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Offer of 24/7 is under consideration. - 1/24/2008 9:16:07 AM

subtreat4u

Posts: 58
Joined: 1/3/2008
Status: offline

Good morning i am writing to ask a couple of questions, and seek advice. Briefly when i came here to CM i did not know anything about the lifestyle, besides pictures, or stories, thought a new comer how hard is it going to be to find someone.A professional told me of the site, name does not matter.She told me i may find a relationship here.
i have been reading a lot on the subjects, definitions. This has given me some knowledge from books about what i would, could expect, but however this has no meaning, or experience in the real world. Spent some time trying to find someone, (limited time) find it is difficult talking to others when it is like i’m being ignored, or not accepted. Is this true i’m being ignored doubtful. 1 woman i talked about before (wanting to meet after 4 – 5 emails, and of course my Dr. appointments ect…) nothing came about we never met. Her profile is inactive, and i have not heard back from her. 1 woman we could never communicate, get to know each other. Finally she told me i was crazy, and that is the last I heard from her. So now i have an offer to live with a woman (nothing set in concrete) at this time. i wrote her, answered some of her questions concerning my understanding of what a 24/7 commitment meant, was. She was satisfied with my answers, she wrote back with some advice on how we would proceed.
i wrote her back telling i understood, but wanted to ask what she meant
concerning (life limits)

Her very first line is “I want you to take your time” This is sound, i do appreciate her concern of me rushing in. She then told me later in her letter to examine my (life limits) i am not too sure i truly understand life limits i realize i have several strikes against me in general Looks Age Income, money Lack knowledge, experience PTSD, medications. So many others looking (huge field) So i guess my questions are #1 life limits #2 how long to wait #3 am I accepting she has a collared male, plus another person living there.where do i fit in, am a i supposed to looking after all these people
i am a little concerned about my needs, though i am a sub/slave, i still have needs
sexually, though that is not my focus.

Post #: 1

RE: Offer of 24/7 is under consideration. - 1/24/2008 9:20:47 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

How long would you take dating a vanilla person before you decided to move in? Get married?

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to subtreat4u)

Post #: 2

RE: Offer of 24/7 is under consideration. - 1/24/2008 9:56:53 AM

LadyHibiscus

Posts: 27124
Joined: 8/15/2005
From: Island Of Misfit Toys
Status: offline

Please write to me on the other side!

_____________________________

[page 23 girl]

(in reply to MsSonnetMarwood)

Post #: 3

RE: Offer of 24/7 is under consideration. - 1/24/2008 10:07:32 AM

subtreat4u

Posts: 58
Joined: 1/3/2008
Status: offline

LadyHibiscus

i am assuming you ask me to email you

(in reply to LadyHibiscus)

Post #: 4

RE: Offer of 24/7 is under consideration. - 1/24/2008 10:26:53 AM

LadyLolly

Posts: 140
Joined: 5/21/2005
Status: offline

So, why aren't you asking her?

Alternative lifestyle relationships are defined how ever the parties involved agree to define them.  Safe, sane and consentual is the generally accepted delimeter.    Other than that, keep enough blood in your head to carefully consider what you are and are not willing and able to offer and commit to. Both of you have needs and limitations in what can be offered and accepted. Discussing and understanding each relevant facet in developing such an agreement is part of taking your time.  Some prefer use a written document/contract as it helps focus when in black and white and to refer back to in the future.  Usually a living document, the agreement can only be modified when parties are in accord to do so. Expectations, limitations, duties, obligations - anything and everything either of you can think of should be discused with agreement the object. If niether of you hits a "deal breaker" and the over all agreement and arrangement sounds workable - go for it. It is also typical to limit the time period with renewal options and terms of disolution should either party choose not to renew.

One particular issue is touchy, your finances and property. Let's face it, a roof over the head, clothes on your back and food on the table have to be paid for. While a few want nothing some want everything, most will fall somewhere in between.  Some don't necessarily want or need "your stuff" but like the control of you not having it, you may or may not want and need that aspect of dominantion.

Sexual needs are something you mentioned a concern about.  Again, there are no hard and fast "rules" - it's what is agreed to.  Don't agree to what you don't feel you can deliver.

