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Personal responsibility - 1/21/2008 5:21:18 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		The way I see it, engaging in a relationship where control is given to the other person, it is for the mutual benefit for both in that relationship. Thus it doesn't automatically mean the sub/slave always becomes a doormat/robot that has absolutely no say whatsoever.
We who identify as either submissive or slave realize that the dynamics surrounding our relationship isn't bound by conventionality, yet conventionality is woven into our dynamic with our Dom. My understanding of this is when I enter into a relationship, whether it's D/s, M/s, poly etc; my responsibility for maintaining that relationship does not end when I am claimed by a Dom/Master. Granted their role isn't an easy one, my role in the relationship demand that I hold some measure of  responsibility also.
Maybe I am completely missing the point regarding how Power Exchange works. Yet it makes logical sense to understand that a Power Exchange is just that, an exchanging of power between 2 or more people and once a person actually sees beyond this, the relationship is still a relationship.
So I am throwing this out for discussion with the intent of getting different views and feedback.





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RE: Personal responsibility - 1/21/2008 5:33:21 PM   
Taurusnpanther


Posts: 1
Joined: 1/18/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: beargonewild

my responsibility for maintaining that relationship does not end when I am claimed by a Dom/Master. Granted their role isn't an easy one, my role in the relationship demand that I hold some measure of  responsibility also.


i'm doing double duty since i'm in two relationships - on the one hand, i'm a daughter to a Daddy and the other submissive to a dominant.  neither one is an easy task however each one dominant gives me what i need from the relationship and vice versa.

~panther~


< Message edited by Taurusnpanther -- 1/21/2008 5:34:09 PM >

(in reply to beargonewild)
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RE: Personal responsibility - 1/21/2008 5:37:31 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		This is why it is NOT a "power exchange" to me.

It is an authority transfer.

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RE: Personal responsibility - 1/21/2008 5:42:00 PM   
xxblushesxx


Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline 		There is always responsibility on both sides.
Sometimes one has more than the other, however.

~Christina

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
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RE: Personal responsibility - 1/21/2008 6:02:38 PM   
proudsub


Posts: 6142
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Washington
Status: offline 		 

quote:

i'm doing double duty since i'm in two relationships - on the one hand, i'm a daughter to a Daddy and the other submissive to a dominant.  neither one is an easy task however each one dominant gives me what i need from the relationship and vice versa.

~panther~



I'm just curious how that works when you say in your journal:  "Taurus does not share me nor himself with others." 

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RE: Personal responsibility - 1/21/2008 6:33:04 PM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: beargonewild

The way I see it, engaging in a relationship where control is given to the other person, it is for the mutual benefit for both in that relationship. Thus it doesn't automatically mean the sub/slave always becomes a doormat/robot that has absolutely no say whatsoever.


Someone once made a post that not everyone wants to have a healthy relationship.  I know I do not have the comment word for word, but it made me realize that not everyone wants to be healthy and may actually choose to enter and stay in a relationship that is entirely unhealthy for them.  That is a perspective that is very hard for me to appreciate, but they have the freedom to make that choice.

On the other hand it is entirely possible that what is beneficial for the sub/slave is to be a doormat that does not have any say in the relationship. 

quote:


We who identify as either submissive or slave realize that the dynamics surrounding our relationship isn't bound by conventionality, yet conventionality is woven into our dynamic with our Dom. My understanding of this is when I enter into a relationship, whether it's D/s, M/s, poly etc; my responsibility for maintaining that relationship does not end when I am claimed by a Dom/Master. Granted their role isn't an easy one, my role in the relationship demand that I hold some measure of  responsibility also.


How others structure their relationship is up to them.  I know that for us what works is for all three of us to be responsible for maintaining our part of the relationship.  We put the relationship first and do what is best for it. 

quote:


Maybe I am completely missing the point regarding how Power Exchange works. Yet it makes logical sense to understand that a Power Exchange is just that, an exchanging of power between 2 or more people and once a person actually sees beyond this, the relationship is still a relationship.
So I am throwing this out for discussion with the intent of getting different views and feedback.


We do not use the term power exchange.  Alandra and I transfer authority to him.  The authority transfer part of our relationship sets up the structure of who will be making the decisions in the relationship.  He has the authority to make all decisions regarding the three of us.  The ones he does not want to make he delegates back to her or me. 

