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RE: A Kissing Question - 1/17/2008 8:13:23 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: jssubc

Mistress considers kissing to be the most intimate of acts and by denying me she is, in effect sending a message that that level of intimacy is not appropriate with a slave. i should point out to everyone we share a lot of intimacy and cuddling and touching. The other other outcome is that of course the less she kisses me the more i want it, it's human nature to want what we cant have.
And yes SubmissiveAK when she does kiss me it is spectacular! *g*

The question that comes to mind for me is: Is she kissing someone else? If so, does that bother you, or does that arouse you even more, knowing another man is getting what you cannot have?

If the relationship is still providing intimacy in other areas, I would say don't sweat it. It's another form of denial. If the relationship is decreasing in emotional intimacy in all areas, and she's finding it elsewhere, then you need to make sure you are on the same page there.

Akasha

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(in reply to jssubc)

Post #: 21

RE: A Kissing Question - 1/17/2008 8:16:57 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

Makes sense to me....I have been known to say similar things to women with halitosis or that I no longer am really attracted to.

A deep passionate kiss is ten times more intimate than a fuck.

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(in reply to jssubc)

Post #: 22

RE: A Kissing Question - 1/17/2008 8:19:10 PM

daddyncherry

Posts: 656
Joined: 10/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: christine1

I couldn't go without kissing in a relationship, but that's just me, everyone is different. I let my partner know at the beginning how important it is to me...it is something I need both physically and mentally. I wouldn't enter into a relationship with a man where no kissing would be a possibility. It isn't something I'm willing to give up.

i think you meant this for me (as in your bottom right corner)...

He does kiss me, just not in the same way he used to....He kisses my head and he kisses my lips he just doesn't kiss me deeply very often...trust me, it has been VERY VERY hard for me to adjust to...i LOOOOVE deep kissing and i was completely confused when he stopped kissing me in the way he used to.....i posted about that above....

However, when he does kiss me....in "that way" it makes me so weak i almost faint and i am soaked almost instantly...because it is something i rarely get to experience....

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cherry

Walking through life, and fear with a smile on my face.
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being obedient 1day at a time

(in reply to christine1)

Post #: 23

RE: A Kissing Question - 1/17/2008 8:42:00 PM

christine1

Posts: 6155
Joined: 12/15/2007
From: i'm headed to HIM...
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quote:

ORIGINAL: daddyncherry

quote:

ORIGINAL: christine1

I couldn't go without kissing in a relationship, but that's just me, everyone is different. I let my partner know at the beginning how important it is to me...it is something I need both physically and mentally. I wouldn't enter into a relationship with a man where no kissing would be a possibility. It isn't something I'm willing to give up.

i think you meant this for me (as in your bottom right corner)...

He does kiss me, just not in the same way he used to....He kisses my head and he kisses my lips he just doesn't kiss me deeply very often...trust me, it has been VERY VERY hard for me to adjust to...i LOOOOVE deep kissing and i was completely confused when he stopped kissing me in the way he used to.....i posted about that above....

However, when he does kiss me....in "that way" it makes me so weak i almost faint and i am soaked almost instantly...because it is something i rarely get to experience....

hi, and i'm sorry...it was meant in general, not for you...i don't know how to control what the bottom hand corner reads..... and i know how you feel about getting weak from it!

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(in reply to daddyncherry)

Post #: 24

RE: A Kissing Question - 1/17/2008 8:46:55 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

I desire kisses...to my life, kissing is important..to my life it creates within me an intimacy unparalelled..to my life it enriches the relationship..I have been on both sides of the kiss or not to kiss equation..When I was in the not to kiss equation..after a while it created more distance from me, less trust,less feelings..so when I did get a kiss..it did not create to me a WOW factor of appreciating the specialty of receiving the kiss..it created more a resentment of his stinginess, it heightened feelings of undesireability within me.....Tempting

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(in reply to daddyncherry)

Post #: 25

RE: A Kissing Question - 1/18/2008 1:45:33 AM

Cuffkinks

Posts: 1780
Joined: 5/5/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Griswold

First of all...use proper sentence structure....(paragraphs would also be nice).

