Vanilla friends who fancy themselves kinky but don't really get it

Vanilla friends who fancy themselves kinky but don't really get it (Full Version)

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PrincessEllie -> Vanilla friends who fancy themselves kinky but don't really get it (1/28/2008 12:57:42 PM)
I personally believe that everyone is a little kinky inside, and that there's nothing wrong with being vanilla. I also think that those of us who are really in depth into BDSM shouldn't judge others who only do certain things. I'm not trying to offend anyone with this topic, I'm just posting an anecdote that amused me. So a friend of mine was asking me for tips on pleasing his girlfriend, and of course I responded with my personal experience. I warned him, of course, that I am a masochist and many of my suggestions wouldn't likely work on someone who wasn't geared to pain. My friend assured me that his girlfriend is a severe masochist. A little intrigued, since the last I knew he was as vanilla as it gets, I asked him what he meant by severe. Oh, he told me with a scandalized tone, she likes being bitten and scratched during sexual activity. My first reaction was to giggle, and the first thought that passed through my mind was "Aw, how cute." It just really tickled me that he felt that nibbling and scratching made her extreme. I, of course, explained to him that most people would take 'extreme' to mean that she enjoyed some brutal forms of torture involving a significant quantity of pain. Hell, even I am not in any way extreme. I am just tickled pink by this whole situation. It was pretty cute how unaware he was. It reminds me of all the times my friends, who know I'm kinky, tell me that because their boyfriend held them down once they are a submissive. I'm not trying to be patronizing, I just think it is sort of funny how half the time vanilla people think BDSM is abuse and torture, and the other half of the time they think anything involving blindfolds or tiniest bits of pain makes them hardcore and kinky. It sort of seems to me like saying "I'm a boy and I kissed another boy once. Therefore I am a flaming homosexual." It's just a little bit off. I was just wondering if anyone else had those moments where they had to say to their vanilla friends "I'm glad you're feeling kinky babe, but you might want to check up on your terminology." Again, I'm also not trying to sound like a 'twue' snob or anything. I just thought it was a cute miscomunication.

fullofgrace69 -> RE: Vanilla friends who fancy themselves kinky but don't really get it (1/28/2008 1:09:58 PM)
one of my friends is just like that bless her, i told her about my kinky side, and she was like well actually we do that already i was like pardon? and she went well i've got the handcuffs and wen we get down in the bedroom i cuff his hands to bed .......... i was like aawww bless but sure ok if it means ur gonna accept me and not get all eeewww on me i wont go into details lol. she knows more now and is a bit embrassed that she ever made out she does the stuff that i do mostly cos wen we chatted on new years eve it was with the dom holding the phone to my ear cos of the level of bondage i was in:) but my friends are cute like that too it makes me smile and get a bit happy to see them try and accept what i like.

Muttling -> RE: Vanilla friends who fancy themselves kinky but don't really get it (1/28/2008 1:15:37 PM)
I was at a demo one time where the topic was corporal punishment and the use of various implements. There was a new guy there and towards the end of it, with a perfectly straight face and very seriously he asked "Has anyone ever tried using a riding crop?" hehe

RCdc -> RE: Vanilla friends who fancy themselves kinky but don't really get it (1/28/2008 1:19:37 PM)
I do not see how biting and scratching could be more nor lesser than cutting. Pain is different to everyone. Although I am masochistic, there are things I cannot take that others can and visa versa. And yet the number of masochists who have taken pain relief in child birth... I had none. We all take different pain in different ways. And there is nothing wrong with being judgemental. That is how the human race survives. the.dark.

greyangelus -> RE: Vanilla friends who fancy themselves kinky but don't really get it (1/28/2008 1:21:08 PM)
Lol, I've had several co-workers try to play the "whos kinkier game" with me. For some reason I always win [:D]. Anecdote. A co-worker who had a thing for me (one-way only and for a lot of reason, numbering age difference and her being an alcoholic among them) decided to start trying to have risque conversations and brought up how she enjoyed being choked (breatheplay basically). I told I didn't really care too much for it, and she started smiling in a hungry sort of way. Then I started going into techniques, the reasons why it works, various situations and the whys people do enjoy it. Somwhere inthe middle of that the smile went away and I got wide eyes instead [:D].