The authority transfer is only one part of it; we have each made the effort to build a strong relationship between the three of us.

Knight's Kyra





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RE: Personal responsibility - 1/21/2008 6:56:46 PM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		If you don't work as a team, it won't work period.

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RE: Personal responsibility - 1/21/2008 7:24:41 PM   
Dari


Posts: 192
Joined: 10/8/2007
Status: offline 		I think I like the term authority transfer better than power exchange!  Yay for thinking of old concepts with new terms!  (new to me, at least)

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RE: Personal responsibility - 1/21/2008 7:35:47 PM   
Statepalace


Posts: 185
Joined: 9/20/2007
Status: offline 		You can't dance with a doormat. I am the Ginger to His Fred, an active participant (and yeah, in heels).

I think that some people may mistakenly see bdsm as an easy out to being an active participant in a relationship. "I am sub, so only have to obey". "I am Dom, so only have to give orders". You are both still people, with needs and flaws. People, like gardens, need frequent maintenance.

Sort of like the "white knight" and "perfect princess" ideas, just using different terminology. If only they found the right one, everything would be wonderful and no more work would be required. Hah.

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the empire will be at peace of its own accord

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RE: Personal responsibility - 1/21/2008 8:22:19 PM   
NaiveTempest


Posts: 345
Joined: 11/20/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline 		Each person in a relationship needs to give their all for the relationship to work. I can't see a relationship where someone is halk-assing it lasting very long. Part of what makes a relationship so special is the care and attention bestowed upon each member. The roles played are secondary. Even a sub/slave can get fed up if the T/PE feels one-sided. Or that one side is supporting the relationship more than the other. And Dom/mes and Masters/Mistresses, while may be perceived as having more of the weight, still need their sub/slave.

Damn, I'm tired. Did that even make any sense in regards to the OP? I'm too tired to proof it...

_____________________________

"All the things I should have said that I never said/All the things we should have done that we never did/All the things I should have given, but I didn't.../Give me these moments back..."

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RE: Personal responsibility - 1/21/2008 8:31:13 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

Maybe I am completely missing the point regarding how Power Exchange works. Yet it makes logical sense to understand that a Power Exchange is just that, an exchanging of power between 2 or more people and once a person actually sees beyond this, the relationship is still a relationship.
So I am throwing this out for discussion with the intent of getting different views and feedback.


This is how I see it. In relationships between any individuals there are responsibilities. Even wee ones have growing responsibilities in this world. If there is no give and take, most relationships will suffer, and many will eventually end. D/s is an energy exchange to me, or a power exchange to me. Without an exchange, there can be no relationship in my mind

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

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RE: Personal responsibility - 1/21/2008 9:23:21 PM   
DisenchantedLife


Posts: 193
Status: offline 		We are all responsible for what goes on in our lives our relationships.  We allow or disallow things to happen simply by accepting or not accepting.  Personal responsiblity holds true for everything. 

(in reply to juliaoceania)
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RE: Personal responsibility - 1/21/2008 11:21:21 PM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		Ya know...I'm not real sure I understand the difference between saying Master has complete power over me, and Master has complete authority over me......We have a give and take relationship....I take the orders He gives...end of discussion....and I'm not try to be flippant. Will He ask me whats on my mind? yes, He will. He actually requires I communicate to the best of my ability and as respectfully as I can, all of my thoughts and feelings...I trust that He has my best interest at heart and therefore I trust His decisions. I am His partner. He tells me this often, and I smile every time I hear it. I serve Him. I meet His needs. I have become His food "master" LOL. He trusts that I have His best interests at heart, and thats why He values my input. Master told me recently that if He never flogged my ass again(paraphrasing here) that His feelings and the way we are would not change...He would still love me and be Master.....Its not what we do when we indulge the masochist in me, and the Sadist in Him.....that make us who we are to each other...Its our connection period... We feel we belong to each other...and its working pretty good so far. Thats all I got....Great topic beargonewild 

< Message edited by breatheasone -- 1/21/2008 11:24:07 PM >

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RE: Personal responsibility - 1/22/2008 3:42:12 AM   
MissAnthropic


Posts: 40
Joined: 7/31/2007
Status: offline 		I dont think even in a power exchance situation that you can abdicate personal authority.  Every time he gives and order or command; you regardless of whether you think you do or not, go through a process of is this the right decision for him, for me, for us. If he told you to shoot someone would you? Hopefully not. Being a follower or a sub or even a slave doesnt mean your unethical or thoughtless or stupid. It doesn't stop you from being self responsible and accountable and following SSC or RACK.

