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RE: Self Discipline - 1/26/2008 10:40:12 AM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: kyraofMists

It depends on what you mean by better and if doing better would cause me to be disobedient. If doing better fulfills his will, then there is no issue with me trying to do better. If doing better means fulfilling my will at the expense of his, then that is not acceptable.

If I were to punish myself for not doing as well as I thought I should, he would be pissed. Whether the punishment is mentally beating myself up or some kind of physical punishment. I don't have the authority within my relationship to determine if I am to be punished. He does.

Knight's Kyra

I agree with you. My desire to improve myself is in harmony with my Masters wishes for me, and Us as a couple. Master has, and will excerise complete authority over me. Master wants to think about this, and so I wait for Him to do just that at His leisure. Could He punish or discipline me for doing that without asking 1st?....Yes, yes He could. Will He? I doubt it. I asked Him how He felt about it, and if He was mad or upset in any way...He said no. He just said He wanted to think about it, and to always run things by Him 1st. So thats where He, and I are with this...I was just curious what others thought.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 21

RE: Self Discipline - 1/26/2008 10:49:05 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

See... I understand saying yes to this question... . I'm not entirely sure that by me doing that it dosen't somehow "step on His toes" so to speak. Master said He wants to think about it.

In my early days with him, I would tell him when I didn't think I had done my best and express my regret for it, and he would impose a tool that would help me in the future.

As time went by and I came to know and understand him better, I came to start feeling secure in my knowledge of his philosophies and what he would implement. So I would tell him I felt I had not done my best, and I would ask if I could implement "XYZ" tool to help me in the future. Then he would approve or deny, and/or come up with something to help. This may be where you are in your relationship. Using your creativity to come up with helping tools is not necessarily inappropriate, as long as you ask first, before doing. By asking, you are still respecting his authority and will, and he is still the decision maker.

I am now at a point where I know he expects me to be my best, and he trusts my decisions to do so. I will typically tell him I felt I didn't do as well as possible, and that I have implemented "XYZ" tool to help. He typically responds favorably, as whatever it is I have implemented is what he would have me do anyway. In this case, I am not circumventing his authority, but relieving him of burden. Because he trusts me to come up with effective tools, he encourages me to do so, and enjoys my efforts in thinking about how best to please him.

In all cases, however, I communicate to him. That is imperative.

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 22

RE: Self Discipline - 1/26/2008 2:01:29 PM

TysGalilah

Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
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Towards the beginning of my relationship with Tyson, I was highly self-critical. I had trouble even accepting when he said he was pleased about something, I was always finding some "fault or lacking" in what I had done or accomplished. It never felt enough for me ..... "FOR ME" being the critical part of that statement. It was enough for him but not for me?? GEE talk about taking the control back... unintentionally of course, but none the less its what I was doing.

It took alot of hard work on Tysons part to work through my efforts to self-sabotage my own sense of accomplishment and self-pride. I realize now that it was taking control back each time I did it, and essentially undermining his opinion and perspective......and,embarrassingly so, rejecting his pride in me.
This is hard to write and hard to admit, but it is where I was back then.

When I finally understood that part of my total submission to him was also me stepping out of myself and my will, my way, my ideas of what he likes and doesn't like> it sure changed many things,& how I even viewed myself.

   Trusting completely also means that you trust that he/she will tell you what is important for you to know. Let go of the rest.

If we spend our time 2nd guessing or worrying about things, when does our mind free itself to feel our submission? well , it can't...not while we are holding onto the helm because we are not trusting that he/she knows which way to steer the ship.

I find so much freedom now in knowing that when he says something it is exactly what he means AND I don't have to wonder what hes "thinking" because I trust he tells me exactly what is and what isn't.    If I had been allowed to continue to self-critizise and self-punish myself back then> I would have never found this level of trusting him, his word and expression of his feelings...
   I can't help but think that each time I punished myself ( emotionally or otherwise) it must have felt like I thought he wasn't capable of knowing when I needed it or in doing so himself.   I am just glad I stopped and decided to trust him when he told me he was proud of me or told me I was beautiful and perfect for him. And I also know that if I have done something to displease he will let me know, I don't have to spend my energy wondering how he feels. I just do my best to please and serve. I find it is really all he expects and wants..not perfection.

I hope this can help in some way..at least you can know you are not alone in what you are experiencing : )

_____________________________

galilah

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 23

RE: Self Discipline - 1/26/2008 2:51:14 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
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quote:

I hope this can help in some way..at least you can know you are not alone in what you are experiencing : )

Galilah, Thank you.
EDITED TO ADD: I have been thinking.....I am a 44 year old Mother and grand mother. I pretty much ran the house and reared the kids (3 of them, now 26; 23; and 22) My husband worked alot and I was a stay at home Mom. It was my calling, and I feel I did ok at it. All of a sudden I find myself at a loss. This relationship with my Master, has rattled me beyond belief. I am (or was LOL) a pretty together woman....but now I'm feeling things I never knew a person could feel....Its scary. I try so hard to do enough to show my appreciation to this awesome Man, that has shown me I am ALIVE.... and I fail miserably. I don't have words....I don't have a grand enough deed to perform, to show what He means to me. I'm not trying to take control...I'm trying to be the best me for Him I can....

