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What would you look for in a first message? - 1/19/2008 1:12:48 PM   
TenchiRyokoMuyo


Posts: 47
Joined: 1/9/2008
Status: offline 		I'm new to the spot of BDSM, and I am trying to find my way in it. However...I seem to be doing something wrong with how I approach someone. Everyone that messages me first, we talk quite a bit. And we both enjoy talking to each other. However...whenever I try to message someone first, they never reply to me. I am always respectful, and show my curiosity in a healthy way. I introduce myself by name, and to them by their name, or screenname. I tell a small bit about myself, then ask them something about themselves, that isn't in their profile. However, so far, I've probably messaged...10 people, and none of them have ever replied to me. What, as submissives/slaves, do you look for when a Master/dominant messages you?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: What would you look for in a first message? - 1/19/2008 1:27:36 PM   
BR549


Posts: 3
Joined: 2/11/2006
Status: offline 		1. I NEVER use just one line, not if I want a reply. I try to ask a question or make a comment that shows I read the entire profile and thought about it. I usually don't say things like "Let's get together" or really suggest that BDSM is why we're all here. I try to make a semi witty remark. In other words, I try to treat them like a real person who has a real life and I try to present myself as a real person who is someone they would be interested in being around. The nipple clamps are just extra. The good news is I almost always get an answer. The bad news is that it almost never gets to the nipple clamps. But it's a start.

Jon

(in reply to TenchiRyokoMuyo)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: What would you look for in a first message? - 1/19/2008 1:28:55 PM   
tigerstyle


Posts: 168
Joined: 5/25/2005
Status: offline 		I used one-liners all the time, but I make them about something in the profile. It's like making conversation at a party, you don't walk up and tell someone your whole life story.


(in reply to BR549)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: What would you look for in a first message? - 1/19/2008 1:29:25 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Copy and paste one of your emails here, blank out the names, and then we can give some constructive (you hope, anyway) responses.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to BR549)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: What would you look for in a first message? - 1/19/2008 1:49:43 PM   
TenchiRyokoMuyo


Posts: 47
Joined: 1/9/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Copy and paste one of your emails here, blank out the names, and then we can give some constructive (you hope, anyway) responses.

Cali



Hello there ____ , my name is Thomas. I'm a dominant living down in Florida. I'm just now stepping into the cyber-world of BDSM, though I've known I was a dominant for most of my life. I'm trying to meet new people in the BDSM world, and you've sparked my personal interest. I hope to hear back from you soon.

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: What would you look for in a first message? - 1/19/2008 1:53:34 PM   
tigerstyle


Posts: 168
Joined: 5/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TenchiRyokoMuyo

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Copy and paste one of your emails here, blank out the names, and then we can give some constructive (you hope, anyway) responses.

Cali



Hello there ____ , my name is Thomas. I'm a dominant living down in Florida. I'm just now stepping into the cyber-world of BDSM, though I've known I was a dominant for most of my life. I'm trying to meet new people in the BDSM world, and you've sparked my personal interest. I hope to hear back from you soon.


That lacks any sense of personality. It could be a robot trying to pass a bdsm turing test.

(in reply to TenchiRyokoMuyo)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: What would you look for in a first message? - 1/19/2008 1:54:35 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TenchiRyokoMuyo

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Copy and paste one of your emails here, blank out the names, and then we can give some constructive (you hope, anyway) responses.

Cali



Hello there ____ , my name is Thomas. I'm a dominant living down in Florida. I'm just now stepping into the cyber-world of BDSM, though I've known I was a dominant for most of my life. I'm trying to meet new people in the BDSM world, and you've sparked my personal interest. I hope to hear back from you soon.



That sounds like you've copied and pasted it into more than one e-mail, which is a huge turn off for me. If I got that letter, I wouldn't think you had actually read my profile. I've sparked you interest, you claim, but how and why?

