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If someone insults your slave... - 1/19/2008 9:36:30 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

or submissive,

would you tell them, or would you try to protect them?

My HM told me something someone said about me and He told me that the reason He didn't tell me is because it would hurt me.

I would have preferred to have known what this person said, and spoken to them about it, or moved on, or what ever I decided to do...

It kinda hurts when someone who loves you doesn't know that you can stand up for yourself, and, when people who hardly know you make judgments against you, but only tell them to the one you love...

So, (sorry about the rant, I'm just hurt) would it be better to protect yours, or to let them know, and to stand by them as they stand up for themselves?

Colour me...confused

Post #: 1

RE: If someone insults your slave... - 1/19/2008 9:39:41 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

He usually doesn't, because he usually doesn't find credibility in it. After all, who knows me better than him?

Those I consider friends tell me their issues directly. Those who don't, I'm not much interested in.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 2

RE: If someone insults your slave... - 1/19/2008 9:39:45 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

No offense, but here are my thoughts on what you wrote:

A. Why would he tell you something that would hurt you? Was there a particularly compelling need for you to know that something bad was said about you? Could you have gone the rest of your life without that knowledge or was this person someone close to you and you needed to be armed with the knowledge they were trashing you?

B. I only believe children need protection, not grown women who can stand up for themselves.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 3

RE: If someone insults your slave... - 1/19/2008 9:45:17 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

I find insulting someone behind their backs to be petty and immature. I see no reason to tell Angel or Fox if it hapens becasue there isnt a reason to. I dont want them to lower themselves to the offenders level and find it necessary to "stand up" for themselves. Anyone slinging insults is just being childish and letting my boys get upset and having to worry about what will be said back and forth isnt my interest. If it is someone they know, I would tell the offender to tel them to their face or to shut the hell up. If it was a random person they DONT know, then I dont put enough stock in their opinions to concern myself with it anyway.
I might mention that a friend of theirs, or an aquaintenence, has been talking negatively about them, but chances are that the offender doesnt have the guts to say anything to Fox or Angel and it wont be a real problem. It takes a very small person to insult someone behind their back, if they want an argument, they have to say it to their face. If they cant, then we both write that person off and move on.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 4

RE: If someone insults your slave... - 1/19/2008 9:46:09 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

Why tell??..I would view it as he was protecting me from an unpleasant individual not worthy of my response..and he would be right!...Does your need to confront this individual as important as you think?..Will confronting this person change your life significantly? Is the person that insulted you someone who you trust implicitly?...Is is not your Dominants decision to tell you what you should and should not know?..Have you not made it his job to protect you in whatever manner he so chooses??.Are you second guessing his decisions??..You need not answer me these questions..you may need to ask them of yourself however..Best/Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 5

RE: If someone insults your slave... - 1/19/2008 10:12:32 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

My honest answer...... both.

I wouldn't have to tell My submissive the specifics. What I would do is make a generalization that I have a reason for U/us not to be as socially pleasant to the person anymore. If asked why, I would give a short answer, probably without the hurtful details. My sub knows that I will not harm him, not even by relaying what another has said.

Speaking of protection, whatever source it came from might want some from the tongue lashing I'd have for them in return. I don't have a lot of tolerance for disrespecting My sub.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to TemptingNviceSub)

Post #: 6

RE: If someone insults your slave... - 1/19/2008 10:21:39 PM

CuriousLord

Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

I suppose I'd care for effect. In my thinking, no one who wrongs me will walk away the better for it; I can be extremely vindictive, when need be.

However, if it doesn't hurt my slave, it's unlikely I'll care much what someone else thinks. If it does hurt my slave, I would treat the issue in a manner similar to if they had just damaged other property, such as if they just had keyed my car.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 7

RE: If someone insults your slave... - 1/19/2008 10:26:28 PM

velvetears

Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline

Telling them would be akin to spreading gossip and creating drama. Those who spread their venom count on others to propagate it. What is the purpose of telling? The person will eventually sink their own ship and a fire that gets no oxygen will eventually burn out.

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to CuriousLord)

Post #: 8

RE: If someone insults your slave... - 1/19/2008 11:19:22 PM

azropedntied

Posts: 1829
Joined: 7/25/2005
From: Phx AZ
Status: offline

While protecting another it does not mean all the details need to be brought to light if any at all .Though i would say steer clear in a social situation and make the person i would be protecting or looking after aware .
Actions and deed's speak volumes , and those non honorable actions and deeds often reveal just who and what some are about .
Karma can be a justice all on its own .