Open, honest communication is constantly banged on, as is trust, as critical components for a succesful and satisfying D/s relationship. You are responsible for upholding your end of what is agreed. You need to be able to trust that they will also. At some point, when you have agreement and sufficient trust you can go forward. Keep a clear head and consider carefully what you are about.  If for what ever reason it dosen't feel "right" and your concerns and questions are not satisfied, walk away  - learn to trust your gut rather than letting your pecker lead you.  Remember, she may be great and you may be wonderful, but you have to be right for each other. If not, keep looking, be patient, and search out one who is.

It might be helpful to look for other contracts on the web and she might even have an example for you to look over and use as a basic template. There are sure to be aspects that you haven't considered or overlooked that could be relevant..

There will be some that say you don't need no stinkin contract, you either trust Her or you don't. While somewhat a novice to all this, you're still a big boy and have survived a few years making your own life choices. Here's another one........

Hope this helps.

(in reply to subtreat4u)

Post #: 5

RE: Offer of 24/7 is under consideration. - 1/24/2008 10:39:53 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

Maybe it's just me, but I can't trust someone who offers 24/7 or even living together when you've only known each other online or for a short period of time (in my book short is less than a year of meatlife time).

While I'm only interested in long-term, 24/7 owner-slave dynamics that does not mean that I offer that to someone. No, we take our time, we explore together, we train, and then we evaluate.

Most of the time, it turns out that you really aren't compatible for a live-in or 24/7 dynamic, sometimes you learn that your interests don't match well enough. You can only figure that out though over time and through interactions.

Even with all the "take your time" and reflect on things, the very fact that she's offering a 24/7 immediately would be a red light to me.

You, subtreat4u, need to get into a nearby community (it may be an hour or two away) and start exploring on your own. Then you can figure out what your limits are, what your desires are, and how you use different terms. Until you can do that, how much can you honestly consent to enter into a dynamic with someone? If you don't have information and some experience what can your consent realistically be based on?

Those questions are for every new person in fact.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to subtreat4u)

Post #: 6

RE: Offer of 24/7 is under consideration. - 1/24/2008 10:46:36 AM

subtreat4u

Posts: 58
Joined: 1/3/2008
Status: offline

LadyLolly
i appreciate your advice, and insights.
i have emailed her back, we have not spoken since she sent me the mail telling me she
"wants me to take my time", and consider my life limits.

Her desires of talking, and getting to know each other before a commitment actually is made I accept totally , but had questions she has not answered, since she has not returned my mail (life limits) my pecker is not of any use to her as far as sexual, i’m not to sure how I feel about this, but this is not my main focus, or concern. 24/7 and it’s responsibility commitment is
Thank You
jim

(in reply to LadyLolly)

Post #: 7

RE: Offer of 24/7 is under consideration. - 1/24/2008 10:54:34 AM

subtreat4u

Posts: 58
Joined: 1/3/2008
Status: offline

thetammyjo
Thank You
She has not said anything like ok you are mine. (right now)
More like we would approach this slow, and she wants me to be sure, and aware,
this is not something to be taken lightly,
and this is not tempoary.
(she will own, and control me)

Your advice on a community, is understood, as she has told me the same.

(in reply to subtreat4u)

Post #: 8

RE: Offer of 24/7 is under consideration. - 1/24/2008 11:15:53 AM

jasmine2008

Posts: 60
Joined: 12/27/2007
Status: offline

all i can say is do it ifu feel good about in the inside

(in reply to subtreat4u)

Post #: 9

RE: Offer of 24/7 is under consideration. - 1/24/2008 12:40:03 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtreat4u

thetammyjo
Thank You
She has not said anything like ok you are mine. (right now)
More like we would approach this slow, and she wants me to be sure, and aware,
this is not something to be taken lightly,
and this is not tempoary.
(she will own, and control me)

Your advice on a community, is understood, as she has told me the same.

Everything is temporary -- life is temporary after all because we all die.

Take a long time to try things out slowly please.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to subtreat4u)

Post #: 10

RE: Offer of 24/7 is under consideration. - 1/24/2008 1:08:39 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

My question is this: Why are YOU in such a hurry?

