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RE: Would you tell them? - 1/28/2008 10:17:20 PM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline 		Last year I was dreadfully sick. I had brain surgery in Feb. and pup knew about it all. He was in Ga. and I was in Az. My family kept him up to date on my progress. Later last year it was discovered I had a tumor in my pituitary gland and once again I was faced with death. Once again, pup was kept up to date on what was happening with me. When I lost my sight in Sept of last year, I told him myself. Through it all he was like a rock. For once he was not standing behind me, he was standing beside me. Yes, I would tell him if I knew I was dying. My brother didn't tell us he was sick until I moved him downstairs to take care of him. Even then, I didn't know the extent. I found out at the hospital I took him to, due to his coughing up blood. He died in Hospice, but not before I spent 3 weeks caring for him in my home. Three weeks later, my mother died. I didn't know she was sick. But then again, I never told her about my brother dying. She had Alzheimer's and wouldn't have remembered my telling her. There was no sense in telling her daily that her only son was dead.

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Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Would you tell them? - 1/28/2008 10:23:50 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline 		My brothers and I see each other once a week in the summer sailing.  I know I know big surprise.  4 out of five of us knew my Fathers health was failing.  We would discuss it openly on the boat.  One of my brothers thought that we were wrong.  The conversation would be... spend some time with Dad....  My mom didn't know didn't realize it for whatever reasons.  <he wouldn't allow her to go with him to the doc> 
A huge part of me thinks that when your health starts to fail the loved ones around you would have to realize that your going to pass soon.  So there is little reason to state what everyone already knows. 

Thank you all for your valueable insight.

BadOne

(in reply to Termyn8or)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Would you tell them? - 1/28/2008 10:24:18 PM   
Termyn8or


Posts: 18681
Joined: 11/12/2005
Status: offline 		SubbieO,

I didn't mean to send that last post. But if you read it it is not that far off.

But you hit it on the head. I am noty proclaiming to have some incurable disease, not at all. But there are times when it hurts. This does not mean I am going to die tomorrow, no such luck.(JK)

So the whole point is would you tell them ? If iut is something that kills you, no. If it is something otherwise, a like or dislike, things like that tell them.

If my death was imminent, would I tell ? I think not. At best you get people trying to cure you. Try this and try that.

If anyone who knows I am dying thinks I haven't researched the subject is mistaken.

But now I have told you.

Know it and keep it to yourself. That is kinda the same as the ultimate gambler. You lost everything on a single roll of the dice, yet you tell noone.

That is life. You either play it or you don't.

T

(in reply to Termyn8or)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Would you tell them? - 1/28/2008 10:27:02 PM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Did you regain your site or was the loss permenant?
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

. When I lost my sight in Sept of last year, I told him myself.

(in reply to MistressOfGa)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Would you tell them? - 1/28/2008 10:30:55 PM   
Gwynvyd


Posts: 4949
Status: offline 		My mother was terminal for 7 years.. she suffered through a great amount of pain durring that time. She held on, and had such will to live through it.

We didnt coddle or baby her.. but we spent as much time as we could with her, and made her as comfortable as we could.

I think not telling others is selfish. It isnt facing death head on with dignity in my opinion. By keeping it from others you do not give them the chance to spend that time with you.. they will regret it for the rest of thier lives and wonder why you kept it from them.. why you didnt trust them with something so important.

My sister and brother feel awful and feel will always feel the guilt because they didnt chose to be there for her or spend time and they *knew*

Just tell them you dont want to be coddled if it comes to that.

Gwyn

_____________________________

Self avowed Geek-Girl~
Come for the boobs, stay for the brains.

Be the kinda woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the Devil says "Oh shit, shes awake..."
~ Softandshy's "Shiney"

(in reply to Termyn8or)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Would you tell them? - 1/28/2008 10:32:38 PM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

Did you regain your site or was the loss permenant?
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

. When I lost my sight in Sept of last year, I told him myself.


