RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what gives???

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RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what give... - 1/25/2008 8:16:40 PM

laurell3

Posts: 6577
Joined: 5/5/2005
Status: offline

I get what you are saying KC. I am saying if you read his whole profile he has quite a few comments about what he is seeking that are rather rigid and the majority of people won't fit those parameters. It's not suprising people don't respond on that basis. Even fitting those parameters I wouldn't respond because the parameters indicate a very close-minded individual to me personally.

_____________________________

I cannot be defined by moments in my life, but must be considered for by the entirety of my existence.

When you fail to consider that I am the best judge for what is right for me, all of your opinions become suspect to me.

(in reply to kc692)

Post #: 61

RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what give... - 1/25/2008 8:34:28 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

I just don't get why you would have an ad if you're going to even bother to CONSIDER the messages you receive.

There can be many reasons that people have profiles that surprisingly have nothing to do with you and your wants.

This is my favorite line of the thread. The OP's profile is almost impossible to wade through and it certainly is quite rigid as laurell said.

And if the OP is so smart as he claims, then why is he SO shocked that we women get negative attention when we politely say no? Duh.

I think what I am hearing are the sounds of a guy who is feeling the pangs of ego rejection, as in "I am such a smart, good looking guy, how dare any sub NOT read my messages".

And that is just boring.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 1/25/2008 8:35:34 PM >

(in reply to KatyLied)

Post #: 62

RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what give... - 1/25/2008 8:43:11 PM

heartcream

Posts: 3044
Joined: 5/9/2007
From: Psychoalphadiscobetabioaquadoloop
Status: offline

I get a flash of the heebie-jeebies when someone uses all cap's, as though they are yelling, and in this case, beating their chest telling everyone what to do, even if the message is sent below the surface.

quote:

I ALWAYS REPLY TO THEM, BECAUSE THAT IS PART OF BEING A GROWN UP IN A POLITE SOCIETY.

So the way this reads, there is a script I am meant to follow over going by my own desire, intuition and inner wisdom, called 'polite society' ?

I personally have not delete-unread from someone I dont know, but if I get repeat emails, after I already told them I am not interested, then, uh, yah.

I dont call it passive-agressive behaviour either. I am doing what I feel is the right thing to do for me. I am sending a message that is not that hard to decipher it's meaning.

The thing about 'polite' society is that I would be assuming what someone else is telling me to do is more correct than being true to myself. As though I ought to override myself for another. Personally I can find it rude when folks drip their 'politeness' all over the place. I find it can be condescending, passive/aggressive, and patronizing at times. If I feel moved to be 'polite', in that I feel genuine interest, awe, gratitude for the email. Perhaps I enjoyed their sensitivity and smarts, whatever, then I might gush forth, "Oh thank-you, and yes please." Even if the thing I respond with is to the tune of, "Thank you, but I am not interested in you in 'that' way." I am pretty sure if you wrote me an email that you spent 20 minutes giving me personal attention, you would receive a note of thanks for your time, insight and effort. Well, unless of course the email says something like, "You must write me back." I dont listen very well to that kind of ordering around from strangers.

If someone writes me, and for whatever reason I dont feel to write back, I dont. Just like folks do to me. I have had someone write me, and then I write them back and that is that. It happens. Or the email exchanges could move along for somewhat longer, or sustained but only once in awhile, or whatever configuration.

quote:

Frankly, this really pisses me off. I routinely spend 20 minutes or more composing a single e-mail, because I know everyone responds better to personal attention.

Look, as someone else said, you invested the time because you wanted to. I hope that is why you took time to research and write your intro-email, anyway. If you then put the pressure onto someone else, (someone you have no idea about their reality, or pretty much anything about them) that they should reply to you because of that. It feels somewhat creepy, guilt-ridden and manipulative to me. You know, not 'nice'.

The way I see it, I need to meet someone I click with. There is no formula from what I can see. Maybe do not spend so much time on each email, if it pisses you off so much. Find something 'personal' or relevant to say to her, and see if she responds. You could invest more time as you go along. If you see someone that moves you to write a 20 minute email, go for it. If that hottie does not respond, well that sucks, sure, but what you gonna do?

_____________________________

"Exaggerate the essential, leave the obvious vague." Vincent Van Gogh

I'd Rather Be With You

Every single line means something.
Jean-Michel Basquiat

(in reply to AlterEgo69)

Post #: 63

RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what give... - 1/25/2008 8:47:45 PM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

I find the whole thing amusing... CM can be such a weird place at times. I can understand why anyone (male or female) would feel frustrated at having their email deleted unread. But then that's the nature of the place, and there are those here who are anything but what they seem. Maybe the gal he wrote to was really a guy pretending to be a gal... who the hell knows. I've had some of my own weird experiences. So for the amusement of the OP, and pretty much anyone else... here's some of Pad's weirder email experiences on CM.