Edit
Second question: If 24/7 wasn't "really" what was offered immediately, why did you make this the title of the post?

I have my thoughts here, but I'd like to hear your thought processes before I comment further.

< Message edited by MisPandora -- 1/24/2008 1:10:45 PM >

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to subtreat4u)

Post #: 11

RE: Offer of 24/7 is under consideration. - 1/24/2008 1:19:53 PM

AtlantaMistress

Posts: 276
Joined: 6/14/2007
Status: offline

It seems as though you are looking for a relationship, but don't rush into anything online until you have learned much more - are you a sub or a slave? They are different. I am not at all saying you can't meet someone online, but it seems as though you are just trying to find out where you fit in to this very wide spectrum, and until you know, it is unfair to both parties to consider a relationship, especially 24/7. Try to find a Domme to train you (Pro or Lifestyle) and get some experience before taking such a big step.

My advice is to get out into your local community - events, munches, meet people and determine who you ARE before involivng anyone else in a relationship with you. Who knows...you may even meet someone in your own backyard.

_____________________________

Mistress Sandy

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'd rather be hated for something I am than loved for something I am not.

(in reply to subtreat4u)

Post #: 12

RE: Offer of 24/7 is under consideration. - 1/24/2008 1:42:12 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MisPandora

My question is this: Why are YOU in such a hurry?

Edit
Second question: If 24/7 wasn't "really" what was offered immediately, why did you make this the title of the post?

I have my thoughts here, but I'd like to hear your thought processes before I comment further.

I am agreeing with Pandora. The fact thast a Lady might be seeking a 24/7 relationship doe snot mean it is being offered. Anyone who offers too quickly is suspect in My mind, and any boy who assumes or gives the impression that this is a "done deal" might also be suspect. These things take time.

I would add another question...
How long have you been writing to this Lady. From your last thread, it does not seem like it can have been too long. You have not heard from her since the last email with your questions? Has it been a few days or a few hours? I have always been surprised at the boys who do not check to see if an email has even been read (a nice feature available on this site) and the assumption that the Lady in question is sitting at her computer waiting for the next missive to arrive in her box.

If she has told you to take your time, that seems like sound advice to Me. And she is the one who can best answer your questions.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 13

RE: Offer of 24/7 is under consideration. - 1/24/2008 1:51:28 PM

subtreat4u

Posts: 58
Joined: 1/3/2008
Status: offline

MisPandora

i placed the heading below with no ideas of deception,
The offer is not in (concrete), but is on the table for Our considerations.
Am i willing to accept the terms ?
If so it may move on, to the next level getting to know each other.
if not it ends.

Offer of 24/7 is under consideration.

Excuse me.
I am not trying to be rude, or inncolent,
however i see no wording concerning right this istance
(under consideration)
to me means it is being considered.

i am probably rushing, but didnot see it that way.

MisPandora
i would like to hear your thoughts .

Thank You

< Message edited by subtreat4u -- 1/24/2008 2:41:25 PM >

(in reply to AtlantaMistress)

Post #: 14

RE: Offer of 24/7 is under consideration. - 1/24/2008 2:57:03 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline

subtreat,
I think some of the confusion here is the use of the term "under consideration". It really matters not who is doing the considering. Usually that term, if it is used at all, indicates that a relationship has moved to the point that an actual 24/7 living in idea is being discussed as a near reality.
We question how near this can or should be, with, once again, just a few emails in play. You may be amking assumptions that are not based in any kind of reality. It is ifne to email and discuss, but this does not mean that you are anywhere close to an agreement. An agreement does not come from your saying "Okey-Doke, Ma'am", and then moving in. You may meet someone for coffee, but that does not mean that you are only one step away from calling that Lady "Mistress".
I am sure there are many things for you to consider, and that would be between the Lady and yourself. But what you are considering, perhaps, is less a 24/7 being offered by Her, and more an idea of what 24/7 with her would involve and whether or not you are ready for that, or even if her 24/7 requirements are the right requirements for you. Even if you agreed, she might not. Do ya see where I'm going here?
I am not going back to look at your profile again, but I thought I recalled that you state you are seeking an eventual ltr (24/7) as a submissive or slave? This does not mean that you are right for any Lady who happens across your profile, drops you a note, or even agrees to meet for coffee. It means you are seeking ltr, perhaps she is seeking ltr, but there is much to be learned before either can make a decision as to whether the 24/7 you both seek should be with each other.
Hope that helps.

