RE: Married and submissive to another (Full Version)

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barefootprincess -> RE: Married and submissive to another (1/24/2008 8:03:43 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Maestro66babycak

If you have a sadistic Master NEVER FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM-YOU WILL REGRET IT !!!
 
Does that answer your question hon?



  This is a most magnificent answer.
As to my middle name, its also Masochist, just more a mental maso, (less visibly marked.)
Things people learn amaze me.
Thanks for starting this thread.
bfp



AquaticSub -> RE: Married and submissive to another (1/24/2008 8:05:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Maestro66babycak

I can answer your question. My husband killed my love about 5 years ago when he started throwing my things in the garbage after the doctos told him i was going to die. I came home after a month in the hospital and found that most of my clothes and all of my writings and paintings were in the garbage.
Once I recovered from that pain and shattered heart I started looking for a Master. One found me Dec.24, 2004.  Master Jess.
I have since fallen hopelessly in love with him, and he uses that love against me every chance he gets. He has turned very sadistic lately and its killing me. He promised me he wouldnt keep looking for a 24/7 if did the things a 24/7 would do, so I started learning what he wanted me to do, but the moment I did something wrong he told me that the only way he would keep me is if he was allowed to 'be with' anyone he wanted . He calls me his part time- which hurts me and he knows it does. He punishes me by not letting me see him because he knows it breaks my heart to be away from him.
Once when he got angry at me for hating the woman he was fucking behind my back and told me that I had no right to be angry because He did not belong to Me and He would NEVER  love me.
I still do love him- masochist must be my middle name- I am not asking for advice. I am simply  saying this:
If you have a sadistic Master NEVER FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM-YOU WILL REGRET IT !!!
 
Does that answer your question hon?


Except for when you don't.

Frankly, I'd call what you are going through abuse, not sadism and you just keep taking it. Valyraen is a sadist but he also does this funny thing called loving me.

Your relationship is not the measure of all. I wouldn't even call it the measure of many based of what I see.



XtreamMind -> RE: Married and submissive to another (1/25/2008 12:19:25 AM)

I've been reading this thread with real interest. I've been lurking this site for about a year now (check my profile) and I've never posted. This thread strikes so close to home. My wife is REALLY vanilla, which is a (sometimes unbearable ) strain on me. There are months when we are not intimate and it has gotten to the point where I simply don't make advances to her anymore. The catch is that I love her....deeply. She is the mother of my two incredible children, she is NOT my "soul mate", but she is the person I pledged to be with the rest of my life. The point I'm trying to make is that I come here and lurk, read, fantasize and wish, never actually doing anything because of the enormous potential damage it could inflict on my kids, and I do still hold a hope that there is a depth to my wife I haven't found yet. I don't feel I have the right to seek my own (selfish?) desires at the expense of my family. I'm sure this point of view will draw some flame here...so be it. But before you flame, glance back at LadyLoly's posts. And let there be no mistake, I AM a switch at the very core of my being.

Taking that a step further, I'm not simply a guy whose looking over the fence thinking the grass is greener. I had D/s relationships before I got married, I believed I was marrying someone that was compatible.

Rats, I rambled on all that to say this:
In my case, I don't believe I could have a standing D/s relation "on the side", without my wife's knowledge, and even then it would be pretty complicated. The whole point of it for me was the DEPTH of knowing the other, the intensity of feeling what my sub was feeling and knowing her so well that I could lead her where she wanted to go, at times even when she didn't know it herself. It took a level of intimacy that demanded time and attention. I WOULD fall in love, there's no doubt...or get frustrated quickly.

And yes...Its been years (many years) since I have been able to be "me", and if I could figure out how to seek my own desires without damaging my family.....I'd be on it like wax in pubic hair. So I lurk, and read.........



SailingBum -> RE: Married and submissive to another (1/25/2008 12:59:04 AM)

Welcome to the jungle xtreme.

