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LadyPact -> RE: Rant by a prodomme... (1/27/2008 7:58:59 PM)
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Your rant was very well written. However, a few words, if I may.
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ORIGINAL: MsSimone
For those who don't understand why a professional dominatrix might be an option for some let me try to clarify. I have been in my chosen profession now for 15 years. I enjoy what I do greatly and am blessed to have many wonderful clients. Was this my path when younger? No. Did I finish college and decide I wanted to become a dominatrix? No. But my path lead me to a career I would not trade for the world and let me tell you all why:
First let Me say that each person makes their own choices. You made the choice that was right for you. For some of us, we don't consider it an option. It's up to the individual.
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1. I get to use my skills to enhance the lives of those who see me. Repression of desire is a healthy thing, but only to a point. Beyond that point, it can cause many illnesses, both mental and physical. To deny yourself the expression of these desires is to deny your soul. Unfortunately many can not come out into the light and seek open play partners. One of the main differences between a lifestyle and a professional is the discretion policy. Like lawyers, doctors and psychiatrists, my code of ethics prevents me from divulging my client information. Lifestyle players, no matter how much they claim to be discrete always run the risk of exposure, especially if an emotional attachment develops. With a professional, the client can be assured the scene will remain in a contained context.
I have problems with some of this. For starters, going to a pro does not guarentee discretion. Unlike doctors or lawyers, it's not like your going to loose your license or be disbarred should you out a client. I'm sure it wouldn't be particularly good for business if you did so, but it's not exactly like any of the clients have a legal recourse should you not hold your own word.
Also, in the day and age of the net, plenty of people make arrangements of casual play without having to 'come into the light'. It's been that way for a rather long time now, and I highly doubt it's going to change anytime soon.
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2. Seeing someone open up to me in a safe environment and shedding old issues, guilts and problems. Having them develop with my guidance into a healthier human being.
This differs from a healthy, casual play arrangement how? Would you suppose that those of us who only do casual play never take the time with our bottoms to talk, get to know them, or offer opportunities to be intimate in a non-sexual way?
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3. Assisting those who have no where else to turn for this type of expression. Within a lifestyle setting certain laws apply, mainly those of attraction and life goals. None of these come into play when seeing a professional. I don't care how old (as long as 18+), how attractive, how skinny, how employed, single or married my clients are. My goal is to assist them with becoming comfortable with their own kinks, not to marry them. There is no fear of living up to what is expected of you by society; just of living up to your own kinks and those of the person helping you facilitate them.
I'm not especially buying that one either. In fact, the question of what a person does for a living has never come up during negotiations for a casual scene.
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4. The variety of personalities. I love those who come see me. Each day is different for me with new people, new modes of expression and new ideas. Nothing is the same. Each time I spank or flog someone, the scenario and energy involved is completely unique. For some, the time with their domina is the only intimate time and connection they get with another human bring. Why would you want to deny this to someone just because you do not understand the profession?
I know it was not intended in your reply, but why would you think that the bottoms that some scene with casually have no value to the top? Anyone who still participates in casual play will tell you that the energy is different with everyone. The scenes constantly change. The atmosphere constantly changes. Each bottom brings something unique.
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5. My ability to help those who, otherwise, would have no outlet. Think outside your boxed opinion of us as hookers, skanks, and money hungry bitches and try to see the need for us. Many of my clients are in some way physically challenged. Lifestyle play for them is not an option as they are not able to maneuver the environment. I see many who can not leave their homes due to a handicap. They have self confidence issues and are afraid to take the steps or unable to take the steps to gain a lifestyle partner. With a domme, they know they will not be rejected. They know professionalism will be present and their condition will not be laughed at or scorned.
The real question is, if the money factor weren't involved, would you be seeing them anyway? If you weren't being paid, would you still spend the time, if not in the same sense or actvities, with them?
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Beyond the obvious handicaps, many prefer a professional due to their self confidence and self esteem issues or the fear of discovery within their immediate world. A young man or woman just feeling these desires can come to a professional, verbalize them and not face the huge fear of rejection. Nor the fear of having the other person "tell on them".
I think I already addressed this above.
