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RE: Do you care if your slave is a whore? - 1/20/2008 11:57:54 AM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord

So you're telling me that it doesn't seem more likely that people who have had less sexual partners, coupled with longer relationship periods, would be more likely to take commitment seriously?

I've often found that actions speak louder than words. Someone can say something, but the past holds their actions which can speak more loudly.

Not in my personal experience. I take my commitment to Valyraen very seriously because I've finally found someone worth settling down for. I see this in my friends who have also done a lot of "sowing their oats". When they find someone that they are willing to settle down with, it's an incredible devotation.

Edited to add: Now, that said I have no issue with the fact that you prefer partners with a low number of previous partners. It's just what you prefer. Just wanted to be clear about that.

Further edited for typos.

< Message edited by AquaticSub -- 1/20/2008 12:02:55 PM >

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to CuriousLord)

Post #: 161

RE: Do you care if your slave is a whore? - 1/20/2008 12:02:45 PM

hisannabelle

Posts: 1992
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From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
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not in my experience either. i've had multiple sex partners and three serious relationships (two of which lasted one year each, one of those was d/s and we were engaged, and my current relationship, in which we've been together for two years and plan to eventually marry). i've never cheated. i don't enter lightly into relationships, and contrary to popular belief, the fact that i do like sex and i do make informed choices about having multiple sex partners does not mean that i "give away my sexuality" lightly, either. just because i enjoy doing something does not mean i do it carelessly. (i also personally am not "promiscuous" because i was raped - i was "promiscuous" well before that, and for me, it has nothing to do with a lack of self-worth or anything along those lines. it has to do with the fact that i have the right to choose what to do with my body and who to enter into relationships and sexual situations with, and i enjoy sex, so i choose to do it often. big freaking deal. it doesn't mean that i am incapable of committing.)

< Message edited by hisannabelle -- 1/20/2008 12:04:06 PM >

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Post #: 162

RE: Do you care if your slave is a whore? - 1/20/2008 12:08:04 PM

CuriousLord

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That's a neat point of view, and I'm glad to see it works.

I'm still pretty young, so for me, there's a lot of girls who want a long-term commitment right now, then there's a lot who are still "sowing their oats". :P I try to avoid the latter, since I'm more interested in the primer. I guess I just don't want to have to go through the drama that can come from a lot of get-together's and break-up's. For someone looking for a long term commitment.. it feels like it's worth looking for that right away, instead of hoping you're going to be the one she finally settles down with.

Just my feelings on it, anyhow.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 163

RE: Do you care if your slave is a whore? - 1/20/2008 12:13:05 PM

AquaticSub

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Makes sense. I always knew that I wanted a long-term relationship that would lead to the white picket fence and 2.5 kids. I just wasn't ready in the slightest, and I think my trying for it too early caused a lot of my previous break-ups. At this point, with Valyraen, I'm ready and I'm giving it all that I have. I honestly can't imagine being anywhere else and, looking back, I can see that the life I lived brought me to this point. Sex and all.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to CuriousLord)

Post #: 164

RE: Do you care if your slave is a whore? - 1/20/2008 12:23:25 PM

CuriousLord

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So many different roads in life. A fair portion of them work, too! It's always great to see when something works out for someone.. makes the future seem that much brighter.

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Post #: 165

RE: Do you care if your slave is a whore? - 1/20/2008 2:28:38 PM

giveeverything

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Joined: 9/4/2007
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curious lord.. maybe I missed something or maybe you really are just splitting hairs. You can inform me. I could say.. I was just slutty for an afternoon, so you should overlook it (or in my case slutty for just a few afternoons, multiple evenings, some early mornings, early evenings, later afternoons, early-early mornings, etc). If I said, it's not my continuious action, just an action on certain occasions, would that make me acceptable?

I'll say, it's hard enough growing up sexually healthy in our puritan-driven culture, I don't need judgement (or the perception of judgement). I also grew up with five brothers... double standard fucked me up for a good long time.