(Allow me):

"While I have responded to posts, I have never initiated one, (and) so, with a deep breath, I’ll spit out a situation that has been troubling me; AAkasha’s question entitled; “Limits of Cocksuckers” piqued my curiosity to actually ask a question.

Mistress and I have been together for five years now, and 24/7 for the last two. We love each other deeply and are happy.

Over the last year the nature of our relationship has been evolving. I won’t bore you with details but, suffice it to say that Mistress's expectations have become more demanding, and some degree of emotional distance has crept in. That is not to say we are moving apart, quite the opposite.

It would seem that the “colder” she becomes, the more submissive I become, and (yet) the closer we get. We have weekly “beer and wing(s)” nights where we get a sitter, go out and speak freely of anything and everything.

We make time to communicate, and take it seriously.

My question is this; In these chats, Mistress has remarked that she is finding it more and more inappropriate to kiss me. In her words “it just doesn’t seem right somehow”. I’m referring to "lips to lips" contact, which I relish, and Mistress used to.

Mistress says that her feelings are just as strong toward me as they ever were, indeed, stronger.

It’s just (that) the more she sees me as a slave, the more uncomfortable it gets.

Is this normal?

Have others experienced this?"

.............

Yes. Of course.

Clearly I...and anyone reading this, has only your vantage point.

A woman I used to date...an attorney...said; "There are 3 sides to every story....yours, hers...and the truth".

You might easily be telling the truth....but it's you're story.

I'm guessing you are telling the truth...but it's still your story.

Here's what I'm hearing (from your vantage point):

She's already interested in someone else.

She's made that clear.

You have several choices....the most important being (from a fellow sub); get out...she's shopping you.

Get out before you're old news.

You're already page 6...she's "better dealing" you.

(Better deal her first).

W T F ???

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(in reply to Griswold)

Post #: 26

RE: A Kissing Question - 1/18/2008 4:34:26 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

christine kiss kiss. Mmmmm same for the rest of you women. Griswold. Who gives a shit about sentence structure on here. If you want set an example and answer the question in perfect english.

(in reply to christine1)

Post #: 27

RE: A Kissing Question - 1/18/2008 4:35:09 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: christine1

I couldn't go without kissing in a relationship, but that's just me, everyone is different. I let my partner know at the beginning how important it is to me...it is something I need both physically and mentally. I wouldn't enter into a relationship with a man where no kissing would be a possibility. It isn't something I'm willing to give up.

In my last relation the kissing stopped at a certain time. I knew soemthing was wrong, because for me a kiss is the symbol of love and beeing close to eachother. And yes....the relation ended..when the kissing ended.

If there is no kissing, for me it is not a close relation.

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to christine1)

Post #: 28

RE: A Kissing Question - 1/18/2008 4:42:31 AM

Dnomyar

Posts: 7933
Joined: 6/27/2005
Status: offline

Justme you are scaring me. Im not going to kiss you guy.

(in reply to Justme696)

Post #: 29

RE: A Kissing Question - 1/18/2008 4:48:28 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Dnomyar

Justme you are scaring me. Im not going to kiss you guy.

Not ?

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~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to Dnomyar)

Post #: 30

RE: A Kissing Question - 1/18/2008 5:10:10 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

This is Darcy

For myself and the.dark kissing is a very important part of our relationship, and as Domiguy says, a great kiss can be every bit as good as, or even better than, sex itself.

As for the OPs question, I think that the act of kissing, and the degree of intimacy involved is dependant upon the individual dynamic of any particular relationship. the.dark is my submissive, but she is also my girl, my partner, my friend and my lover, and as such I could not conceive of denying either of us the intimacy and deep pleasure that comes from the kisses that we share.