(in reply to velvetears)

Post #: 9

RE: If someone insults your slave... - 1/20/2008 12:52:30 AM

BitaTruble

Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline

~FR~

I would never tell someone who had a partner anything which I would expect to be kept a secret. If I tell them something, I will automatically assume they will tell their partner as well. Anyone who ever starts a sentence which begins "You can't tell anyone about this, including your Master" is shut down immediately and I make no bones about the fact that if they tell me, they can automatically expect that I'll tell my Master, so perhaps it's best if they just don't tell me.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."

(in reply to azropedntied)

Post #: 10

RE: If someone insults your slave... - 1/20/2008 1:45:33 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Protect them from what? I guess I have a bigger opinion about myself and my partners that we're big people now.

You'd think we'd eventually learn that short term protections lead to long term distances.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to BitaTruble)

Post #: 11

RE: If someone insults your slave... - 1/20/2008 1:55:33 AM

Justme696

Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline

Difficult.
On one side I want to protect a friend, on the other side I don't like to hide things.
Just have had a whole lot of troubles with soem one not beeing open, which let to all kind of problems. I don't want to be informed when it is to late.

As for "gossip" or "some name calling" perhaps it is wiser soemtimes to not tell the exact words, but do let them know, so they can avoid that certain person.

_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 12

RE: If someone insults your slave... - 1/20/2008 2:50:42 AM

Focus50

Posts: 3962
Joined: 12/28/2004
From: Newcastle, Australia
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

or submissive,

would you tell them, or would you try to protect them?

Insulting my property is to insult me! And I'm not nearly so "noble" or self-righteous as to be the bigger person and just "turn the other cheek"! So I handle it myself.

Tell my girl what happened? Sure, why not? It's happened and it's taken care of; end of story. She at least should know this person's true colours, in case they've been mistaken for a friend...

quote:

My HM told me something someone said about me and He told me that the reason He didn't tell me is because it would hurt me.

I would have preferred to have known what this person said, and spoken to them about it, or moved on, or what ever I decided to do...

Sorry, but this sounds a bit like guilt. The "need" to protect your feelings suggests he didn't take care of it in a manner that the fella in the mirror might expect....

quote:

It kinda hurts when someone who loves you doesn't know that you can stand up for yourself, and, when people who hardly know you make judgments against you, but only tell them to the one you love...

It's got NOTHING to do with whether or not my girl is capable of handling this kind of situation herself. Yet I've got little doubt the subs who have been in my life could take care of themselves.

It's not whether she could so much as you've phrased the question to suggest she's not present when it happened. And even if she is, either way, I'll still take care of it - though I'll understand if there's a certain amount of barracking from the sidelines.... lol

quote:

So, (sorry about the rant, I'm just hurt) would it be better to protect yours, or to let them know, and to stand by them as they stand up for themselves?

Colour me...confused

I can see your hurt but I doubt it's really about a 3rd party insulting you. Seems to me your SO (what's HM?) didn't "protect" you so much as covered something up - something he now feels guilty about....

The devils always in the detail - you should ask him 'cause it doesn't feel right to me....

Focus.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 13

RE: If someone insults your slave... - 1/20/2008 3:09:45 AM

Level

Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline

I do tend to protect the ones I care for. But, it would depend on who said what, and why.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 14

RE: If someone insults your slave... - 1/20/2008 4:37:32 AM

CNJDom

Posts: 186
Joined: 6/6/2006
From: Southern NJ
Status: offline

I feel that the communication between your submissive and yourself is key to begin with...to hold back information of that nature would be like keeping from that person something that could be important all around especially if you are involved in the BDSM community and events. You are a team when together, and I'd want MY sub to let me know any trangression she might have been involved in so that I make the decision to act or not. If I deem that is was infact an insult to her (and that would extend onto to me if it involved something BDSM-related or not), then depending on the situation, I'd either hear how she handled it, or how I or WE would handle this issue. But I wouldn't want her to keep it from me and of course I'd inform her of this issue as well.
I would want this especially if we are active in the community. Falsehoods, and inaccurate assessments of others are not good things to have where some feel their reputation is at stake everytime they are approached or viewed in that community. I'm going to defend my sub, myself, and my reputation if insulted and there many ways to insult someone as well be it drectly verbal or through gossip between others, or even by phyical actions...If you have an issue with another person, then come out with it and deal with it directly as you can. If you're doing this insult for the sake of being habitually offending to others, then you have greater problems to deal with, and your credibility as a community member or individual is at risk. Catagorization will occur and then you are left with no redeeming nature to those many individuals that were insulted by you.
We have enough pressures and negativity in the vanilla world where BDSM is still regarded with some villiany, we don't need to perpetuate anything beyond the positive between us. It will happen that we will find others that don't appeal to what our standards are or activities that we feel personally don't line-up with our values. Be the bigger person and try to live without spreading negativity. Until that time though, we have to deal with insults and negativity one situation at a time. Each time this is dealt with positively, then we are that much closer to making an ideal change globally. For now bottom line: Screw with ONE of us, you get BOTH of us in return (no matter WHO was insulted Master or submissive/slave).

