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RE: Married men and women - 1/27/2008 11:12:35 PM

HeavansKeeper

Posts: 1254
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aynne

Don't ask me, I made the hugest mistake of getting involved with someone on here that is taken, he pursued me, and she has no idea. Trust me, I am not the only one. Then he lies about his activities to her , say he is just being a "Dom" and training others. Poor girl, I should tell her, what do you think?

Hmm...

I'm inclined to say yes, but I am a romantic. The odds that a relationship works after an affair are low, but they are zero if not handled with tact. (The twin guns of grace and tact?)

If you really want to come clean, first explain the importance of that to him. Who knows, maybe he'll end up with 2 pets?

_____________________________

The Loving Owner of HisHeavan

... You've waited your whole life for this moment...

(in reply to Aynne)

Post #: 21

RE: Married men and women - 1/27/2008 11:56:17 PM

quick

Posts: 1053
Joined: 1/16/2008
Status: offline

I have rules about married men. They are off limits. I find myself attracted to a married man, however, and it causes me some issue.

Do any of you see a difference between someone who is married and someone in a relationship? I have been thinking about this, and what my views say about me.

(in reply to HeavansKeeper)

Post #: 22

RE: Married men and women - 1/28/2008 4:28:08 AM

takenbyjohnr07

Posts: 787
Joined: 11/26/2007
Status: offline

Yes, i do. If two people have committed themselves to each other and no one else, to me it is the same thing as marriage.

_____________________________

i am the sole property of Johnr. He is the love of my life and the greatest Owner and i will live to serve and, please him only every day of my life.

(in reply to quick)

Post #: 23

RE: Married men and women - 1/28/2008 5:34:24 AM

quick

Posts: 1053
Joined: 1/16/2008
Status: offline

It was not until recently that I had to question my own ideas on that subject. It appears I was giving marriage vows more status than I should have. I saw married men as off limits, but men in a relationship where there were no vows were somehow different.

I had to re-think that.

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)

Post #: 24

RE: Married men and women - 1/28/2008 7:11:08 AM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
Status: offline

Let Me start this off by saying that everyone is entitled to their own opinions. If the 'no married person' thing works for you then it works. I wouldn't suggest changing it.

I, Myself, was very anti-married person, even though I am married Myself. I had a very strict set of rules about it. No married persons unless I met the wife, could tell her what the lifestyle was about, etc., etc. For a lot of years, I didn't believe that anyone could ever live up to the standards that I had laid out.

Long story short, I was wrong about that. Someone did come along who was able to fit within the parameters of My rules. I guess that is one of the reasons why no one should never say never. If everyone is open and up front about what they are doing, these things can work.

_____________________________

The crowned Diva of Destruction. ~ ExT

Beach Ball Sized Lady Nuts. ~ TWD

Happily dating a new submissive. It's official. I've named him engie.

Please do not send me email here. Unless I know you, I will delete the email unread

(in reply to quick)

Post #: 25

RE: Married men and women - 1/28/2008 7:00:06 PM

xxblushesxx

Posts: 9318
Joined: 11/3/2005
From: Kentucky
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

Yes, i do. If two people have committed themselves to each other and no one else, to me it is the same thing as marriage.

Yeah, except without the committment. And the 'death to you part' and the legal issues.
Yep, just like marriage.
It's ONLY a piece of paper, right?...

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)

Post #: 26

RE: Married men and women - 1/28/2008 7:44:44 PM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Yeah, tell it to a divorce lawyer.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to xxblushesxx)

Post #: 27

RE: Married men and women - 1/29/2008 6:46:51 AM

RipTyed

Posts: 18
Joined: 1/3/2008
From: Rhode Island
Status: offline

By married you mean those: in a committed relationship, dwelling in the same home, living as a couple with no shared knowledge or permission for participation in outside "activities". No plan of action on the table for seperation and divorce.

This would exclude:
- those honestly polyamorous.
- those legally seperated who have ceased sharing the same residence and are waiting for the final divorce papers to be signed.

Why?

Those married:
- regret of choice of spouse, lifestyle
- lack of compatibility in primary relationship
-cheating as an escape plan
- the desire to have one's cake and eat it too - egocentrism
- boredom or depression - recreation, escapism
-lack of respect ( ie wife who lies and cheats respects no man)
- neglect and disregard of the potential impact on children

The thrill of getting caught and losing it all may be a form of self destructive tendancies or personality disorder.

