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RE: How Far... - 1/28/2008 6:43:57 PM

SimplyMichael

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My poor woman spends well over 12 hours flying to me AND loses three hours in the process. I had no idea how brutal it was till I did it over Christmans...uggghhh!

But I think we both believe it is well worth it.

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RE: How Far... - 1/28/2008 6:45:31 PM

catize

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

..will you go to show your Dominant/submissive that you love/care for them? How many miles is enough? How much time is enough? How much is too much? How much is too little?

This is a tough topic for me. I tried to have an M/s relationship with a man who had been a part-time dominant in my life. He was the one who broached moving to that level and I asked a lot of questions and we had quite a few discussions before I agreed. However I failed to ask all the right questions and I made some erroneous assumptions (and I take responsibility for that.)
I felt that as an M/s couple there should be more depth to what we were about. It wasn’t that I expected him to have me move in; it wasn’t that we needed to be monogamous, or needed to spend all our time together. But I did assume (wrongly) that it should mean that we would be a bigger part of each other’s lives.
I’m saying this badly I know.
I understand and accept that D/s or M/s is a disparate dynamic.
What became an issue for me was that I incorporated him into my life as my master and it was not reciprocated in any meaningful way. I talked with him about my belief that if one wishes to be a master there are obligations and some work involved; that to make it viable I needed more than a few extra rules and the privilege of being called slave.
We ‘disbanded’ as master/slave but because we still like each other a lot we resumed a part time D/s relationship.
I don’t think either one of us was at fault; we simply had different expectations of what M/s would entail.
To answer the original question I do believe I would be willing to go far as long as we both were equally invested in the relationship.

< Message edited by catize -- 1/28/2008 6:46:50 PM >

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RE: How Far... - 1/28/2008 6:58:07 PM

subtee

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Okay, I left the hypothetical...my bad.

quote:

I have a hill, and a boulder and I'm not pushing it anywhere. If someone is not satisfied with the fact that I'm willing to share my hill and boulder, then they're not compatible with me. Futily pushing the boulder up the hill with nothing to show for it will not change that fact.

It was your metaphor, so let's go with that. It was his passion for love and life that got Sysiphus into his ultimate situation. Bad idea? Do you believe the parable invites a different response? Live without passion for fear of the consequences and so leave the boulder where it lays?

quote:

So long as they accept same, which you have no control over.

Nope, I don't. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Why would I want control over someone's feelings/love toward me? I couldn't control a rock...

quote:

Still the question remains... is that enough? Hence my desire not to engage in this futility in the first place.

To that end, all relationships are exercises in futility, as you cannot control the outcome no matter how hard nor how often you push the boulder up the hill...

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RE: How Far... - 1/28/2008 7:05:49 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

So, enough, to me, is when both people's committment and expectations are balanced. Ideally, when you find that really special connection, anything you have to give is enough because all you can give is just yourself and what is healthy for you, and at the same time, nothing is ever enough because the devotion and desire run so much deeper than you could ever express.

I loved this Tigrita, because there is a lot of truth here.... It reminded me of this song by Evanescence

Good enough
I feel good enough for you
Drink up sweet decadence
I can't say no to you
and I've completely lost myself and I don't mind
I can't say no to you
Shouldn't have let you conquer me completely
now I can't let go of this dream
can't believe that I feel
Good enough
I feel good enough
its been such a long time coming,
but I feel good and I'm still waiting for the rain to fall
pour real life down on me
cause I can't hold on to anything this good
enough
am I good enough
for you to love me too?

I feel this way in our relationship... for the first time I feel like I am enough, good enough, and there is no better gift he could give me than the acceptance and the approval of my being enough and good enough in who I am and what I do for him...

Your post really resonated with me, and it was so simple too.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 1/28/2008 7:07:07 PM >

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RE: How Far... - 1/28/2008 7:06:52 PM

sexyred1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHathor

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

..will you go to show your Dominant/submissive that you love/care for them? How many miles is enough? How much time is enough? How much is too much? How much is too little?

Enough can be enough, I will not sacrifice My professional career, My financial standing, My UM, My home, My sanity or My values.

I even made arrangements once with a Domina in another area to rescue a slave and provide interim health care support until I could get him---sending her the money to do so--won't do it again.

So I'd say, I would stop short these days of giving My all---its cost Me too much in the past.

Finally, a voice of sanity and reason in a sea of overblown romanticism. I don't know what is going on tonight; there are multiple threads that are making me gag.

These questions are not even answerable. All they are is fodder for waxing rhapsodically about how nothing is enough for my Master..I will give until my bones are utter dust...etc. etc.