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 15

RE: If someone insults your slave... - 1/20/2008 4:58:43 AM

lateralist1

Posts: 886
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

Just talk to your partner about how you feel.
It may make you feel slightly better talking to us about it but it won't solve anything.

(in reply to CNJDom)

Post #: 16

RE: If someone insults your slave... - 1/20/2008 5:00:11 AM

rubberpet

Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline

If Mistress would decide on not telling me of an insult or hurtful comment, it's probably along the lines that She is the owner and will deal with it. I'm Her property and She is choosing to defend me in that way. It could also mean that She didn't think it was that big of a deal to bother me with the details and worthless opinion of someone stupid. A third option is She doesn't do well with conjugal visits because She thinks once I find out about an insult about me, She thinks I'm going to introduce that person to the gators in the Atchafalaya Basin.

Mistress should know I would never do such a thing. I'll only do that if someone insults Her or does anything to hurt Her.

I agree with CNJDom...screw with one of us, you get both in return. Believe me, it's not pretty. We protect each other very passionately.

_____________________________

Collared and devoted property of Mistress Lorelei (vampchick88) as of 3/26/08.

Rubberpet - The Resident Anti-Subby and mysterious shadowy figure known as Voodoo, proud hitman and wiseguy for the Subby Mafia.

(in reply to CNJDom)

Post #: 17

RE: If someone insults your slave... - 1/20/2008 5:13:30 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

This is kind of a "if a tree falls in the forest" kind of question. If someone whose opinion means nothing, insults your Master or slave.... is it really an insult?

_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 18

RE: If someone insults your slave... - 1/20/2008 5:34:58 AM

LaTigresse

Posts: 26123
Joined: 1/15/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: xxblushesxx

or submissive,

would you tell them, or would you try to protect them?

My HM told me something someone said about me and He told me that the reason He didn't tell me is because it would hurt me.

I would have preferred to have known what this person said, and spoken to them about it, or moved on, or what ever I decided to do...

It kinda hurts when someone who loves you doesn't know that you can stand up for yourself, and, when people who hardly know you make judgments against you, but only tell them to the one you love...

So, (sorry about the rant, I'm just hurt) would it be better to protect yours, or to let them know, and to stand by them as they stand up for themselves?

Colour me...confused

For me, this description of the situation is too vague for me to answer as to what I would do. It would all depend on relationship she had with this person. If it was an aquaintance that was already known to be childish and nasty then no, probably not. If it was a good friend of her's that she trusted very much, it would depend but more than likely yes. Simply because she should know her trust was misplaced. If it was a family member of hers, well that would be a more touchy area. Again, it would depend on the nature of their relationship and the circumstances behind the incident.

Another reason I might not be inclined to say anything is the knowledge that the person was probably hoping I would. They don't have the balls to say it to her/your face, yet want to be hurtful. So what better way to do it than to say it to someone they think will tell you. It is childish behaviour and I would certainly not promote it by passing it along.

Also, if someone had something nasty to say about you, odds are it really isn't "about you" but their own issues, some baggage they need to deal with. Creating more drama certainly won't help them deal with it. Especially if you were to react to it in a manner that they were hoping for.

Those are just a few things I would consider before reacting.

_____________________________

My twisted, self deprecating, sense of humour, finds alot to laugh about, in your lack of one!

Just because you are well educated, articulate, and can use big, fancy words, properly........does not mean you are right!

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 19

RE: If someone insults your slave... - 1/20/2008 6:00:47 AM

Dari

Posts: 192
Joined: 10/8/2007
Status: offline

A lot depends on the sub in question, and the person saying stupid things, and what they said as well.

If someone says something derogatory about one of my subs, and it's in the vein of "This thing is annoying about them, I don't like them because of it?" Well, that's their business. I shrug it off and wouldn't bother to mention it. Everyone has a right to choose what kind of people they like or don't, whether I agree with them or not.

If it's an unfair (in my opinion) criticism based on partial facts? I'll correct it. We'll have a conversation. Really.

As for riding to the rescue of my subs - one of my subs would prefer to handle on his own, though once in a while I might step in just because I like to fight. My other sub is perfectly capable of handling it on his own, but would probably internalize it so as not to cause trouble, or because he doesn't like conflict. I'm far more likely to defend that sub than the first, because the first one doesn't want defending, whereas the other one needs it, if only to avoid taking on negativity he shouldn't.

In all cases, I'm not likely to discuss what was said with either of them, unless it's a warning to stay away from that particularly hateful person. *shrug* No need to perpetuate negativity.

(in reply to LaTigresse)

Post #: 20

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