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6. Maintaining a healthy family unit. Now before you all go off on me, think about it. Many I see are involved with their primary family units (married, committed, kids, divorce, parents). Their fetishes are consuming and mind numbing, distracting them from the focus of need. They come see me for a short period of time, every so often. This allows self expression and is a relief of the pressure valve in their head. It helps keep them centered and saner. It provides them with a safe, non sexual expression of their kink, which may be shameful or impossible to express to their loved ones. We all have hidden desires and needs that we prefer not to tell our loved ones about. Seeing a professional allows them not to break their marriage vows, not cheat on their loved ones and not be shamed to their family.
Sorry, but you absolutely lost Me on this one. My own sub doesn't break his marriage vows by seeing Me. He has a hard limit in place specifically for that. In addition to this, he doesn't take away a single penny from his family in order to see Me. Very specifically, I've met the wife, and the kids. I don't ask for anything, monetary or otherwise, that effects his family. I'm not so sure that seeing a pro is the same thing.
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Let’s return to "non-sexual". Regardless of what you may hear from those who bash us, a true, non professional dominatrix does not engage in sexual interaction with her clients. By this I mean such activities as oral service, anal rimming, forced bi, cuckolding and masturbation. These are things I do not do. I do not need to. The two biggest sexual organs we have as humans are our brain and skin. My biggest challenge as a domina is access to the mind and allow its deepest desires to become modes of self growth, not self chastisement. Many prodommes see couples to help them understand these desires and fetishes in each other. As a form of couple’s therapy, I would like to know how anyone can misconstrue that as skanky.
Yes, let's return to the non-sexual. I believe that is true in many cases. When I do a casual top/bottom scene, there isn't any sex involved in that either, so I get that part. I'll even give you the part that it can be good for couples, as I know this is already the case of My sub in his interactions with his wife. Just an example, but she was thrilled with her first pedicure, which he got used to doing because of his service to Me. My sub does apply what he learns from Me and puts it in his primary relationship. However, I would not be so bold as to think I am on the same level as a couple's therapist for this.
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Now let me stipulate this is just my own opinion. Yes there are degrees within this profession as is everything in life. There are some who just put up an online profile demanding cash because they are the "princess, goddess, mistress, cute, young, severe, etc.” These women do our profession a great disservice by latching onto the prodomina title. They have not earned it, or truly understand what it is we do.
Agreed. In fact, there are some prodommes that I have a great respect for.
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Therefore, I can understand how the cyber world can frown on money dommes. But look beyond all the fluff and you will find many talented, intelligent, honorable prodommes who give back to the community in many ways.
My final point will not be well received but I am going to state it anyway. Lifestyle dommes, you claim to not be professional. Yet many of you focus on the service a male sub can provide you, the things he can do for you because you are the Mistress after all. This can range from simple housework to full-blown gift purchasing. So, please do tell me who is more honest? Those of us who clearly state our motives and take the green stuff or those of you who bash us yet expect gifts, dinners and service? Why not add up all you gain from the males who serve you and see the dollar amount attached?
Actually, in fact, I do. That is the very reason that gifts are not a part of the arrangement that I have with the casual bottoms that I play with. I don't ask anything from them but their time, honesty, and communication. The only exception to this has been that some of the bottoms that I play with remembered My last birthday, and gave Me a simple card and present. My submissive has bought Me things, of course, but the goods and services between tend to equal out. If he runs to the store to buy eggs and milk to make Me waffles, it's the same as My buying the flour and providing the kitchen for him to make them. If you added everything up, including what it would cost him for a hotel the nights he sleeps in My house, I'd be willing to bet that he is way far ahead with his time and money. On top of this, he gets what he obviously needs so much.
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Please, allow us all our freedom of expression and life choices even if you don't agree with it. After all, is that not the best thing about our world? The diversity?
Yes, the diversity is a wonderful thing. So are the options.
I'm sure you have clients who wouldn't trade you for the world. That is not a problem for Me. I am sorry that they feel that they are in the situation that they have no choice but to pay someone to express their desire in this life. I really do. Still, I wonder if they had the opportunity, when they made the call to schedule their first session, if they wished that they had the option of seeing 'just' a lifestyle Domme, like Me, who still does the casual play thing, just for fun. There really are still some of us out here who do it, just for the love of doing it. Oh, I realize there aren't many of us left, but we are still out there.
I would like to thank you for your time in expressing your view. I hope you were not offended by Mine.
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