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AlterEgo69 -> What it means to call you BITCH! (An essay) (1/25/2008 3:04:24 PM)
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I recently met a sub in Florida who is considerably more experienced in the scene than myself. When we began discussing my thoughts and feelings about D/s relationships, she was apparently very impressed and strongly encouraged me to publish some of my writings in the BDSM community.
This is a little awkward, because frankly I'm not sure any of my writing is all that profound - more just my way of communicating my own wants and needs to my own sub. But since I got so much encouragement, I'll go ahead and post one of my essays below, describing my system for using the various different words I use to address my sub as an indication of the behavior I desire from them. If this stuff actually interests anyone, I have plenty more. If it's just a distraction, my apologies in advance! Here goes... [:-]
What it means to call you Bitch!
An essay by AlterEgo69
Some submissive women find it extremely erotic to be called a bitch by their Dom, while others are completely offended by such language. I am personally convinced that to a large extent, this disparity derives from a difference in meaning and intent between the speaker (Dom) and listener (sub). They each ascribe different meaning and significance to such terms, and this breeds misunderstanding and tension.
Some women feel the very word “bitch” is an inherently derogative and pejorative term, so it is no surprise that they are offended by it. Personally, it’s a turn-on for me to call my sub Bitch, at least under certain circumstances. My intent is completely different than most women would assume, however. In fact, calling you Bitch, Cunt, Slut, or Whore is part of a formal system I have developed to communicate my desires to you. I’ve written this essay so that you will understand my little system. I want you to read this essay, consider it carefully, then come to me, on your knees, and tell me that you accept it and wish to submit to my wishes in the ways I that I shall describe below.
Men, myself included, are generally very one-dimensional. As you continue to get to know me, you will know who I am. It won’t change much; I am who I am and that’s about it. Women, on the other hand, are much more complex and interesting creatures than men. Even in the vanilla world, half the fun (for me) of being in a relationship with a woman is that I never stop discovering who she is. Women tend to be affected by their surroundings and moods far more than men. As you already know, even something as slight as the weight of the earrings on your earlobes can affect your mood, your disposition, and your attitude. For this reason, women seem to become different people – or if you prefer, different versions or manifestations of the same person - when exposed to different situations and emotions. This is one of your gifts, and one that I cherish the opportunity to celebrate and embrace.
In the vanilla world, the different persona that women exhibit in different situations tend to occur spontaneously, and often uncontrollably. Translating this to D/s, my approach is to define a number of specific personality archetypes that please me under different circumstances. The name I call you by indicates the persona I want and expect you to adopt for me, and my wish is that you work hard to change your demeanor for me when I call you by one of several words I’ll describe below.
When I call you by your given name, or if I use a traditional vanilla cliché’ such as Honey or Babe to refer to you, that means that I want you to be yourself. I want you to express yourself fully and share your personality, intellect, and opinions with me. Although I will always expect you to remember that I am the Dom and you are the sub, it is when I am calling you by your given name that you should feel at ease respectfully disagreeing with my opinions, expressing yourself freely, and otherwise being yourself. If I am ever to fall in love with “you”, it will be the person I call by name that I am primarily falling in love with.
When I call you Bitch, that is simply my way of indicating that I want you to adjust your demeanor to serve me, usually sexually. When I have called you Bitch, you should generally only speak when spoken to, and you should focus all of your energy and attention on serving me exactly the way I instruct you to. In other words, this is my time. If you serve me well when I call you Bitch, I will feel inspired to reward you, and I promise that you will eventually be rewarded. But during the time that you are serving as my Bitch, it is critical that you understand that at least temporarily, your sole purpose for existing is to serve my desires and needs, whatever they may be.
One difference between me and most Doms is that I want eye contact from you most of the time. Specifically, when you are serving in the Bitch role, I expect your eyes to be locked onto my face at all times, unless I tell you otherwise or it is impossible to do so because of something I have asked you to do to serve me. You will be punished if I catch your eyes anywhere other than on my face when the circumstances permit you to see my face.
