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Self Discipline - 1/26/2008 9:10:36 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		If (as an "s" type) you felt you had not done your best. Looked back on something and knew you could have done better, done more....something like that,(even though your "D" type didn't express any displeasure) Would you impose something on yourself to "remind" yourself  to always strive for better when serving your "D" type?  

< Message edited by breatheasone -- 1/26/2008 9:11:27 AM >

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RE: Self Discipline - 1/26/2008 9:25:14 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline 		yeah i would do what ever it took.



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RE: Self Discipline - 1/26/2008 9:26:03 AM   
ProlificNeeds


Posts: 1061
Joined: 5/19/2007
Status: offline 		Always, not just for my D's benefit, but for my own sense of achievement.

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RE: Self Discipline - 1/26/2008 9:32:54 AM   
collaredncontent


Posts: 81
Joined: 1/21/2008
From: GA, USA.
Status: offline 		I have a personality that isn't always submissive. I absolutely hate being told what to do by anyone that I do not preceive to have that authority. Even in small things if someone tells me I can't do something just because they said so and they are not my Master I get rather indignant and sometimes too snarky for my own good. But sometimes this attitude carries over into our dynamic. He'll tell me no to something and for a brief moment I forget my place and feel as if he doesn't have the right to deny me what I want. Usually it's small things like drinking soda for instance. He does it out of my best interest  not just to be an ass and tell me no. I'm not supposed to have caffeine but sometimes we run out of the caffeine free soda and I want a Mountain Dew. He'll tell me a firm no not just because he can but because he cares for my health more than I do. I have to admit I am not a very self discaplined person when it comes to my own safety and health. So, for those times when I think out of line and may not even say it I usually write the word pet somewhere visable on me. This is a trend I've just started, actually, since we are now long distance again and he actually was the one to suggest it for a picture he wanted. I've taken it a small step further. Whenever I feel the urge to disobey because I want to put my desires ahead of his I write the word "pet" on me to remind myself where I stand.

-Brian.

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RE: Self Discipline - 1/26/2008 9:33:00 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		See... I understand saying yes to this question... . I'm not entirely sure that by me doing that it dosen't somehow "step on His toes" so to speak. Master said He wants to think about it. 

< Message edited by breatheasone -- 1/26/2008 9:34:04 AM >

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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RE: Self Discipline - 1/26/2008 9:33:10 AM   
catize


Posts: 3020
Joined: 3/7/2006
Status: offline 		There are times that, although I have been obedient, I recognize that I did not do so with joy in my heart.  That is an indication that I need to reflect on the meaning of submission.  The toughest things for me are the little irritations and  I need to work on acceptance. I try to not get hung up on guilt because that is not productive.

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RE: Self Discipline - 1/26/2008 9:37:44 AM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline 		I always push myself to do my best for me ... i dont need a Dom around to always be pushing myself to be the best that i can be ... i firmly believe that you need to be a whole and complete person on your own before you can become prt of a whole and complete relationship

of course there are times when your best is not good enough .. there is a thread somewhere at the moment just about that ... but I know that if I have exhausted all possibility, done everything I can to the absolute best of my ability and explored all means available .. and still not met expectations .. then my conscience is clear. That is not an excuse for not meeting a standard set by someone else ... its a statement that I have done everything in my power and had nothing mroe to give at that time.

I dont waste any negative engery beating myself up over falling short ... if I did everything I could and still failed I have nothing to feel ashamed of.... if however I have not tried my hardest or done my best .. and i fall short .. then the disappointment in myself will always be greater than the disappointment from another.

for me ... the only real, true and all conquering discipline .. is self discipline



_____________________________

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veritas, respectus honorque in corio





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RE: Self Discipline - 1/26/2008 9:38:28 AM   
breatheasone


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Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline 		I agree about the guilt thing, and I'm not saying walk around feeling guilty.... I felt I had "failed" ...So I took it upon myself to "remind" myself to do better. I did this by fixing a bowl of ice water and then soaked my hands in it for at least 20 mins ....I have arthritis in both hands, so with was not very pleasent for me...but then again it wasn't supposed to be.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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RE: Self Discipline - 1/26/2008 9:40:33 AM   
softness


Posts: 2918
Joined: 8/1/2006
From: Leeds, UK
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

I agree about the guilt thing, and I'm not saying walk around feeling guilty.... I felt I had "failed" ...So I took it upon myself to "remind" myself to do better. I did this by fixing a bowl of ice water and then soaked my hands in it for at least 20 mins ....I have arthritis in both hands, so with was not very pleasent for me...but then again it wasn't supposed to be.


this isn't meant as an attack or anything negative .. just curious

but in your dynamic is it the norm for you to take punishment/discipline into your own hands  (sorry .. really no pun intended!)