Edited to add: Your thread title is misleading. Use of the very word "Offer" implies that someone has offered the relationship. We have already determined, from your previous postings, that She hasn 't...so who has offered this?
Step carefully....

< Message edited by GoddessDustyGold -- 1/24/2008 2:59:10 PM >

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

(in reply to subtreat4u)

Post #: 15

Considering the possibility of a 24/7 - 1/24/2008 4:02:48 PM

subtreat4u

Posts: 58
Joined: 1/3/2008
Status: offline

i am very sorry if i misled any one.
This was not my intent!
If i said anything inappropriate to any one MisPandora I am sorry, I thought it was plain, by my saying nothing was set in concrete Where this was in process. I want to thank You all for Your input, advice, and knowledge You are so graciously sharing. I look to more feed back. Respectfully P.S.
i could not see howto edit the Title, i'm sorry

< Message edited by subtreat4u -- 1/24/2008 4:08:00 PM >

(in reply to GoddessDustyGold)

Post #: 16

RE: Considering the possibility of a 24/7 - 1/24/2008 5:26:02 PM

ThundersCry

Posts: 892
Status: offline

I just wanna KNOW what ya caught that cat on! AND no big ass fish story! =L=

You got some good imput from folks here....

There was a time sub fever ran so hot thru my veins...I made some awfull...mistakes. <grins> no regrets...now. Just took some yrs to recover -L-

Seems like ya can tell em amd tell em but everyone is gonna learn...one way or the other...

Not like you have anything to lose...just your life.

Trudge...

(in reply to subtreat4u)

Post #: 17

RE: Considering the possibility of a 24/7 - 1/24/2008 5:42:35 PM

subtreat4u

Posts: 58
Joined: 1/3/2008
Status: offline

Thanks

The fish is a 25lb King Salmon. Caught in the Pacific N.W.
on the Columbia River.

(in reply to ThundersCry)

Post #: 18

RE: Offer of 24/7 is under consideration. - 1/24/2008 6:03:26 PM

MisPandora

Posts: 2911
Joined: 4/7/2004
From: Philadelphia, PA
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: subtreat4u
i am probably rushing, but didnot see it that way.

You are. Very much so. Just the other day, we were consoling you about a woman who dissed you in 3-4 emails. And not even a week later, you're talking of 24/7?

You told us you're inexperienced. Have you even experienced any of this beyond reading about BDSM online? Perhaps you might want to slow down and try things out with someone who is experienced to get your feel of what you might like or dislike -- without expectations of relationship, sex, marriage and all of that stuff. Get your feet beneath you.

It appears from a distance that you're running amok with sub frenzy or what people in the poly world call "New Relationship Energy" (NRE). You've discovered this new thing and you're not going to stop until you have it all, much like a fat kid and his cake. He has to eat it all in one sitting rather than savoring every last bite.

quote:

The offer is not in (concrete), but is on the table for Our considerations.
Am i willing to accept the terms ?
If so it may move on, to the next level getting to know each other.
if not it ends.

Then I likely misread some of the syntax in some of your replies. It felt from a few of your comments that this woman has intent ultimately on 24/7 but that you both are just speaking and giving thought to getting to know one another first, not immediately pick up and move, conjoin households and the like.

_____________________________

Pandora
Ms World Leather 2004
Ms Philadelphia Leather 2004

"Simply put, if you want a real femdom to love you, give her reasons to love you." Gloria Brame

(in reply to subtreat4u)

Post #: 19

RE: Offer of 24/7 is under consideration. - 1/24/2008 6:38:18 PM

subtreat4u

Posts: 58
Joined: 1/3/2008
Status: offline

MisPandora
Thank you!
You are 100% right. Truly as each of you have told me there is no rush, and any thing worth while is worth working for, waiting on, and caring for so it may flourish.
i need to go back to my last posting, Boundaries and re read what i was told.

(in reply to MisPandora)

Post #: 20

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