(in reply to CuriousLord)

Post #: 166

RE: Do you care if your slave is a whore? - 1/20/2008 2:38:06 PM

juliaoceania

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Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord

quote:

ORIGINAL: lateralist1

So now can we all agree except CuriousLord that it doesn't matter how many men or women you have fucked? For money or not.
What matters is your ability to make a serious committed relationship work.
That is if that's what you want.
And if it isn't then have the honesty to say so.

So you're telling me that it doesn't seem more likely that people who have had less sexual partners, coupled with longer relationship periods, would be more likely to take commitment seriously?

I've often found that actions speak louder than words. Someone can say something, but the past holds their actions which can speak more loudly.

I find that romantic relationships are only a small portion of the overall relationships people are capable of sustaining. How many long term friendships have they had, are they close with their kids (if they have any), how do they relate to their parents? These are just as important as their romantic history to me, not how many people they fucked.

In my life I have seen people that got around settle down sooner or later. You are only 20, you want what you want, but just because you have a particular preference does not mean people with colorful sexual histories lack commitment. Commitment is not defined by what people do with their genitalia in my experience on this planet.

quote:

Anyhow, criticism aside.. some of us use sex as a relationship-only thing. Sort of like an expression of love. It's cheapened with excessive sharing.. so it just doesn't feel so special or romantic anymore. So that's why..

For you this maybe the case, but in my experience to have a comparison between sex without love and sex with it, I can truly say that nothing could cheapen true love making. It is just completely different than a sport fuck. But one would have to experience both to understand that. There is nothing in this world that could cheapen being intimate with someone that you love. These statements show your youth in my opinion.

Me, personally, since I became a mom my view of my body has changed. On the one hand there is nothing that I could do to this amazing body of mine that could "cheapen" it, I feel my body is a sacred thing. On the other hand I view taking someone's DNA into my body, ingesting it even, is a sacred act too. I do this when the feeling moves me to, not when society tells me to. I also do not disrespect myself based upon other people's opinions of me. I have found by doing what feels good in my gut when it comes to my sexuality, I have never been wrong, or cheapened by it

_____________________________

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(in reply to CuriousLord)

Post #: 167

RE: Do you care if your slave is a whore? - 1/20/2008 3:56:36 PM

DaggerDom

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Joined: 1/1/2004
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There is nothing wrong with having a slave that's a whore. It helps to pay the bills.

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Post #: 168

RE: Do you care if your slave is a whore? - 1/20/2008 4:15:04 PM

CuriousLord

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

These statements show your youth in my opinion.

What I often get from you seems to be one reason or another that my opinion is somehow less valid. In this case, you've used the notion that my opinion is different from yours to support it.. as if, should I have been older, I would've probably agreed with you more. This is really a "twue" sort of sentiment, julia.

(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 169

RE: Do you care if your slave is a whore? - 1/20/2008 4:19:02 PM

CuriousLord

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Joined: 4/3/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: giveeverything

curious lord.. maybe I missed something or maybe you really are just splitting hairs. You can inform me. I could say.. I was just slutty for an afternoon, so you should overlook it (or in my case slutty for just a few afternoons, multiple evenings, some early mornings, early evenings, later afternoons, early-early mornings, etc). If I said, it's not my continuious action, just an action on certain occasions, would that make me acceptable?

Please don't misattribute the splitting of hairs to me. I wasn't the one who brought up that subject; I was just the one stuck explaining it to others. However, it looks like I have to explain again. So let's just do a quick example.

Einstein was a smart guy, right? I bet he probably stubbed his toe and hurt himself because of it at some point, or something similar to that. If you said he was stupid at that moment- you'd be right- just not right in general.

quote:

ORIGINAL: giveeverything

I'll say, it's hard enough growing up sexually healthy in our puritan-driven culture, I don't need judgement (or the perception of judgement). I also grew up with five brothers... double standard fucked me up for a good long time.

This community isn't really sexually healthy. It's sexually obsessed. Which is okay, just.. well, let's not use it as a basis for good mental health. :P

(in reply to giveeverything)

Post #: 170

RE: Do you care if your slave is a whore? - 1/20/2008 4:19:13 PM

lusciouslips19

Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: DaggerDom

There is nothing wrong with having a slave that's a whore. It helps to pay the bills.

hey, welcome to the boards guys!