Maybe its a full moon?

edited to say no offense to you MoGa, it is the preponderance of annoying threads tonight.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 1/28/2008 7:08:30 PM >

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RE: How Far... - 1/28/2008 7:11:44 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

Finally, a voice of sanity and reason in a sea of overblown romanticism. I don't know what is going on tonight; there are multiple threads that are making me gag.

These questions are not even answerable. All they are is fodder for waxing rhapsodically about how nothing is enough for my Master..I will give until my bones are utter dust...etc. etc.

Maybe its a full moon?

edited to say no offense to you MoGa, it is the preponderance of annoying threads tonight.

I wonder why you are so hostile toward people who have romantic and tender feelings for their significant other. It is just bizzare. So people do not have the feelings about their relationship as you think they should, if that is all it takes to make you ill in this world, you must be nauseous most of the time.

I put zero emotional attachment into how others feel about their relationships, nor how they describe them.. it just doesn't matter to me because I am busy with my own love life I guess

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RE: How Far... - 1/28/2008 7:20:30 PM

pupofMoGa

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quote:

ORIGINAL: DesFIP

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

I happen to think that you can still carry on your life while thinking about your D/s relationship. Or at least *I* do. I wouldn't want nor would I expect any submissive of mine to sit around and think of me 24 hours a day. But if they do? So what? If they are able to function and get their work done without interruptions, then sure..why not think of their Dominants all they want? It doesn't make them any less real or have any less of a life.
Thanks for responding.

You really think they would be effective on their job if they're mooning about you? Or do you think that when you tell them they have to be honest, you are exempting the rest of their life.

If they're daydreaming about you, then they aren't paying attention to their job. As a result they won't get raises or promotions. So by demanding that from them, you are making their lives worse not better. Unless of course you are going to reimburse them for lost wages which I doubt judging by your posts.

Let's say they have ums and coach soccer. Are they going to be paying attention when their ums are not happy if they're dreaming about you? Nope, their ums will learn real soon that they aren't important to the parent in question. Will they be keeping their word to the team of small people, if they don't study soccer rules to see how best to teach them the sport? Hell no.

I have a lot more respect for a friend who coached soccer with the book in one hand, trying to stay ahead of the kids, then I ever would have if he had just gone through the motions.

In response to this i have to jump into this post. DesFIP, i do not know where you come from but that was an extremely disrespectful way to talk to my Mistress.

From personal experience, i have spent my workday daydreaming about Mistress however, when there was work to be done which needed my concentration, i focused on the job at hand. If a sumbissive can daydream about thier Dominant while at work and get the same quality and quantity of work done, then more power to them. The only reason a person would be passed over for a promotion or a raise would be due to a lack of JOB PERFORMANCE. Besides, anyone would be able to know that a submissive cannot think about thier Dominant 24/7, it is just not humanly possible. When i am at work, i am there to work, but when i have a moment to myself, my mind automaticaly goes to my Mistress. The only way to know what you are talking about is if you actualy have been in a submissive's shoes. No matter of books or lectures can give you the first hand experience.

As for the Dominants, from my understanding thier goal in the relationship is to leave thier submissive in a better way then which they were found. Mistress has done nothing but support me through my development. She has aided me in becoming a man by teaching me how to stand up for myself, developing my self esteem, and She has pushed me to work hard on my education. I do not know any other Dominant who would be so understanding to allow thier submissive to place thier education first. If that is not helping to improve Her submissive, then prove me wrong.

As for the comment "Unless of course you are going to reimburse them for lost wages which I doubt judging by your posts." What did you mean by it? Are you saying because She is blind means She cannot provide for me financialy? Are you seriously being prejudice about the handicapped? I believe that you need to go get some therapy and that you owe Mistress an apology for the rude remarks.

< Message edited by pupofMoGa -- 1/28/2008 7:27:40 PM >

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RE: How Far... - 1/28/2008 7:21:41 PM

Rover

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quote:

ORIGINAL: subtee

It was your metaphor, so let's go with that. It was his passion for love and life that got Sysiphus into his ultimate situation. Bad idea? Do you believe the parable invites a different response? Live without passion for fear of the consequences and so leave the boulder where it lays?

Who am I to say what was or wasn't a bad idea for Sysiphus? I can say that from my point of view, I choose not to become entangled in a futile situation in which no amount of my effort will ever be "enough".

Don't confuse that for a "life without passion". In my life, passion is not the functional equivalent of futility.

quote:

Nope, I don't. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Why would I want control over someone's feelings/love toward me? I couldn't control a rock...

The issue is not one of control. The question is whether there can ever be "enough". And it has been my experience that once someone begins quantifying and comparing, no amount of time or effort will ever be enough. So I simply choose not to play that game. Please don't misinterpret my own dynamic as any suggestion that others "should" employ the same.

quote:

To that end, all relationships are exercises in futility, as you cannot control the outcome no matter how hard nor how often you push the boulder up the hill...

