RE: Submissive Mistress

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hisannabelle -> RE: Submissive Mistress (1/29/2008 1:43:12 PM)
greetings doctoryale, i apologize if my post came across as vitriolic. that was not my intent. i'm wondering what the flaws are in my reasons for not choosing to be with a married man, however? respectfully, annabelle.

BeingChewsie -> RE: Submissive Mistress (1/29/2008 1:47:55 PM)
Quick reply: There is an ass for every seat. I wouldn't want to the weekly or monthly drive-by while the wife/gf gets all bennies..the house in the burbs, the SUV, the kids, the vacations, the dinners out with friends, the holidays and on and on and on...if that makes me less sophisticated than those women it is a cross I'll bear. Your other post said you intended to leave your marriage when you found your submissive ideal, now you are looking for someone to be your submissive mistress while you stay married?..which is it? It matters which one it is. You should figure that out before you proceed. If you don't know which it is how will you explain the situation to your wife and your submissive mistress?

silvermuse -> RE: Submissive Mistress (1/29/2008 2:05:49 PM)
Would those be the same europeon women who have been known to - amongst other things - treat their cheating spouses to... Public humiliation via taking out announcements in local news papers? Finding the mistress, submissive or otherwise, informing her of the facts, and the pair of them beating the sh*t out of the liar? Or, of course, the delicious delights of threatening to castrate said cheat when they catch them? Or perhaps he's discussing the more gentle, loving souls who have painted the man's car with interesting statements about his lack of ability to perform? No, of course not, he must mean the same gentle, sophisticated souls that mimic the gracious lady who faxed the details of the affair to every machine in the office where said cheat worked. I seriously don't know what europeon women he was thinking about because although there are women in europe, just as there are in the usa, who will put up with being the other woman, most of them do so because they are under the insane impression that eventually he will leave the wife for them, and get really PO'd when they discover the truth. Perhaps the OP should oh, I don't know, try living in those other coutries before he starts spouting off generalizations. silvermuse

collaredncontent -> RE: Submissive Mistress (1/29/2008 2:09:56 PM)
Why is it that some people think open minded means not sticking to your own morals or convictions? I personally wouldn't be able to cope with a polyamorous lifestyle but here's where I'm open minded, I don't care if you do. You are free to have any type of relationship you want, just don't bitch about it that other people may not be into the same things you are. Live and let live, buddy. -Brain.

Justme696 -> RE: Submissive Mistress (1/29/2008 2:19:51 PM)
I wish I knew earlier it was normal to have mistresses in Europe. No one ever told me when I was born here in Europe. Thank you for the info.

sambamanslilgirl -> RE: Submissive Mistress (1/29/2008 2:31:11 PM)
well, Doc, after taking a gander at your profile, you remind me of the other married dominants who have messaged me in the past asking if i was okay with the idea of cheating on Daddy and SO. it's quite interesting how many in your situation promise nights of wine and roses, etc. it's also quite interesting that many like yourself have no remorse about cheating on your wedded spouse. i have been the both sides of the fence as the wife of a cheating ex-husband and the other woman - it wasn't a pleasant experience. good luck in finding that ideal submissive who enjoys being that other woman waiting on bated breath lonely night after lonely night for when you're finally free to spend a couple of hours once a month with her. believe me, it sucked when watching the men leave to return back to their wives and UMs until the next time.

hisannabelle -> RE: Submissive Mistress (1/29/2008 2:49:23 PM)
greetings collaredncontent, please do not confuse "cheating" with "polyamory." they are two separate things. respectfully, annabelle.

Justme696 -> RE: Submissive Mistress (1/29/2008 2:52:16 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: hisannabelle greetings collaredncontent, please do not confuse "cheating" with "polyamory." they are two separate things. respectfully, annabelle. in which one fits a mistress?

SweetDommes -> RE: Submissive Mistress (1/29/2008 2:57:16 PM)
The way he means it - cheating ... We are poly, and resent that we get lumped in with cheaters like the OP ... one of the principles that we (and most we've talked to in this lifestyle) is consent - without full knowledge of what is going on, how on earth can their SO consent to it? To the OP - what you are trying to do is despicable, and you should be ashamed of yourself for claiming that people who are smart enough to see through your BS are flawed.

RedMagic1 -> RE: Submissive Mistress (1/29/2008 3:23:53 PM)
I'm not a Domme, and I don't feel threatened. I'm just a single, fake, unsophisticated, wannabe Dom. But I had an experience recently the good doctor might be interested in. I was approached by a married woman who was interested in having me Dom her in a somewhat extreme scene. Her husband is vanilla, and aware she plays regularly. She seems like a decent person, and I don't think it would be cheating if I went through with it. If it matters, I find her quite physically attractive. I haven't tried to walk through that door though. Maybe she'd say, "No thanks after all," if I told her, "Let's go for it." But I'm not going to. Why? Because I can do better. Women who are 100% single are interested in hanging out with me too. Why spend my time cultivating a BDSM "relationship" with someone who has a husband and a 1-year-old child? I don't see how I will feel better about myself if I become some dame's piece on the side, no matter how hot she is.

littlebitxxx -> RE: Submissive Mistress (1/29/2008 4:02:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DoctorYale A reply to one and all. I have been fascinated by the level of angst and vitriolic denunciations that have been sent my way. Each and every one of you (well almost), have proven my point. And so, we can soon dispense with this thread. I shall remain on this site, occassionaly join in forum discussions and keep my eyes open for one who is unlike any of you who have chosen to answer. I am of course totally fascinated by the fact that so many Dommes chose to respond with such bitterness. I will have to reflect upon this and ponder as to the reason you felt so challenged by this posting. Asshole. ahem...cough..cough...oops...hairball. I meant: asshole filled with angst and vitriol....beats the crap out of peanut butter I guess.