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Post #: 171

RE: Do you care if your slave is a whore? - 1/20/2008 4:24:20 PM

KindLadyGrey

Posts: 358
Joined: 11/6/2007
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I once dated a guy who, in his early 20s, had had something like 40 previous partners. At first I thought "Holy crap, this guy is a total man-whore!"

Later, I revised my opinion. He was one of the best lays ever. EVER. He knew all kinds of tricks.

So bring on the whores! Experience apparently does count for something :)

(in reply to IrishMist)

Post #: 172

RE: Do you care if your slave is a whore? - 1/20/2008 4:25:48 PM

KatyLied

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Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
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quote:

This community isn't really sexually healthy. It's sexually obsessed. Which is okay, just.. well, let's not use it as a basis for good mental health.

I see it (this community) as more authority-transfer driven. Or maybe that's because that is how I view WIITWD. Sex is a healthy, biological drive, I don't see anything wrong with people of a certain age being obsessed with it. Actually that's probably a sign of being "normal" for some age groups.

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Post #: 173

RE: Do you care if your slave is a whore? - 1/20/2008 4:38:22 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: KindLadyGrey

So bring on the whores! Experience apparently does count for something :)

Damn skippy!

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to KindLadyGrey)

Post #: 174

RE: Do you care if your slave is a whore? - 1/20/2008 4:46:33 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
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From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
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quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord

quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

These statements show your youth in my opinion.

What I often get from you seems to be one reason or another that my opinion is somehow less valid. In this case, you've used the notion that my opinion is different from yours to support it.. as if, should I have been older, I would've probably agreed with you more. This is really a "twue" sort of sentiment, julia.

There are young people that post on these boards that have a wealth of experience and have my respect. There are others that post on this board that have less experience in the world and their opinions must be viewed through their inexperience. I posted why I felt your lack of experience (most probably related to your youth, instead of any sort of inherent character flaw that keeps you perpetually immature, and there are those much older that are much more immature than yourself) added to your impression that sex cheapens love when one actually makes love instead of just having a sexual fling. Now of course, people differ on their views of right and wrong in regard to sexuality, and your views maybe based on some religious feelings, but that does not negate my experience of having been intimate with people I loved as opposed to people I liked a lot. Now when you have had both experiences, perhaps you can tell me how "cheap" my sexuality is, until then, I would prefer to view your opinion through the lens of your youth instead of thinking you to be a judgmental and arrogant little turd.

I am sure your opinion is valid in your mind, but it is not valid in mine... And yes, I think my experiences of having it both ways make my opinion a little more valid when it comes to whether or not having a few casual sexual daliances between the ages of 18 and 20 makes me somehow less committed and somehow makes my love making "cheap", as you put it.

Edited to add: Like everyone else, I had preferences when it comes to a mate when I was looking for one. Just because they did not match what I wanted did not mean that that they were "cheap" or "less than" for it. I am not objecting to people wanting to be chaste or seeking someone that is. I am objecting to the characterization of those who have had an occasional fling (even years ago) as someone who is less committed, having character flaws, or somehow inferior to those who choose to live differently than they do. If you cannot see the difference between being judgmental and having preferences, then that is something i cannot help you with

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 1/20/2008 4:52:26 PM >

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Post #: 175

RE: Do you care if your slave is a whore? - 1/20/2008 4:48:18 PM

BlackKnight

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If I'm not pimping I care!

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Life of Reason, Reason in Common Sense, Scribner's, 1905, page 284"
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(in reply to juliaoceania)

Post #: 176

RE: Do you care if your slave is a whore? - 1/20/2008 5:08:44 PM

juliaoceania

Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

This community isn't really sexually healthy. It's sexually obsessed. Which is okay, just.. well, let's not use it as a basis for good mental health.

I see it (this community) as more authority-transfer driven. Or maybe that's because that is how I view WIITWD. Sex is a healthy, biological drive, I don't see anything wrong with people of a certain age being obsessed with it. Actually that's probably a sign of being "normal" for some age groups.

I agree, there are a lot of people that do WIITWD who are seriously prudish, and this becomes more and more evident with every thread like this one.