On a personal level, I simply don't agree. In my relationships we share what we have (as mentioned previously). It is what it is. There is no futile effort to fill an endless hole in the form of "enough" (fill in the blank). I've always said that I fervently avoid those who need me to "complete" them, and I think that's a great example. I want a whole person... someone without any holes, and without the expectation that I will waste my time in a futile effort to "complete" them. I don't have a shovel big enough, and I don't believe that anyone does.

I don't need to control the outcome, or have a guaranteed outcome. But I avoid like the plague situations that are guaranteed frustrations and guaranteed failures. I save that effort for the golf course.

John

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RE: How Far... - 1/28/2008 7:22:22 PM

juliaoceania

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For some of us part of the joy of what we do is that it will please our dominant person....

My Daddy wants me to succeed in my chosen career path and finds what I do part of my appeal to him... so I am serving him by excelling in my career...

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RE: How Far... - 1/28/2008 7:31:38 PM

sexyred1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

Finally, a voice of sanity and reason in a sea of overblown romanticism. I don't know what is going on tonight; there are multiple threads that are making me gag.

These questions are not even answerable. All they are is fodder for waxing rhapsodically about how nothing is enough for my Master..I will give until my bones are utter dust...etc. etc.

Maybe its a full moon?

edited to say no offense to you MoGa, it is the preponderance of annoying threads tonight.

I wonder why you are so hostile toward people who have romantic and tender feelings for their significant other. It is just bizzare. So people do not have the feelings about their relationship as you think they should, if that is all it takes to make you ill in this world, you must be nauseous most of the time.

I put zero emotional attachment into how others feel about their relationships, nor how they describe them.. it just doesn't matter to me because I am busy with my own love life I guess

Actually, I am perfectly healthy and not nauseous most of the time, because aside from the few people who bizarrely need to proclaim to others (perhaps to convince themselves) how great their relationships are, I hang out around with happily married, happily coupled friends who never act so obnoxious.

And julia? Your incessant use of the term "hostile" to describe anything I say that disagrees with your holier than thou posts is getting a bit tired.

If you can post syrupy crap, I can post that it makes me sick. Deal?

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RE: How Far... - 1/28/2008 7:35:20 PM

KatyLied

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quote:

I believe that you need to go get some therapy

Wow, someone sure struck a nerve.

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RE: How Far... - 1/28/2008 7:45:16 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

And julia? Your incessant use of the term "hostile" to describe anything I say that disagrees with your holier than thou posts is getting a bit tired.

Your posts often disagree with my worldview, I rarely feel the need to comment on that...I often disregard your hostile posts, and they read to me that way often... I know, you are just "telling it like it is" even when you are denigrating others... but lord help us all for any imagined slight against you... got it!

If you truly believe those of us that talk about our relationships and our happiness are full of shit, well perhaps we should have your pity instead of your antipathy..

I do find your observations on this thread rather amusing to be honest and I will compare and contrast your views on this thread with your views on another...Just because you do not understand how other people feel in their relationships does not make their relationships any less valid. Just because you do not get how important people feel about being as submissive as they can be to their partner does not make them less than you... your one twue wayism is yours, not theirs... just like those who do not understand your attachment to your hair.

I am all for calling a spade a spade, and I felt you were correct in many ways on that thread... it makes your intolerance of that which you do not understand on this thread all the more glaring to me.

But hey, it is just an opinion, like yours is just an opinion... we all have them after all.

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RE: How Far... - 1/28/2008 7:45:28 PM

subtee

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Oh jeez...

quote:

In my life, passion is not the functional equivalent of futility.

No one suggested that it was...indeed I would posit that passion in the face of possible futility is the definition of passion. Why else is it worth the effort?

quote:

And it has been my experience that once someone begins quantifying and comparing,

[snip]
Where is it a matter of quantifying and (dear god) comparing? I'm talking about You...Rover.

quote:

It is what it is.

This is complete bullshit. What if it isn't what it is? It's a pat phrase that means nothing, means I have nothing valuable to say. I hate that denigrating non-statement.

quote:

I want a whole person... someone without any holes, and without the expectation that I will waste my time in a futile effort to "complete" them. I don't have a shovel big enough, and I don't believe that anyone does.

Why does someone willing to try their best, to live with passion to the extent their life allows connote someone who needs completing? What?

quote:

But I avoid like the plague situations that are guaranteed frustrations and guaranteed failures.

How do you know it will be thus? Without investigating with love and passion, but instead with assumption of futility, how do you know?

quote:

I save that effort for the golf course.

