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A Kissing Question - 1/17/2008 12:25:01 PM   
jssubc


Posts: 46
Joined: 5/29/2006
Status: offline 		While I have responded to posts I have never initiated one, so with a deep breath I’ll spit out a situation that has been troubling me. AAkasha’s question entitled “Limits of Cocksuckers” piqued my curiosity to actually ask a question. Mistress and I have been together for five years now and 24/7 for the last two. We love each other deeply and are happy. Over the last year the nature of our relationship has been evolving. I won’t bore you with details but suffice it to say that Mistresses expectations have been becoming more demanding and some degree of emotional distance has crept in. That is not to say we are moving apart, quite the opposite in fact. It would seem that the “colder” she becomes the more submissive I become, the closer we get. We have weekly “beer and wing” nights where we get a sitter, go out and speak freely of anything and everything. We make time to communicate and take it seriously. My question is this. In these chats, Mistress has remarked that she is finding it more and more inappropriate to kiss me. In her words “it just doesn’t seem right somehow”. I’m referring to lips to lips contact which I relish and Mistress used to. Mistress says that her feelings are just as strong toward me as they ever were, stronger in fact, it’s just the more she sees me as a slave the more uncomfortable it gets. Is this normal? Have others experienced this?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: A Kissing Question - 1/17/2008 12:40:47 PM   
SubmissiveAK


Posts: 94
Joined: 3/5/2007
Status: offline 		Do you want or need to kiss her in your relationship? If so, why?

If she sees you as a slave, you agree to being a slave (and your definition thereof is anything like mine) then it is entirely her choice and all you can do is tell her how you feel.

Look at it this way, maybe with its absense the act of kissing will become all the more intimate and special... so should she ever decide to kiss you it will be... magical. --_^

~submissiveAK~

(in reply to jssubc)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: A Kissing Question - 1/17/2008 12:45:49 PM   
GabrielleSlave


Posts: 616
Joined: 9/20/2007
From: in servitude
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SubmissiveAK

If she sees you as a slave, you agree to being a slave (and your definition thereof is anything like mine) then it is entirely her choice and all you can do is tell her how you feel.



i have to agree with that, but if that happened to me i know i would find it very hard to deal with. 

Gabrielle x

_____________________________

Slave to Master Slayer

~ Host of the Rather Marvelous Greenwich Munch ~

"There is no such thing as liberty. You only change one sort of domination for another. All we can do is to choose our master."
D. H. Lawrence

(in reply to SubmissiveAK)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: A Kissing Question - 1/17/2008 12:53:19 PM   
rubberpet


Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline 		I haven't had this problem before and I don't think I will with Mistress.  She is my owner, first and foremost.  She is also my girlfriend and the woman I love.  There is a romantic and sexual love involved on top of the D/s, so we need both to feel complete in our relationship.  While I like it when She goes colder and deeper in domme mode, I need Her warmth and affection.  The coldness usually brings out more submission in most men, including me, but the warmth is what keeps my heart in things so I can let my submission come out further.  If She turned into strictly an ice princess (as in reduced or eliminated displays of affection), things would not last very long after that because warmth makes things grow, just like in nature.

Some dommes think that showing any romantic love and affection "lessens" their authority over their slave.  In my eyes, a slave in love will crawl across broken glass or lay down his life for his mistress.  No task is inconquerable.  A slave in love, to me, won't ever question her authority.  I feel I fit into that category.  Mistress is a very affectionate woman and that is such a wonderful quality.  Of course, this is just my opinion. 

_____________________________

Collared and devoted property of Mistress Lorelei (vampchick88) as of 3/26/08.

Rubberpet - The Resident Anti-Subby and mysterious shadowy figure known as Voodoo, proud hitman and wiseguy for the Subby Mafia.


(in reply to jssubc)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: A Kissing Question - 1/17/2008 1:00:54 PM   
TheDepravedFlame


Posts: 2
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: rubberpet

I haven't had this problem before and I don't think I will with Mistress.  She is my owner, first and foremost.  She is also my girlfriend and the woman I love.  There is a romantic and sexual love involved on top of the D/s, so we need both to feel complete in our relationship.  While I like it when She goes colder and deeper in domme mode, I need Her warmth and affection.  The coldness usually brings out more submission in most men, including me, but the warmth is what keeps my heart in things so I can let my submission come out further.  If She turned into strictly an ice princess (as in reduced or eliminated displays of affection), things would not last very long after that because warmth makes things grow, just like in nature.

