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different types of subs - 1/23/2008 4:09:19 PM   
justnewsub


Posts: 127
Joined: 9/18/2007
Status: offline 		i know i am submissive... i have always been in every relationship.  The amount of my submission always depended on the person i was with.  The more dominant they were the more submissive i felt. However if they lacked dominance i felt myself become more dominant (that relationship didn't last long).

so far what i have learned is there are different levels of submission and i'm wondering if you all have any further insight into this.

there are bottoms, who as i understand it agree to submission in certain situations only

slaves, who are also knows as property, who have a say in what is done to them but it is up to their master to decide in the end what will or will not be done... and their main purpose is to please their master above themselves

service oriented subs who are happiest when in service... sex is usually not invovled but they love to do lots of house work, cooking, and cleaning... what ever service their master/dom wants.

daddie's girls, who are women who get to live that part of there life where they were completely vulnerable to their daddies and are looking to be taken care of and protected by their daddies.

these are all just my opinion and what i have concluded... i'm sure i'm way off base on quite a few of these and that is why i posted.  i'm hoping to get correction and/or more information so i can figure where i really fit in. 

i originally thought i was a slave, but am finding i like to have my opinion heard and valued a great deal more.  i don't think i'm a bottom because i like the feeling of being dominated all the time. the daddy's girl sounds very interesting to me.

please help me figure this stuff out... i'm so confused and feel like i'm wandering around in the dark...

thanks in advanced... and i'm hoping i didn't offend anyone that is not my intent... i desperately need clarification and or your opinions

thanks :)
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: different types of subs - 1/23/2008 4:12:39 PM   
CalifChick


Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline 		The problem is, there are no firm definitions on any of the terms.  They are what you want them to be.  For instance, you feel/believe that being a bottom has to do with submission.  I feel it has NOTHING to do with submission.  But is either one correct?  Only to us individually.

Cali


_____________________________

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(in reply to justnewsub)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: different types of subs - 1/23/2008 4:14:03 PM   
lusciouslips19


Posts: 9792
Joined: 9/8/2007
Status: offline 		dont worry about the labels. be yourself and find another whos wants and needs match your own.

(in reply to justnewsub)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: different types of subs - 1/23/2008 4:15:41 PM   
Bound2One


Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:


i originally thought i was a slave, but am finding i like to have my opinion heard and valued a great deal more. i don't think i'm a bottom because i like the feeling of being dominated all the time. the daddy's girl sounds very interesting to me.


Well, while I'm a slave, and identify as one with my Master, he does ask my opinion (though he has final say, of course.)  He does take my feelings into consideration and he loves me.  He will say I'm his friend, lover, slave, confidant, etc...  If I was with another Dominant who wished for a slave, but who didn't feel these things for me, didn't give me the love and affection that I so need, I would not be able to be a slave for that person.  I could possibly bottom with that person if we had a physical connection, but in the one that I am slave to, it is vital to me to have that connection.

It is important to know what you want so that you can express it to the person you are exploring a relationship with - to see if that person can give you what you need.  The two halves have to make a whole.  It took me a bit of time to understand that what I wanted was just as important as what the Dominant wanted.  That just because I'm a sub/slave didn't mean that my needs go out the window. 

I hope this makes sense to you! 



(in reply to justnewsub)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: different types of subs - 1/23/2008 4:20:32 PM   
rubberpet


Posts: 1743
Joined: 4/6/2006
From: The Land of Voodoo
Status: offline 		Well, it sounds like you've got everything pretty much correct in my opinion.  Mistress considers me Her slave because I consider myself owned property.  I have an opinion and the voice to express it, that's for sure.  LOL  She takes my opinions and thoughts into consideration, but She ultimately has the final decision.  I trust Her enough to make the best decisions, therefore I obey Her wishes and commands with blind faith.  Does that make me less of a slave or not a slave at all?  Some may say I'm not a true slave because I have some voice in the relationship.  To those I say, "Suck my fuzzy chipmunk balls!"  Mistress says I'm Her slave and property; therefore, that is the only opinion that matters to me.

I'm not quite sure if you are asking this question, but don't let a standardized definition define your submission.  Dominance and submission are as diverse as the people who live it.  Find your niche and live the way you want.  Don't let anyone tell you the right or wrong way to live your life as a submissive.

_____________________________

Collared and devoted property of Mistress Lorelei (vampchick88) as of 3/26/08.

Rubberpet - The Resident Anti-Subby and mysterious shadowy figure known as Voodoo, proud hitman and wiseguy for the Subby Mafia.