Inconsistency is my golf game...it dims not at all my enthusiasm.

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RE: How Far... - 1/28/2008 7:46:37 PM

MistressOfGa

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quote:

edited to say no offense to you MoGa, it is the preponderance of annoying threads tonight.

Well gee lol I will try not to take offense. It was just something I was thinking of and I wanted to see how realistic the answers would be. I almost want to say "Put your money where your mouths (words) are."
Don't worry, I don't bruise that easily <s>

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RE: How Far... - 1/28/2008 7:53:15 PM

sexyred1

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quote:

ORIGINAL: juliaoceania

quote:

And julia? Your incessant use of the term "hostile" to describe anything I say that disagrees with your holier than thou posts is getting a bit tired.

Your posts often disagree with my worldview, I rarely feel the need to comment on that...I often disregard your hostile posts, and they read to me that way often... I know, you are just "telling it like it is" even when you are denigrating others... but lord help us all for any imagined slight against you... got it!

If you truly believe those of us that talk about our relationships and our happiness are full of shit, well perhaps we should have your pity instead of your antipathy..

I do find your observations on this thread rather amusing to be honest and I will compare and contrast your views on this thread with your views on another...Just because you do not understand how other people feel in their relationships does not make their relationships any less valid. Just because you do not get how important people feel about being as submissive as they can be to their partner does not make them less than you... your one twue wayism is yours, not theirs... just like those who do not understand your attachment to your hair.

I am all for calling a spade a spade, and I felt you were correct in many ways on that thread... it makes your intolerance of that which you do not understand on this thread all the more glaring to me.

But hey, it is just an opinion, like yours is just an opinion... we all have them after all.

Make up your mind, julia. You either find my posts amusing or hostile. You cannot have it both ways.

I never once said anyone's relationship was not valid. I simply said I found such treacly posturing annoying. You read into all these replies what you want and you choose to be offended. That is Your issue, not mine. As often as you crow about your relationship, it is a free forum for me to reply to whatever I like. That is the beauty of this medium.

And now, because you are utterly incapable of having any sort of discussion without the use of the word HOSTILE ( I will lend your my thesaurus if need be) AND because you are practically the only poster on this entire board who cites other posts from other threads (the hair thread? the religion thread, you have a million of them) in trying to make your points, I am going to step away now, before MOD XI swoops in to save you from my serpents tongue.

< Message edited by sexyred1 -- 1/28/2008 7:59:46 PM >

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RE: How Far... - 1/28/2008 7:54:49 PM

MistressOfGa

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quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

I believe that you need to go get some therapy

Wow, someone sure struck a nerve.

KatyLied,
When you take a single sentence out of context, then yes it looks as though a nerve was struck. Did you read the rest of what he wrote? Or for that matter, what was written for him to feel defensive of me? Not that I can't hold my own, but it is nice to know he cares enough to come to my defense.

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RE: How Far... - 1/28/2008 7:58:22 PM

juliaoceania

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quote:

Make up your mind, julia. You either find my posts amusing or hostile. You cannot have it both ways.

Oh contraire.. I certainly can find hostile people amusing...and I do!

quote:

I am going to step away now, before MOD XI swoops in to save you from my serpents tongue.

Please feel free to snark on me in email... more for me to find amusing.

I often enjoy your posts because at times I find them enlightening and informative.... but on this thread, not so much, I just find your opinions on this thread to be denigrating and nasty... intentionally so.. if you do not want to own that I can completely understand.

< Message edited by juliaoceania -- 1/28/2008 7:59:24 PM >

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RE: How Far... - 1/28/2008 8:01:07 PM

sexyred1

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Why would I snark on you in email? It is a public forum, not private. I have more interesting discussions in private emails.

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RE: How Far... - 1/28/2008 8:01:56 PM

MistressOfGa

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quote:

Make up your mind, julia. You either find my posts amusing or hostile. You cannot have it both ways.

Um...Amusingly Hostile? <eg>

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RE: How Far... - 1/28/2008 8:02:30 PM

YourhandMyAss

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For me personally distance wise, if I ever get a new partner they have to be in Sacramento, or moving here very very soon. I've done several long distance relationships some as far as 500 miles away some as close as 2 hours, and I am just not willing to have them any farther than my own town because it don't work.

Everything else depends on the situation. I am extreamly giving, extreamly generous, sometimes to the detrement of my own self, I would buy him anything, big or small and did so and went into debt doing it. He's now put down a rule that I am not to buy him anything, that's not for like a birthday or x mas. And even then he doesn't want me spending tons of money on it.

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

..will you go to show your Dominant/submissive that you love/care for them? How many miles is enough? How much time is enough? How much is too much? How much is too little?

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