BadOne



proudsub -> RE: Married and submissive to another (1/25/2008 12:48:58 PM)

quote:

My wife is REALLY vanilla, which is a (sometimes unbearable ) strain on me. There are months when we are not intimate and it has gotten to the point where I simply don't make advances to her anymore.


Have you ever really discussed your desires with her? asked her if she would like to try something new? It could be she is bored with vanilla sex and also needs to spice things up.  This happened to me,  and Hubby thought i had lost interest because i was bored.  I did go outside my marriage to get the bdsm excitement i desired, without discussing it with Him.  When He found out and we finally did discuss it He said He wanted to learn to be my Dom and it's been great.[:)]



breatheasone -> RE: Married and submissive to another (1/25/2008 1:59:54 PM)

proudsub you are very fortunate. My husband had zero interest in any of the "life style" things i am interested in. He did however, give me permission to seek it out.



XtreamMind -> RE: Married and submissive to another (1/28/2008 7:00:27 AM)

prosub: Yes.

There are many whom lack of communication is exactly the problem, and I am REALLY happy for those couples (or thrices, quads, groups?) who reach that "OMG You TOO!" epiphany. That's the kind of thing that warms my heart, and your story makes me want to buy you two a motel room at the Mardi-Gras in celebration, with a toy account! (I'm not being sarcastic, I'd set up a chair and cheer you on<grin>). Many of our situations are really too complex to be able to effectively post on a board and mine is one that has become so complex I can't even craft the right question to ask here, or series of questions.

I've also been reluctant to raise my hand here because all the "usual" fixes have failed so far. I feel that in order to get any really useful feedback, it would involve "airing mine and others dirty laundry" which would not be fair. And that's another reason I lurk. (Looks like THATS changing).



XtreamMind -> RE: Married and submissive to another (1/28/2008 7:04:40 AM)

A real quick aside....Looks like I need to learn more about the forums interface...

Sorry if my replies have been to the wrong people. (in reply to *). Didn't notice that feature ;)

Cheers!



LadyPact -> RE: Married and submissive to another (1/28/2008 10:36:34 AM)

I'm not a submissive, but I'd like to add a contribution here.  I'm a Dominant who happens to be married.  I have a submissive who also happens to be married to someone else.  Both My submissive and I love our respective partners very much.  Neither would wish to harm the other by disturbing those primary relationships. 

Does this mean that there is no kind of emotional bond?  Of course not.  I care for My sub very much.  It doesn't threaten what I share with My husband in any way.  I have come to the point of understanding Myself that I know I can love more than one person, and accept that I have different emotional attachments to different people in My life.  I'm fortunate enough to have relationships that contribute to My life on many levels.

Not to confuse the intent of the OP, but emotional attachment is very easily equated to the word love.  That word happens to have one of the longest definitions in the dictionary.  Try looking it up and just see what can be found there.  Then see what that definition might possibly mean.



proudsub -> RE: Married and submissive to another (1/28/2008 3:08:55 PM)

quote:

your story makes me want to buy you two a motel room at the Mardi-Gras in celebration, with a toy account! (I'm not being sarcastic, I'd set up a chair and cheer you on<grin>).


Oh that sounds fun, wish i could take you up on it.[:)]

I do hope you get things worked out.



servantheart -> RE: Married and submissive to another (1/28/2008 5:50:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsLadySue

I've been chatting with a married submissive and a question came to mind that I put to him and would like to hear other's responses. His response is that it would never happen to him since submission is not about emotional attachment.

I'm curious what a married submissive or slave would do if they were to fall madly in love with their Dominant. I suspect this does happen on occasion and if you've experienced this, I'd be interested in hearing what you would do or have done.


It happened to me.  I love my Master.  Personally, I am unable to submit without the emotional attachment.  The connection is just too deep.  How do I handle it?  Very carefully and not without a ton of guilt.  Once my kids are grown and on their own, I will likely leave my marriage. 
 
 



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