_____________________________

proudly wearing the blue collar of consideration to DK Leather, Leatherdykeuk, and LeatherEagle of the UK KRueL Leather Family

veritas, respectus honorque in corio





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RE: Self Discipline - 1/26/2008 9:43:02 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: softness

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

I agree about the guilt thing, and I'm not saying walk around feeling guilty.... I felt I had "failed" ...So I took it upon myself to "remind" myself to do better. I did this by fixing a bowl of ice water and then soaked my hands in it for at least 20 mins ....I have arthritis in both hands, so with was not very pleasent for me...but then again it wasn't supposed to be.


this isn't meant as an attack or anything negative .. just curious

but in your dynamic is it the norm for you to take punishment/discipline into your own hands  (sorry .. really no pun intended!)

Absolutely not....but since Master and I don't live together and I know I tend to be undisciplined I try to watch myself and my demeanor ...and self adjust as necessary


_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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RE: Self Discipline - 1/26/2008 9:45:21 AM   
mbes


Posts: 465
Joined: 12/14/2006
Status: offline 		I'm not interested in punishment, so self-punishment likely never would have occurred to me.
I am interested in self-discipline, and improving that. If i forget something, for instance, I'll try to find better ways to remember next time. I'm getting better at it.

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RE: Self Discipline - 1/26/2008 9:50:15 AM   
sensiia


Posts: 103
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Thanks for bringing this up breatheasone. Though Sir did bring it up.

Sir made a comment to me about self discipline after I got sassy with Him over the weekend and His denying me giving him a bj after I bathed him. The days that followed were difficult and one I would not like to repeat. It opened my eyes to be more respectful and not get in my own way.

When He mentioned self discipline being difficult my first thought was nonsense, I am very self disciplined in many aspects of my life and I have even gotten myself through two years of online schooling for my bachelors to date, and on the Deans list . On the six hour drive home I had time to think about my actions and behavior (longest drive of my life) and realized they are two different entities. One is self discipline, for myself then there was self discipine in how He desires me to behave.

So yes, striving to be better in my service to Him has all of a sudden become easier.

I never realized that self discipine could encompass two entirely different meanings.

I'm looking forward to reading the posts on this topic.

sensiia

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RE: Self Discipline - 1/26/2008 9:52:04 AM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

I agree about the guilt thing, and I'm not saying walk around feeling guilty.... I felt I had "failed" ...So I took it upon myself to "remind" myself to do better. I did this by fixing a bowl of ice water and then soaked my hands in it for at least 20 mins ....I have arthritis in both hands, so with was not very pleasent for me...but then again it wasn't supposed to be.


No disrespect to you or your Master, but if you were my slave you would not do such things.

If you feel you have not given your all, you should correct and strive to do better.  Such is the path of excellence.

Yet punishment is the master's perogative, not the slave's.  If in your heart feel you have failed your master, do not mortify yourself.  Rather, confess your failings to him, and receive correction at his hands.  If he chooses not to correct, accept his forgiveness and generosity with a glad heart.  Such is the rule in my house.

Imposing your own sanction is imposing your own will.  In my house, that you would not do.


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RE: Self Discipline - 1/26/2008 9:59:28 AM   
camille65


Posts: 5746
Joined: 7/11/2007
From: Austin Texas
Status: offline 		I have trouble imagining myself using some sort of physical self-punishment but I do understand the feelings of failing within your own self discipline.When it happens with me I go to R. There have been times that I mentally castigated myself for something that he, in the end has told me was not a failure afterall. Other times he will say yes, I did fail at XY or Z. He will tell me where the turning point was that I missed so that I don't repeat the mistake. There are areas in my life that lack self discipline, but I've given myself over to him and he decides if that needs changing and how to do so. That really is the only answer I can give you, that sometimes I err in thinking I failed and other times he walks me through it to ensure it doesn't happen again.If I need a physical reminder I use my calendar on my computer, sticky notes etc. I think that he would be very disappointed to learn that I was physically punishing myself without his permission or input. To do so would be a taking away from him.

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RE: Self Discipline - 1/26/2008 9:59:49 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I would not do it without communicating first, and I'd be quite upset if my partner put it upon themselves without communicating it with me either.  The chances that he could do this without my noticing something going on is highly unlikely, but still possible, and I'd consider it inappropriate.  This is about a working relationship- someone just deciding the standards and procedures on their own without informing the other person is wrong no matter which side of the slash they are on.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: Self Discipline - 1/26/2008 10:10:02 AM   
littlebitxxx


Posts: 732
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

I agree about the guilt thing, and I'm not saying walk around feeling guilty.... I felt I had "failed" ...So I took it upon myself to "remind" myself to do better. I did this by fixing a bowl of ice water and then soaked my hands in it for at least 20 mins ....I have arthritis in both hands, so with was not very pleasent for me...but then again it wasn't supposed to be.


No disrespect to you or your Master, but if you were my slave you would not do such things.

If you feel you have not given your all, you should correct and strive to do better.  Such is the path of excellence.

Yet punishment is the master's perogative, not the slave's.  If in your heart feel you have failed your master, do not mortify yourself.  Rather, confess your failings to him, and receive correction at his hands.  If he chooses not to correct, accept his forgiveness and generosity with a glad heart.  Such is the rule in my house.

Imposing your own sanction is imposing your own will.  In my house, that you would not do.