Some dommes think that showing any romantic love and affection "lessens" their authority over their slave.  In my eyes, a slave in love will crawl across broken glass or lay down his life for his mistress.  No task is inconquerable.  A slave in love, to me, won't ever question her authority.  I feel I fit into that category.  Mistress is a very affectionate woman and that is such a wonderful quality.  Of course, this is just my opinion. 


This is how I feel as well.  Though personally, I am more drawn to the warmth of a Mistress.  Like when she orders me to do something, and then shows her affection and warmth once I get past her challenge.  The aftercare in otherwords.

(in reply to rubberpet)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: A Kissing Question - 1/17/2008 1:20:32 PM   
toservez


Posts: 1733
Joined: 9/7/2006
From: All over now in Minnesota
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: GabrielleSlave

quote:

ORIGINAL: SubmissiveAK

If she sees you as a slave, you agree to being a slave (and your definition thereof is anything like mine) then it is entirely her choice and all you can do is tell her how you feel.



i have to agree with that, but if that happened to me i know i would find it very hard to deal with. 

Gabrielle x


I think these two comments together sums up a lot in what is dealt with in a M/s relationship. I would file something like this under those pesky human feelings that cannot be controlled just by agreeing to live a power exchange relationship and in the realm of a frequent topic of how can I do this if I care type thing.

Kissing is an intimate experience for most people. So it is understandably how someone trying to explore a more M/s in their mind might have trouble kissing a slave but also many times a slave on the other side of the equation is having more and more feeling of intimacy and wanting/needing expressions of such feelings.

To me there are really two questions to be addressed. As a slave is your desire/want of kisses too much that it becomes a selfish act on your part. If not then it is something your Mistress has to deal with and overcome. Because as I will guess from the answers you are going to get theoretical “slave just deal with it” and real life experiences “I cannot imagine not having kissing in my life” somehow have to get merged and meet in the middle somewhere.



_____________________________

I am sorry I do not fit Webster's defintion of a slave but thankfully my Master is not Webster.

"Anything that contradicts experience and logic should be abandoned." - H.H. The 14th Dalai Lama

(in reply to GabrielleSlave)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: A Kissing Question - 1/17/2008 1:43:15 PM   
jssubc


Posts: 46
Joined: 5/29/2006
Status: offline 		Mistress considers kissing to be the most intimate of acts and by denying me she is, in effect sending a message that that level of intimacy is not appropriate with a slave. i should point out to everyone we share a lot of intimacy and cuddling and touching. The other other outcome is that of course the less she kisses me the more i want it, it's human nature to want what we cant have.
And yes SubmissiveAK when she does kiss me it is spectacular! *g*

(in reply to SubmissiveAK)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: A Kissing Question - 1/17/2008 1:58:53 PM   
hejira92


Posts: 2272
Joined: 10/27/2005
From: Palm Beach County, Fl
Status: offline 		My previous master did not believe in kissing slaves- he saw it as too participatory and equal, I guess. I missed it on some level, but as it had not been there from the start- it was just within the parameters.
 
My Master loves kissing and would be damned before He would give up any of His preferences for any BDSM "shoulds" or "should nots". He makes the rules.
 
If He decided to stop kissing me, however, it would occasion some very deep discussions on our roles and expectations. I think you need to get to the bottom of it with your Mistress and together filter the needs from the desires.

_____________________________

Property of Cuffkinks

Member:
The Pimpettes
MoGa's IN-Crowd

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(in reply to jssubc)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: A Kissing Question - 1/17/2008 3:14:35 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline 		For me, kissing is an intimate act.  It is one which makes me feel soft and/or warm and/or more emotional and/or ...and here is the surprising one, for many...more dominant towards the submissive.  As the dominant, it does not matter whether I initiate the kiss or she does...she is the one receiving it from me and I am the one controlling it.  It can be a small lip to lip kiss or it can be one in which I roughly force her mouth to open with my tongue and, occasionally, my teeth and then explore her mouth as deeply as I wish.  It can be one in which I grip her face with my thumb on one side and my fingers on the other and hold her face there while I kiss her however I choose.  Or it can be one in which I gently hold her face and kiss her the way I want.  All the ways of kissing are dominant in my D/s relationships...and yet, they can be, and have been, so much more.

