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Question - 1/19/2008 11:03:03 AM

breatheasone

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Joined: 7/14/2007
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For those that are in a relationship where spankings and/or whippings are used as discipline or punishment, do you feel you should be told before hand that you are getting a punishment/discipline spanking? If your "D" type starts to give you a spanking or whipping,(bare in mind that spanking and whipping are also part of the playtime you have together too, and DURING the spanking you realize this isnt like a FUN spanking) but you find out after its over that it was for punishment or discipline is that ok?

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Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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Post #: 1

RE: Question - 1/19/2008 11:15:32 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
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quote:

If your "D" type starts to give you a spanking or whipping,(bare in mind that spanking and whipping are also part of the playtime you have together too, and DURING the spanking you realize this isnt like a FUN spanking) but you find out after its over that it was for punishment or discipline is that ok?

I would find that incredibly confusing and frustrating, so my answer would be no.
Bad communication.

the.dark.

< Message edited by Darcyandthedark -- 1/19/2008 11:22:56 AM >

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RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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Post #: 2

RE: Question - 1/19/2008 11:21:25 AM

agoodgirl4Daddy

Posts: 336
Joined: 10/25/2007
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as a Daddy's girl, i would prefer to be lectured prior to the discipline, with the fact that i'm going to be punished clearly stated to me. it not only prepares me mentally, but it is part of the dynamic that appeals to me!

i.e., even something as small as Daddy whispering in my ear at a restaurant, "you will be punished when we get home for being late to dinner" would set my mind whirling in dread and anticipation of the punishment that would be dealt out to me later.

_____________________________

~We do not see things as they are - we see them as we are.~ Anais Nin

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 3

RE: Question - 1/19/2008 11:28:25 AM

breatheasone

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Thankyou dark and agoodgirl4Daddy I am feeling that way as well. I think communication is KEY, and yes....not knowing its a punishment untill you have figured it out on your own during the spanking, then it being confirmed by being told after, would be VERY confusing.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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(in reply to agoodgirl4Daddy)

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RE: Question - 1/19/2008 11:34:48 AM

ownedgirlie

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Joined: 2/5/2006
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In my case, anything he says is ok, is ok. And where he almost always tells me it is a punishment, there have been a couple times where he forgot to (being human and all), and yes, it was confusing for me. A brief conversation worked us through it, however, and it wasn't a big deal.

The other thing he is really good at is telling me when something is NOT a punishment. Recently I was struggling over something and my response to him was not what he would have wanted. When he gave me some new instructions, he was clear to tell me these were NOT a form of punishment, they were designed as a tool to continue to develop an area of my slavery he wants developed. Since he knew I felt badly about what had occurred, he was very clear what it was he was doing.

He has always communicated well with me, overall. Those times he doesn't, well, we chalk it up to imperfection and move on.

(in reply to breatheasone)

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RE: Question - 1/19/2008 11:38:18 AM

SimplyMichael

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What is the point of punishment if isn't done to correct something?

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

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RE: Question - 1/19/2008 11:40:08 AM

breatheasone

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Joined: 7/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

What is the point of punishment if isn't done to correct something?

For the sake of this discussion....something was done that needed correcting. So my question is...should the "s" type in question be told that the spanking they are getting is for discipline/punishment. The "s" type figured it out during the spanking anyway....or be told after is was over...

< Message edited by breatheasone -- 1/19/2008 11:42:53 AM >

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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(in reply to SimplyMichael)

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RE: Question - 1/19/2008 11:42:13 AM

softness

Posts: 2918
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From: Leeds, UK
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for me ... spanking is something used in play - either as something playful, and titlating or as something painful and humiliating ... ANYTHING used as a punishment needs to be stated as a punishment because otherwise either the activity willl take on negative connotations for you when you do it in play or the punishment will be ineffective.

Think of it like this ... if you shared a kink where your Dom fed you chocolate randomly at his own whim (sighs ... i know He is out there somewhere) ... and then he randomly walked past you one day and fed you a chocolate wagged his finger and said ... "So there! ... and dont you forget it!" ... it would be a fairly ineffective punishment. Because there are a great many activities which can be used as either play or punishment it is CRUCIAL that the person on the receiving end is aware in what context the activity is being delivered ....

just my opinion

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(in reply to ownedgirlie)

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RE: Question - 1/19/2008 11:42:47 AM

SimplyMichael

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Well, did it make you want to change your behavior or question his?

(in reply to breatheasone)

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RE: Question - 1/19/2008 11:48:50 AM

breatheasone

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

Well, did it make you want to change your behavior or question his?

I'm not sure what you are asking.... I can say that for me personally I would ALWAYS want to change behavior that displeases my Master.Daddy.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 10

RE: Question - 1/19/2008 11:49:58 AM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael

What is the point of punishment if isn't done to correct something?

Are you asking me this?

It was in response to me, but I think you were asking breathsasone.

< Message edited by ownedgirlie -- 1/19/2008 11:51:11 AM >

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RE: Question - 1/19/2008 11:56:21 AM

SimplyMichael

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I was asking breathes although I think it went over her head.

