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Hard limit of D/s outside the scene - 1/18/2008 8:15:21 PM

masomale70

Posts: 12
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline

         My trips to munches have been a disappointing waste of time. Role.  Why is D/s considered the most important part of BDSM? Why isn't the sadist/masochist relationship afforded the same respect? Can't people who like freaky pain games and sex simply be happy partners outside the bedroom?

       Why does it seem like every guy who likes his nipples twisted has to go around behaving like an ass-kissing wimp or a trained attack dog?

       24/7 or any variety TPE is a hard limit for me. How many here go the other way and insist on it? Is such a requirement a good thing for the community?

Post #: 1

RE: Hard limit of D/s outside the scene - 1/18/2008 8:25:26 PM

darchChylde

Posts: 5279
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Warm Springs, GA but i live in San Francisco.
Status: offline

Screw what's good for the community and do what's good for you, you're bound to find someone into exactly that.

_____________________________

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if only to keep me to herself.

I'm a male dominant switch whose experienced as a poly sub to a dominant woman
.
Where the fuck do I post?

Proud Owner and Protector of chyldeschylde.

(in reply to masomale70)

Post #: 2

RE: Hard limit of D/s outside the scene - 1/18/2008 8:39:17 PM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

So - you want the people you call "ass kissing wimps" and "trained attack dogs" to show you a level of respect for your choices on how to participate in BDSM that you are clearly not showing for their choices?

Hmmm.

Common courtesy all around is a reasonable expectation. But you aren't likely to get more than you give.

< Message edited by MsSonnetMarwood -- 1/18/2008 8:41:24 PM >

_____________________________

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Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

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Post #: 3

RE: Hard limit of D/s outside the scene - 1/18/2008 8:51:49 PM

masomale70

Posts: 12
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline

At least I'm not insisting on remaking someone's relationship into my own image of what it has to be within 20 minutes of meeting them.

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

Post #: 4

RE: Hard limit of D/s outside the scene - 1/18/2008 8:52:01 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

I'll skip the negativity, and go for the direct answer.

Not all of My BDSM encounters have to do with the D/s side of things. In other words, yes, there are some people that I just like to beat. I still very much enjoy casual play. Sorry, but that play doesn't involve sex (actual intercourse) for Me. When I'm in a Top/bottom scenerio with someone, it's purely a case of negotiated fun with floggers type of deal.

While I respect the bottoms that I play with, and they are wonderful friends, I can't say they are on the same level as My submissive. I'm more intimate with him than I am with My lovely play partners.

_____________________________

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Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

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(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

Post #: 5

RE: Hard limit of D/s outside the scene - 1/18/2008 8:53:39 PM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: masomale70

        My trips to munches have been a disappointing waste of time. Role.  Why is D/s considered the most important part of BDSM? Why isn't the sadist/masochist relationship afforded the same respect? Can't people who like freaky pain games and sex simply be happy partners outside the bedroom?

      Why does it seem like every guy who likes his nipples twisted has to go around behaving like an ass-kissing wimp or a trained attack dog?

      24/7 or any variety TPE is a hard limit for me. How many here go the other way and insist on it? Is such a requirement a good thing for the community?

Hi "pop"!
Are you looking to see how many people you can show your disdain for or a free thinking, non-judgemental discussion that could prove interesting & informative? Perhaps equally as important, which question did you want a response to first?

Oh, and welcome back to CM, I presume having educated your girlfriend on the risks of the play the two of you are involved in, she hasn't caused your penis to "pop" yet, at least not in a bad way!

- pixel

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to masomale70)

Post #: 6

RE: Hard limit of D/s outside the scene - 1/18/2008 8:54:17 PM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: masomale70

At least I'm not insisting on remaking someone's relationship into my own image of what it has to be within 20 minutes of meeting them.

Excellent choice. You can also smile at them and politely say "Thank you for your concern, but what my partner and I do really works for both of us."

And, of course, you'll also find it in yourself to accept that what THEY do really works for THEM.

< Message edited by MsSonnetMarwood -- 1/18/2008 8:58:15 PM >

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to masomale70)

Post #: 7

RE: Hard limit of D/s outside the scene - 1/18/2008 8:54:48 PM

ShaktiSama

Posts: 1674
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline

Ditto Ms Marwood. Anyone ever notice how the people who log onto these forums to bash munches as a "waste of time" always seem to have a hateful, judgmental, disrespectful attitude toward the people who attend them? Gee, what a mystery it is that they find it difficult to find acceptance, friendship or love in that community. I wonder why?