Sometime ago I decided to check that lil "admirers" tab to see who was admiring me (and well... okay... whether or not anyone actually was LOL). Turns out I had a few, and much to my pleasant surprise one of them was a rather attractive submissive who seemed the sort I might fancy. So, me be the gregarious, outgoing Irishman that I am, I wrote her a note to say hello, introduce myself, that sort of thing. Now I thought that since she'd noticed me first and apparently been interested enough to add me to her favorites that my chances of getting some sort of response from this lass were pretty good. A few days went by and no response, so I decided to check if she'd been on... she had. So I checked to see if she'd read my note....

Deleted unread. Go figure. Even weirder... she still has me on her favorites.

If that weren't weird enough or amusing enough for you, there was the one who repeatedly wrote me to just say, "Meeeeooooowww". That was it, that was the entirety of her letters... just that one word. Over a period of several months I received about a dozen or so such notes. Go figure.

Or how about the one who wrote me several times... just to point out spelling errors in my profile, journal entries or forum posts. That was all she ever wrote about... apparently my spelling mistakes grieved her a great deal and she just had to let me know... poor thing. Apparently when I pointed out one of her own spelling errors it was too much for her to bare and she disappeared in a puff of gramatical smoke. Go figure.

As I said, CM can be a weird place. I wouldn't worry about it too much though.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 64

RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what give... - 1/25/2008 9:12:39 PM

kc692

Posts: 3701
Joined: 3/24/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: laurell3

I get what you are saying KC. I am saying if you read his whole profile he has quite a few comments about what he is seeking that are rather rigid and the majority of people won't fit those parameters. It's not suprising people don't respond on that basis. Even fitting those parameters I wouldn't respond because the parameters indicate a very close-minded individual to me personally.

I get what you are saying too, and the desperately added, but please don't email me if you don't fit those parameters doesnt weaken the shallowness at all.

_____________________________

Anyone can overpower; not many can INSPIRE.....

This is only MY opinion. If it's not yours, let's agree in advance to agree to disagree, OR, you can just get the fuck over what I had to say:)

(in reply to laurell3)

Post #: 65

RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what give... - 1/25/2008 9:17:49 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

I am concerned because when I email girls and get delete unread, I think, dammit--------their mouth isn't big enough-----------and they KNEW...

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to kc692)

Post #: 66

RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what give... - 1/25/2008 9:18:52 PM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mnottertail

I am concerned because when I email girls and get delete unread, I think, dammit--------their mouth isn't big enough-----------and they KNEW...

Ron

that's because TMJ is SO hard to get rid of.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 67

RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what give... - 1/25/2008 10:07:54 PM

Rumtiger

Posts: 2634
Joined: 3/4/2006
From: Vegas
Status: offline

only happened when I pissed off someone.

_____________________________

Fuck the Pandas!
-Moi

Mmm, I love me some kickboxers, you know why? Cause ya'll cant take a punch!
- Quentin Tarantino.

If they cant take a joke, fuck em.
-Tucker Max

(in reply to faerytattoodgirl)

Post #: 68

RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what give... - 1/25/2008 10:54:22 PM

Owner59

Posts: 17033
Joined: 3/14/2006
From: Dirty Jersey
Status: offline

Read the OP`s profile.

It says I`m cool,hung,rich,good looking,traveled,a good catch,witty,smart,dashing,tall,HTWP,and modest.

Why in the world wouldn`t someone want to read your personal cmail?

Though you may have BDSM knowledge,you seem to be a little new to internet dating,and internet dating realities.

My advice,....back off a notch or two,edit down the profile(to much info),and don`t brag or complement yourself so much.It`s tacky and obvious.

And don`t be so analytical.Half the time you go collage on something,you get it wrong,and it doesn`t matter anyway.

Chill.Don`t take it personaly.

The points the ladys have made, are all realities.Katy`s tale of what some doms do when rejected, is typical.This isn`t ~SubMart~ ,but some people think it is.