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

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RE: Question - 1/19/2008 11:56:22 AM

RCdc

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I believe Michael is asking you (I am sure he will tell me if I misunderstood) breathe - that what was the first thing that came into your head when you dicovered that the spanking was a punishment when you didn't know before hand. Was it - "oh, I must do better for Master and not displease him" or did you think - "why didn't you tell me that you were punishing me because I think I misunderstood"?

Personally, I believe that using a form of punishment that is also used a pleasure tool isn't a wise move.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

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Post #: 13

RE: Question - 1/19/2008 11:59:54 AM

breatheasone

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

I believe Michael is asking you (I am sure he will tell me if I misunderstood) breathe - that what was the first thing that came into your head when you dicovered that the spanking was a punishment when you didn't know before hand. Was it - "oh, I must do better for Master and not displease him" or did you think - "why didn't you tell me that you were punishing me because I think I misunderstood"?

Personally, I believe that using a form of punishment that is also used a pleasure tool isn't a wise move.

the.dark.

Dark....to be totally honest....BOTH.

However, me wanting to improve for Him is most paramount.

< Message edited by breatheasone -- 1/19/2008 12:01:20 PM >

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 14

RE: Question - 1/19/2008 12:05:09 PM

Zephalt

Posts: 19
Joined: 12/27/2007
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I prefer to punish as a kink - like "u did not feed the elephants today !" or
"u forgot to wax the trees" somthing that cannot possibly be done, denied
or quickly covered up - and then usually a spanking or a lead in to a longer
play session :)

Actual change of behaviour is done by intimate discussion and revealing
of both of our motives .. not any action ( that could be turned into play ).

_____________________________

Luck is not entirely reliable

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 15

RE: Question - 1/19/2008 12:05:58 PM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

Breathes - my suggestion is that you ask for some time and that you want to be able to talk openly - and when he allows it, explain that if he is punishing you with something that at times, he uses as a pleasure tool, that it would help you to serve him better to know that it is a punishment and why he is punishing before the event - even if it is seconds before. That way, you will be in the right frame of submission to recieve the punishment and be able to adjust your behaviour for him, instead of recovering from shock - which is essentially what you are going through.

Without the proper and full information, you cannot be expected to serve to your fullest potential. It's hard, but I am sure you can work through this and your Masters pretty cool at allowing for time to listen to you hey? At least that is the impression I always get from your posts.
Hugs and love to you.

the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 16

RE: Question - 1/19/2008 12:14:57 PM

firefly6

Posts: 1
Joined: 4/18/2007
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There is a website about domestic discipline that really answers a lot of questions about spanking. I have found it to be a great site.
www.lovingdomesticdiscipline.com You should know that you are being disciplined or punished beforehand otherwise what is the point? I believe that is lack of experience on the Dom's part.

Firefly6

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 17

RE: Question - 1/19/2008 12:20:44 PM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

Well, I would not say a lack of experience is the problem. Anyone can make an error in communication, even the most 'experienced dominant'. I would hardly think it is constructive to start throwing accusations around at someone you may not know, and that site you gave isn't working - or is a spyware infest - so I would advise people without good pc backup not to click it.

the.dark.

< Message edited by Darcyandthedark -- 1/19/2008 12:21:36 PM >

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to firefly6)

Post #: 18

RE: Question - 1/19/2008 12:22:52 PM

SubmissiveAK

Posts: 94
Joined: 3/5/2007
Status: offline

quote:

hippings are used as discipline or punishment, do you feel you should be told before hand that you are getting a punishment/discipline spanking? If your "D" type starts to give you a spanking or whipping,(bare in mind that spanking and whipping are also part of the playtime you have together too, and DURING the spanking you realize this isnt like a FUN spanking) but you find out after its over that it was for punishment or discipline is that ok?

For me, spanking (at least a hard spanking) isnt something that is exactly pleasurable, so I guess I could find it a strong diciplinary act if the dominant wished to do so. Still, if it were used for both fun and strictness I think it would be confusing, and saying so wouldnt help. If it were different types of spanking, like you could tell it was punishment by how he did it... it might work I guess.

My question is, are there any dominants who would enjoy spanking someone as a diciplinary act but not in play?

~submissiveAK~

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 19

RE: Question - 1/19/2008 12:28:00 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

Breathes - my suggestion is that you ask for some time and that you want to be able to talk openly - and when he allows it, explain that if he is punishing you with something that at times, he uses as a pleasure tool, that it would help you to serve him better to know that it is a punishment and why he is punishing before the event - even if it is seconds before. That way, you will be in the right frame of submission to recieve the punishment and be able to adjust your behaviour for him, instead of recovering from shock - which is essentially what you are going through.

Without the proper and full information, you cannot be expected to serve to your fullest potential. It's hard, but I am sure you can work through this and your Masters pretty cool at allowing for time to listen to you hey? At least that is the impression I always get from your posts.
Hugs and love to you.

the.dark.

Thankyou dark....very good and insightful reply from you as always

After He told me why, I FULLY understood and KNEW I had fucked up, and pretty bad this time actually.(i had let my emotions RULE me. HUGE no no) The fact that I was spanked until I couldn't take any more, and He told me "You have a word you can use." (and I did use the word).... I felt like COMPLETE dog shit...I would NEVER safe word out on a punishement NEVER...it just wouldn't happen...So not only was a confused ...but I was also ashamed of myself for not taking ALL of His punishment that I truly DID deserve.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to RCdc)

Post #: 20

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