PrincessEllie -> RE: Vanilla friends who fancy themselves kinky but don't really get it (1/28/2008 1:22:24 PM)
Fullofgrace: That's pretty cute actually. It is always a bit funny when you tell someone you are into Kinky things and they say they are as well, but when you really explain what you get up to, the smile just slides off their face. Luckily you didn't go into details. Muttling: I don't really know what to say here. I would just hope that someone at a punishment demo would know about riding crops. Heck, anyone who has typed "BDSM" into google knows that. But I guess everyone has to learn in their own way. At least if he was at a demo he got the right info!

Lashra -> RE: Vanilla friends who fancy themselves kinky but don't really get it (1/28/2008 1:32:17 PM)
I was involved in a game of "Who is kinky?" a game a friend of mine made up and we played at a dinner party at their house.Basically they went around the room asking whats the kiniest thing you've ever done. I listened with a sort of a smile on my face I heard lots of I tie him/her up, I bite them, I spank them etc..When I got to my turn I stated it pretty matter of factly..I dress him up like a whore, tie him to the bed and force him to suck my 8 inch strap on and then I give it to him up the ass. The room went quiet and I heard one of the husbands say in a rather breathless excited tone "Oh damnnnnn"[:D] ~Lashra

Muttling -> RE: Vanilla friends who fancy themselves kinky but don't really get it (1/28/2008 1:35:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lashra I was involved in a game of "Who is kinky?" a game a friend of mine made up and we played at a dinner party at their house.Basically they went around the room asking whats the kiniest thing you've ever done. I listened with a sort of a smile on my face I heard lots of I tie him/her up, I bite them, I spank them etc..When I got to my turn I stated it pretty matter of factly..I dress him up like a whore, tie him to the bed and force him to suck my 8 inch strap on and then I give it to him up the ass. The room went quiet and I heard one of the husbands say in a rather breathless excited tone "Oh damnnnnn"[:D] ~Lashra Excuse me while I adjust my pants.

breatheasone -> RE: Vanilla friends who fancy themselves kinky but don't really get it (1/28/2008 1:38:32 PM)
Aye....been there done that. I just learned not to say anything any more LOL. The looks of horror, and the wrinkled up noses when they say "Oh man you ARE a freak" started to make me feel self conscience LOL.

greyangelus -> RE: Vanilla friends who fancy themselves kinky but don't really get it (1/28/2008 1:39:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lashra I was involved in a game of "Who is kinky?" a game a friend of mine made up and we played at a dinner party at their house.Basically they went around the room asking whats the kiniest thing you've ever done. I listened with a sort of a smile on my face I heard lots of I tie him/her up, I bite them, I spank them etc..When I got to my turn I stated it pretty matter of factly..I dress him up like a whore, tie him to the bed and force him to suck my 8 inch strap on and then I give it to him up the ass. The room went quiet and I heard one of the husbands say in a rather breathless excited tone "Oh damnnnnn"[:D] ~Lashra LOL, I came very close to doing this on New Years. A very close friend had a party with a bunch of her co-workers. At some point late in the evening, the conversation turned into the whos kinky game. My close friend is very much aware of BDSM interests and does know most if not all details. Right about the time I opened my mouth, she pointedly looked at me tand old me I wasn't allowed to play. Damn [:D].

fullofgrace69 -> RE: Vanilla friends who fancy themselves kinky but don't really get it (1/28/2008 1:41:56 PM)
one of the girls at work thinks its kinky to get drunk and snap my bra strap, she didnt know wot to do when (drunk) i lent over a table and when if ur gonna try and hurt me at least do it right. people know im kinky but im the -good- girl so everyone assumes im the least kinky of the lot mwah hahax

greyangelus -> RE: Vanilla friends who fancy themselves kinky but don't really get it (1/28/2008 1:46:14 PM)
God, I love your tagline FullofGrace.