Thank you for asking. My sight is gone. It is permanent. I have a program called JAWS that reads the screen to me so I can keep up with doing what I love to do. Now if I can just whip the voice on JAWS I would be happy lol sometimes it gives the wrong words. Mistress Hathor tells me that she is going to take a cooking test. I heard that she was going to be faking a cocking test lol Confusion in IM's lol but we laugh about it and carry on. I thought pup told a girl she had big puppies, which is not what he wrote at all. Funny stuff. But here is the good news:
I no longer have to deal with traffic jams
If I don't like the color of my vehicle, I just imagine it is green
I don't have to see car accidents anymore
and if it is a cloudy day, I can say it is beautiful out. I choose what I want to "see". The ultimate power trip! <s>

_____________________________





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Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Would you tell them? - 1/28/2008 10:39:32 PM   
hisannabelle


Posts: 1992
Joined: 12/3/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL, USA
Status: offline 		greetings sailingbum,

i'm not sure. i struggled with this after my mother passed. i don't believe my dad knew he was going to die, but my mom did, and she told her best friend but she didn't tell us. we knew she would die within the next few years but we didn't expect it to happen when it did, and she had told her friend a few days before. i'm not angry with her about it, but i was always sad that i never had that closure (she died suddenly of an aneurysm, which was unrelated to her very serious health problems). i guess it's easy for me to say that it would have felt better to know it was coming, since both of my parents died suddenly and relatively young - i've never experienced the opposite feeling. but sometimes i do wish i had known.

most of the people who know me know that i am chronically ill, although not with anything that's likely to kill me anytime soon. i've probably shaved a couple decades off my life with my eating disorder, though, and i am honest about the fact that while i haven't been actively suicidal in quite some time (tried to kill myself about 5 years ago), and my physical pain (progressive for the last 15 years or so, and primarily not related to the ed) now is much more serious than my emotional pain or depression, i do occasionally feel driven down by the fact that i am going to be this sick for the rest of my life and that does make me feel like i don't want to be here anymore. if i knew i was going to die because of something else, though, i am not sure if i would tell someone. my master would probably know because he has an extremely keen perception about these things...and if i were going to die, i would probably tell him anyway. his attitude towards death is such that i think telling him would be best. i might tell my sister because i know she struggled with those same feelings over our parents. there's really not anyone else to tell - i'd avoid telling my friends because i wouldn't want them to worry or get upset.

respectfully,
annabelle.


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a'ishah (the artist formerly known as annabelle)
i have the kind of beauty that moves...

(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Would you tell them? - 1/28/2008 10:51:37 PM   
Kalista07


Posts: 4240
Joined: 7/1/2007
Status: offline 		Okay, first of all i need to say this, "You people suck"...Because it's officially one year to the day now that my mom called me and asked me to come pick up her and my dad and take them to the hospital...{This was of course a day after she called me and told me it was almost my fault that he died in the middle of the night because she couldn't remember if she was supposed to call us or the ambulance first...LMAO}....At any rate, i picked them up, took them to the hospital and he was going to be fine....He was supposed to have this procedure done that he had done two years ago...Last time he was out of the medication that they use to put you to sleep (can't use spell check on here and i would slaughter the word) within fifteen minutes of having it done...So, he went in monday night, Wednesday morning he had the procedure done again, Wednesday afternoon the hospital called me to tell me that they had moved him to ICU... i spent the next four or six days in the ICU with him and my mom.... He died the following Tuesday....3 hours before we were schedule to meet with the ethics committe to stop treatment for him........
As i stood (mostly alone) at the funeral the one thing that angered me the most was that my sister and his friends kept talking about how they knew he was getting closer to dying because he had been fixing up their house so he wouldn't leave my mom in a disaster...The thing that hurts the most (even as i type this out) is that when i told him goodbye, and that i fogave him and loved him, i know he was already gone...i know my dad died long before his body caught up to it...
DAMN!!! i'm sorry.... i really didn't mean to go on about all of this...In essence, i guess my answer is yes..i would tell the people who i love and who are important in my life.... i'm not even really sure at this point in my life who all it would be, but i do know it would include some very close friends...And of course, Him..LOL...
Kali
(who's returning to the bickering thread cause it doesn't make me cry)