_____________________________

"Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea."
-- Robert A. Heinlein

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

Post #: 8

RE: Hard limit of D/s outside the scene - 1/18/2008 8:55:31 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

I think the message you will receive here OP is that the majority of us here at least believe you should be who you are and others should let you be that way without interference absent some emergency. However, as was already pointed out, you aren't exactly painting the tolerant picture yourself here. Some local scenes are bunk, sometimes the crowd is just wrong on that day. Don't assume one bad experience means anything in general and don't take opinionated "one true way" bullshit personally, laugh and move on.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to masomale70)

Post #: 9

RE: Hard limit of D/s outside the scene - 1/18/2008 8:58:34 PM

masomale70

Posts: 12
Joined: 1/12/2008
Status: offline

She's "popped" it several times, in the best of ways Pixelslave. Turns out having the binding removed to restore circulation and then reapplied is a whole new level.

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 10

RE: Hard limit of D/s outside the scene - 1/18/2008 9:09:15 PM

SlaveOwnerDave

Posts: 113
Joined: 8/22/2007
From: Petaluma, CA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: masomale70
My trips to munches have been a disappointing waste of time. Role. Why is D/s considered the most important part of BDSM? Why isn't the sadist/masochist relationship afforded the same respect? Can't people who like freaky pain games and sex simply be happy partners outside the bedroom?

Why does it seem like every guy who likes his nipples twisted has to go around behaving like an ass-kissing wimp or a trained attack dog?

24/7 or any variety TPE is a hard limit for me. How many here go the other way and insist on it? Is such a requirement a good thing for the community?

Well... Almost every BDSM process requires a Top and a bottom. These are usually considered to be Dominant and submissive, respectively. When one adds all the Owners/Masters/Daddys/Sirs/Doms and all the subs/bois/boys/slaves/property, then guess what? That's a lot of people!

There are, however, relatively few Sadists and masochists. Most of the Sadists are Owners or Masters, some are Tops who command respect. Likewise, most of the masochists are slaves or property, and some are bottoms who command respect.

Most people who like freaky pain games and sex are happy partners outside the bedroom. And if One wants to Own and one wants to be Owned, that is OK, too!

Who insists on 24/7 or any variety of TPE? I do. I require 24/7 obedience. If you cannot handle that, then find someone who will do things the way you like.
Everyone who comes to Me knows what I require before he/she/it ever sees Me in real life! they choose Me as well as I choose them. We all know what each other wants. The end.

The only requirement of the community is respect for others. On this requirement your post fails miserably!

Sincerely,
Master Dave

< Message edited by SlaveOwnerDave -- 1/18/2008 9:15:08 PM >

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(in reply to masomale70)

Post #: 11

RE: Hard limit of D/s outside the scene - 1/18/2008 9:50:22 PM

AtlantaMistress

Posts: 276
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: pixelslave

quote:

ORIGINAL: masomale70

My trips to munches have been a disappointing waste of time. Role. Why is D/s considered the most important part of BDSM? Why isn't the sadist/masochist relationship afforded the same respect? Can't people who like freaky pain games and sex simply be happy partners outside the bedroom?

Why does it seem like every guy who likes his nipples twisted has to go around behaving like an ass-kissing wimp or a trained attack dog?

24/7 or any variety TPE is a hard limit for me. How many here go the other way and insist on it? Is such a requirement a good thing for the community?

Hi "pop"!
Are you looking to see how many people you can show your disdain for or a free thinking, non-judgemental discussion that could prove interesting & informative? Perhaps equally as important, which question did you want a response to first?

Oh, and welcome back to CM, I presume having educated your girlfriend on the risks of the play the two of you are involved in, she hasn't caused your penis to "pop" yet, at least not in a bad way!

- pixel

pixel,

OMG - LMAO, you called him out! I have a few questions for our old pal pop - why do you continue to post in Ask a Mistress? Your first post should have been directed to Health and Safety and now this - perhaps General Discussion. I am beginning to think maybe it did pop off and so he wants to explore the Domme he could be.