It is also very important that you understand that when you serve as my Bitch, I still want you to be yourself, in your own personality, even if a subdued, submissive version of it. I want to feel like it is my girl who is serving me as my bitch. The sex we enjoy when you are serving as my bitch will and should feel emotionally connected, and I want to feel your desire to serve me as your lover when you are serving as my bitch. This will be the persona I will ask you to assume most frequently in connection with sex.
You also need to understand that like almost all men, I sometimes need to satisfy my sexual needs in a more detached way – intentionally not connecting with you on any emotional level, but instead just using your body as a sex object for my pleasure. Some women find this difficult to understand and accept, but it’s just part of being male. We were made that way by evolution, and can’t help it. Therefore, any time I call you a Cunt, I am basically telling you that I need you to provide me with a sex object I can use for my enjoyment. If you perform well for me, I will appreciate you very much when you return to your “given name” persona. But during the time I am calling you a Cunt, I want you to literally think of yourself as a biological life support system for a mouth, a pussy, and an anus that exist for my carefree, unrestricted use. You have no other purpose for existing when I am calling you a Cunt, except to provide your body for my exploitation. I do not want to communicate with you as a human being during these brief periods that I call you a cunt. Simply do this for me, and I promise I will appreciate you for it.
As we grow closer to one another, my feelings and emotions for you will continue to build, and I will develop a certain respect and concern for you. The closer we become emotionally, the more I will want to cherish and celebrate you as my girlfriend.
But like most men, there are certain times when I’m in a raunchy mood, and desire a sexual interaction with a woman that – frankly – isn’t terribly respecful or “nice”. Sadly, a lot of men cheat on their wives and girlfriends and see prostitutes in order to meet this need to treat a female in a way they would never think of treating their girlfriend or wife.
I have zero tolerance for cheating, and don’t care to use prostitutes. Besides, I know you are capable of meeting this need for me under the right circumstances. Therefore, when I call you a Whore, what I am really telling you is that I want you to be an actor for me, playing the part of a cheap, dirty prostitute. Specifically, I want you to learn to detach yourself emotionally from what occurs in this role. Put another way, what goes on between me and the Whore should stay between me and the Whore, and I want you to find a way to block those times out of your memory, so they are not included in the experiences you think of us having had together as a couple. As you become my girlfriend, I will want more and more to cherish you, and to have a relationship in which I can pretend you aren’t even aware of the things I do to the Whore when you’re not looking. Of course in reality, you are the one playing the part of the Whore, so you will have to find a way to mentally and emotionally detach yourself from the character you play when I call you a Whore.
The Whore persona is also unique in that I want you to avoid eye contact with me completely, unless I explicitly tell you otherwise. For that matter, anything else you can think of to do in order to help me forget it’s you that I’m treating like a whore will be helpful and appreciated. This could include changing your attitude, manner of speaking, etc. to detach from your true self.
The word Slut is a special case, because it is an adjective that modifies any of the above roles except your given name persona, in which I would never call you a slut. Rather than a separate persona archetype unto itself, I will use the word Slut to tell you I want particularly dirty, slutty behavior from you – the sort of stuff my girlfriend would never engage in. So, if I say “Come here you slutty little bitch”, what I am telling you is that I want you to serve in the Bitch persona, but I want you to do it in a particularly slutty way.
Over time we will develop even more archetypes that I will expect you to learn and master on my command, but these four (your given name, Bitch, Cunt, and Whore) plus the modifier Slut are plenty to challenge you with at first.
Please make sure you’ve read this carefully, then come to me if you have questions or wish to discuss it. When you are ready, I would like you to come to me, kneel, and ask me to accept your submission to these instructions. You should expect to be quizzed on the details of what is expected of you in each case (as described above). You should know that if you come back to me with an insufficient or incomplete understanding, but have not bothered to ask me questions to resolve your misunderstanding, you will be punsihed severely. Therefore, please re-read this several times before offering me your submission to these terms, and be certain your understanding of my expectations is complete and impeccable.
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