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RE: BDSM terms and the way we react to them. - 1/23/2008 4:31:48 PM   
DaggerDom


Posts: 38
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I've never understood the respect fetish.  If a person deserves it they get it, if not, they don't.  And no one is going to be respected by everyone.

It's really not something I waste time worrying about.

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: BDSM terms and the way we react to them. - 1/23/2008 5:07:41 PM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

quote:

   Respect is earned, no matter what your relationship is with another person.   /snip


*runscreamingfromthebuilding*
 
the.dark.

 
I'm curious as to why I got that response.   I will earn my Dom's respect by doing as he wishes, obeying, serving him, giving him what he needs and wants from me.  He will earn my respect by his treatment of me, how secure and safe I feel with him.     
 
Same with a friend or an acquaintance.  

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: BDSM terms and the way we react to them. - 1/23/2008 5:22:17 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		Because it is not true for everybody.  The definition of respect is "to hold in high regard, or high esteem."

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to kallisto)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: BDSM terms and the way we react to them. - 1/23/2008 5:27:10 PM   
flowerinyourhand


Posts: 18
Joined: 8/31/2006
Status: offline 		I agree with Archer.

Every situation is different but I appreciate it when someone tries to "feel me out" in the beginning as to what I prefer initially.  Respect is given but submission should not be assumed (nor Dominance).

that's just me though...

_____________________________

in service to HIM ever minute of every day

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: BDSM terms and the way we react to them. - 1/23/2008 5:28:46 PM   
kallisto


Posts: 1185
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

Because it is not true for everybody.  The definition of respect is "to hold in high regard, or high esteem."

Cali



Agreed.   I'm not trying to be argumentative.    I just can't "hold in high regard, or high esteem" if the person doesn't deserve it.   

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: BDSM terms and the way we react to them. - 1/23/2008 5:31:45 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		No one said to give respect if someone doesn't deserve it.  Perhaps for you, respect is not given until someone earns it in your eyes.  Subtle difference there.

Cali


_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to kallisto)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: BDSM terms and the way we react to them. - 1/23/2008 5:35:57 PM   
DrkJourney


Posts: 1917
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterHardxdrive

We have males and females here that are of cause dom/domme, sub, and a switch.
These terms are respected when  there is a relationship. When there is                  no relationship then we are all on  equal ground. When I have a conversation with a female sub. She is not my sub and I  don't treat her as one and don't  expect her to act that way as well.  Do you agree or disagree?


I agree...I tell people time and time again...If we have not made arrangements, then we are just two people

It really grates on my nerves those that come out calling me "their" mistress and demanding I give them orders    lol

_____________________________

...Look into my eyes and I'll own you....



(in reply to MasterHardxdrive)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: BDSM terms and the way we react to them. - 1/23/2008 6:50:24 PM   
fluffyswitch


Posts: 1108
Joined: 9/29/2007
From: Buffalo
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: CalifChick

No one said to give respect if someone doesn't deserve it.  Perhaps for you, respect is not given until someone earns it in your eyes.  Subtle difference there.

Cali


agreed. there was no suggestion that it was a blanket statement.

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: BDSM terms and the way we react to them. - 1/23/2008 9:04:15 PM   
Bound2One


Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

No one said to give respect if someone doesn't deserve it. Perhaps for you, respect is not given until someone earns it in your eyes. Subtle difference there.


I treat people with respect until they lose it.

Edited to make sense late at night. 

(in reply to CalifChick)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: BDSM terms and the way we react to them. - 1/24/2008 5:14:03 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Because it was how I was feeling at the time.
Because respect for me isn't a commodity to barter with.
Because no one size fits all and blanket statements undermine individual relationships.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to kallisto)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: BDSM terms and the way we react to them. - 1/24/2008 7:21:28 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark
blanket statements undermine individual relationships.
 

 
hello the.dark.

I am not sure that I understand the part of your post that I quoted.  Could you clarify because I do not see how a blanket statement made by someone could undermine a relationship that I have?

Hope that you and Darcy are having a great week and that your leg is better.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: BDSM terms and the way we react to them. - 1/24/2008 7:54:12 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		Hi Kyra
 
Yes my leg is MUCH better - yay - and means I can drive!
I don't know, I may have worded it wrongly. I look back now and think - no - it might not sound how I meant it.
I just tend to see all encompassing blanket statements as an attempt to undermine - yeah that is better - attempt to undermine individual relationship -and- individuals as a whole.  Blanket statements are the slippery slope to  one true wayism - and I just think that such statements confuse particularly new people as well as perpetuating the mythical perceptions that surround BDSM.
Does that mean we should place disclaimers down whenever we make a statement pertaining to our personal thoughts?  No of course not.  But if someone where to replace the word 'respect' with 'love' - for me - that would devalue love itself.  I see respect no differently.
I constantly see respect used as a comodity and a bargining tool, placing conditions on the word?  I am slightly bemused when people announce that they cannot respect something or someone without proof, when reality is, no one should have to proove anything to anyone, which is why is devalues individuals and their individual relationships - not in the eyes of the people involved maybe - but it does place in question their relationship.  And I (add disclaimer here) just find it incredibly rude to question others relationships and motivations when they aren't integral to that relationship.  And that is where you get the whole mix up of respect Vs being polite.  Respect isn't something you just earn for being a fab person.
 