(in reply to justnewsub)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: different types of subs - 1/23/2008 4:23:37 PM   
justnewsub


Posts: 127
Joined: 9/18/2007
Status: offline 		bound 2one, yes that makes total sense... i think that is what i'm starting to realize now is that to be a sub doesn't mean all my wants and needs no longer matter, as long as my Dom is happy... i'm not happy that way... i need that love and respect to be able to submit completely. Like you said I can bottom with no problem but to truly feel submitted to my Dom... i need to know he loves me and i need to feel love for him... i don't think i'm in that situation now....

he is happy with how things are... but i am starting to struggle.  he is a good guy over all and i have no ill feelings towards him... i think i just need to fiure out who i really am in re: to submission and realize that it is possile we just are not a good match....

i don't know why but i am having a hard time calling it quits... i keep holding out hope that we will eventually click and i will see things they way he does... it just isn't happening....

i'm looking forward to hearing more opinionx

:)

(in reply to Bound2One)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: different types of subs - 1/23/2008 4:34:37 PM   
pettingdragons


Posts: 421
Joined: 8/16/2005
Status: offline 		I feel no one can answer the quesiton of weather or not to maintain a relationship...you must do what you feel is best....for you ....

Just my 2 cents...
Pamela

(in reply to justnewsub)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: different types of subs - 1/23/2008 4:41:57 PM   
SubmissiveAK


Posts: 94
Joined: 3/5/2007
Status: offline 		~Fast Reply~

There are as many types of subs as there are submissives.

(Quiznos have some damn tasty ones too )


I have been wondering if I am a submissive or a slave, and when I find the person to belong with I will know. I do know, that in my book (and trusted Dominant friends), a slave's opinion is usually valued and often heard, it simply doesnt equate into the decision-making process the way a vanilla's opinion might. The difference is that with a vanilla or a submissive you can say "I dont want to do that". A slave can only say "Yes Master, Mistress" or "I am not consenting to being a slave anymore" Please Note: The dynamic is highly dependent on the person, this is just how I and those I trust view slavery.

Personally I feel that if you are going into slavery, 24/7 or not, you should only make that decision when you feel you can trust that this person/persons are making the decisions with your own wellbeing in mind; esentially that what they say is for your own good.

~submissiveAK~

(in reply to justnewsub)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: different types of subs - 1/23/2008 4:43:47 PM   
givingin


Posts: 46
Joined: 4/19/2006
Status: offline 		While I am a slave, I always am free to have my opinion and say in things.  I am not one that is good at keeping her thoughts to herself without biting her tongue off.

I don't worry about labels, most wouldn't consider me a slave, but I don't lay awake at night all worried about it. 

While you are still exploring all about yourself, don't feel the need at all to rush in and say you are one thing over another.  None is above or below the other, it's just different parts that make up the sum of the community.

Just enjoy being you and the let the rest play out as it will.

_____________________________

"He who laughs last didn't get it." HG




(in reply to justnewsub)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: different types of subs - 1/23/2008 8:56:57 PM   
justnewsub


Posts: 127
Joined: 9/18/2007
Status: offline 		can anyone give me a better description or at least your opinion of what it means to be a bottom and what it means to be a daddy's girl? 

thanks to everyone who has posted so far i really do appreciate you taking the time to reply to me :)

(in reply to givingin)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: different types of subs - 1/23/2008 9:12:01 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		These are my divisions of submissive types- service, obedience, control, pleasure and sexual oriented.

A sub may be any combination of those.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to justnewsub)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: different types of subs - 1/23/2008 9:12:16 PM   
beargonewild


Posts: 22716
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		My definition of a bottom is to denote a person who is thr reciever of any type of sexual activity. I see it as the role a person naturally takes on in a sexual nature. Please note that among the gay community this definition holds true. 

_____________________________

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(in reply to justnewsub)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: different types of subs - 1/23/2008 9:28:28 PM   
fairerthanshe


Posts: 3035
Joined: 1/18/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

These are my divisions of submissive types- service, obedience, control, pleasure and sexual oriented.

A sub may be any combination of those.


Using this and some other of LA's definitions from prior postings and conversations, I have arrived at this particular 'label' to describe myself.

Bisexual poly service oriented, obedience driven, non masochistic slave...which means that service is a natural function of who I am while the need to obey is what drives me in the M/s dynamic relationship I share with SJ.  The pleasure I derive from the pain is not due to the pain itself, therefore non masochistic; it is derived from the need to experience the pain fully which is what he wants me to do, i.e. obedience driven. 

That is probably a much more detailed and personalized description than you wanted, but i hope it adds some insight.

well wishes ~ fairer


_____________________________

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Recently honored with membership in the West Coast Assholes

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: different types of subs - 1/23/2008 9:46:46 PM   
Bound2One


Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: justnewsub

can anyone give me a better description or at least your opinion of what it means to be a bottom and what it means to be a daddy's girl? 

thanks to everyone who has posted so far i really do appreciate you taking the time to reply to me :)


I'll attempt to.  A bottom (to me) has interactions/scenes with a top after discussing what is to occur.  There isn't much emotional exchange between the two - it is more of a play situation.  There is no commitment beyond 'same time/next week' if both parties enjoyed it.