< Message edited by breatheasone -- 1/26/2008 3:06:05 PM >

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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(in reply to TysGalilah)

Post #: 24

RE: Self Discipline - 1/26/2008 4:03:52 PM

celticlord2112

Posts: 5732
Status: offline

quote:

I'm not trying to take control...I'm trying to be the best me for Him I can....

"Try not. Do, or do not. There is no Try" -- Master Yoda.

It may be a trite movie cliche, but it has the luxury of being true.

Do what you see to do. Be the person you see in the mirror. Have faith that your Master will receive that person with open arms.

_____________________________

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Post #: 25

RE: Self Discipline - 1/26/2008 4:22:20 PM

TysGalilah

Posts: 589
Joined: 11/21/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

quote:

I hope this can help in some way..at least you can know you are not alone in what you are experiencing : )

Galilah, Thank you.
EDITED TO ADD: I have been thinking.....I am a 44 year old Mother and grand mother. I pretty much ran the house and reared the kids (3 of them, now 26; 23; and 22) My husband worked alot and I was a stay at home Mom. It was my calling, and I feel I did ok at it. All of a sudden I find myself at a loss. This relationship with my Master, has rattled me beyond belief. I am (or was LOL) a pretty together woman....but now I'm feeling things I never knew a person could feel....Its scary. I try so hard to do enough to show my appreciation to this awesome Man, that has shown me I am ALIVE.... and I fail miserably. I don't have words....I don't have a grand enough deed to perform, to show what He means to me. I'm not trying to take control...I'm trying to be the best me for Him I can....

Beleive it or not, I have said these same words..
my need to somehow show him what words are no longer enough to express....
would you mind if I wrote you on the other side ??

_____________________________

galilah

.."There are two ways of spreading light: to be the candle or the mirror that reflects it. " Edith Wharton

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 26

RE: Self Discipline - 1/26/2008 4:54:15 PM

DesFIP

Posts: 25191
Joined: 11/25/2007
From: Apple County NY
Status: offline

No. There's only so many hours in the day, so much energy, time and attention to give. Striving for perfection would mean I would be giving less to other things. I have a life that encompasses more than just us, as does he. You have to balance things out, give enough to everything important, and prioritize. Burning out is not a good thing.

_____________________________

Slave to laundry

Cynical and proud of it!

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 27

RE: Self Discipline - 1/26/2008 4:58:30 PM

slaveluci

Posts: 4294
Joined: 3/2/2007
From: Little Rock, AR
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie
<snip>Using your creativity to come up with helping tools is not necessarily inappropriate, as long as you ask first, before doing. By asking, you are still respecting his authority and will, and he is still the decision maker.

I am now at a point where I know he expects me to be my best, and he trusts my decisions to do so. I will typically tell him I felt I didn't do as well as possible, and that I have implemented "XYZ" tool to help. He typically responds favorably, as whatever it is I have implemented is what he would have me do anyway. In this case, I am not circumventing his authority, but relieving him of burden. Because he trusts me to come up with effective tools, he encourages me to do so, and enjoys my efforts in thinking about how best to please him.

In all cases, however, I communicate to him. That is imperative.

See, this is why I idolize you

, ownedgirlie. You say exactly what I'm thinking in such a concise, perfect way. Amen to all you said above. Wonderful advice and exactly how Master and I see it..........luci

_____________________________

To choose a good book, look in an inquisitor’s prohibited list. ~John Aikin

(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 28

RE: Self Discipline - 1/26/2008 5:14:37 PM

petpete

Posts: 677
Joined: 7/6/2007
Status: offline

The most important aspect of a human being is DISCIPLINE regardless of which side of the whip they belong. Self imposed discipline can save a human being from many sides of destruction, and that's mentally achieved through meditation and letting the human mind function, (using there brain). Many people can feel depressive and resort to medical help thus infecting there own body with drugs. The answer is in there brains. Sorry if i hijacked the topic but i had the feeling that this takes presidents before anything else on the subject of "self discipline"
thank you.

_____________________________

Chief: Max, you realize you'll be facing every kind of danger imaginable.
Max: And loving it!

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 29

RE: Self Discipline - 1/26/2008 5:15:37 PM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
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Eek, don't idolize me, luci, I'll turn into petrified wood or something, lol.

But thank you for the kiss and flowers! I'll take yours and return some.

(in reply to slaveluci)

Post #: 30

RE: Self Discipline - 1/26/2008 6:59:32 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
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Galilah, of course you can drop me a line....I'd love to correspond with you.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
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(in reply to ownedgirlie)

Post #: 31

RE: Self Discipline - 1/26/2008 8:26:04 PM

swtnsparkling

Posts: 1738
Joined: 1/1/2004
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If your D type showed no displeasure said nothing of the sort to you, how can you say you should of done better or more? You know what's best for him?