I'm very suspicious of letters that claim they have read my profile or that I've sparked their interest without showing that they actually have. This could be because my profile very clearly says that I'm taken and yet I've had people tell me that my profile says I'm single. If I were to become single again, I don't think I would be any less suspicious.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to TenchiRyokoMuyo)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: What would you look for in a first message? - 1/19/2008 1:56:47 PM   
TenchiRyokoMuyo


Posts: 47
Joined: 1/9/2008
Status: offline 		Yeah, I guess you're both right. What would be an appropriate time-frame between original send date, and trying again? Or should I even try again on the same person? I so don't want to be thought of as a stalker, lol.

(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: What would you look for in a first message? - 1/19/2008 1:59:46 PM   
vagabondduo


Posts: 61
Joined: 8/23/2006
Status: offline 		This reads like a generic copy and pasted message.  Read it critically.  You could use it dozens of times just changing the name of the person you're writing it to.  Now....rewrite the message saying what in the profile attracted your attention.  What do you both have in common?  The words "you've sparked my personal interest" say absolutely nothing toward why your interest was sparked. 

(in reply to TenchiRyokoMuyo)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: What would you look for in a first message? - 1/19/2008 2:02:06 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TenchiRyokoMuyo

Yeah, I guess you're both right. What would be an appropriate time-frame between original send date, and trying again? Or should I even try again on the same person? I so don't want to be thought of as a stalker, lol.


*shrugs* You just always just be honest and send them a message saying "Hey, I just realized that my first message wasn't all that appealing and I'd like to give it another shot." Then say what you want to say.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to TenchiRyokoMuyo)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: What would you look for in a first message? - 1/19/2008 2:04:32 PM   
tigerstyle


Posts: 168
Joined: 5/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: TenchiRyokoMuyo

Yeah, I guess you're both right. What would be an appropriate time-frame between original send date, and trying again? Or should I even try again on the same person? I so don't want to be thought of as a stalker, lol.


I wouldn't worry too much about what they thought of you. Some people are always going to like you, some loathe you and some feel great indifference towards your very existence. Just "be yourself", don't take any of it too seriously, and make each message personal in some small way.

(in reply to TenchiRyokoMuyo)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: What would you look for in a first message? - 1/19/2008 2:07:52 PM   
GoddessTeaze


Posts: 1125
Joined: 10/14/2006
From: The Netherlands
Status: offline
What is it that you would like to hear yourself???
What makes you tick?
Personal attention, something nice
and kind , why do you respond to them, and not someone else?
 
Warm Greetingz
 
GoddezzT`


_____________________________

~* The only disability in life is a bad attitude. ~Scott Hamilton*~

~*Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart. ~Kahlil Gibran*~

(in reply to TenchiRyokoMuyo)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: What would you look for in a first message? - 1/19/2008 2:09:13 PM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		no cock pics
no email addresses or phone numbers
no collars
no erotic stories
no lists of Dommy prowess
no offers of slavery
I respond to every email i get, the ones that get more than a polite "thankyou go away" are the emails that have been original, to the point, not to pushy, intersting, spelled correctly, obviously written to me and not a cut and paste, they show the sender has read and understood my profile, and that asks qustions about me that are about me and not my sexual preference.

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





(in reply to tigerstyle)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: What would you look for in a first message? - 1/19/2008 2:09:38 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		It doesn't sound copy paste to me, but it is impersonal.
Mentioning 'cyber world' would put me off immediately.  Your age as well isn't going to help you, along with the likes you have listed and they contradict.
Personal interest makes me feel a bit invaded.  Mention the interest rather than leaving it to guess.
Your photograph are too dark and if you are trying to say anon, then it wouldn't work with the photograph you have used (just a warning).
I peeked your profile and it could be interpreted that you have a 'problem' with certain types of females.  That would put me off as well.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to TenchiRyokoMuyo)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: What would you look for in a first message? - 1/19/2008 2:20:15 PM   
TenchiRyokoMuyo


Posts: 47
Joined: 1/9/2008
Status: offline 		Nah, I'm not trying to go anon, I just take -really- crappy pictures.