I'm not a daddy's girl, and am having a hard time giving an example of how this relationship might play out.  You could either wait to see if any daddy's girls come to your thread or you could do a search on here - I'm sure there are plenty of old threads you could read through. 

If you'd like to talk, feel free to PM me anytime.  I'm a bit farther along than you are, but am still very much a newbie.  I'm open to discussing whatever you'd like. 

(in reply to justnewsub)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: different types of subs - 1/24/2008 7:10:11 AM   
JustBadEnough


Posts: 2
Joined: 8/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

to
you dont want to be with mr wrong when mr right comes along

(in reply to SubmissiveAK)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: different types of subs - 1/24/2008 7:24:48 AM   
sambamanslilgirl


Posts: 10926
Joined: 2/5/2007
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		fast reply

i'm an opinionated Daddy's lil girl, non-slave, non-service oriented, smart assed bottom, tough as nails panther with sharp claws type of submissive and more

merely labels that sometimes define my relationships with Daddy and SO


_____________________________

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(in reply to JustBadEnough)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: different types of subs - 1/24/2008 7:31:23 AM   
Justme696


Posts: 3236
Joined: 1/7/2008
From: Royal kingdom of the Netherlands
Status: offline 		As there are people involved...definitions changed.
I had a kajira..but she was treated more as submissive lover, not as property. We just balanced both our needs.


_____________________________

~Been there, done that, got the t-shirt

(in reply to sambamanslilgirl)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: different types of subs - 1/24/2008 7:33:55 AM   
OmegaG


Posts: 1474
Joined: 10/23/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SubmissiveAK

~Fast Reply~

There are as many types of subs as there are submissives.

(Quiznos have some damn tasty ones too )


I have been wondering if I am a submissive or a slave, and when I find the person to belong with I will know. I do know, that in my book (and trusted Dominant friends), a slave's opinion is usually valued and often heard, it simply doesnt equate into the decision-making process the way a vanilla's opinion might. The difference is that with a vanilla or a submissive you can say "I dont want to do that". A slave can only say "Yes Master, Mistress" or "I am not consenting to being a slave anymore" Please Note: The dynamic is highly dependent on the person, this is just how I and those I trust view slavery.

Personally I feel that if you are going into slavery, 24/7 or not, you should only make that decision when you feel you can trust that this person/persons are making the decisions with your own wellbeing in mind; esentially that what they say is for your own good.

~submissiveAK~


How a Master and slave interact with each other depends far more on the individual dynamics in the relationship then a pre-defined set of rules that someone else arbitrarily assigned to the words used.

I am free to discuss any concerns that I may have at anytime.  If he'd wanted an empty headed puppet, that would run on autopilot with no thoughts of her own, he would have chosen a different slave.

_____________________________


Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. Sydney J. Harris

Sex without pain is like food without taste.
- de Sade

(in reply to SubmissiveAK)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: different types of subs - 1/24/2008 7:46:10 AM   
SubbieOnWheels


Posts: 590
Joined: 12/14/2007
Status: offline 		<<A bottom (to me) has interactions/scenes with a top after discussing what is to occur.  There isn't much emotional exchange between the two - it is more of a play situation.  There is no commitment beyond 'same time/next week' if both parties enjoyed it. >>

I am also new to the lifestyle, and someone, after reading my profile and exchanging a few cmails, told me I wasn't really a sub - I was a bottom looking for a top. I am really looking for a 'vanilla' relationship with kinky sex.

Maybe that makes me a bottom, maybe it makes me something else. But if people are going to look for labels, they may miss out on something that's exactly right for them but is mis-labeled. I may not be Luis Vitton, but I'm good, home-grown stuff!

That's why I have re-written my profile - several times. i am trying to refine it to tell anyone reading it who I am and what I'm looking for.



_____________________________

Bethical
Beat me, strike me, take away my reindeer! I'll never tell! -- Walt Kelly, Pogo Possum
I yam what I yam - Popeye

http://www.myspace.com/bethical_wheels


(in reply to OmegaG)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: different types of subs - 1/24/2008 8:30:09 AM   
DesFIP


Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline 		Bottoms don't necessarily submit, they just bottom. If you're at a play party and you see a whipmaster there, and ask if he would try one on you. Then you aren't submitting to him, you're just bottoming. Doms can enjoy sensation play and therefore can bottom without being in the least bit submissive. In my book there's very little difference between enjoying having your feet rubbed and enjoying bastinado, it's all sensation play. And I think I should get more of it!

As far as responding with submission in relation to dominance felt, I should hope so. I don't submit in a vacuum.

Now things that some subs are wired for. Some are interested in service. They enjoy coming into the house when you aren't there are cleaning it, that's pure service. Others don't care about that, they just like getting ordered to do stuff - obedience. Me? I'm in this for emotional transparency, to be known fully and loved anyway. Without that I wouldn't do the service or the obedience stuff because they don't do anything for me.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!


(in reply to SubbieOnWheels)
Profile   Post #: 20
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