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Some Things Never Change - 8/31/2005 11:34:51 AM   
WickedKev


Posts: 305
Joined: 11/26/2004
Status: offline 		It must be me? I allow my slave to put a profile up and she gets lots of emails from Doms asking her if she would like to meet play etc. Even though it says on her profile in big letters she is my slave. Her reply "Hadn't you better be asking my Master?" gets oh yes I'll do that and they never do or she is ordered to forward the emails to me as if I am going to take that as a respectful way of asking to use my slave. Now I have been in the lifestyle many years and have always believed if I wanted to play with anothers slave I should ask the Master first. Is this wrong or am I just expecting too much?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Some Things Never Change - 8/31/2005 11:48:10 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WickedKev
Is this wrong or am I just expecting too much?

You're expecting too much if you have a female slave profile that allows emails to be sent to her and DON'T expect doms to email her. They will, no matter what you do, no matter what you say. If you don't want emails, block them, it's the only way.

Second, the "ask the dom first" is common, but far from universal. For example, the Owner rarely goes to parties, while I go to them often and play a lot. No one ever has to ask the Owner to play with me if they want. Plus, if that is a rule for the slave, I consider it the slaves responsibility to tell the Asker of that limit and direct them to you. It is a personal protocol and thus, unless you're in a close social group with commonly understood expectations, not something you can simply expect from others or consider it wrong if they do it differently.

(in reply to WickedKev)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Some Things Never Change - 8/31/2005 12:03:03 PM   
Kasia


Posts: 442
Joined: 6/25/2005
From: The Coast of Adria
Status: offline 		I too think you expect too much, at least online.

However irritating it may be for you, you cannot blame them so much for trying. They are just too desperate - like those slaves from Oregon or California writing me long epistoles even after I wrote a novel about not wanting anyone to relocate in my journal.

I just added anoher fact in my profile, that I dont really like skinny and small people and none under 172 cm and at least 75 kg should trouble applying...... and guess what? I still expect to get heaps of messages from 168/65 specimens. They just dont read.

Hit delete and dont bother.

(And I just wait for another "why the bitch is not answering my mail" type of rant.)

_____________________________

I DO have profile - just lost an S somewhere along the way

Kassia

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Some Things Never Change - 8/31/2005 12:11:45 PM   
NakedOnMyChain


Posts: 2431
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		At first, I expected people to stop soliciting me, since I'm married and collared. Then I realized that some people just don't read others' profiles. I gave up on it, and I just keep replying politely that I'm not interested. Unless, they're rude. Then I tend to sprout talons and fangs.

_____________________________

"Oh, it's torture, but I'm almost there."
~The Cure

"I ask for so little. Just fear me, love me, do as I say, and I will be your slave."
~The Labyrinth

(in reply to WickedKev)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Some Things Never Change - 8/31/2005 1:06:19 PM   
Kinkypupper


Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline 		"YOU" are most correct and are not asking too much..
Unfortunately common courtesy and the RESPECT of anothers collar is sorely lacking many places..
Just remind your slave that all those who do not respect their collar are scum wannabes anyway...



_____________________________

Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to WickedKev)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Some Things Never Change - 8/31/2005 1:29:02 PM   
Gauge


Posts: 5689
Joined: 6/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Just remind your slave that all those who do not respect their collar are scum wannabes anyway...


While I agree that someone that is collared deserves respect because of their relationship, this is the Internet. Let's get a dose of reality here. I could put on my profile that I do not want anyone to email me if they have a fetish for fuzzy pink bunnies with halitosis and a skin problem and lo and behold I will get someone fitting that description emailing me.

It's the Internet, when you put yourself out there to receive email you will get crap like this, they don't ask for it, but someone sent it because blatant disregard for requests is often ignored. I know that it is the thinking behind it that you take issue with but come on you can't see that complaining about this is futile and that your energies are better spent elsewhere?

_____________________________

"For there is no folly of the beast of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of men." Herman Melville - Moby Dick

I'm wearing my chicken suit and humming La Marseillaise.