And I would never send a picture of myself nude. That's just creepy.

And my interests, are my interests. I don't see how they contradict, I only looked at the things that were available, and chose them as accurately as possible. Though I am probably going to remove some, and make the interests smaller, and more exact.

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: What would you look for in a first message? - 1/19/2008 2:21:33 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		I would spend some time working on your profile.  You don't have to answer EVERY interest - it makes it look like you're trying to be all things to all people.  Take some of those out, and keep in the ones that are important to you.  Your huge list of "lives for" and "loves" seems... a little too much for someone who is only 18 years old.  I'd say take out at least half of them.  At LEAST half.

The wording of your profile needs some tweaking.  For instance, saying you've been dominant for as long as you can remember that you've been sexually active... well, the sentence structure needs some work, but so does the sentiment behind it.  You're ONLY 18... when did you figure out you were dominant?  Surely not so long ago that you've forgotten. 

Also, acknowledging that while it is a kink for some women, I would venture to say that it is not a "mainstream" kink (for lack of a better phrase) for the majority of women to have a man who wants them to be fat.  If you are not a "feeder" but merely someone who likes large women, there is a way to get that across without sounding like you're a feeder. Based on that section alone, if I received any type of email from you I would not be interested (were I in the vicinity of your age).

You also might consider a journal entry, to show a bit more of who you are.

Good luck.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to vagabondduo)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: What would you look for in a first message? - 1/19/2008 2:55:22 PM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		What Cali mentioned is where your profile is contradicting to me - as well as slightly 'not sure and undecided'.  That is a big put off because you cannot negociate with someone who is unsure themselves.  I would also suggest that if you really dislike something, then add it, but if it really isn;t something you even consider or refers to you, then don't bother mentioning it - otherwise saying things like you 'dislike' queening or use such a strong word as 'hate' female supremacy - really would put me off.
 
And not trying to sound condecending, but how can so many of your likes be live for when you admit you are only just starting out and have not had experience of them - that is where I see a contradiction.  I just cannot personally see how you can 'live for' knife play, humiliation etc without experience when you say you are just starting out looking for your 'woman'.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to TenchiRyokoMuyo)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: What would you look for in a first message? - 1/19/2008 3:22:11 PM   
TenchiRyokoMuyo


Posts: 47
Joined: 1/9/2008
Status: offline 		Thank you all very much for your help, and I'll take all your advice to heart. I've already lowered my 'interests' to probably about 1/3rd of it's original content, and I'll be re-writing my profile. I'm also about to put a journal entry.

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: What would you look for in a first message? - 1/19/2008 3:46:49 PM   
Aileen1968


Posts: 6062
Joined: 12/12/2007
From: I miss Shore, New Jersey
Status: offline 		I think you should write the way you're interacting here in this thread.  You are coming across as a sincere, nice guy.  Tell them what it is about their profile that caught your attention.

_____________________________



(in reply to TenchiRyokoMuyo)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: What would you look for in a first message? - 1/19/2008 3:56:08 PM   
PorcelainDoll13


Posts: 29
Joined: 1/15/2008
Status: offline 		Oh, honey, I just checked out your profile and I think you might want to work on it a bit.  No offense, but the overall tone seems kinda smarmy.  I can't really place what it is, but something just seems off with it, almost like you're not willing to take this lifestyle seriously.  Maybe it's the constant references to "collarme residents" and constantly refering to the cyber-world thing.  This is just my opinion though, so take it as you'd like.  Personally, I check every person's profile that sends me an email and yours would definatly put me off.

< Message edited by PorcelainDoll13 -- 1/19/2008 4:04:11 PM >

_____________________________

-Normal is Boring so I avoid it whenever possiable.
-I'm not just a doll, I'm a life size action figure with kung-fu chopping action!
-"Life is Pain, the more pain, the more evidence of life." Charles Lamb


(in reply to AquaticSub)
Profile   Post #: 20
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