As a slave, you have negotiated a certain way of dealing with your Mistress.  If what has been negotiated allows for open communication...and your post indicates that it does, at least weekly...then you should express how you feel to her, while knowing and accepting that it may not be dealt with in the way you wish it to be.  But then, that is the submissive's or slave's lot.  In MOO, a wise dominant is going to listen carefully and keep his/her submissives needs and desires somewhere readily accessible in their mind...but that is my world.

(in reply to hejira92)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: A Kissing Question - 1/17/2008 3:23:55 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

It can be a small lip to lip kiss or it can be one in which I roughly force her mouth to open with my tongue and, occasionally, my teeth and then explore her mouth as deeply as I wish.  It can be one in which I grip her face with my thumb on one side and my fingers on the other and hold her face there while I kiss her however I choose.  Or it can be one in which I gently hold her face and kiss her the way I want. 


Where is a little swooning icon when you need one?

Yeah.... I don't think I could ever give up those.  I cannot imagine that I would be compatible with someone who insisted I give that up. 

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to CreativeDominant)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: A Kissing Question - 1/17/2008 3:32:08 PM   
Daddysredhead


Posts: 23574
Joined: 11/6/2005
From: Northern (yet still part of the South) Virginia
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

It can be a small lip to lip kiss or it can be one in which I roughly force her mouth to open with my tongue and, occasionally, my teeth and then explore her mouth as deeply as I wish.  It can be one in which I grip her face with my thumb on one side and my fingers on the other and hold her face there while I kiss her however I choose.  Or it can be one in which I gently hold her face and kiss her the way I want. 


Where is a little swooning icon when you need one?

Yeah.... I don't think I could ever give up those.  I cannot imagine that I would be compatible with someone who insisted I give that up. 

Cali



~ creeps in behind Cali and nods ~  "What she said..."

_____________________________

Founding Member, Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's

Do not challenge me to a battle of wits & come to fight unarmed.

Are you really that stupid? ~ Bless your heart

13th doughnut


(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: A Kissing Question - 1/17/2008 3:47:06 PM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		Thank you for posting this topic as i have had some obstacles to overcome with this one, and had never really thought of it like this before....also a gf of mine who was in a realtionship with a Dom said that he rarely kissed her as well.

my Master/Daddy does kiss me, just not the way that he used to kiss me...When we were getting to know eachother we were more equals (but moving from the start to M/s) and he would kiss me deeply ALOT.

About a year after being collared i began to notice that he didn't kiss me as much or in the same way as he used to...i even made a remark about it and he told me "Sometimes it isn't about you." and that was it....He has also told me that i would have a year to just be a little Daddy's girl slave (and that yr was just about up)....so now....a year later...this kinda might've helped the puzzle pieces fit together a bit better.

He does however still kiss me.....and sometimes...he does my favorite type of kiss (other than spitting in my mouth)...the type of kiss where he holds my face and/or opens my mouth and runs his tongue all over mine but doesn't allow me to kiss him back at all....it totally makes me weak in the knees...but i only get those kinds of kisses on special occasions..*sigh*


_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to Daddysredhead)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: A Kissing Question - 1/17/2008 4:00:29 PM   
tricia


Posts: 231
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		my Owner kisses me lightly to say goodbye.  Never deeply nor passionately.  i've never questioned  him or asked him why.  If he started out kissing me that way and then stopped -- i may have a hard time with that.  But after 3 years -- it just is.

(in reply to jssubc)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: A Kissing Question - 1/17/2008 4:40:43 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		Well if this is ok with you, then it just is what it is- that's how some dominants feel.  In fact some dominants are actually scaredy cats when it comes to intimacy and use their dominance as a shield to hide behind.

But some really just feel it's not where it's at when they are being actively dominant.  Can't be helped much.