(in reply to Kinkypupper)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Some Things Never Change - 8/31/2005 1:33:59 PM   
tade


Posts: 663
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Tampa Bay, Florida
Status: offline 		I am always respectful of another's property regarless of what that property is, slave or otherwise. I also understand that there are more than a few in this world who are not. That's the way things are, people are rude, ignorant sheep by nature with only a few exceptions. That's what makes being an exception so much fun. If you are looking for something out of these Emails, then use their respect, or lack there of as a guide to what kind of character you are dealing with. If not then you may want to rethink letting your sub post a profile or she will no doubt attract unwanted attention.

Tade

_____________________________

I wouldn't recommend sex, drugs or insanity for everyone, but they've always worked for me.
Hunter S. Thompson

It's a magical world Hobbes 'ole buddy. Let's go explorin'~ Calvin

(in reply to Kinkypupper)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Some Things Never Change - 8/31/2005 2:34:42 PM   
SirWaverider


Posts: 48
Joined: 8/23/2005
Status: offline

quote:

It must be me? I allow my slave to put a profile up and she gets lots of emails from Doms asking her if she would like to meet play etc. Even though it says on her profile in big letters she is my slave. Her reply "Hadn't you better be asking my Master?" gets oh yes I'll do that and they never do or she is ordered to forward the emails to me as if I am going to take that as a respectful way of asking to use my slave. Now I have been in the lifestyle many years and have always believed if I wanted to play with anothers slave I should ask the Master first. Is this wrong or am I just expecting too much?


well Kev, you wouldn't be the only one. My sub had the same issues..they wouldn't stop emailing and Iming her. and in her profile she stated that she's collared AND married (yup! my wife) and not interested. I have been in the lifestyle less than a year and the FIRST question I asked when I started out was "how can you talk to a sub/slave in a social environment" the #1 rule my mentors told me was you always ask the Master/Dom/Top first. Respecting other's property doesn't seem to mean the same as in the vanilla world...but I think if somehow we all started to make it clear to the stupidheads that can't read but are somehow able to work a computer to respect others property..they may finally get it into their hard heads.

(in reply to WickedKev)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Some Things Never Change - 8/31/2005 3:10:36 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SirWaverider
well Kev, you wouldn't be the only one. My sub had the same issues..they wouldn't stop emailing and Iming her. and in her profile she stated that she's collared AND married (yup! my wife) and not interested. I have been in the lifestyle less than a year and the FIRST question I asked when I started out was "how can you talk to a sub/slave in a social environment" the #1 rule my mentors told me was you always ask the Master/Dom/Top first. Respecting other's property doesn't seem to mean the same as in the vanilla world...but I think if somehow we all started to make it clear to the stupidheads that can't read but are somehow able to work a computer to respect others property..they may finally get it into their hard heads.

Which again doesn't work if you a) can't tell who is dominant, owned, switch or whatever or b) if the sub's dom isn't around.

Unless the slave has a sign on her body saying "Unable to talk, please request permission from the dominant wearing the red shirt with the silver cross" then it's just not that easy in real life most of the time.

How do you talk to a sub? Same way you talk to anyone. Granted a lot of subs and doms like the romanticism and protocol involved in having to ask permission, but when you're hanging out at a pool with a few dozen people, no one thinks or worries about who is who to who (if you can even figure it out without spending a significant amount of time with them)- you're just people having a good time together. Unless you're in a very close social system with very strict rules, just talk like normal. If the sub DOES have some sort of communication rule, she needs to let you know.

(in reply to SirWaverider)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Some Things Never Change - 8/31/2005 3:26:23 PM   
WickedKev


Posts: 305
Joined: 11/26/2004
Status: offline 		Thanks for the answers but maybe I didn't explain well enough, my slave is free to give and receive emails from Doms/Dommes subs and switches and if she ever felt she would like to play with any of them I would consider it and not be offended in the slightest if they asked her 'Would your Dom allow you to play with others,' and then contact me for permission. I am talking about Doms/Dommes who want her to play behind my back which I believe shows a lack of even basic respect that I would expect from someone in this lifestyle. And then there are the subs who just want her to dominate them and for me that beggers belief as nowhere in her profile does it state she has any dominant feelings. It is not so much that it upsets me, more that it leaves me feeling disappiointed as she has told them to ask me yet my email is still empty. I may not let anyone play that asks to play with her but at least I would respect them. Nuff said. WK

(in reply to SirWaverider)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Some Things Never Change - 8/31/2005 3:32:09 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WickedKev
I believe shows a lack of even basic respect that I would expect from someone in this lifestyle.