_____________________________

Never make anyone a priority who treats you as an option 2003

Walk in Peace

A "No" uttered from deepest conviction is better than a "Yes" uttered merely to please

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 32

RE: Self Discipline - 1/26/2008 8:44:23 PM

breatheasone

Posts: 4004
Joined: 7/14/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

If your D type showed no displeasure said nothing of the sort to you, how can you say you should of done better or more? You know what's best for him?

Well I am certainly learning whats best for Him the more we grow together...I was speaking to my own notions, and what I know I am capable of.

_____________________________

Romans 10:13,For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.
Mike posts in black font
candy posts in pink font

(in reply to swtnsparkling)

Post #: 33

RE: Self Discipline - 1/26/2008 8:56:21 PM

Bound2One

Posts: 614
Joined: 1/11/2008
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quote:

I try so hard to do enough to show my appreciation to this awesome Man, that has shown me I am ALIVE.... and I fail miserably. I don't have words....I don't have a grand enough deed to perform, to show what He means to me. I'm not trying to take control...I'm trying to be the best me for Him I can....

Yeah, I know exactly where you're coming from and can understand your feelings when you fail to perform your best for him. I wouldn't self-punish or do anything that would remind me to do better next time w/o talking to my Master first, because, for me, I would feel like I was undermining him. I am still very much a novice and often when I'm discussing something with him he'll explain his POV and suddenly I see the issue from a whole different perspective and understand him and myself more. Or he'll make a comment when we're together on something that I've been thinking about, and I realize that he's seeing something completely different than I am.

I hope that make sense. I'm very tired right now!

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 34

RE: Self Discipline - 1/31/2008 1:30:54 AM

TheInstrument

Posts: 69
Joined: 9/8/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: collaredncontent

I'm not supposed to have caffeine but sometimes we run out of the caffeine free soda and I want a Mountain Dew.

-Brian.

Mountain Dew has the highest concentration of caffeine out there right now, as far as widely available sodas go. That's like going from 0 to 60 in a second. :\

(in reply to collaredncontent)

Post #: 35

RE: Self Discipline - 1/31/2008 4:46:39 AM

sunshinemiss

Posts: 17673
Joined: 11/26/2007
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Well, I do a sort of reminder thing - it's small but it is very effective. I put a rubber band on my wrist. When I am doing the unwanted behavior (bite my nails, for example) and realize it, I flick the rubber band. It's not harmful, but it hurts enough to remind me. Within a few days the behavior changes, I haven't been harmed, and I remember the pain in that sensitive spot. I have often used this little technique to teach others about changing their behavior. If it were something big, something that required PUNISHMENT for WILLFUL disobedience, that would not be mine to handle. But to do something to get better that is just about creating a better sub/slave for Master? That's within the realm of doing my best. It's about awareness.... and awareness and a desire to improve is different from specific, active disobedience....

peace.

_____________________________

Yes, I am a wonton hussy... and still sweet as 3.14

(in reply to kyraofMists)

Post #: 36

RE: Self Discipline - 1/31/2008 4:50:18 AM

LadyHathor

Posts: 775
Joined: 1/2/2008
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quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

If (as an "s" type) you felt you had not done your best. Looked back on something and knew you could have done better, done more....something like that,(even though your "D" type didn't express any displeasure) Would you impose something on yourself to "remind" yourself to always strive for better when serving your "D" type?

Would not the disappoint in yourself be enough to learn the lesson?

_____________________________

Lady Hathor, I am the Mistress Hathor of Orleans, I am what I am, often to the dismay and discomfort of others.

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 37

RE: Self Discipline - 1/31/2008 4:56:55 AM

RCdc

Posts: 8674
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: breatheasone

I agree about the guilt thing, and I'm not saying walk around feeling guilty.... I felt I had "failed" ...So I took it upon myself to "remind" myself to do better. I did this by fixing a bowl of ice water and then soaked my hands in it for at least 20 mins ....I have arthritis in both hands, so with was not very pleasent for me...but then again it wasn't supposed to be.

breathes - please know I am saying this out of concern coz I think you rock hey.
If this had been another poster and they had suggested that they had used cutting as a 'reminder', people would have jumped on their backs. This discipline you commited on yourself isn't just a reminder, it was self harm. You did something that could be potentially detrimental to a condition you had.
I know your Master and mine are different people, but Darcy would freak if I had done something similar. Please know there is a difference between reminding yourself and self harm.

I might be jumping the bandwagon - but with other posts you have made, this post of yours stuck out at me and it was unsettling.

Love to you.
the.dark.

_____________________________

RC&dc

love isnt gazing into each others eyes - it's looking forward in the same direction

(in reply to breatheasone)

Post #: 38

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