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ORIGINAL: ourgirl

i want to thank all of you for your responses.  there have been issues in my past, but i never gave it any thought that they would be still hanging around after all of this time with Him.  i know that He thinks i am worth the trouble and is willing to do whatever it takes to help me through this. 

shorty21 and naivetempest
yes, after 3 kids and 30 pounds since We have been together, you do start to feel less than attractive and really not worth the attention.  i hate my body completely.  when He is certain places, well, you know where, instead of enjoying things i am thinking "my God, He is right next to my thighs.  they must look hugs from that angle!" (yeah, i know that's not what i'm supposed to be thinking)  He tells me all the time how beautiful i am and how much He loves my body and not that i want to question His judgement, but ...  

special thanks to Califchick.  the mirroring thing worked wonderfully.  so simple, how did We overlook that for so long.  He gently held my hand and whispered words and descriptions for me to repeat.  it made it so much more a focus on Him and on us and the interaction between us and it felt much better just repeating His words than panicking over my own words.  let's just say there were no, um, issues.  He was constantly telling me how proud He was of me.  afterwards, i cried terribly, but they were tears of joy, of release, not embarrassment.   We talked about why it worked.  We know we have a long way to go and therapy is definitely in the mix, but it was wonderful to have an encouraging sign, finally!  it is possible for me to say those words and not die, who knew??

thank you all so VERY MUCH.

quote:

ORIGINAL: ourgirl

special thanks to Califchick.  the mirroring thing worked wonderfully.  so simple, how did We overlook that for so long.  He gently held my hand and whispered words and descriptions for me to repeat.  it made it so much more a focus on Him and on us and the interaction between us and it felt much better just repeating His words than panicking over my own words.  let's just say there were no, um, issues.  He was constantly telling me how proud He was of me.  afterwards, i cried terribly, but they were tears of joy, of release, not embarrassment.   We talked about why it worked.  We know we have a long way to go and therapy is definitely in the mix, but it was wonderful to have an encouraging sign, finally!  it is possible for me to say those words and not die, who knew??

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ORIGINAL: Justme696

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Just me, the rules here won't allow me to say what I think of this post but suffice it to say that even for you, this is one best deleted and or ignored.

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ORIGINAL: DesFIP

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ORIGINAL: Justme696

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Just me, the rules here won't allow me to say what I think of this post but suffice it to say that even for you, this is one best deleted and or ignored.

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Telling someone that if they were truly submissive they wouldn't still be suffering the effects of early sexual abuse is the height of rudeness. And that's what your post came across as. It's as senseless as telling someone they can't be submissive because they're diabetic and if they were really still in a d/s relationship, they wouldn't have this disease.

Panic attacks are an illness.

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Justme696
Valid point and i understand where you are coming from, but in all other aspects, yes.  and it is not that i do not want to do those things He asks of me, i really do and i beat myself up terribly over it, but i just can't.  if it merely it makes me uncomfortable (which it very much does), then His answer to that would be tough, but it is my physical response that is our concern.  nothing has been able to get me past that.

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ORIGINAL: ourgirl

thank you again everyone. 

charlotte12
it is so interesting that you should mention that, i mean about the mental block.  it didn't seem appropriate to add this at the time of my post, but maybe i should have.  i do not have a problem with orgasm per se and am able to orgasm while orally serving Him with no contact needed (actually surprised the heck out of both of us the first time it happened).  it is because my head is in the right place.  but ... when the focus is on me, i lose that headspace.  it feels backwards.  just like dawn mentioned.  hopefully i will get past that just as she has.  congrats, dawn.