There's a problem right there- expecting people in the scene to act any differently than people not in the scene. We're all the same.

If you hold THAT as an expectation, you're going to be disappointed a LOT.

quote:

It is not so much that it upsets me, more that it leaves me feeling disappiointed as she has told them to ask me yet my email is still empty. I may not let anyone play that asks to play with her but at least I would respect them. Nuff said. WK


WK I have to surmise that you're new to being online and in forums. It's just how they are. You can look at our forums here and you will see probably THREE threads in just the past week asking the same question "Why are people sending me/NOT sending me the emails that I think they should when it's spelled out?"

That's just not how things work online. It really is just something you have to accept like sucky weather. Just think of it as them making it really easy for you to screen them out.

(in reply to WickedKev)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Some Things Never Change - 8/31/2005 3:49:37 PM   
lustiwench


Posts: 38
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline 		Actually no I am not new to being online or in the lifestyle, hence the title I chose for this thread. That might be the problem though, we don't expect people in the lifestyle to act any different, if we did and chastised them when they behave out of what this lifestyle should be demanding of them then maybe people would get the message. After all I first entered this lifestyle before the computer age and before BDSM was a fad, when we belonged to groups that hardly ever crossed over but respect was as important as consent And no I am not saying the 'good ol days' was so much better but in at least one way I think it was.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Some Things Never Change - 8/31/2005 3:52:23 PM   
WickedKev


Posts: 305
Joined: 11/26/2004
Status: offline 		Re last post: And yes whoops forgot we were signed under my slaves name.

(in reply to WickedKev)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Some Things Never Change - 8/31/2005 5:00:20 PM   
Delvin


Posts: 151
Joined: 8/23/2005
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: WickedKev

It must be me? I allow my slave to put a profile up and she gets lots of emails from Doms asking her if she would like to meet play etc. Even though it says on her profile in big letters she is my slave. Her reply "Hadn't you better be asking my Master?" gets oh yes I'll do that and they never do or she is ordered to forward the emails to me as if I am going to take that as a respectful way of asking to use my slave. Now I have been in the lifestyle many years and have always believed if I wanted to play with anothers slave I should ask the Master first. Is this wrong or am I just expecting too much?


a slave telling someone she is owned and should speak to her Owner is the final word. If that isn't done, then they simply do not have the respect that is required to continue speaking with the slave.

No Sir, you are not wrong or expecting too much. Reguardless what the profile says, once a slave has made it known she is Owned and redirects someone to You, they need to have the dignity to contact you and the respect of not only You but your slave to make it so.

D

(in reply to WickedKev)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Some Things Never Change - 8/31/2005 5:26:26 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

you will see probably THREE threads in just the past week asking the same question "Why are people sending me/NOT sending me the emails that I think they should when it's spelled out?"


Not to mention the "why are people who profess to be in the lifestyle so fake" type of threads.

(in reply to Delvin)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Some Things Never Change - 9/2/2005 10:21:05 PM   
ehlovindom


Posts: 248
Joined: 1/23/2004
Status: offline 		One can only place expectations upon him/herself and be responsible for your own actions. If you expect others to act as you think they should, you will always be disappointed.

_____________________________

Know which bridge to build, which one to cross, and which one to burn!

(in reply to WickedKev)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Some Things Never Change - 9/2/2005 10:27:15 PM   
bladerunner5


Posts: 30
Joined: 9/2/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: lustiwench/wickedkev

Actually no I am not new to being online or in the lifestyle, hence the title I chose for this thread. That might be the problem though, we don't expect people in the lifestyle to act any different, if we did and chastised them when they behave out of what this lifestyle should be demanding of them then maybe people would get the message. After all I first entered this lifestyle before the computer age and before BDSM was a fad, when we belonged to groups that hardly ever crossed over but respect was as important as consent And no I am not saying the 'good ol days' was so much better but in at least one way I think it was.