Ive sat down a hundred times with my ex Dom in the past and asked why should I do this? What is the purpose of this action? I can always ask questions, particularily when my children are concerned. I can recall a time my 4 year old was throwing a tantrum and he told me to turn on the cold shower,  and he said just do it. He then picked up the screaming kicking hysterical four year old and dumped her in a cold shower. It worked immediately to calm/shock her and she stopped kicking and punching at my pregnant stomach. If I hadnt done what I was told when I was told she could have a. harmed herself b. harmed me or the baby c. damaged property........  Sometimes you have to make quick unconcious decisions, or put your trust in Him.

However that doesn't ever take away my responsability for self and in particular for my children. I have the right to say no. I can  and did ultimately vote with my feet and leave.

cheers

jess






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RE: Personal responsibility - 1/22/2008 3:58:23 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: beargonewild

The way I see it, engaging in a relationship where control is given to the other person, it is for the mutual benefit for both in that relationship. Thus it doesn't automatically mean the sub/slave always becomes a doormat/robot that has absolutely no say whatsoever.
We who identify as either submissive or slave realize that the dynamics surrounding our relationship isn't bound by conventionality, yet conventionality is woven into our dynamic with our Dom. My understanding of this is when I enter into a relationship, whether it's D/s, M/s, poly etc; my responsibility for maintaining that relationship does not end when I am claimed by a Dom/Master. Granted their role isn't an easy one, my role in the relationship demand that I hold some measure of  responsibility also.
Maybe I am completely missing the point regarding how Power Exchange works. Yet it makes logical sense to understand that a Power Exchange is just that, an exchanging of power between 2 or more people and once a person actually sees beyond this, the relationship is still a relationship.
So I am throwing this out for discussion with the intent of getting different views and feedback.


Not much to add, I see it as you.


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RE: Personal responsibility - 1/22/2008 5:36:59 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

This is why it is NOT a "power exchange" to me.

It is an authority transfer.


I agree.

I'll add that everyone living thing has power, the ability to make something happen. How much you have may change in any given situation but for most healthy human relationships (in my strong opinion) this is a matter of recognized and supported authority or the right/responsibility for making the decisions about what will happen and how.

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RE: Personal responsibility - 1/22/2008 8:13:37 AM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		~FR~
Thanks for all your opinions. There are many points which had me stop and really think to understand that slightly different view and a few which I hadn't considered! This has given me food for thought which was my intent!


_____________________________

Do Not Rile da Chosen Bear

Promiscuous boy you already know
That I’m all yours what you waiting for?

Resident MANWHORE ~1000 Bear pts~

10 NZ points
Whips~n~Cuffs

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RE: Personal responsibility - 1/22/2008 8:22:28 AM   
Leatherist


Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
Status: offline 		I like your quote about fighting the bunny bear. I wish more were like you. Too many use roles as a way to be sheep-and insisting that others do thier thinking for them, as if that were somehow easier. Wrong thinking and the willingness to shed personal responsibility never make things easier. They only make one vulnerable to grief and instability.

Kill the bunny-it's is the only way to live with any sort of joy and security in one's life.

To walk down our paths with clarity of sight, able to see the crossroads. Able to choose.

Rather than wrapped in a fog of fantasy, stumbling in the darkness.

_____________________________

My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

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RE: Personal responsibility - 1/22/2008 8:27:39 AM   
Archer


Posts: 3207
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		The s-type is responsible to the D-type, when it comes to relationship matters.
The D type is responsible to the relationship as a whole.
Thus the perspective of who's in control is maintained as the D-type.

Just my personal mental gymnastics, if they help use them if they don't ignore them.

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Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Personal responsibility - 1/22/2008 8:57:22 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Me giving him power takes a shitload of stress off me, which gives me more breathing space and more energy to better handle the things I am responsible for. I can't find a label for that, but it works. In return he's one of those stereotypical busy people who, if you want something done, you give it to. I run around handling the small details in return allowing him to focus on the major stuff. Whatever it is, it works for us. As I've said before, I'm the exec ass't to his CEO. And that means it is part of my job to disobey if he gives a bad order, to call him on it, and to find him the info he didn't have so he can avert a mistake. The Good German defense does not work around here.

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Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


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