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RE: The Golden Rule - 2/5/2008 10:05:31 AM

kyraofMists

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As a quick note, a person does not have to do all the work (i.e. pay the bills and balance the accounts) in order to have authority over that particular area. In our relationship, he has complete authority over how all the money is spent, but Alandra and I do all the work to make sure that it is done the way he wants it.

You and he have to do what is best for your relationship, but I think it is a misconception that a person has to do all the work in order to control that area.

Knight's Kyra

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RE: The Golden Rule - 2/5/2008 10:44:55 AM

PanthersMom

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"how do you control something that does not want to be controled?"

you stop trying.

PM

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RE: The Golden Rule - 2/5/2008 10:45:46 AM

Justme696

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quote:

ORIGINAL: PanthersMom

"how do you control something that does not want to be controled?"

you stop trying.

PM

agree, waste of energy

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RE: The Golden Rule - 2/5/2008 10:54:51 AM

charlotte12

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You make perfect sense to me. In my mind it's not really a matter of whether you are "submitting enough" or not. You do have to take care of yourself later if something goes wrong and if the man you're with does not seem to consider your feelings in this regard than I would question whether he is a good person to be with. I'm not saying a Dom has to make more money or that he can't have a human failing such as being bad at remembering deadlines for bills. I AM saying that if he can't recognize this and say "look honey, you are better at paying bills than I am and I want to make sure I don't mess up your credit or leave you in debt so I'm going to let you handle your own money" then he is seriously lacking in the ability to live in reality. If his self-esteem is tied up in who makes more money than I would say he has a little more growing up to do.

I make more money than Master and have sometimes had trouble turning over control of that money to him. But ultimatly he has never done anything to make me think he has anything but my best interests at heart so I am learning to let go. If he did things that risked my credit or financial stability I would lose a lot of faith in him.

just my 2 cents

< Message edited by charlotte12 -- 2/5/2008 10:55:42 AM >

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Post #: 44

RE: The Golden Rule - 2/5/2008 6:03:02 PM

ForeverOwned

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We, have a rule in our house. as long as the bills are paid and money is saved, whatever we do with what's left over is each other's business.

What is it about her spending the money that she has earned that bothers you?

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Post #: 45

RE: The Golden Rule - 2/5/2008 7:16:17 PM

Level

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quote:

I suppose emptying her purse when she is bound is not a proper response huh?
oh well.........it was just a thought

Jeff

quote:

brainiacsub wrote:

I am curious to know how many Doms feel this way. Is money power to you? Can you have a relationship with a sub who makes more than you? Significantly more than you? Is this a man thing and not just a matter of dominance? Does it make you feel emasculated? Would it make a difference in a vanilla relationship?

No difference, no emasculation.

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Post #: 46

RE: The Golden Rule - 2/5/2008 10:52:08 PM

LadyHugs

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Dear JakkthePirate, Belladonna30, Ladies and Gentlemen;

I'm pleased to get both sides of the story. I would agree with you Belladonna30--you need to be in charge of the money, bills and all things relating to your well being. I would be worried to the point of illness, if JakkthePirate keeps 'forgetting' things as often as you have mentioned--especially when it comes to important things like finance.

Has he had someone look into the causes of lack of memory, forgetfulness and such? Perhaps his primary doctor?

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

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Post #: 47

RE: The Golden Rule - 2/6/2008 7:51:01 AM

Belladonna30

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LadyHugs,

it is not so much that Sir has a "problem" as in medical issue. i think it is more of lack of structure in his "former life pre D/s" that He carries/d a non-chalant attitude about getting things done aka procrastination. That is a huge issue with me as i am a notorious planner and scheduler. i sometimes feel like i am topping from the bottom when i try to suggest or encourage more structure. He is working on a routine, it may help in remembering to have that going. i know He is to make all the choices for U/s, but i try to use my skills to help Him succeed as well. i hope that doesnt mean i am topping from the bottom. i just feel that if i can help Him better Himself as He does with me, it is a good thing.

~b~

***Sidenote: i appreciate all the insight, thoughts, ideas, and feelings that everyone has shown regarding this topic, it has been very helpful.***

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Post #: 48

RE: The Golden Rule - 2/6/2008 7:57:17 AM

sexyred1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: lusciouslips19

quote:

ORIGINAL: utterlybutterfli

Well, Yes, I found it a bit whiny too, if you want the truth and I no more want a whiny Dominant than you (or any other submissive that I can think of would).

Inexperience though, is a different matter, to me. I was inexperienced once asa submissive - and I've asked more than one stupid question about my relationship. In general I don't disagree with you. I just don't know if lack of ambition is where his problems lie, is all

ok, well wrong wording. But maybe if he had made more money. I couldnt be with a Dom that made less than me. He is awfully young too. I find money to equal power and if he doesnt have power, he needs to get it.

I don't agree with that, Luscious. My last one was younger than me and made far less money. He was powerful in different ways and money only offers freedom in our world, but it does not mean you are a powerful individual just because you have money.

I have met plenty of men who did not make a lot of money who were more centered and powerful than rich guys I dated.

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Post #: 49