If either of you find this distressful though, my two main pieces of advice are to give it time- comfort and rhythm can bring and take things all the time and sometimes just seeing where it goes will solve the issue.  And to meet other dom/sub couples and watch them interact.  We've all got our own quirks on how to deal and seeing intimacy in other couples without it "dirtying" the pure nature of the relationship can be a good awakening.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to tricia)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: A Kissing Question - 1/17/2008 4:51:00 PM   
Prinsexx


Posts: 4584
Joined: 8/27/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jssubc

While I have responded to posts I have never initiated one, so with a deep breath I’ll spit out a situation that has been troubling me. AAkasha’s question entitled “Limits of Cocksuckers” piqued my curiosity to actually ask a question. Mistress and I have been together for five years now and 24/7 for the last two. We love each other deeply and are happy. Over the last year the nature of our relationship has been evolving. I won’t bore you with details but suffice it to say that Mistresses expectations have been becoming more demanding and some degree of emotional distance has crept in. That is not to say we are moving apart, quite the opposite in fact. It would seem that the “colder” she becomes the more submissive I become, the closer we get. We have weekly “beer and wing” nights where we get a sitter, go out and speak freely of anything and everything. We make time to communicate and take it seriously. My question is this. In these chats, Mistress has remarked that she is finding it more and more inappropriate to kiss me. In her words “it just doesn’t seem right somehow”. I’m referring to lips to lips contact which I relish and Mistress used to. Mistress says that her feelings are just as strong toward me as they ever were, stronger in fact, it’s just the more she sees me as a slave the more uncomfortable it gets. Is this normal? Have others experienced this?

Master P usually witholds kisses unless I have carried out a perticular assignment....I have told him and tell him openly how much I crave His kisses....so I believe he witholds it as a form of control/reward.
I put control/reward together like that necause for me control is my reward and it makes me feel safe.
I have had many many romantic relationships and tired of kisses....become gored by kisses, given kisses to manipulate, and kissed without feeling.
but I have never wanted, craved and desired to be kissed as much as I do now.
I don't crave and desire to be kissed because kisses are entirely missing. Sometimes a kiss is given randomly and it is more intimate meaningful and delicious than anything else we do.

(in reply to jssubc)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: A Kissing Question - 1/17/2008 4:59:34 PM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CreativeDominant

For me, kissing is an intimate act.  It is one which makes me feel soft and/or warm and/or more emotional and/or ...and here is the surprising one, for many...more dominant towards the submissive.  As the dominant, it does not matter whether I initiate the kiss or she does...she is the one receiving it from me and I am the one controlling it.  It can be a small lip to lip kiss or it can be one in which I roughly force her mouth to open with my tongue and, occasionally, my teeth and then explore her mouth as deeply as I wish.  It can be one in which I grip her face with my thumb on one side and my fingers on the other and hold her face there while I kiss her however I choose.  Or it can be one in which I gently hold her face and kiss her the way I want.  All the ways of kissing are dominant in my D/s relationships...and yet, they can be, and have been, so much more.

As a slave, you have negotiated a certain way of dealing with your Mistress.  If what has been negotiated allows for open communication...and your post indicates that it does, at least weekly...then you should express how you feel to her, while knowing and accepting that it may not be dealt with in the way you wish it to be.  But then, that is the submissive's or slave's lot.  In MOO, a wise dominant is going to listen carefully and keep his/her submissives needs and desires somewhere readily accessible in their mind...but that is my world.
 Ohgosh that is exactly how he kisses me. He takes the kiss from me, it is a powerful feeling to be under his mouth. As for the OP I would be confused at the change, for something that had been natural to slowly ebb away would make me question it.

_____________________________


~Love your life! (It is the only one you'll get).




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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: A Kissing Question - 1/17/2008 6:20:16 PM   
Griswold


Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: jssubc

While I have responded to posts I have never initiated one, so with a deep breath I’ll spit out a situation that has been troubling me. AAkasha’s question entitled “Limits of Cocksuckers” piqued my curiosity to actually ask a question. Mistress and I have been together for five years now and 24/7 for the last two. We love each other deeply and are happy. Over the last year the nature of our relationship has been evolving. I won’t bore you with details but suffice it to say that Mistresses expectations have been becoming more demanding and some degree of emotional distance has crept in. That is not to say we are moving apart, quite the opposite in fact. It would seem that the “colder” she becomes the more submissive I become, the closer we get. We have weekly “beer and wing” nights where we get a sitter, go out and speak freely of anything and everything. We make time to communicate and take it seriously. My question is this. In these chats, Mistress has remarked that she is finding it more and more inappropriate to kiss me. In her words “it just doesn’t seem right somehow”. I’m referring to lips to lips contact which I relish and Mistress used to. Mistress says that her feelings are just as strong toward me as they ever were, stronger in fact, it’s just the more she sees me as a slave the more uncomfortable it gets. Is this normal? Have others experienced this?