(in reply to kc692)

Post #: 69

RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what give... - 1/25/2008 11:17:24 PM

Owner59

Posts: 17033
Joined: 3/14/2006
From: Dirty Jersey
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Missokyst

I am a little confused by the other side. Is that Collarme, instead of here (collarchat). Does that mean if I have a profile up there that it is an AD for a mate? Shoot, if so, people over there probably shouldnt have a profile if they are not looking. If not.. dang... I have a profile, does that mean I have been overlooked and remain unwanted based on some criteria that I might never reach?
Harsh.
LOL but, I will live through it.
Kyst

If it has already been answered,"the other side" refers to private cmail communication,rather than on the board conversations.I think.

On another board I post on,we use the term "off list",to refer to private communications between posters.

(in reply to Missokyst)

Post #: 70

RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what give... - 1/26/2008 1:16:41 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

quote:

I wouldn't take it personally unless katylied did it, in which case it might just be some kind of messed up passive-aggressive thing that she does out of sheer perversity.

(Hi Bob!)

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to DesertRat)

Post #: 71

RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what give... - 1/26/2008 1:23:26 AM

CuriousLord

Posts: 3911
Joined: 4/3/2007
Status: offline

I think you skipped childhood.

The first rule to understanding the other gender is to not assume rationality nor decency. In a respect, to forego concern for their opinions until you have a reason not to.

Notes:
-They may've just had your mail directed to the bulk mail then manually deleted it from there on a routiene clearing.
-After my decade or so on the net, "69" invokes a feeling of boyish sexuality and lack of romantic intent. It may not be appealing to prospective partners to see it in your alias.
-CM.com is not what one should consider polite society.

< Message edited by CuriousLord -- 1/26/2008 1:24:18 AM >

(in reply to AlterEgo69)

Post #: 72

RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what give... - 1/26/2008 10:14:28 AM

AlterEgo69

Posts: 28
Joined: 1/6/2008
Status: offline

Wow! I was shocked to wake up this morning, login, and see all this nonsense.

To those who implied that I "booked" out of fear or something, no, actually it's called Sleep, and I do it daily. I also have a life and there will be periods of hours or even days that I don't see online posts.

I'm not going to bother arguing with anyone here, but I'll throw in my last few thoughts.

Most respondents seem to have missed my point entirely. I am not taking anything personally, and my gripe has absolutely nothing to do with whether women do or do not wish to interact with me online. My point was that it appeared to me that "Deleted Unread" could only mean one thing: That people get e-mails and delete them without ever bothering to learn ANYTHING about who the message came from or what it said. Thanks to 3 or 4 intelligent posts here, I now understand that I was making a flawed assumption about the operation of the web site, and that it is not only possible but apparently common to use the homepage window to check people out. So I learned something, and apprecaite those who provided the helpful information.

The rest of you seem to be so used to the "I feel hurt because they don't want to talk to me" complaint that you projected that onto me. I never said that was my issue. I have no problem at all with the fact that many of the women here won't want to talk to me. That's fine. I just wish the system were a little more efficient at helping me know they didn't want to hear from me in advance, so I could avoid wasting my time or theirs. I frankly found it entertaining how much intent was apparently read into my base post.

To all of those who felt it necessary to point out that people have the RIGHT to do whatever they want with their profile: Yes, you are correct that they obviously do have that right. Similarly, I have the RIGHT to walk down the street, and greet every random stranger I come across with "Hey, FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE!". Thanks to the 1st amendment, that is my RIGHT, and I'm glad I have it. However, were I to assert my right to free speech in that way, I would be a complete loser. You get the analogy.

The junk mail analogy is equally idiotic. Junk mail comes unsolicited. That is not the case here. When I read a personal ad (yes I always read them start to finish and respect whatever criteria they specify, and don't respond unless I think I am a match for what they say they are looking for), then I would expect them to at least read it or look at my profile - one or the other. (I now realize they may have). If they don't like me because I don't meet their criteria for something objective such as age, I would expect a mature adult to realize that people are wasting their own time, and I would modify my own profile to be more clear about what I'm looking for.

So in that sense, yes, in my opinion if you have filters set up, you really ought to disclose enough information in your profile text to allow someone to realize they don't meet your criteria, saving everyone time and effort. Yes, you have the RIGHT to have extensive filters set up and say nothing about them if you so choose, because it's YOUR profile. I agree that is your right. See earlier comment about greeting people on the street...

A.E.

(in reply to CuriousLord)

Post #: 73

RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what give... - 1/26/2008 10:22:59 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AlterEgo69

To all of those who felt it necessary to point out that people have the RIGHT to do whatever they want with their profile: Yes, you are correct that they obviously do have that right. Similarly, I have the RIGHT to walk down the street, and greet every random stranger I come across with "Hey, FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE!". Thanks to the 1st amendment, that is my RIGHT, and I'm glad I have it. However, were I to assert my right to free speech in that way, I would be a complete loser. You get the analogy.