Were she my slave, however, then I would expect to have a much 'colder' relationship with her, truly a Master and Servant dynamic, as opposed to the unique dynamic that we have (I won't even try to dissect it, as each relationship has its own dynamic and cannot always be put into the handy little boxes that we like to use

)

Were my relationship with the.dark to go from that which we have, to that which I describe above, then I would fully expect her to be confused and to worry that things had changed, and not for the better, which is what seems, to me, to have happened in the OPs situation. Had the OPs relationship been on the current basis from day one, then I would suggest that they had bought into this, and that they should accept it. However, to have had that leve of intimacy, and then to have it taken away suggests to me a major change in the dynamic, and while the OPs Mistress (to whom I send regards) is of course entitled to do as she sees fit with her slave, it does seem to me that the OP has now moved into a dynamic that they neither entered into, nor wish to continue with.

The OP states that this new dynamic is making their relationship with Mistress 'closer', but it strikes me that the removal of the intimacy is in fact having the opposite effect on the OP. For me, if the intimacy that is initially shared between people is withdrawn, it begins to die, and more often than not the relationship will follow suit sooner or later.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to Justme696)

Post #: 31

RE: A Kissing Question - 1/18/2008 5:18:38 AM

MaamJay

Posts: 2101
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline

I love to kiss and be kissed. As a Domme, a sub of Mine wouldn't have to worry about My going off kissing ... if I find them kissable in the first place, that's unlikely to change. As a sub, Master and i kiss often. What i have had to adjust to, is not grabbing Him by the luscious long locks and driving the kiss LOL! If i inadvertently do so, i do tell Him it's passion ... not Jay LOL! However, He is a bit claustrophobic and can't really handle someone in His face for prolonged periods. So most of O/our kisses are "little and often" rather than deep and lasting. Just occasionally ... maybe annually LOL ... He grabs me and gives me a long, deep, passionate kiss ... and then, OH! i'm like those other lucky girls, totally moved, breathless, wet and panting! It's awesome! Of course, i think it would still be awesome if the frequency doubled to once every 6 months ;-)

To the OP: It could be a transition phase your Mistress is going through as She searches for a deeper Domme identity. It might be that She will reach a point at which She desires this form of intimacy again and feels confident enough in Her Dommly skin to feel "right" about it again. Then again, She might not. I think your only course of action is to talk about this openly on one of your "open talk" nights. Try not to sound whiny or too wanting, express it more as a way that you are grateful to receive Her beneficence and seek to bring Her pleasure with your devotion. While you are 24/7, perhaps there are times when such intimacy seems misplaced, and others where it is appropriate. Could you open negotiations about parameters and times? For example, during everyday tasks ... no kissing, other than perhaps a formal kiss (cheek, feet, whatever you do) of greeting or farewell. Once the 2 of Y/you are in bed (assuming Y/you sleep together) or are relating sexually, perhaps then more passionate kissing would be OK for Her and you. I'm all for finding a win-win where possible!

Good luck!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]

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Life is a song ... and I love singing it! (By me!)

(in reply to Justme696)

Post #: 32

RE: A Kissing Question - 1/18/2008 5:54:48 AM

Dari

Posts: 192
Joined: 10/8/2007
Status: offline

Personally, if I kiss you lip to lip, there's something romantic going on in almost all cases. If I kiss a sub on the lips, it's because in addition to our BDSM dynamic, I'm also romantically interested. If I stop being romantically interested, then I stop kissing - whether or not that ends the BDSM relationship is up to the two of us when we discuss the nature of our relationship.

(in reply to MaamJay)

Post #: 33

RE: A Kissing Question - 1/18/2008 6:32:43 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

The good thing about kissing is, you can do it everywhere. When you shop, go out..or whatever...just a little symbol of caring and show you belong together.

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to Dari)

Post #: 34

RE: A Kissing Question - 1/18/2008 8:07:58 AM

Griswold

Posts: 2739
Joined: 2/12/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: jssubc

Out of curiosity, are you really as pompous as you sound?

