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RE: Personal responsibility - 1/22/2008 9:28:30 AM

LadyHugs

Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
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Dear beargonewild, Ladies and Gentlemen;

For me personally, personal responsibility is same as personal liability. Each adult should be personally accountable for choices they make in life--even in a M/s, D/s, S&M and other styles of relationships.

No Master can have power without the authority. Since individuals come to join a relationship, one must submit to the other, as a D/s and or M/s relationship is built on a narrow path which only permits a 'single file' path. By understanding the roles of Master/Dominant, the responsibilities of such roles, as well as good judgment in using the power and authority by others it becomes evident that it is not a even power base. The slave/submissive empowers the Master/Dominant, as to permit them to lead, be guardian, be responsible/liable for the direction and goals of the relationship. But, a Master/Dominant is as powerful as the permission and authority of the slave/submissive to use/borrow/loan/gift/give of their power and support.
The slave/submissive in giving power and authority within the boundaries set up and agreed to; permits the Master/Dominant to invest in the slave as well as the relationship.

That said, it must be understood too, that no relationship is easy maintenance. There will be many flaws, tests and struggles. Nothing is free, easy--even coming to power and or authority, -- or loosing it.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to beargonewild)

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RE: Personal responsibility - 1/22/2008 10:18:35 AM

denika

Posts: 619
Joined: 8/30/2005
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good post :)

IMO the basis for a healthy relationship, of any kind is to be honest. It's not easy, wether vanilla,mainstream,D/s M/s pick a term. A healthy relationship takes a lot of work and it's each persons responsibility to contribute to it's well being. Rob and I have had a few bumps in the road over the years, a few more as of late and alot if came down to the fact we weren't communicating to each other, he would get grumpy, I would pull away when in reality he wanted me to come closer and ask what was wrong. We talk often and honestly so we were able to figure that out. I am also in a poly relationship and identify as a slave, not it's not typical (there are so many definintions to the roles out there I won't even start) some are going to say 'You can't say slave! you are married and a part of you is already owned!' and that is true, I am a slave to both Rob and Wolf, they own the best parts of me.And I gave them the authority over me. Which, can be a challenge in itself, there is something a bit frightening when I see the two of them together, Rob likes to come up with wicked idea's and likes to share them with the person who can carry them out.
The balancing act is keeping the relationships healthy. Rob is my primary, as Wolf has his primary as well, we have to make sure we give them the time and devotion they deserve as well as fostering and growing our relationship within it.

It's not easy and anyone who thinks it is, hasn't dealt with long term poly before :) If you live together or not.

Each person, no matter what the label or role has a responcibility to contribute to the relationship, that's the only way it can work and stay healthy. we are still in the early stage so we are working out all the lumps and bumps (so to speak) but that's where honesty comes in, I know I can share anything I am feeling with either of them. It can be a huge burdon on Rob at times ,since he's not all that intrested in BDSM, but he is open minded and he has his own kinks *s* after 18 years you tend to see each other a certian way, but we are both striving towards the some thing. We may not always be on the same path but we are heading in the same direction and that is what matters. Throw in some healthy love and devotion and it's a very nice recipe :)

Wolf's denika

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Post #: 22

RE: Personal responsibility - 1/22/2008 11:00:19 AM

sirguym

Posts: 318
Joined: 8/10/2007
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To me a relationship is healthy when the power and authority go hand in hand with matching responsibility.

That is true however much the balance is tilted away from 50/50%.

It is unhealthy when one partner has power, but not the counterbalance of taking due care responsibility for the other; that leads to abuse.

Or one partner has the responsibility to get essential things done, but not the authority or power to do so; that leads to martyrdom.

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Post #: 23