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RE: Safe Word - 1/17/2008 10:13:52 PM

slavegirljoy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: parttimehotty

Subs/slaves: How far do you have to go before you cry out the safe word?

i've never used safeword. i've never had a need to use safeword.

joy
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RE: Safe Word - 1/17/2008 10:21:21 PM

MistressVnus

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I didn't realize we were name dropping on this thread.
I thought we were discussing safe words and the validity of their use.
I'm in no competition here to convince anyone of anything. Just posting like everyone else.
Is there something in particular you are trying to convey to me other than you have met Jay Wiseman and have been propositioned by gay boys? If so, I missed it. If not, I got it.
In any event, I was serving in the military in the 70's.

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RE: Safe Word - 1/17/2008 10:22:38 PM

girlygurl

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Sir and I have never used a safe word. He'll ask if I'm ok when trying something new, or He's stretching my limits a bit, but for the most part He knows me well enough to know how I'm doing through my body language or facial expressions. Of course, if I were to let out a sound that isn't typical of me, He would inquire also.

I'm not opposed to safe words, it's just something we don't use. I liked the red ball use one had mentioned in this thread.

girly

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RE: Safe Word - 1/17/2008 10:31:45 PM

SubJordanTyler

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressVnus

And you still live? Breathe? Walk this earth?
Was it a good journey to have your limites pushed?
Are you "proud" of your accomplishments?
You definately should be.
Just curious......did you ever feel unsafe? And, if so, why?
And, of not...why?

Yup - still here!! But it was a wonderful journey to have my limits pushed - and I am very proud of what I was able to do. Each time I went a little farther, I felt like I was going somewhere I've never been before. I always wanted to add just a little more weight hanging from my balls - to see how much I could handle.

I always knew the pain would be intense, and I'd be there with tears streaming down my face and my body shaking, but I felt so good inside being able to go just a little farther.

The moment I took a fist in my asshole all the way up to the elbow was one of my best moments, as it was a big goal of mine. I've been stretched very far, and while it's taken a toll on my asshole some, being able to gape like that was great.

I never really felt unsagfe because I trusted the person doing it all to me.

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RE: Safe Word - 1/17/2008 10:31:54 PM

beargonewild

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For many, safe words give them a sense of added security. With my former owner, he never needed nor gave me a safe word to use. Simply because he knew me well enough to know when to stop or when he determined when he wanted to stop. I have had discussions with doms I have played with and a safeword option was available. My current play partners know enough to read my body language and are able to judge if they feel I had enough or to continue.

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RE: Safe Word - 1/17/2008 10:35:00 PM

MistressVnus

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Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
Tears and fisting all in one post.
Are you trying to seduce me? *chuckle*

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RE: Safe Word - 1/17/2008 10:38:43 PM

SubJordanTyler

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressVnus

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!
Tears and fisting all in one post.
Are you trying to seduce me? *chuckle*

*LOL* Well, I've had tears from the fistings too, when my ass was a little more tight than it is now. I'm probably too loose now for that to happen as much as in the past. But I can take a fist now deeper and gape like the Grand Canyon, so I suppose that makes up for the less pain!!

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RE: Safe Word - 1/17/2008 10:45:39 PM

MistressVnus

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You sound like a very "open" personality, to me!! *chuckle*
But, I have to admit, reaching into someone's guts and touching their soul is a very exciting event. At leat for me.
And, if there are tears involved, especially from the "joy" of it all, for both parties concerned, it is even more exciting.
Good thing you didn't "code red" before it all transpired!!! You would have missed the ride!!

< Message edited by MistressVnus -- 1/17/2008 10:46:28 PM >

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RE: Safe Word - 1/18/2008 4:21:26 AM

Justme696

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quote:

ORIGINAL: beargonewild

For many, safe words give them a sense of added security. With my former owner, he never needed nor gave me a safe word to use. Simply because he knew me well enough to know when to stop or when he determined when he wanted to stop. I have had discussions with doms I have played with and a safeword option was available. My current play partners know enough to read my body language and are able to judge if they feel I had enough or to continue.

I always had this rule for myself. If one of us thought about using a safety word, we were not ready to the thing we wanted to do. So we waited...till we were ready.