A.E.

Sighs....oh dear. You still are NOT getting it, are you? There is NO analogy as you wrote above. How ludicrous to compare real life interaction with random people walking down the street where indeed, if you started going all Tourette's on us and screaming Hey Asshole to everyone, not only would we think you were a loser, but insane or in need of meds.

Compare and contrast that statement with those who post profiles on a kink INTERNET site which is a reactive environment. Unlike the analogy you posed, I might not be able to avoid hearing you scream Hey Asshole if I ran into you on Fifth Ave. but ONLINE, I could ignore anyone who writes me and even, yes, delete them unread if I chose to. (I personally never delete unread, but others have the right).

You seem to have some flaw of reasoning going on that makes you think that you can control the behavior and actions of others online, when in reality, you can only control your own reaction and behavior.

Perhaps you should take this all less seriously. I mean, really now, you just told us all you have a LIFE.

(in reply to AlterEgo69)

Post #: 74

RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what give... - 1/26/2008 10:55:50 AM

ThinkingKitten

Posts: 447
Joined: 6/15/2006
From: Ontari-ari-o
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissMagnolia

Yes OP, it is unbelievably rude. I mean would you ignore a person in real life who spoke to you?

You bet I'd ignore them, if their "greeting" consisted of "Hey bitch! Wanna fuck?"

_____________________________

Thinking Kitten

If you can't stand the heat... tell the chef to get out of the kitchen.

(in reply to MissMagnolia)

Post #: 75

RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what give... - 1/26/2008 11:43:25 AM

Stephann

Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline

If you've sent an email to someone who's filtering people in your age, sex, relationship status, etc, and it goes to the bulk email bin, there's a good chance they'll just click 'check all' at the top, and then 'delete.'

AE,

Truly, I understand the frustration behind finding someone attractive, who isn't worth that attraction. For a day, try putting up a female submissive's profile who meets your criterial. Be sure to include a picture you have the right to use (public domain or what not.) See what kind of email you get, and how much. Then you'll have an appreciation for the five or six pages of email some women get each day who have no obligation to respond to most of them.

Seriously, if you had 80 emails a day from women who clearly didn't meet your criteria begging to orally serve you, how long before you stopped reading them all?

Stephan

< Message edited by Stephann -- 1/26/2008 11:54:12 AM >

_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

(in reply to ModeratorEleven)

Post #: 76

RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what give... - 1/26/2008 12:08:31 PM

Raechard

Posts: 3513
Joined: 3/10/2007
From: S.E. London U.K.
Status: offline

You know what it is? I think the cmail system doesn't work because my inbox is empty and I should have thousands of emails by now. I think Collarme need to look into this issue and find all my missing emails.

[Note: Face thing added for the humourly impaired.]

(edit: you spot the diff.)

< Message edited by Raechard -- 1/26/2008 12:12:14 PM >

_____________________________

えへまにんへえや
Nobody wants to listen to the same song over and over again!

(in reply to Stephann)

Post #: 77

RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what give... - 1/26/2008 12:11:35 PM

dcnovice

Posts: 37282
Joined: 8/2/2006
Status: offline

quote:

my inbox is empty

Are you sure about that?

_____________________________

No matter how cynical you become,
it's never enough to keep up.

JANE WAGNER, THE SEARCH FOR SIGNS OF
INTELLIGENT LIFE IN THE UNIVERSE

(in reply to Raechard)

Post #: 78

RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what give... - 1/26/2008 12:13:55 PM

Raechard

Posts: 3513
Joined: 3/10/2007
From: S.E. London U.K.
Status: offline

The button isn't red.

(edit: emoticon removed because I'm the strong silent type that doesn't show my emoticons)

< Message edited by Raechard -- 1/26/2008 12:17:16 PM >

_____________________________

えへまにんへえや
Nobody wants to listen to the same song over and over again!

(in reply to dcnovice)

Post #: 79

RE: "Deleted Unread" in personals - what give... - 1/26/2008 12:16:09 PM

tigerstyle

Posts: 168
Joined: 5/25/2005
Status: offline

"I just wish the system were a little more efficient at helping me know they didn't want to hear from me in advance, so I could avoid wasting my time or theirs."

How much more efficient can you get than "deleted unread"????

This is a competitive, sometimes shallow, often fast-moving place. No one owes it to you to read your well-composed emails. If you let that bother you, you are not going to have a good time here.

(in reply to dcnovice)

Post #: 80

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