or "I want to lose my gag reflex so I can deep throat".

And I have to say that I'm apalled at the answers. The most frequent asnwers are "I just want to serve" and "I just want to be the best submissive/slave that I can". We asked what that means to them the answer is often "I'd be obedient". Well, news flash, I can get my dog to obey, I want more than that. To me this is a cop out. It's like saying "world peace". It sounds great but if you have no cohesive plan on how to get there, then you're just blowing smoke up my butt.

The best answer I ever got from a sub came from a male sub. He told me that he was taking cooking classes so that his Mistress would not have to cook when she came home from work. He also told me that he wanted to take massage therapy classes so that he could pamper her.

Along the lines of what you're talking about. Here in Southern California there is a group called "Formals Dinners". This is group where the submissives serve the Dominants with etiquette and protocol. It's a very interesting concept.






Interesting. I certainly like women with skills, interests, desires, etc, but if someone comes to me and wants to serve- I think I can come up with the plan to make it work. In fact, I tend to think of that as my job.

Cane



mnottertail -> RE: the training value of a service oriented sub/slave (8/28/2005 4:19:18 PM)

Hate to be the asshole here (not really) but training is worth zero, Knowing each other is priceless, I don't want what anyone else wants, and am willing to work it out that way. You can ask just as stupid a question here as you can a training master.

You ain't training, if you seek some other relationship, you are fucking around, just to get off.

Ron



femdom4u2besub -> RE: the training value of a service oriented sub/slave (8/28/2005 4:54:43 PM)

Well mnottertail you can be an asshole here as well as not I dont think anyone cares or is surprized. But your opinion is interesting to me either way.

Knowing each other is priceless when you are talking about the realtionship no question, but knowing each other wont get your clothes pressed properly or your guest served in a way that you might want. That may take some type of training or skill that your submissive isnt currently knowledgeable in.

That is the question that I was trying to get opinions on...how do you find someone who is interested in service not sexual submission exclusively.and is there added value if you have that training.. if that is indeed somehing that some of us want? And the entire tread has nothing to do with this statement ...

"You ain't training, if you seek some other relationship, you are fucking around, just to get off. "

But it is non the less a fairly strong statement even if it is out of content.



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: the training value of a service oriented sub/slave (8/28/2005 5:00:07 PM)

quote:

1. If you are a Dom/me would you value a service submissive/slave more if they had trained with others or had some professional training for example if you wanted a domestic/chauffer/office manager… slave/sub would it be of value if they had previous experience and or training?
To me it only matters that he is service oriented=derrives pleasure from serving period. Formal training is not necessary for me and mine since some formalities I'd rather do without.
Would it be beneficial if he were trained before me? Not necessarily unless his former was a lot like me in terms of wanting someone who takes pride in doing things well, but not so much so every little task becomes an obsession toward perfect execution, as I don't need perfection.
Hope that makes sense to you. M



mnottertail -> RE: the training value of a service oriented sub/slave (8/28/2005 6:21:31 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: femdom4u2besub

but knowing each other wont get your clothes pressed properly or your guest served in a way that you might want. That may take some type of training or skill that your submissive isnt currently knowledgeable in.

"You ain't training, if you seek some other relationship, you are fucking around, just to get off. "

But it is non the less a fairly strong statement even if it is out of content.




I am apt to make strong statement because I have strong feelings. To embellish the thing, and regardless of my loutish and abusive use of the typed word.

Do you know what color my shirts are? What color do I look best in? Many people tell me the picture you see on my profile makes me look like I am in prison. So, say you accept training from say.....one of my Idols, LROD. A unique fellow, indeed. I am probably not wrong in thinking that he is right handed (watch this backfire!) and a little known and of no worth unless you are mine that I am left-handed (Goreans should know what I am talking about), so having done his laundry, and feeding him his beloved liver and onions you have learned what about me? (seeing as I would be the long term relationship) Come to me ans say you have been trained in the Gorean way, or the Old Guard way, or the European house of the fucking mouse. Cool. Pass.

What is my shoe size? Well, LRODS was a 11 DD --

thank you-- dismissed-- your service is no longer required--

I am poor at this net typed sterile tube crap-- I am a fleshpeddler! Look me in the eyes and talk to me and be real with me and live with me......
That's where my opinon lies, that is were life lies. Your training in the serving or shirt washing of another will be old business when you come to me, BAGGAGE!
I mean this post sincerely.

Ron


Ron



truesubboy -> RE: the training value of a service oriented sub/slave (8/28/2005 6:39:17 PM)

Yes. I would get the necessary training to please Mistress in what ever way she saw fit. It's too bad that there are subs that see the BDSM scene as only sexual. When the service aspect is included the experience is much fuller. I really like those opportunities to make Mistress happy and hopefully make her life easier by completing tasks for her.

Sorry, I added this second post becuase the first one wasn't showing up. The message boards are slow to react sometimes



lonewolf05 -> RE: the training value of a service oriented sub/slave (8/28/2005 7:19:32 PM)


quote:


"Schlau, aber nichts wahr" Albert Einstein


i am curious,
sly, but not very.
why do you use this/

thank you

wolf.
ich bin ein deutcher.



Page: [1] 2   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.03125