The single:
- a free ride (a calculated risk and the perceived value of a prostitute)
- no concern of possible commitment (fear of commitment)
- married partner's dishonesty about situation
- possible naive hope and romanticism
- possible narcissism

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)

Post #: 28

RE: Married men and women - 1/29/2008 8:38:40 AM

Daddy4Princess4

Posts: 81
Joined: 11/15/2005
Status: offline

It seems that we have found the one taboo that cannot be overcome: The cheating married dom/me or sub. Not being critical of the viewpoint (far be it from me to criticize), but it is interesting where the lines get drawn.

(in reply to Leatherist)

Post #: 29

RE: Married men and women - 1/29/2008 8:43:58 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddy4Princess4

It seems that we have found the one taboo that cannot be overcome: The cheating married dom/me or sub. Not being critical of the viewpoint (far be it from me to criticize), but it is interesting where the lines get drawn.

this is couched incorrectly.

The taboo that cannot be overcome is the one of the direct partipants (or if you must, those directly affected) consensuality.

End of joke........no more to it than that.

Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to Daddy4Princess4)

Post #: 30

RE: Married men and women - 1/29/2008 9:16:23 AM

hopelessfool

Posts: 988
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

Personally I am against married partners as well as anyone in a relationship, mostly married partners because they made a vow, to be with someone for the rest of their life, and didn't think about the consequences of not thinking it fully through. Of people in a relationship, because they will blur the lines between you and her. If he can make a vow to his wife saying he will stay and care for her forever, and breaks his word to her, how is it of worth to you. Same for a wife, to love honor and obey, and yet as a submissive to party X shes supposed to be devoted, and loyal, even though she made this same promise to her husband. The question is, if you went to a slimy used car salesman, or a friend who lies to you, would you trust them at what they say or are their words less meaningful because you know of their ability to decieve. Also if he leaves his partner for you "the love of his thoughts now" whats to say when something better comes along he doesn't drop you for it. Hes already shown his commitments don't matter. As well as that he has trouble communicating, If he would have said to his wife before the marriage I am this, this is what I want this is what I need, this is what I do, then there wouldnt be a need for an outside party, because she would either take it or leave it. I also stray away from those that have been divorced, unless it was for a very good reason.

And I apologize if I have offended anyone, its just to me, marriage was drilled into my head, the only way you leave is if hes hurting you or your children. Its not a thing to enter in lightly and not something easily disregarded because this or that is happening. I've always spilled everything about my self to my partner before we even got fully serious, so these problems would not happen. I can say I can see the forbidden alure, as well as the desire for a relationship with out a commitment.

As long as the spouse knows about the relationship, has accepted it, and it the outside party is has well, it becomes like a poly relationship. Something thats not for everyone, but works for some, and with this open knowledge maybe the spouse can find someone that makes them happy in return.

(in reply to mnottertail)

Post #: 31

RE: Married men and women - 1/29/2008 9:27:13 AM

vampiresscammy

Posts: 97
Joined: 12/25/2007
Status: offline

married, coupled, partnered, or any other term you like meaning that person is in some sort of romantic loving relationship with another would not deter me at all, if they had agreements arrangements to play with/see/enjoy/partake of others

person I'm interested in's SO NOT having any idea whats going on, no thanks, not gonna do it, not for me

to each their own, but that is not how I play

(in reply to hopelessfool)

Post #: 32

RE: Married men and women - 1/29/2008 9:44:10 AM

CalifChick

Posts: 10717
Joined: 10/28/2007
From: California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Aynne

Don't ask me, I made the hugest mistake of getting involved with someone on here that is taken, he pursued me, and she has no idea. Trust me, I am not the only one. Then he lies about his activities to her , say he is just being a "Dom" and training others. Poor girl, I should tell her, what do you think?

Was that a clue... or just a coincidental choice of words?

Cali

_____________________________

AKA "The Undisputed Goddess of Sarcasm", "Big Bad Cali" and "Yum Bum". Advisor to the Subbie Mafia, founding member of the W.A.C. and the Judgmental Bitches Brigade, member of the Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair-a's and Team Troll

(in reply to Aynne)

Post #: 33

RE: Married men and women - 1/29/2008 10:37:55 AM

Skully7000

Posts: 377
Joined: 7/22/2007
Status: offline

Honestly I was more open to cheating before I discovered Polyamory. I considered it better to cheat and get it out of your system so you can enjoy the current relationship rather then bottle it up and remain faithful but miserable.

