quote:

ORIGINAL: dark~angel

quote:

I know exactly what you mean about the 'I'm sorry, but' or 'I hate to tell you, but', or 'I don't mean to be rude, but'. Every time I read those disclaimers, the first thing I think is, no, you aren't sorry, you LOVE telling me and you're just dying to be rude. That stuff just smacks of insincerity. I'd rather someone be blunt and truthful than really sweet and disingenuous.

Nope. Wrong and total bollocks.(Godz - how can you tell I am british?)
Hows that for a blunt and truthful response?

Seriously though, your statement is huge generalisation. Some people dont use those words to allow them the ability to be rude. Some people use those words as a different meaning. If I am saying, 'I dont mean to be rude', its not that I dont mean to be rude - but I am not being rude. Big difference. Some people, which is quite evident by some of the responses on the forums, cannot associate a genuine response from a personal attack. I dont use it as a disclaimer, I use it as a fact. How the other person takes it, is up to them after that, and for someone to assume that what is said is just an excuse is actually showing themselves as terrible at communicating IMO.

Peace and Love

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika

quote:

Big difference. Some people, which is quite evident by some of the responses on the forums, cannot associate a genuine response from a personal attack.

You are right. Usually I can distinguish someone's intention by the context, though I have been known to read someone the wrong way. A lot of nuances can get lost in written communication.

Earlier, when I said that I didn't like the "I'm sorry but..." I didn't mean it in the same way that luvdragonx interpreted it. Ironic, no?

I should have been more clear it unnerves me because I don't like when people apologise for their opinions. You have an opinion, you should say it with confidence, assurance and respect. Then there is no reason to be sorry for it.

- LA

quote:

quote:

I'm sorry, but I don't agree with you.

Why are you sorry for disagreeing with me? Your disagreement doesn't offend me in the slightest, no need to apologize. Are you truly sorry for being in disagreement? Then why disagree at all?

quote:

Actually, I used that line as a bit of humor because LadyAngelika had said that it got her dander up. Perhaps I should have inserted a smiley face behind it. I will be sure to do it next time to indicate humor.

quote:

Come to think about it, I don't wear knickers very often ;)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

So now we have to apologize for saying we're sorry?

quote:

ORIGINAL: BlkTallFullfig

quote:

Come to think about it, I don't wear knickers very often ;)

Nasty girl! Yah know that song by Mary Jane girls? M

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

So now we have to apologize for saying we're sorry?

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika
You have an opinion, you should say it with confidence, assurance and respect. Then there is no reason to be sorry for it.

- LA

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

I'm a blunt person and I tell it like I see it. If you're making an ass out of yourself, I'm going to tell you. I won't be unkind about it, but I'll tell you none the less. Just because I don't wrap it in pretty words and fluff, doesn't mean I'm rude. Matter of fact, the directness is sometimes the only thing that penetrates into the minds of some of the misty eyed novice submissives who threw away their common sense when they got involved with D/s BDSM. (Whew, run on sentence)

And the strange part is....the majority of people that have issues with my directness are the "sugar-coaters".

quote:

http://www.colorado.edu/conflict/peace/treatment/activel.htm

quote:

That's why I said "Everytime I read...the first thing I think is..." I was offering MY perception of statements like that, not what should be generally accepted.

Why would you apologize for thinking a certain way? Seriously. You are who you are, and if your opinion is different from someone else's why in the world would you say you were sorry for it? If you are sorry for offending someone, then why say it in the first place? I realize there are certain phrases we use to let the other person know that you're approaching from a benign position. But so often I see/hear these phrases used immediately before/following a scathing verbal dressing-down. If you don't mean to be rude, then you won't be. If you hate to tell someone something, then you won't. If you're sorry about what you think, then you shouldn't think it anymore. How about "I know you probably won't like what I'm going to say..." or "This will probably be hard to hear...." That's truthful, honest and non-abrasive, but still softens the blow, if that's what you think needs to be done.

quote:

You are making an assumption that all sorrys are an apology.

quote:

ORIGINAL: slavedesires

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

I'm a blunt person and I tell it like I see it. If you're making an ass out of yourself, I'm going to tell you. I won't be unkind about it, but I'll tell you none the less. Just because I don't wrap it in pretty words and fluff, doesn't mean I'm rude. Matter of fact, the directness is sometimes the only thing that penetrates into the minds of some of the misty eyed novice submissives who threw away their common sense when they got involved with D/s BDSM. (Whew, run on sentence)

And the strange part is....the majority of people that have issues with my directness are the "sugar-coaters".

i posted my thoughts on directness vs sarcasm on the Feelings of worth thread...which is basicly what you have said.

i also made a "suggestion" to RG which was pretty much taken as i was "telling" her.....

yes the bitch word was offensive and if i had taken a step back..would not have responded/reacted the way i did.....

do i have issues? we ALL do.

but you know what?
none of us, becasue we are human, will always listen, be polite, not assume, not make generalization, not react negatively or whatever ~ consistently.

attempts at conflict resolution fail...why? becasue we still like to blame the other guy.... human nature.

i would rather be myself and human and learn lesson in life than be perfect.....
i like what IronBear (i believe that is who said it) said on a different thread:
"Life is a series of learnings and tests. It doesnt matter if we pass the tests, what matters is thast we make the attempt. there is no right or wrong, that is how we perceive them. What also matters is that we learn from all the lessons life has to offer including perceived set backs... Life has an interesting habit of pushing you to break point."

just my thoughts...and still learning to listen, be polite, and take responsiblity for my inadequacies

~~shy

quote:

'I'm sorry" sounds like an apology to me, sincere or not. I guess that means I'm narrow-minded, judgemental, and incapable of communicating, huh?

Yes.
But then, you did want directness, didnt you?


Peace and Love

quote:

It is your assumption that Gauge wrote to you, using an apology. You jumped to a concluesion based upon your own reaction to a statement. However, I saw His irony and His lighthearted yet respectful personality in His response - possibly because I am accustomed by His words from the blessings He instills on the board with His posts

quote:

ORIGINAL: Gauge

quote:

It is your assumption that Gauge wrote to you, using an apology. You jumped to a concluesion based upon your own reaction to a statement. However, I saw His irony and His lighthearted yet respectful personality in His response - possibly because I am accustomed by His words from the blessings He instills on the board with His posts

I see that my bank check cleared.

yup!


Peace and Love

quote:

ORIGINAL: OsideGirl

I'm a blunt person and I tell it like I see it. If you're making an ass out of yourself, I'm going to tell you. I won't be unkind about it, but I'll tell you none the less. Just because I don't wrap it in pretty words and fluff, doesn't mean I'm rude. Matter of fact, the directness is sometimes the only thing that penetrates into the minds of some of the misty eyed novice submissives who threw away their common sense when they got involved with D/s BDSM. (Whew, run on sentence)

And the strange part is....the majority of people that have issues with my directness are the "sugar-coaters".