Moongoddess40 -> RE: Submissive Mistress (1/29/2008 4:26:33 PM)
Having grown up around an escort service, tri-state, Mum was the Madam, Dr Yale would surely be better off in researching services in that venue. Or hey, you can try one of those sites like Sugar Daddy, there all your needs and wants will be gratified regulary in exchange for, well,....how deep are your pockets? You can't be cheap. Luck to you. Moon

SimplySubmissive -> RE: Submissive Mistress (1/29/2008 4:27:58 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: laurell3 quote: ORIGINAL: ItalianSMistress wtf are you talking about? I dont know if I had too much to smoke or what, but that makes no sense to Me at all. I can not make heads or tails out of what you are saying. He's saying women that won't be a sub to a married man are flawed for feeling that way. He seriously needs to get over himself and realize married = not available and saying no = making healthy decisions that that type of relationship is too limited for what that one desires. (yawn) American women (wives) don't "look the other way" nearly as often as they do in some other countries.

SweetDommes -> RE: Submissive Mistress (1/29/2008 6:36:24 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedMagic1 I'm not a Domme, and I don't feel threatened. I'm just a single, fake, unsophisticated, wannabe Dom. But I had an experience recently the good doctor might be interested in. I'm not in the least bit threatened by him as a Domme - but I resent that he and people like him are lumped in with me and my family by people who don't know much about poly, or are against poly. People only seem to see the cheaters like him who claim to be poly and not the families like mine that are stable and loving.

Maya2001 -> RE: Submissive Mistress (1/29/2008 6:36:45 PM)
Was that sub once, to a married dom .....definitely not worth it ,,,, being in a long distance relationship with less frequent visits with a single dom with a promise of one day sharing a life togither is far less lonely

RedMagic1 -> RE: Submissive Mistress (1/29/2008 7:16:09 PM)
You have something genuine to offer people. He does not. I suppose I would feel more pity than resentment if I were in your shoes.

SweetDommes -> RE: Submissive Mistress (1/29/2008 7:39:00 PM)
I resent it because that is what people see ... day in and day out they see people cheating on their significant others, and a good number of them claim that they are poly to justify their behavior. Then they see people who really are poly and they think the same about the people who are really poly. I feel no pity for that man - he has done this to himself ... the problem is that he is also giving his bad reputation to a lot of people who don't deserve it. I resent him and what he represents because it pushes acceptance for my family farther off into the distance.

laurell3 -> RE: Submissive Mistress (1/29/2008 8:02:08 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplySubmissive quote: ORIGINAL: laurell3 quote: ORIGINAL: ItalianSMistress wtf are you talking about? I dont know if I had too much to smoke or what, but that makes no sense to Me at all. I can not make heads or tails out of what you are saying. He's saying women that won't be a sub to a married man are flawed for feeling that way. He seriously needs to get over himself and realize married = not available and saying no = making healthy decisions that that type of relationship is too limited for what that one desires. (yawn) American women (wives) don't "look the other way" nearly as often as they do in some other countries. That's hardly the point. As RedMagic pointed out, regardless of whether the guy is cheating or not, any relationship he could offer would be incredibly limited. It seems when women point that out, American or not, the not so good doc proclaims them unsophisticated. He's pretty much an arrogant fool in any country.

ItalianSMistress -> RE: Submissive Mistress (1/29/2008 8:52:21 PM)
I dont know about the rest of you, but I would say the unsophisticated one is the wife of this DRY, and her ability to let her husband run around and not seem to care. Because, of course, one can assume that his wife is NOT sophisticated enough to be poly, hence his want to run around. (Just a side note that I am not saying that anyone not poly is unsophisticated, simply pointing out that he seems to expect more from the American submissives then from his own wife)

liminalRapture -> RE: Submissive Mistress (1/29/2008 9:23:02 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DoctorYale A reply to one and all. I have been fascinated by the level of angst and vitriolic denunciations that have been sent my way. Each and every one of you (well almost), have proven my point. And so, we can soon dispense with this thread. I shall remain on this site, occassionaly join in forum discussions and keep my eyes open for one who is unlike any of you who have chosen to answer. I am of course totally fascinated by the fact that so many Dommes chose to respond with such bitterness. I will have to reflect upon this and ponder as to the reason you felt so challenged by this posting. I can understand your surprise, because I found myself surprised by how angry your post made me. Far more than it had any reason to. And I realized that I feel like I've been put in an impossible situation. Not by you, of course. You live several thousand miles from me. But by a society that has encouraged decisions that you have made. For me, I have tried to live my life with integrity and be true to my own sense of self. It would have been far easier to play at being someone I am not, get a ring and get all those vanilla needs met, that you so rightly acknowledged are important. I want those, very much. But I couldn't do that. For some reason, and I do blame it on the 'virgin/whore' dichotomy that has run through our culture, men find it easier to say "OK--here's a vanilla girl for my vanilla needs--where's the kinky girl for my kinky needs." But, as the kinky girl, I have those vanilla needs also. All of them. And so, I passionately hope that someday I will meet someone that can meet me halfway. Choose to develop a friendship and also an erotic encounter. But you seem to be saying (or more fairly, I interpret your choices as saying) that I don't have those vanilla needs. My place will always be twofold--I will be by his side, as a partner and co-conspirator in life. And kneeling at his feet. But I need both. And I just pray I can find someone who wants both because I cannot bifurcate myself the way the OP has bifurcated his life. And so many men have made the choice that the OP has made, I question whether I will be able to have my needs met.

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