Then I discovered Polyamory. Open relationships. I read "the ethical slut" and realized that I identified with just about every aspect of the book. and then it was all down hill from there.

So: Married people, YAY!!! Cheaters BOO!!!

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 34

RE: Married men and women - 1/29/2008 11:06:15 AM

verysweet

Posts: 128
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: takenbyjohnr07

i see so many single people in the BDSM world involved with married men or women (secretly) some are happy and some are not. My question is what attracts you to the married person vs the single person who may actually be wanting a full time committment?

I guess that would depend upon what you're looking for. If you're single and choose a married person, maybe you just don't want to deal with a long term committment issue that may arise from a fellow singleton. Or like others have said, maybe it was more a physical or kinky mind meld that accounted for the choice.

I, for one, went down the 'clandestine' road before my marriage was open. The guilt that I felt totally overshadowed any pleasure I derived from the extracurricular relationship.

Being single again? I'd probably never give a second glance to anyone who wasn't as well. At least not to someone who was cheating. After having spent a considerable amount of time with fellow kinksters over the years, I realize that while the pickings are sometimes slim, good things come to those who wait.

_____________________________

Poetry in devotion.

(in reply to takenbyjohnr07)

Post #: 35

RE: Married men and women - 1/29/2008 11:24:06 AM

sexyred1

Posts: 8998
Joined: 8/9/2007
Status: offline

I was with one married man. I met him at a singles event.

He told me a few weeks later than he was married. It pissed me the fuck off.

But it was too late, we were already in deep. The only reason I did not kick him to the curb was that he was one of the catalysts to helping me see there was life and some guys I might actually be attracted to besides the one in my toxic relationship I was trying to get out and thought I couldn't because I would never be attracted to anyone else besides my jerk.

So in that one case, the married guy, while he was not honest at the beginning, served a purpose for me and because he was married, it kept my emotions in check.

Would I do it again, OH HELL NO. I am totally against dating married men and that was my one and only time and it was one of those circumstances in life that just happened.

(in reply to verysweet)

Post #: 36

RE: Married men and women - 1/29/2008 11:37:39 AM

Iceman8

Posts: 2
Joined: 10/31/2004
Status: offline

Relationships, marriages and sex, whether vanilla or lifestyle, are not always cut and dried, don't always fit a pattern that you think is the correct one. While I respect the opinions of those who have posted here, this lifestyle should have a predisposition to being non judgemental. After being thru one divorce and seeing its effect on the kids and on me, I will not do that again unless my children were in danger. Has nothing to do with having cake and eating it too. Just MHO.

(in reply to sexyred1)

Post #: 37

RE: Married men and women - 1/29/2008 12:10:42 PM

Azdom13

Posts: 2
Joined: 1/15/2008
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Evility

This question assumes you have both before you to chose from (the versus part). Perhaps it is more "What attracts you to the married person versus spending all your time alone?". I'm not advocating hooking up with a married person nor am I criticizing it - I'm simply trying to add some clarity to your question. I think most folks would tend to prefer a single person if everything else were essentially equal. Life just doesn't always work out that way.

I wholeheartedly agree. Couldn't have put it better

(in reply to Evility)

Post #: 38

RE: Married men and women - 1/29/2008 1:18:54 PM

RipTyed

Posts: 18
Joined: 1/3/2008
From: Rhode Island
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Iceman8

Relationships, marriages and sex, whether vanilla or lifestyle, are not always cut and dried, don't always fit a pattern that you think is the correct one. While I respect the opinions of those who have posted here, this lifestyle should have a predisposition to being non judgemental. After being thru one divorce and seeing its effect on the kids and on me, I will not do that again unless my children were in danger. Has nothing to do with having cake and eating it too. Just MHO.

True sometimes there is no logical explanation.

The one rule of judgement in this lifestyle is consensuality.

(in reply to Iceman8)

Post #: 39

RE: Married men and women - 1/30/2008 5:36:43 AM

Aynne

Posts: 740
Joined: 1/25/2008
Status: offline

Hey Cali,

No definitely not a clue, I feel like screaming his name from the rooftops, I assume there is someone here named taken by your question? No, not the case. I won't tell, but oh, I so so want to. It will pass, breathe deeply and release right?

_____________________________

*Yes I know I have no profile at this time...

I looked in your eyes
Without saying a word
I told you what I am
And I hoped that you heard

~Owned and Loved by Master Sifu~

*founder of I Love Lushy Inc.*

(in reply to CalifChick)

Post #: 40

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