I don't know how to do all the fancy snippy thingys that others seems to so effortlessly, so I've just bolded the parts I like. 

I agree with this sentiment, CelticLord.  There is sometimes a very fine line between self-discipline, self-admonishment and self-punishment.  We should always strive to do our best and when we feel that we have failed at that we can admonish ourselves to do better.  But to take the extra step to punish ourselves, even just as a reminder, is overstepping the boundary.  Maybe it's just the difference between mental state and physical state.  Some may see self-admonishment as mental punishment.  More so, I think it is just an affirmation that yes, I screwed up and will do better in the future.  It's really up to himself whether my screw-up deserves punishment or not. 

Even after previewing, I don't know if that made any sense, breatheasone.  But I submit it for your perusal anyway.    (Now where is that coffee pot?  I knew I left it here somewhere)


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There is no such thing as can't unless it is followed by yet

It is the meaningless little acts that become meaningful in the doing.

The people that mind don't matter and the people that matter don't mind.

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RE: Self Discipline - 1/26/2008 10:15:31 AM   
collaredncontent


Posts: 81
Joined: 1/21/2008
From: GA, USA.
Status: offline 		I wouldn't come out and say what you did was over the line since I do not know what you Master expects of you. I can only speak to my own experience. My Master would be upset with me if I self-punished in a way that was harmful to me, my health and safety come first to him and I know very well what I am allowed to do and what I am not allowed to do. I had a problem with cutting, I enjoyed the blood and the pain and the marks it left but it got addicting. Not only does he not approve of the behavor but it hurts him to see me do anything damaging to myself. But that may not be the case with your Master, he may allow some small forms of self punishment so I can't really say that you were out of line or not since ultimately what is out of line is up to him. I know what is out of line for me, so writing the word 'pet' with a black marker is well within the limits of our dynamic. If I did it with a knife that would be another matter completely.

-Brian.

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RE: Self Discipline - 1/26/2008 10:19:13 AM   
celticlord2112


Posts: 5732
Status: offline
quote:

There is sometimes a very fine line between self-discipline, self-admonishment and self-punishment. We should always strive to do our best and when we feel that we have failed at that we can admonish ourselves to do better. But to take the extra step to punish ourselves, even just as a reminder, is overstepping the boundary. Maybe it's just the difference between mental state and physical state. Some may see self-admonishment as mental punishment. More so, I think it is just an affirmation that yes, I screwed up and will do better in the future. It's really up to himself whether my screw-up deserves punishment or not.


You are quite correct (and quite well spoken).  My guidance to my own slave in this regard has always been that whatever consequence comes from her failings my decision, never hers.  In my view, that is the boundary line. 


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RE: Self Discipline - 1/26/2008 10:19:27 AM   
breatheasone


Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: celticlord2112

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

I agree about the guilt thing, and I'm not saying walk around feeling guilty.... I felt I had "failed" ...So I took it upon myself to "remind" myself to do better. I did this by fixing a bowl of ice water and then soaked my hands in it for at least 20 mins ....I have arthritis in both hands, so with was not very pleasent for me...but then again it wasn't supposed to be.


No disrespect to you or your Master, but if you were my slave you would not do such things.

If you feel you have not given your all, you should correct and strive to do better.  Such is the path of excellence.

Yet punishment is the master's perogative, not the slave's.  If in your heart feel you have failed your master, do not mortify yourself.  Rather, confess your failings to him, and receive correction at his hands.  If he chooses not to correct, accept his forgiveness and generosity with a glad heart.  Such is the rule in my house.

Imposing your own sanction is imposing your own will.  In my house, that you would not do.


I didn't see anything disrespectful in what you said. but make no mistake...my Master has full authority over what I do, say and how I conduct myself. When I told Him about this, and why I felt the way I do, He understood. He told me He wanted to think about it. I KNOW when Master says He wants to think about something, I am to cease and desist all activity in that area until He says otherwise. Master didn't take offense to what I had done...I believe He understood my motives and knew my heart was in the right place....He is fairly confident in His abilities, and in His station as my Master, to not be threatened by me doing that. What I love about Him, is that over all He is not a "knee jerk reaction" person...He is very thoughtful, and deliberate. So when He says He needs to think about something...I take that as a good sign, and always look forward to the discussions that follow.

< Message edited by breatheasone -- 1/26/2008 10:22:44 AM >

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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RE: Self Discipline - 1/26/2008 10:28:36 AM   
kyraofMists


Posts: 3292
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline 		It depends on what you mean by better and if doing better would cause me to be disobedient.  If doing better fulfills his will, then there is no issue with me trying to do better.  If doing better means fulfilling my will at the expense of his, then that is not acceptable. 

If I were to punish myself for not doing as well as I thought I should, he would be pissed.  Whether the punishment is mentally beating myself up or some kind of physical punishment.  I don't have the authority within my relationship to determine if I am to be punished.  He does.

Knight's Kyra

_____________________________

"Passion... it lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unbidden, it will stir, open its jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us... passion rules us all. And we obey..." ~Angelus

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