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RE: Can unconditional love exist? - 1/16/2008 1:07:54 PM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline 		i believe in unconditional love, absolutely.  however, i also believe that you can love a person, but be so hurt by their actions that there is no way you can be in their presence.  the christian phrase goes "hate the sin, love the sinner".

i love Daddy, i know he is far from perfect.  but that's ok too.  i dont expect partners to be perfect, neither do i expect them to change for me. 

kitten, thoughtfully

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RE: Can unconditional love exist? - 1/16/2008 1:09:05 PM   
Jeffff


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Status: offline 		what if a persons expectations unrealistic? what if they aren't based on fairy tales but on what is actually possible?

Jeff

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RE: Can unconditional love exist? - 1/16/2008 1:16:13 PM   
verysweet


Posts: 128
Status: offline 		I vote that it's unconditional.  Until such time when that 'one' condition comes along and changes everything.  I don't know how it can be viewed any other way, and I'm quite certain that each of us has limits.  We just may not realize what they are until faced with them.

Edited to add: 
Having said that, I don't dwell on what conditions may arise that would stop me from loving someone.  I liken that to having one foot out the door. 


< Message edited by verysweet -- 1/16/2008 1:56:29 PM >

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RE: Can unconditional love exist? - 1/16/2008 1:17:06 PM   
kubens


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Status: offline 		I believe that love is, in truth, conditional, and that is part of it's beauty, in order to be mutual, love must be condition on the other person returning the love.  That's what makes it so beautiful--to love and be loved in return.  I can't help thinking that sometimes people stay in unhealthy relationships because they have a desire to believe that love is unconditional. 

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RE: Can unconditional love exist? - 1/16/2008 1:17:52 PM   
OmegaG


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

This isn't a question about being a condition of a relationship, but love in itself.
 
Is love or can love be in itself - conditional or unconditional?
And does it make a difference in the BDSM relationship, whether it is conditional or not?
 
I vote that it is never unconditional.  I feel the same about domination and submission as well, but that's another thread.  Just interested in others thoughts.
 
the.dark.

 
Flippantly, I believe in unconditional love until the conditions change.
 
Seriously, I cheated and pulled up an old blog that I wrote.  Short answer, I don't beleive in unconditional love.
 
I don't believe that romantic love is an actual emotion; I believe that it is a conglomeration of other emotions, caring, compassion, enchantment, safety, security, lust, sexual gratification, possibly a desire for children and a need for companionship. Individual needs for each of these other qualifications will be an unique recipe to that person and that is what will define love to them.

I believe that marriages in the past that were based partially on survival had a better success rate because it was in people's best interest to stay together, now that survival can be achieved individually, people need the majority of the conglomeration of emotions to form a bond with a partner. Hence the higher rate of failed marriages in our age.

It's been my observation that people who continuously "fall in love" are people who are marriage minded. I also find it much easier to fall in love when I am receptive to that mind frame then when I am focusing on other things.

Of course, maybe love is that “it” factor that trumps everything else. That uncommunicatable factor that is as hard to elucidate as a woman’s need for a 10th pair of black shoes as none she already owns goes with the new outfit she just bought. Shoes I get.

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RE: Can unconditional love exist? - 1/16/2008 1:19:18 PM   
charlotte12


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quote:

ORIGINAL: TallDarkAndWitty

It can exist...it is rarely. if ever, healthy.

Taggard



I'm not sure it would be the love that would be unhealthy so much as an inability to see beyond it. Couldn't unconditional love and unconditional commitment be different?  I love my sister unconditionally. If she killed someone i wouldn't go to jail for her but i would still love her. Just a thought.

(unless of course they had dna and sent me to prison since we are twins....but that's a whole different story. )

charlotte


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RE: Can unconditional love exist? - 1/16/2008 1:20:28 PM   
camille65


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From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		How can love exist without conditions?Isn't something loved because of what it is, its nature?Therefore the love is dependant upon that thing retaining its nature? I love R because of so many reasons, but all revolve around the basic concept of who he is. The condition of his being. Egads this sounds terribly cynical and not at all like me but it feels right for this moment.

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RE: Can unconditional love exist? - 1/16/2008 1:26:20 PM   
Jeffff


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Status: offline 		ok....and I could respond......how can it be love if conditions are placed upon it? is there no room for growth, change and acceptance? Is my view so narrow that I can not see the big picture?

Jeff

this allows that what originaly attracted you to that person are not so much conditions as facts

< Message edited by Jeffff -- 1/16/2008 1:28:15 PM >

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RE: Can unconditional love exist? - 1/16/2008 1:29:02 PM   
OmegaG


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Jeffff

ok....and I could respond......how can it be love if conditions are placed upon it? is there no room for growth, change and acceptance? Is my view so narrow that I can not see the big picture?