Either that, or he has nothing better to do, and none of this is real. I thought he got pissed that he was told to go out into the community for answers?

_____________________________

Mistress Sandy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'd rather be hated for something I am than loved for something I am not.

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 12

RE: Hard limit of D/s outside the scene - 1/18/2008 9:52:19 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline

No one forces anyone else to partake of dynamics they have no use for.

But I do understand how full of themselves people in general can be-especially "trueists"

Fortunately-there are a great many people out there who also have no use for any sort of authority dynamic in their play beyond the bedroom. Which is great for guys like me-since those girls tend to hard limit blowhard "masters" as pretty much the most annoying things on the planet.

Is that negative to say? Not really-it's a choice.

Sometimes the idiot gaslighting a woman with this " You aren't really a sub" bs will get a resounding.....

"No shit Sherlock, you finally figured that out!!!!?????.....Did your MOMMY have to tell you?????????"

In reply,which amuses the hell out of me.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to SlaveOwnerDave)

Post #: 13

RE: Hard limit of D/s outside the scene - 1/18/2008 9:54:02 PM

herpet1313

Posts: 68
Joined: 9/18/2005
Status: offline

Get a life and join the real world. What really really matters in life is to find that one life partner with whom you can be you. No more games. No more "playing." No more munches. Screw "the BDSM community!" Too diverse. We've been to two munches, seeking like minded couples. Never again! Most we met there were nothing but sad, lonely, and pathetic creatures, only into pain and the application thereof.  Be yourself and quit worrying about what others think! I am a happy submissive husband. While our lifestyle falls under the umbrella of the BDSM "community," yet we never met any couples at those stupid events who come close to having the love, friendship, and everyday joy we have together. I am a lucky man!
PS I do like to monitor the "Ask a Mistress" forum. Being a 24/7 lifestylist, it is difficult to find time to reply. To Lotus Song, Aakasha, and Cloudboy: Such anger and animosity (sp)! Life is too short. The above applies to all of you as well. Quit worrying about political correctness within "the community."
                                                                                            herpet
                                                                                           Mistress Nancy's happy sissy maid

(in reply to masomale70)

Post #: 14

RE: Hard limit of D/s outside the scene - 1/18/2008 10:04:44 PM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: herpet1313
PS I do like to monitor the "Ask a Mistress" forum. Being a 24/7 lifestylist, it is difficult to find time to reply. To Lotus Song, Aakasha, and Cloudboy: Such anger and animosity (sp)! Life is too short. The above applies to all of you as well.

(note: emphasis applied in bold italics above is mine)

I'm a bit confused herpet. If you feel as you say, why are you even here?

- pixel

(who picks up his anger & animosity to leave & go to bed

)

_____________________________

Chivalry isn't dead! It's for those who have it in their hearts & are willing to be taught. It's a way of life, a code of honor; this one's armor still needs some polishing!

(in reply to herpet1313)

Post #: 15

RE: Hard limit of D/s outside the scene - 1/18/2008 10:12:34 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: masomale70

        My trips to munches have been a disappointing waste of time. Role.  Why is D/s considered the most important part of BDSM? Why isn't the sadist/masochist relationship afforded the same respect? Can't people who like freaky pain games and sex simply be happy partners outside the bedroom?

      Why does it seem like every guy who likes his nipples twisted has to go around behaving like an ass-kissing wimp or a trained attack dog?

      24/7 or any variety TPE is a hard limit for me. How many here go the other way and insist on it? Is such a requirement a good thing for the community?

It's unfortunate when someone comes along and actually makes an interesting point and observation, but does it in such a way that no one can seriously address the message and instead just tear apart the messenger for the delivery.

But if you step back and think about what this poster is saying and remove the venom, do you feel there is any validity at all? Are bdsm munches and parties really geared toward those lifestylers that are in 24/7 dominance/submission relationships - or, at least oriented more toward those who are D/s and very little toward those who are simply S&M? So little is written about what makes a good "bottom" - it seems the focus is always on "what service/submission can a man provide"?

It's been a long time since I have been to a munch, but when I did go, I did find that the predomiant dynamic was of dominance/submission, ie with subs in "role," sitting on the floor and not in chairs (when in a private setting), or behaving submissively as appropriate - but, not so much a group of people hanging out because they were kinky. I don't know what a top/bottom couple would feel like in that scenario - I know that they may get a few double takes if the dominant was getting his/her own drinks and the submissive (bottom) was talking out of turn or not following protocol.