You're also assuming a single *lifestyle*. Me, I gag and choke when people casually and habitually refer to being in The Lifestyle. There is no single lifestyle that we all belong to aside from perhaps sharing some time on Earth. The way I view and express my kink may well be radically different from yours (in fact I'm willing to bet on it), and yet we both have valid Kinky lives.

You're also assuming that everyone you come across is actually into kink for kink's sake. We get all kinds in the kink world. We get people whose whole lives (more or less) are dedicated in one way or another to kink, people who are not only into kinks of their own but are well-versed in other kinky communities (think Vi Johnson, Janet Hardy, John Warren, Guy Baldwin). We get people who spend a whole lotta time involved in kink but not 24/7 - people who go to events, who express their kink at home - but have to put it aside for the kids & in-laws, for work, for doing the weeding in the yard, for PTA meetings. We get people who are "weekend warriors" - who take care of their kink needs a couple of times a month, and they're good to go. And we get people who think "hey, she's kinky, that means she'll have sex with me!" We get people who treat everything, and I mean everything (like "hi, how's the weather?") like foreplay. On top of that, we get people who have... let's just say 'questionable social skills' in vanilla settings - they're not going to be any differently-behaved in kinky settings. Even if they're into kink for kink's sake, their interpersonal skills are (hopefully, from my point of view) going to get in the way.


Bladerunner

"It is a luxury to be understood."
--Ralph Waldo Emerson

(in reply to lustiwench)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Some Things Never Change - 9/2/2005 10:37:20 PM   
brightspot


Posts: 3052
Status: offline 		Hello WickedKev

Maybe instead of putting in big letters in her profile that she is your slave,
maybe people will get it clearer if you were to put in big bold letters,
"Do Not Contact Me, before First Asking My Master!" then say where you can be reached.

I think she will probably still have wankers write to her, but maybe sensible people will respect your wishes.

Just a thought....

*Brightspot

_____________________________

"Comedy is NOT Pretty!" ~Peter Nelson

But..."May at Least One person have a sense of Humor!" ~KML.

http://360.yahoo.com/my_profile-TD4TwEw8crWS3GHFDcs_DK1rHmW6Dq_E;_ylt=Av2PfG9gH0wkQrMPivuMCivGAOJ3

(in reply to WickedKev)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Some Things Never Change - 9/2/2005 10:39:19 PM   
anopheles


Posts: 241
Joined: 6/23/2005
Status: offline 		WickedKev:


I'm not trained in any particular "style" of power exchange, but me personally, asking someone else's slave if they want to play, or are they happy with their Dom or any of that stuff is like asking someone's wife or husband if they want to go out. Really disrespectful way to approach someone's relationship.


One of the unfortunate things to contend with online is all of the people that I like to think of as "cold-callers". They'll hit every sub's profile, send an email and hope that one sticks, with no respect to whether the slave/sub says that they are owned are not. They're merely looking for folks that might be in a BDSM relationship that isn't quite firing on all cylinders, and hope to take advantage of that vulnerability for their own personal gain. Plus, the thrill of "sneaking" is very intoxicating for some folk..

_____________________________

You've got me so high, my shoes are scraping the sky -- for my Luvdragon

(in reply to ehlovindom)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Some Things Never Change - 9/2/2005 11:20:59 PM   
lustiwench


Posts: 38
Joined: 8/30/2005
Status: offline 		Hello brightspot,

It isn't that no one may contact me without His permission, in fact anyone can email me. Master was referring to the ones that do contact me wanting me to meet with them or play with them, behind His back. As a simple matter of respect for Him, for our relationship, and for myself, if someone wants those things of me, they should be contacting Him and asking His permission. After all, most people wouldn't dream of 'borrowing' even a cup of sugar from someone without that someone's permission.


lustiwench

(in reply to brightspot)
Profile   Post #: 20
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