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RE: not sure - 1/23/2008 7:02:46 AM

RoughFN

Posts: 197
Joined: 7/26/2006
Status: offline

On the one hand tasking the sub with finding a second slave can definitely come across as lazy and the guy just being desperate for a threesome.

But on the other, to slightly defend the behavior, it may be easier for a girl to find another girl than it is for a guy to. My perception (which, admittedly may be completely wrong) is that it's easier for girls to meet other girls on this site than for guys to find them. The girls are less threatening.

So a slave can talk to another sub and be on equal terms and chitchat a bit and be open and honest, the 3rd person doesn't need to worry as much about the sub not being honest or just trying to get her into bed. After all, it's another girl and she's working hard to find somebody, not just a fast lay. After all, most guys that email the girls on here never get back a reply. So maybe the girl email will standout and get some where.

Basically, it may just be practicality and seizing an opportunity as opposed to just laziness or desperation. If a girl can find a 3rd in 3 months and he'd take 3 years, then what's wrong with speeding things up?

Of course, I could be way off base with my assumptions, but that's always been how I've viewed it.

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 21

RE: not sure - 1/23/2008 8:53:10 AM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

So you have a Master (both new to the lifestyle but been together for 9 years- but you have a huge problem becuase you cannot give yourself to him completely who wants you to find another sub for you both too share -plus you also have a Dom ? do you find it hard to give yourself to your Dom? does your Dom mind that you are looking for another to be with you and your master?

God I am confused

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to dirtygirlT)

Post #: 22

RE: not sure - 1/23/2008 12:00:39 PM

adoracat

Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Rabbit stew. Yum Yum.

Cali

be vewy vewy quiet. i'm hunting wabbits. i mean subbies. subbie wabbits. *insert Elmer laugh here*

kitten, who loves the cartoon "whats opera, doc?"

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 23

RE: not sure - 1/23/2008 6:28:15 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tricia
My Owner and I don’t attend munches, play parties, or lifestyle events. So, unlike many of you, our contact with people who ‘practice’ the same way of living as us is quite limited. My profile clearly states I’m looking for a third. This is a collective effort on both our parts. But, even if it were not, I would see it as my assisting him/serving him as I do in many other ways

I absolutely agree, tricia. This is exactly the way it is for us. My profile, His profile and our profile all state that we are seeking a "third." We are into play or, with the right person, a poly family eventually. It has absolutely nothing to do with Master being "lazy." That's the first response that gets trotted out everytime it's mentioned that a sub/slave is looking for another to join them. "THEM" is the operative word here. She would be joining US, not just Him. As a matter of fact, in all frankness, I am the one who suggested seeking another, not Him. He decided He liked the idea very much and we created our profiles. Laziness has nothing at all to do with it.

The OP and many others seem to have doms/masters who have much greater issues than laziness. Them being forced to look for someone else for their dom (esp. on a timeline with punishment following if they fail) is ridiculous to me personally. This doesn't mean, however, that any dom with a sub/slave who is assisting in the search is a lazy idiot who isn't worth having as a dom/master. As with any issue discussed here, there's alot more to it than black and white.

I totally feel ya, tricia. We don't go to play parties or munches either in order to meet other "lifestylers." Contacting them through our profiles (thus our "collective efforts," as you say) is the main way this is accomplished. It is a way of serving Him but is also a way of serving myself and fulfilling my own desire for another woman in our bed and in our Life..............luci

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(in reply to tricia)

Post #: 24

RE: not sure - 1/23/2008 7:00:53 PM

tricia

Posts: 231
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline

Thank you, Luci. I think we are definitely on the same page : )

< Message edited by tricia -- 1/23/2008 7:01:51 PM >

(in reply to slaveluci)

Post #: 25

RE: not sure - 1/23/2008 7:28:32 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

You have another Dom, and he is sending you to find HIm another sub. Sounds like a huge clusterf*ck, honestly. I would never send anyone to find me a sub. I couldnt imagein anyone being able to take my interests into consideration well enough for me to be happy with whomever they brought back. And it sounds as if you both have entirely too much on yout place already to be considering someone else, what with your behavioural issues and all.

But, assuming this is what you both want and you are set on it, ask him to make you a list of important traits, and must haves. Then, using those as a guideline, find someone you like, who fits what he wants as well. That gives you at least a jumping off point. Lets just hope it isnt jumping off an emotional cliff...

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to DesFIP)

Post #: 26

RE: not sure - 1/23/2008 7:30:05 PM

Leatherist

Posts: 5149
Joined: 12/11/2007
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It annoys the living fuck out of most subs to be approached by another sub for her master.

They end up thinking poorly of the guy-instant loss of respect.

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I'm not taking custom orders.

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 27

RE: not sure - 1/23/2008 7:39:31 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

It annoys the living fuck out of most subs to be approached by another sub for her master.

They end up thinking poorly of the guy-instant loss of respect.

I guess I'm not most subs. For me, it would depend on how I was approached. I'd enjoy knowing that she was an active part of the search and that this was something that she was involved with as well, it wasn't just "You sit over there while I find myself a new playmate".

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 28

RE: not sure - 1/23/2008 7:41:01 PM

Leatherist

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We will see what others have to say.

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My shop is currently segueing into production mode.

I'm not taking custom orders.

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Post #: 29

RE: not sure - 1/23/2008 7:44:55 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

Whenever it's come up, it seems to be a very personal thing. More than once OPs have been surprised at how many subs/slaves said "Uh no. I want to be involved in looking for a third person."

'Sides, if I don't get along with the other woman, there really isn't a point in getting to know the man as far as I'm concerned.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 30

RE: not sure - 1/23/2008 7:54:22 PM

sambamanslilgirl

Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Leatherist

It annoys the living fuck out of most subs to be approached by another sub for her master.