How do bottoms feel at these get togethers? Do you fit in?

Just curious.

Akasha

_____________________________

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Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to masomale70)

Post #: 16

RE: Hard limit of D/s outside the scene - 1/18/2008 10:16:49 PM

herpet1313

Posts: 68
Joined: 9/18/2005
Status: offline

Pixel:
I am a submissive, and often collared, submissive husband. Hence the initial attraction to this website. Is that a problem?

(in reply to pixelslave)

Post #: 17

RE: Hard limit of D/s outside the scene - 1/18/2008 10:29:00 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: masomale70

        My trips to munches have been a disappointing waste of time. Role.  Why is D/s considered the most important part of BDSM? Why isn't the sadist/masochist relationship afforded the same respect? Can't people who like freaky pain games and sex simply be happy partners outside the bedroom?

      Why does it seem like every guy who likes his nipples twisted has to go around behaving like an ass-kissing wimp or a trained attack dog?

      24/7 or any variety TPE is a hard limit for me. How many here go the other way and insist on it? Is such a requirement a good thing for the community?

Hmmm, why is it that guys who don't get others desires has to resort to disrespectful namecalling?

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to masomale70)

Post #: 18

RE: Hard limit of D/s outside the scene - 1/18/2008 10:45:27 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

Aakasha makes a good point regarding the bedroom tops and bottoms who are happy in that private aspect of the relationship. Where do they go? Where do they fit in?
I think My question would be...why do you need to meet others or go to a munch? Events might be a better place for you if you are strictly interested in things like demos and learning about new tecniques and equipment, etc.
I usually think of a munch as more of a place that like-minded people get together to chat, meet, offer support and create a local community in this subculture. If all I was into was the bedroom kink, then I seriously doubt that I would need a community. That is more private, and everybody has a different take on what works for them.
However, the actual 24/7 or any sort of TPE is out of the norm. And that is where being with like-minded people and exchanging broader ideas is fun ,stimulating and refreshing.
I just had My munch tonight. Met a lovely new boy who is exploring. He thinks he knows what he is looking for. It is the exchange of ideas. It is a place of acceptance. As a vanilla outside of the bedroom, you are already in the mainstream. What do you need a munch for? Just a rhetorical question.
If all I needed to exchange was what I did in the bedroom last night (or were you planning to swap partners?) then maybe I am just a bit more private about those things. (Although MzPam's part time boy is a wonderful leather worker and I just ordered some fantastic things from him this evening for prices to die for!)
I suspect the munch(es?) you have found is not what you need. Not sure what you need, but I would suggest you find a good swing club or go to events and demos. Because the D/s or M/s is the lifestyle. The kink is the bedroom style.
JMO

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to masomale70)

Post #: 19

RE: Hard limit of D/s outside the scene - 1/18/2008 11:45:20 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: herpet1313

Get a life and join the real world. What really really matters in life is to find that one life partner with whom you can be you. No more games. No more "playing." No more munches. Screw "the BDSM community!" Too diverse. We've been to two munches, seeking like minded couples. Never again! Most we met there were nothing but sad, lonely, and pathetic creatures, only into pain and the application thereof.  Be yourself and quit worrying about what others think! I am a happy submissive husband. While our lifestyle falls under the umbrella of the BDSM "community," yet we never met any couples at those stupid events who come close to having the love, friendship, and everyday joy we have together. I am a lucky man!
PS I do like to monitor the "Ask a Mistress" forum. Being a 24/7 lifestylist, it is difficult to find time to reply. To Lotus Song, Aakasha, and Cloudboy: Such anger and animosity (sp)! Life is too short. The above applies to all of you as well. Quit worrying about political correctness within "the community."
                                                                                            herpet
                                                                                           Mistress Nancy's happy sissy maid

Are you really implying that because they were discussing the application of pain they are sad, pathetic, lonely creatures? Do you understand this thread is from a seeming bottom who doesn't want to be criticised for not being into d/s roles? Your response is those into pain are pathetic? That's irony and humorous, you're both saying the community is close-minded while you are both close-minded but in the exact opposite manner.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to herpet1313)

Post #: 20

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