From an anthropological view, every culture has its lines drawn about when sex is appropriate, and when it is not, and whom those who are members of that culture can have sex with, and those they cannot. It is rather interesting, and it has also consolidated my view that I do not apply cultural standards to such personal choices. If I lived with the Kung! I would have far more sexual freedom than if I lived in Saudi Arabia... I have a good friends that is involved with swinging, and they also have their lines drawn around whom can have sex with whom, and what is socially unacceptable.

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 177

RE: Do you care if your slave is a whore? - 1/20/2008 5:09:02 PM

giveeverything

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Einstein was a smart guy, right? I bet he probably stubbed his toe and hurt himself because of it at some point, or something similar to that. If you said he was stupid at that moment- you'd be right- just not right in general.

This community isn't really sexually healthy. It's sexually obsessed. Which is okay, just.. well, let's not use it as a basis for good mental health. :P
[/quote]

okay.... call me dense but how does stubbing one's toe make a person stupid? That's a logical leap that I'm not getting (just like the other logical leap you made). So, I'm more believing you're splitting hairs to support your own need for purity in your partners -- I'd respect you more if you just went with that idea without trying to come out as some sort of pure version yourself.

Not sexually healthy... sexually obsessed... I'm calling you to the projection room. You're the one obsessed with sexual purity. Sex is positive, sex is good, sex can be fun, sex can be invigorating, sex can be loving, sex can be sweaty (ha!), sex can be healing, sex can be recreational... etc etc (and it can be harmful, unhealthy, etc). Please, though, don't speak for me as to weather I'm sexually healthy, that, too smacks of judgement. And frankly you sound like a puritan, exclaiming that people who have taken charge of their sexual lives are deviant (as in obsesed rather than healthy).

You do sound young, in my opinion. It's okay to be young. Don't expect not to get called on it though.

(in reply to CuriousLord)

Post #: 178

RE: Do you care if your slave is a whore? - 1/20/2008 5:34:33 PM

RoughFN

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quote:

ORIGINAL: openmindedslave

Recently at work we were killing time and a question came out about the number of lovers a person had before meeting them. Basically , the question involved how many sex partners can one have before you might consider them easy .

The partners I've done the most with have had fairly high numbers of past activity partners I think in the 40s, 80s, and...20s? 40s, again? I don't remember the last one. So clearly those numbers don't bother me at all, so long as they're safe, clean, careful (they all have been). Doesn't mean that they're easy, just that they like to have fun. None of 'em would jump just any guy, not that I would've cared if they had.

Multiple collars are a different situation, and it depends upon the circumstance. If there are legitimate reasons for it, then it's not a concern. "My master died/moved out of state/etc", "He turned out to be nuts because of xyz" That sort of stuff. Life happens, no big deal. However, if it's because they're flighty and jump around and don't take it seriously, then that would clearly bother me. Hasn't come up yet.

In fact, of the girls I've played with, I gave the one her first collar; one other had been collared previously once or twice, and that was it.

(in reply to openmindedslave)

Post #: 179

RE: Do you care if your slave is a whore? - 1/20/2008 6:24:58 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CuriousLord

quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

Actually, anyone who would view someone else as a whore simply for having more sexual partners is someone I would reject for their narrow minded viewpoint. I don't get involved with bigots in any way shape or form.

So you do not believe that a greater number of sexual partners is indicative of a likely higher level of promiscuality*?

You know, it's funny.. I'm not even sure how to spell that last word.. (and I'm too cool for spell check. :P).

Define promiscuity. And I don't use spell check, don't need to.

I've had sufficient sexual partners that I need both hands to count them on. Actually 7 total. My ex had 3. To him I was slightly slutty and that was part of my attraction to him, unfortunately.

Don't you think people can redefine themselves. Can change? Do you think that if a person got involved in drugs in middle school, did rehab and hasn't touched an illegal drug in 10 years that they are still a lying, cheating, untrustworthy addict? Or can you accept the fact that people change?

BTW 5 of those 7 were in four years of college. Then there was the ex for over 20 years, and now The Man for the past 4+. Am I still promiscuous because I had 5 partners in 4 years time, and that time was over 20 years ago?

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

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Post #: 180

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