lucern -> RE: Vanilla friends who fancy themselves kinky but don't really get it (1/28/2008 1:52:59 PM)
These are very cute. Maybe it's because of my age group (mid-20's) and single status, but unless the person is into these things because they think it's kinky and it makes them cool, I see these little perversions as 'ins' for corrupting partners. It hasn't failed me yet...

fullofgrace69 -> RE: Vanilla friends who fancy themselves kinky but don't really get it (1/28/2008 1:54:06 PM)
thankyou greyangelus:)

CalifChick -> RE: Vanilla friends who fancy themselves kinky but don't really get it (1/28/2008 2:00:12 PM)
It's kinda funny... I usually say "I'm not really kinky... haven't done much" then score 760+ on the kink test. Don't play "take the test" with the clueless people, they will never look at you the same way again. Cali

Muttling -> RE: Vanilla friends who fancy themselves kinky but don't really get it (1/28/2008 2:08:15 PM)
I'm quite a bit of a masochist and it's very hard to hide that detail. I'm not what the community would consider a heavy masochist and I have met many with far greater pain tolerances than my own. That said, those who do outdoor work with me figure out pretty quickly that most pain is pretty meaningless to me and if I'm in the right mood it will rev me up in a happy way. I've gotten a lot of strange looks over the years from field crews and they generally figure out that I'm kinky.

juliaoceania -> RE: Vanilla friends who fancy themselves kinky but don't really get it (1/28/2008 2:16:49 PM)
It is not the amount of pain that one can take that makes them "extremely" masochistic in my mind. It is their perception of the pain and their ability to interpret it as sexual arousal. There are plenty of people with a high pain tolerance that can "take it", but they do not get hot from pain. There are those with a low pain tolerance that can only take small amounts of pain, yet those small amounts get them soaking wet... who is the "extreme" masochist of the two? Did you think that his asking you for advice was precisely because she liked pain? It made her wet to get nibbled, pinched, and scratched, perhaps he would like to try some more with her? Perhaps he enjoys giving her pain of any sort... which would make him a sadist[;)] To me it is not the amount of activity a person engages in that defines them as a hardcore kinkster, it is the importance of these things in turning them on that defines them in my opinion... And btw, blindfolds are something that instantly puts me into a total different headspace of not being in control... I would not call sensory dep being "vanilla with sprinkles"... just me etc

LaTigresse -> RE: Vanilla friends who fancy themselves kinky but don't really get it (1/28/2008 2:19:37 PM)
I avoid those conversations. Some of the people I spend time around are older than I. I don't want to be responsible for any coronary attacks.

Muttling -> RE: Vanilla friends who fancy themselves kinky but don't really get it (1/28/2008 3:01:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LaTigresse I avoid those conversations. Some of the people I spend time around are older than I. I don't want to be responsible for any coronary attacks. Reminds me of a good demo story. We were having this demo get together in a meeting room at a local motel. There was a party for a lady's 75th birthday a few doors down. Not wanting to freak out the nillas, I was playing door gaurd. The extremely nicely dressed older lady comes to our door and I say, "I believe the birthday party is a few doors down." "Young man! Is this BDSM demonstration?" "umm....uhhhh.......Yes ma'am it is." "Then I will be going here." I think she got the biggest kick out of stunning the young pups.

AquaticSub -> RE: Vanilla friends who fancy themselves kinky but don't really get it (1/28/2008 4:30:46 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Lashra I was involved in a game of "Who is kinky?" a game a friend of mine made up and we played at a dinner party at their house.Basically they went around the room asking whats the kiniest thing you've ever done. I listened with a sort of a smile on my face I heard lots of I tie him/her up, I bite them, I spank them etc..When I got to my turn I stated it pretty matter of factly..I dress him up like a whore, tie him to the bed and force him to suck my 8 inch strap on and then I give it to him up the ass. The room went quiet and I heard one of the husbands say in a rather breathless excited tone "Oh damnnnnn"[:D] ~Lashra I've got an actual board game along those lines where you ask the other players questions about sex. It's quite fun at play parties.

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