Jeff


When conditions change and people don't, they stop loving each other.  When conditions change and people change with them, love evolves.

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Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
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RE: Can unconditional love exist? - 1/16/2008 1:34:22 PM   
CuriousLord


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Status: offline 		Love's just about always conditional.

I mean, say two people love eachother.  Then one starts raping their partner, beating them, hating them, telling them everything to bring them down.. they have kids, the lover.. abuses them in various ways.. he murders the other's family after raping them..

..how could the victim lover ever maintain that love?

Or, if that victim happens to be the most hardcore masochist ever.. what if the other just smothered them in affection and made sure that they never felt the slightest pain?

By proving there are situations in which no love could survive, we can conclude that unconditional love does not exist.

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RE: Can unconditional love exist? - 1/16/2008 1:37:04 PM   
Justme696


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quote:

ORIGINAL: adoracat

i  however, i also believe that you can love a person, but be so hurt by their actions that there is no way you can be in their presence. 


And I hate that so much.....
I have the problem I really never hate some one I was with, no matter what happened. Pisses me off


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RE: Can unconditional love exist? - 1/16/2008 1:37:17 PM   
Rushemery


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quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

I believe that I have unconditional love for my UMs...meaning I cannot fathom a "condition" that could occur under which I would no longer love them.





I agree with this but not for another adult who didnt come from me, there are always conditions both ways

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RE: Can unconditional love exist? - 1/16/2008 1:38:15 PM   
RumpusParable


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From: NYC now!
Status: offline 		No, I'd have to say it's absolutely conditional.  Humans can do absolutely horrible, terrible things far beyond the minor stuff like cheating or even physical abuse. 

As much as I love my husband, for example, and have been with him through some very rough things if I found out tomorrow that he'd been raping women, then skinning them alive and eating them or some such I'd stop loving him pretty quick.  And some humans do even worse.  Hell, if tomorrow he did that to ME I really do think at some point during it the love would cease pretty cleanly lol.

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RE: Can unconditional love exist? - 1/16/2008 1:47:31 PM   
Jeffff


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quote:

ORIGINAL: RumpusParable 

As much as I love my husband, for example, and have been with him through some very rough things if I found out tomorrow that he'd been raping women, then skinning them alive and eating them or some such I'd stop loving him pretty quick. 


ok.....but what if your child did that? Did John Wayne Gacey's mother stop loving him? this does go round and round and like anything else, when you get to the extreme edges, things can get fuzzy

Jeff

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RE: Can unconditional love exist? - 1/16/2008 1:48:25 PM   
Rushemery


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Status: offline 		I will say I think a persons first real love maybe unconditional but not after it ends

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RE: Can unconditional love exist? - 1/16/2008 1:52:56 PM   
Justme696


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From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rushemery

I will say I think a persons first real love maybe unconditional but not after it ends


mm thought about that....have to agree in my case


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RE: Can unconditional love exist? - 1/16/2008 1:53:22 PM   
SugarMyChurro


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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark
This isn't a question about being a condition of a relationship, but love in itself.


OK, that's a very carefully worded question. My answer is this: love in itself is unconditional. You're shocked, I know...



I don't think that emotional states are necessarily volitional. They just sort of exist of themselves, whether we will them so or not. That said, emotions can be controlled to a large degree and they can also not be acted upon. We are not slaves to our emotions, not at all. Emotions can be locked away and kept locked up. They can also be freely acknowledged but never acted upon.

I think in a healthy personality a balance is struck between emotional states and what one is trying to achieve in one's life. We can't just go around acting upon every emotional whim.


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RE: Can unconditional love exist? - 1/16/2008 2:07:33 PM   
kittinSol


Posts: 16926
Status: offline 		Love doesn't stop because of random causality. It's taken me a while to understand and accept that there are people I thought I loved, when in fact I had a deep affection for them. The proof is, I don't love them after leaving them, because it was never love in the first place.

On the other hand, I have loved, and I have lost; but those I  did love, I will never cease to love, even years later. And that is the true nature of love, to me; the acid test, if you wish. It's unshakable.



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RE: Can unconditional love exist? - 1/16/2008 2:15:45 PM   
LaTigresse


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Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline 		I have to say that my feelings flow along the lines of what Jefffffff and kittinSol have already written.

Those I love unconditionally, I have never stopped loving. I just cannot imagine it.

I may not like them very much, I may not want to be around them, I may not want or be able to be in a relationship with them. It does not mean I stopped loving them.

And hate, is an emotion I just cannot feel for any living being.


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RE: Can unconditional love exist? - 1/16/2008 2:17:52 PM   
kittinSol


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quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

I may not like them very much, I may not want to be around them, I may not want or be able to be in a relationship with them. It does not mean I stopped loving them.



That's precisely it.

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