Perhaps for sessions with a person not beeing your partner...it is not bad to have.

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RE: Safe Word - 1/18/2008 4:45:03 AM

RCdc

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This is Darcy

As the.dark has previously mentioned, we have never used safe words, even from day one. I'm not against them, and if they are mutually agreed to by the parties invovled, and by that I mean that if spoken then the scene will end, and that the word will not be ignored (unless of course that is part of the scene, much like a rape fantasy), then they can be of some use to those whose dynamic welcomes such words.

With the.dark and myself, we did discuss whether to use safe words, particularly on that first occasion, but decided that we were comfortable enough with each other, and thanks to having had a long written and verbal history before we actually met, had a trust in each other that I would instinctively know what was enough, what was too much, and when to ultimately stop. We had discussed hard limits previously, and so knew the parameters of what was acceptable to both of us, but that aside we relied on pure instinct.

During that first encounter, the.dark entered subspace, quite deeply as is her blessing, something that was at the time comepletely new to me, and while initially my mind was racing with thoughts of whether I should stop or not, having not experienced someone entering subspace before, I relied on my instincts. Afterwards, having provided the support and care needed to ease her back to reality, she confirmed that my instincts had been right, and that our instincts in not using a safe word had been right.

However, if I were to theoretically scene with a different partner (I say theoretically because the.dark and I are selfish and have no desire to share each other

), I would suggest that they use a safe word, just in case.

< Message edited by Darcyandthedark -- 1/18/2008 4:48:06 AM >

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RE: Safe Word - 1/18/2008 7:39:09 AM

MistressVnus

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Aakasha....

For what it's worth, after providing my brain with some sleep (I was up waaaaaaaaaaaay too late last night) I have read the recommendation of using safe words for resistance play as well as helping to provide the new player with a sense of secrity and contol of the situation in all the beginner reads. And I think those reads are great for the newbies.
I guess some of the people I have learned from go back before the reads came out and I'm sure it isn't an original idea, more of a common sense one when it comes to resisitance play and beginners that someone finally decided to put into print for the safety benefit of the gernal public who wanted to explore and had not the access of contacts or mentors to guide them along.
Thanks for your input and memory refresher.

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RE: Safe Word - 1/18/2008 10:14:17 AM

SylionBinkx

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My pet and I use the word, "Penguin" as our safe word. He has yet to say it and I have turned his ass purple with a cane because he just kept begging for more. I eventually told him that we needed to stop because his bruises were getting bruises. He knows that if he ever speaks it that I will stop the very moment I hear it. I love my pet and would never want to go further then he is willing to go. Mistress Binkx

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RE: Safe Word - 1/18/2008 3:54:38 PM

GreedyTop

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safeword? "bastard! Ya gotta cut me loose sometime!!"

*grin*

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RE: Safe Word - 1/18/2008 3:58:41 PM

GreedyTop

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seriously.... when I say "enough".. that means what it means. Same for my bottoms. I know that when I'm bottoming it is way beyond difficult for me to remember odd words (red, yellow, bananana, what have you) and I don't expect my bottoms to do more.. "ENOUGH" is what it is.

< Message edited by GreedyTop -- 1/18/2008 3:59:46 PM >

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RE: Safe Word - 1/18/2008 7:16:06 PM

denika

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Safewords are more like a suggestion in our relationship, I gave him my safewords and it's his descion to acknowledge it if I use them. If I use it there better be a really,really good reason behind it, as in I think I'm having a stroke or you've cut an artery, which he would kind of notice any way :) Everyone is going to have a diffrent view of what a safeword means for them. I think they are extremly important if you bottom randomly. Wolf played me to the point I had to call it out on several occasions but it was a lesson for me to learn that I could say them, and he was doing it on purpose, showing me that I could get the words out of my mouth,a s much as I didn't want to and hated doing it, he wouldn't take my collar back or do the things I orginally had ingrained in me that would happen if I safe worded, he needed to know I was capable of it actually spitting the words out if I was pushed far enough and hard enough, It's still his authority when to stop when he feels he should.