They end up thinking poorly of the guy-instant loss of respect.

that's the reaction i mostly received when doing this for a former - many were annoyed that i was contacting them instead of him being active in the search with me as well. he always told me to find someone phyically like me (he loved women with huge tits) ...after awhile i saw this as something he was setting me up to fail.

and for the record this "task" was given to me as the former's idea which was not jointly agreed upon. in other words, i was dead set against having another woman being part of us even though (and i didn't know this at the time) he already had many other women on the side.

_____________________________

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(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 31

RE: not sure - 1/24/2008 4:59:11 PM

dirtygirlT

Posts: 6
Joined: 9/18/2007
Status: offline

ok im being to kick myself in the ass for coming here for help. i didnt come here for a bashing i came here just to ask what you would look for in a sub if you were asked to find one thats all. to get things straight i was the one that told Master to find another sub and he came to me and ask me to help find him one im sorry maybe i put it in to wrong words. Master is not lazzy he is a wonderful Master and for the one that said i had behaveral problems your wrong i dont and if you got that from one of my old posts yea at that time i did none of you ever had one of those moments that you just acted like a brat im sure thats not true. i just dont understand why im getting bashed and Master when i have read plenty of profiles on here that said Master or Daddy is having me get on here to find a sub/slave. i dont know maybe i was wrong but i thought this was some were i could go to ask questions and not get judge like i do in the vinilla word i live in and get bashed every day for being Masters slave. guess i was fucking wrong

< Message edited by dirtygirlT -- 1/24/2008 5:00:46 PM >

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)

Post #: 32

RE: not sure - 1/24/2008 5:07:49 PM

Kalista07

Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dirtygirlT

ok im being to kick myself in the ass for coming here for help. i didnt come here for a bashing i came here just to ask what you would look for in a sub if you were asked to find one thats all. to get things straight i was the one that told Master to find another sub and he came to me and ask me to help find him one im sorry maybe i put it in to wrong words. Master is not lazzy he is a wonderful Master and for the one that said i had behaveral problems your wrong i dont and if you got that from one of my old posts yea at that time i did none of you ever had one of those moments that you just acted like a brat im sure thats not true. i just dont understand why im getting bashed and Master when i have read plenty of profiles on here that said Master or Daddy is having me get on here to find a sub/slave. i dont know maybe i was wrong but i thought this was some were i could go to ask questions and not get judge like i do in the vinilla word i live in and get bashed every day for being Masters slave. guess i was fucking wrong

dirtygirlT,
i can see by the lack of punctuation and correct grammer in Your post that You are very upset...For that, i am sorry. However, i think that it was not wrong for You to come here seeking advice, but perhaps it's the way You phrased it...Afterall, why would it matter what any of us would look for in a sub? We are not You, are we? Our preferences are not Your preferences. Our likes are not Your likes.....It seems to me that perhaps Your time and energy may be best suited focusing on Your relationship rather than defending Your past (or current) behavior.

_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb

(in reply to dirtygirlT)

Post #: 33

RE: not sure - 1/24/2008 5:18:27 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dirtygirlT

ok im being to kick myself in the ass for coming here for help. i didnt come here for a bashing i came here just to ask what you would look for in a sub if you were asked to find one thats all. to get things straight i was the one that told Master to find another sub and he came to me and ask me to help find him one im sorry maybe i put it in to wrong words. Master is not lazzy he is a wonderful Master and for the one that said i had behaveral problems your wrong i dont and if you got that from one of my old posts yea at that time i did none of you ever had one of those moments that you just acted like a brat im sure thats not true. i just dont understand why im getting bashed and Master when i have read plenty of profiles on here that said Master or Daddy is having me get on here to find a sub/slave. i dont know maybe i was wrong but i thought this was some were i could go to ask questions and not get judge like i do in the vinilla word i live in and get bashed every day for being Masters slave. guess i was fucking wrong

This is not, repeat not, a safe space where you can share feelings and ask any sort of question without fear of being insulted or judged. There are cons to this but there are also some definate pros. There are other spaces that strive to be safe spaces - these usually state that they do and are a lot more work for the moderators.

And my advice still stands: Ask him what he wants.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to dirtygirlT)

Post #: 34

RE: not sure - 1/24/2008 5:20:50 PM

Kalista07

Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline

quote:

Ask him what he wants.

Now Aquatic what fun would that be??? It would take all the mystery (frustration, resentment, arguements, etc) out of the game......Now where's the fun in open, honest communication? Sheesh!!

_____________________________

“Love me when I least deserve it, because that's when I really need it.”
~~Sweedish Proverb

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 35

RE: not sure - 1/25/2008 2:06:53 AM

eyesopened

Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline

i totally agree with Aquatic. IF i were interested in joining a poly household i would actually appreciate being contacted by the submissive first rather than the Dominant. This would let me know that she's at very least aware of His seeking a third, (since sometimes the submissives are the last to know). It would allow me the opportunity to find out what she loves about her Dominant, what she envisions our roles to be relative to the Dominant as well as each other. i see the submissive seeking as being a positive thing.

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(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 36

RE: not sure - 1/25/2008 5:30:02 AM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

In your op you state that he told you to find him another sub, now you come back and say that's a lie, that it's all your idea.

So which is it, his idea or yours? And how you would expect us to magically know that this is all your idea when you specifically stated the opposite makes no sense. This is a text based medium. The only info we have is what you write down. If you deliberately write down falsehoods, then don't be angry when we believe you and operate on the info you gave us.

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Slave to laundry

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(in reply to eyesopened)

Post #: 37

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