First of all...use proper sentence structure....(paragraphs would also be nice).

(Allow me):

"While I have responded to posts, I have never initiated one, (and) so, with a deep breath, I’ll spit out a situation that has been troubling me; AAkasha’s question entitled; “Limits of Cocksuckers” piqued my curiosity to actually ask a question.

Mistress and I have been together for five years now, and 24/7 for the last two. We love each other deeply and are happy.

Over the last year the nature of our relationship has been evolving.  I won’t bore you with details but, suffice it to say that Mistress's expectations have become more demanding, and some degree of emotional distance has crept in. That is not to say we are moving apart, quite the opposite.

It would seem that the “colder” she becomes, the more submissive I become, and (yet) the closer we get. We have weekly “beer and wing(s)” nights where we get a sitter, go out and speak freely of anything and everything.

We make time to communicate, and take it seriously.

My question is this;  In these chats, Mistress has remarked that she is finding it more and more inappropriate to kiss me. In her words “it just doesn’t seem right somehow”. I’m referring to "lips to lips" contact, which I relish, and Mistress used to.

Mistress says that her feelings are just as strong toward me as they ever were, indeed, stronger.   

It’s just (that) the more she sees me as a slave, the more uncomfortable it gets.

Is this normal?

Have others experienced this?"

.............

Yes.  Of course.

Clearly I...and anyone reading this, has only your vantage point.

A woman I used to date...an attorney...said; "There are 3 sides to every story....yours, hers...and the truth".

You might easily be telling the truth....but it's you're story.

I'm guessing you are telling the truth...but it's still your story.

Here's what I'm hearing (from your vantage point):

She's already interested in someone else.

She's made that clear.

You have several choices....the most important being (from a fellow sub); get out...she's shopping you.

Get out before you're old news.

You're already page 6...she's "better dealing" you.

(Better deal her first).

< Message edited by Griswold -- 1/17/2008 6:31:35 PM >

(in reply to jssubc)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: A Kissing Question - 1/17/2008 7:12:05 PM   
jssubc


Posts: 46
Joined: 5/29/2006
Status: offline 		Out of curiosity, are you really as pompous as you sound?
Oh and by the way, i'm not your fellow sub.

(in reply to Griswold)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: A Kissing Question - 1/17/2008 7:47:07 PM   
daddyncherry


Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline 		Wow that was just a bit harsh....how can you know what it is that you're spouting as gospel is truth in regard to what he is relaying? i mean seriously, to say that that IS the way things are is very presumptuous of you.

Also, just my own 2cents here, but, i have been with my Master/Daddy for about 3 years, collared for 2 (this month) and he slowly stopped the whole deep kissing thing with me about a year ago....i live with him and care for him and he takes care of me but, if i were to go by your assumption then he would've gotten rid of me atleast 11 months ago...and what do you know? i'm still here.

Just sayin'.


_____________________________

Hugs,
cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
Walking directly through the eye of the hurricane...and through to the other side..without fear....realizing everything will be okay. :)

being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to Griswold)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: A Kissing Question - 1/17/2008 7:59:13 PM   
christine1


Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
Status: offline 		I couldn't go without kissing in a relationship, but that's just me, everyone is different.  I let my partner know at the beginning how important it is to me...it is something I need both physically and mentally.  I wouldn't enter into a relationship with a man where no kissing would be a possibility.  It isn't something I'm willing to give up.

< Message edited by christine1 -- 1/17/2008 8:00:14 PM >

_____________________________

i am woman! er, godzilla! hear me roar!

http://wavcentral.com/cgi-bin/log/log.cgi?id=2856&sound=/sounds/movies/godzilla/roar.mp3


He's the "boom" overwhelming...

He is my Master, my lover, my best friend my everything.

(in reply to daddyncherry)
Profile   Post #: 20
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