Wolf's denika

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RE: Safe Word - 1/18/2008 7:46:02 PM

Bound2One

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Just a thought ... the use of the safeword is in place not because I don't trust my Master, because I do. The reason is with myself, in not knowing my limits yet, in not knowing how much pain I desire to be in, in not knowing whether I'm a masochist (though I'm leaning toward not! lol), in wanting to experience tons of things but not really knowing whether I can handle them. I don't even know what my reactions will be to something, how can my Master know? The more you play with your partner, the more you talk and know one another - I can easily see the safeword going by the wayside. But hell, if I don't know what I can handle, how can he? Sure, I could just easily call out 'hey, stop, this isn't working for me,' but the safeword is how we've chosen to go.

Communication and honesty is what this game is all about, I've read constantly on the boards, and I agree 100%. A safeword, to me, at this point in our relationship and my exploration into my own needs/desires, is simply a method of communicating. Some people need it; others do not.

I'd just hate to have a 'newbie' like myself read these boards and somehow think that if they only trusted more, they wouldn't need a safeword, or if they knew their Dom better, they wouldn't need it ...and wanted to put in the feelings of a novice. Relationships grow, and if a safeword makes the submissive feel safer within that exploration, I see no harm in it. I know there's no one 'twue' way ... but sometimes newbies get stuck thinking there is.

Just my humble opinion as a beginner.

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RE: Safe Word - 1/18/2008 7:50:06 PM

laurell3

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As with all the threads on this topic I believe the use of safewords really depend on who you are, who you are with and how well they know you. I have used them on both sides of the slash. I have also had relationships where I felt no need to have one and/or thought they would be a bit almost offensive in the situation, however, that was always with someone I knew very well and trusted. There is always the possibility that something could happen that was unplanned, unexpected and caused injury that the D type didn't know about, for that reason I would never say safewords are ever unwise.

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RE: Safe Word - 1/18/2008 8:24:02 PM

vagabondduo

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(puts up hand) I use safewords and am fucking proud of it!!! I assume my Dom, who i have lived with for 2 years is not a mind reader. He's human and is not all knowing. He requires me to use safewords so that he knows that we are within safe bounds.

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RE: Safe Word - 1/18/2008 10:55:23 PM

kuuntuli

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We used to have a safe word, and I used it atleast once (a foot cramp) but not anymore. It's enought that I say what's wrong if I really don't feel good. Only I only say that if I get a foot cramp or something. If the pain gets beyond my limits I start to get really afraid and I can't make my self tell it to him then. I close up and just go to a bad place in my mind and start to think all wrong, like that I should tolerate this to please him, when in reality it would please him much more if I was able to tell him I'm not feeling well. We're trying to figure out a way for me to get past this and be able to tell him when the pain is too much. It's a slow process but I'm dure we'll get there some day. But safewords don't work for us there, or any other safe signals. If he doesn't notice something is wrong then we'll just have to deal with it afterwards.

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RE: Safe Word - 1/19/2008 4:29:04 AM

MRandme

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We use the color system. He will often ask me what my color is, to check and see where my head is at... and the answer is 'green' more often than not. This is as useful to Him as 'yellow' and 'red' are for determining how i am taking whatever He is doing. Feedback of any kind is important.

i have a bad tendency to NOT use 'yellow' when i should. The desire to please Him is so strong that will push myself to go just a bit further. We also use a number scale from 1 to 10, rating how aroused i am, how close to orgasm. This also helps Him monitor me, as my numbers will drop if i am too distracted by pain. He enjoys making me stay at high 9 for a long time, so He doesn't want me dropping. *grin* i have never had to use 'red' but He knows i will if i need to, and i know He will stop if i do.

For a lifestyle that chants "communication, communication, communication", an outcry of "Safewords? hell, no!" seems contradictory. It is just another way for Master/Dom and slave/sub to communicate, especially at the beginning of a relationship.

After giving it a bit of thought, i think this communication stays valid after the beginning of a relationship because people's desires, tolerances and limits change over time and even from day to day. What is fine and dandy one day can be way too much on another, depending on the demands of life, amount of sleep the night before, medical conditions, the last time the sub ate, etc. Dominants are people too, capable of missing a grimace or moan, or of misinterpreting what they do hear.

g

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