With deep respects to Your Master, Alandra and yourself.
the.dark.

< Message edited by Darcyandthedark -- 1/24/2008 7:55:37 AM >

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: BDSM terms and the way we react to them. - 1/24/2008 8:20:17 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

what beth said.
 
the.dark.

What beth and Dark said
 
Heck, I think I'll just put this in a sig line....
 
I don't respond to labels/terms; I respond to people.
 
It's actually pretty simple to do.

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: BDSM terms and the way we react to them. - 1/24/2008 9:01:03 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		Thank you, dark.

I dislike blanket statements as well; there is usually someone around who shows it for the falsehood that it is.  I try to write from the perspective of what works for the three of us.  I don't think blanket statements can weaken the relationship between me, him and Alandra unless we allow them to, but they could weaken other people's perception of our relationship. 

I can appreciate your perspective on earning respect.  The word earn may not be the most appropriate for the discussion.   

I am very happy to hear that you leg is better and that you can drive.  My best to you and Darcy and have a wonderful weekend.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: BDSM terms and the way we react to them. - 1/24/2008 9:36:30 AM   
vampiresscammy


Posts: 97
Joined: 12/25/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterHardxdrive

We have males and females here that are of cause dom/domme, sub, and a switch.
These terms are respected when  there is a relationship. When there is                  no relationship then we are all on  equal ground. When I have a conversation with a female sub. She is not my sub and I  don't treat her as one and don't  expect her to act that way as well.  Do you agree or disagree?


I am polite and courteous to everyone when first meeting them, as long as they are in kind to me, I would never behave in a manner of forcing a role on someone in the 'getting to know you' phase of talking/chatting, and I always respect the terms my partners and myself have agreed to in our relationship.


(in reply to MasterHardxdrive)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: BDSM terms and the way we react to them. - 1/24/2008 11:35:29 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		The times I wish that the forum had a little tab on next to the 'reply' tab that said 'What(insertname)said' on it.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: BDSM terms and the way we react to them. - 1/24/2008 11:36:40 AM   
RCdc


Posts: 8674
Status: offline 		You are welcome Kyra, have a great rest of the week and hope your weekend rocks.
 
the.dark.

_____________________________
RC&dc


love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to kyraofMists)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: BDSM terms and the way we react to them. - 1/24/2008 2:54:41 PM   
LPslittleclip


Posts: 1163
Joined: 9/29/2007
Status: offline 		i am a submissive just not everyones submissive. i am curtious to all i meet but as others have stated respect is earned not given.  there are several whom ive met that i have great respect for, and others who i respect  and the rest i am courtious to.  i do not arbitraily give my respect to everyone that is something that the individual must prove to me is deserved.
proudly collared by LadyPact

(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: BDSM terms and the way we react to them. - 1/24/2008 4:19:27 PM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

The times I wish that the forum had a little tab on next to the 'reply' tab that said 'What(insertname)said' on it.
 
the.dark.

LMAO now that would rock
 

_____________________________

If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


(in reply to RCdc)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: BDSM terms and the way we react to them. - 1/24/2008 4:37:50 PM   
fairerthanshe


Posts: 3035
Joined: 1/18/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: IrishMist

quote:

ORIGINAL: Darcyandthedark

The times I wish that the forum had a little tab on next to the 'reply' tab that said 'What(insertname)said' on it.
 
the.dark.

LMAO now that would rock
 


gotta agree with you - mine would say "What LA said." since that's usually how my posts start...

SJ was teaching a class at his house and LA was present and I was acting the part of Vanna White with the markers and wipe board.  Everyone else was giving one or two word answers to a particular question and then LA spoke and everyone got quiet as I wrote down her response.  Her answer was much more complete and structured.  It was soooo cool - it was like being her key board. lol

Hope she doesn't mind me sharing that story!

well wishes ~ fairer than she


_____________________________

The Nuclear Bomb of Awesome, rockin' the MoFo Hawk, still a bad-ass with a bouncy attitude, and spreading joy as a predator in Hello Kitty panties

Recently honored with membership in the West Coast Assholes

(in reply to IrishMist)
Profile   Post #: 40
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