No...it only comes out when my eyes glaze over from trying to read something.

(in reply to jssubc)

Post #: 35

RE: A Kissing Question - 1/18/2008 8:54:32 AM

YesMistressIrish

Posts: 1135
Joined: 5/1/2007
From: Calif
Status: offline

Dari, I agree with what you said.

To the OP: As long as you can talk openly...You'll both work it out somehow.

I think kissing is an art form. When I am in a romantic relationship I could kiss and kiss until I dropped dead at 93!

I also like to give a gentle little lip kiss as a reward when a service sub completes a task or has been a very good sub over a period of hours.
And, if they have halitosis I don't want to go near their mouth, as Dynomar said above. I'll add: Bad teeth or gums. I have to admit I love a good set of clean teeth

and kissable lips.

Yum.... *Kissss*

< Message edited by YesMistressIrish -- 1/18/2008 8:57:07 AM >

(in reply to Dari)

Post #: 36

RE: A Kissing Question - 1/18/2008 9:51:55 AM

meticulousgirl

Posts: 969
Joined: 2/20/2007
Status: offline

it just depends on the structure set up between the two individuals involved.

it's not common in my current but, that doesn't mean that it isn't common in LA's or Gentry's, or anyone elses.

~meticulous~

(in reply to christine1)

Post #: 37

RE: A Kissing Question - 1/18/2008 10:01:55 AM

CMRTyson

Posts: 10
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline

First I agree with several others who say that if your domme or dom does not want to you, share your feeling about it, but you need to accept that decision. However, having said that I must say I don't feel that kissing negates my dominance in any way.
If anything it is just the opposite. When I kiss I feel I am taking something that is mine to enjoy and I believe she feels she is giving something to me that reflects her respect and feeling for me and her place in our relationship. It is the ultimate non-verbal communication. Taking her in my arms and giding her with a fist in her hair one again establishes who we are to each other every time. It is the prelude to all that follows.
Often when I come up for air, I ask "who do you belong to?" and her answer just confirms what we have been saying with our kiss.
To each their own and your misstress has the right to set the rules, but when it comes to no kissing, I have to ask why?

CMRTyson
D/s gives us one place where we can make our own rules.
We break "rules" to be what we are, so ask that we go by your rules.

(in reply to YesMistressIrish)

Post #: 38

RE: A Kissing Question - 1/18/2008 6:05:57 PM

ta2dqt

Posts: 375
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

Ok............ Im A Dom/Mistress/top.......... what ever YOU want to call it........... But I can RARELY kiss anyone............ On the lips............. ESP "just for me and my feelings"........ but.......... for me.......... Unless I kiss someone in the first place...............Like if I pull you toward me and kiss you........ its dom......... but other wise.......... dont like it.............. makes ME "feel" submissive.................... wich reminds me............ Ive NEVER really started a "thread"........ but think i need to.......... how do i find out what "catagory" it goes into and such? And how do i do it??

(yeah........ just feeling a "little like a "helpless"MISTRESS" here................ :S

_____________________________

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(in reply to christine1)

Post #: 39

RE: A Kissing Question - 1/18/2008 6:12:11 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ta2dqt

Ok............ Im A Dom/Mistress/top.......... what ever YOU want to call it........... But I can RARELY kiss anyone............ On the lips............. ESP "just for me and my feelings"........ but.......... for me.......... Unless I kiss someone in the first place...............Like if I pull you toward me and kiss you........ its dom......... but other wise.......... dont like it.............. makes ME "feel" submissive.................... wich reminds me............ Ive NEVER really started a "thread"........ but think i need to.......... how do i find out what "catagory" it goes into and such? And how do i do it??

(yeah........ just feeling a "little like a "helpless"MISTRESS" here................ :S

Not knowing how to start a thread is such a subish thing to admit to.....Come to Domiguy.

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(in reply to ta2dqt)

Post #: 40

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