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~~Sweedish Proverb


(in reply to hisannabelle)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Would you tell them? - 1/28/2008 10:59:15 PM   
SailingBum


Posts: 3225
Joined: 12/10/2007
From: Sailin the stormy sea
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: hisannabelle

greetings sailingbum,

i'm not sure. i struggled with this after my mother passed. i don't believe my dad knew he was going to die, but my mom did, and she told her best friend but she didn't tell us. we knew she would die within the next few years but we didn't expect it to happen when it did, and she had told her friend a few days before. i'm not angry with her about it, but i was always sad that i never had that closure (she died suddenly of an aneurysm, which was unrelated to her very serious health problems). i guess it's easy for me to say that it would have felt better to know it was coming, since both of my parents died suddenly and relatively young - i've never experienced the opposite feeling. but sometimes i do wish i had known.

most of the people who know me know that i am chronically ill, although not with anything that's likely to kill me anytime soon. i've probably shaved a couple decades off my life with my eating disorder, though, and i am honest about the fact that while i haven't been actively suicidal in quite some time (tried to kill myself about 5 years ago), and my physical pain (progressive for the last 15 years or so, and primarily not related to the ed) now is much more serious than my emotional pain or depression, i do occasionally feel driven down by the fact that i am going to be this sick for the rest of my life and that does make me feel like i don't want to be here anymore. if i knew i was going to die because of something else, though, i am not sure if i would tell someone. my master would probably know because he has an extremely keen perception about these things...and if i were going to die, i would probably tell him anyway. his attitude towards death is such that i think telling him would be best. i might tell my sister because i know she struggled with those same feelings over our parents. there's really not anyone else to tell - i'd avoid telling my friends because i wouldn't want them to worry or get upset.

respectfully,
annabelle.



My Father knew he was dying.  My brother related this story to me.  His liver had shut down so to keep him alive they would have to drain him.  He needed to be drained again.  So my brother asked him if he wanted to go to the hosp.  Dad was pretty weak by then however in a clear voice he said NO.  Mom said  "you don't mean that"  My Father saw the look in her eyes and agreed to get drained again.  To this day mom will tell you that she thought Dad would pull through...

BadOne

(in reply to hisannabelle)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Would you tell them? - 1/28/2008 11:03:48 PM   
MistressOfGa


Posts: 2929
Status: offline
quote:

Kali
(who's returning to the bickering thread cause it doesn't make me cry)


<Follows Kali>


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Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Would you tell them? - 1/28/2008 11:21:00 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SailingBum



Would you tell you significant other that you were dying? 


Absolutely.

quote:

And more importantly why would you tell them or not tell them?



He's entitled to whatever knowledge I possess so he can make informed decisions regarding our relationship. Withholding anything means I've taken back that power which is not in the spirit of the relationship we share.

Celeste

_____________________________

"Oh, so it's just like
Rock, paper, scissors."

He laughed. "You are the wisest woman I know."


(in reply to SailingBum)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Would you tell them? - 1/29/2008 12:58:31 AM   
YourhandMyAss


Posts: 5516
Joined: 6/25/2006
From: Sacramento
Status: offline 		Grins in real life, yes, those wrong words can be funny. I mis hear things sometimes too when Daddy and I are talking he always says do what to who for how many cookies? When he has no clue what I said lol. It is a very positive attitude to have about the loss of something you were born with and had many years use of.
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

Thank you for asking. My sight is gone. It is permanent. I have a program called JAWS that reads the screen to me so I can keep up with doing what I love to do. Now if I can just whip the voice on JAWS I would be happy lol sometimes it gives the wrong words. Mistress Hathor tells me that she is going to take a cooking test. I heard that she was going to be faking a cocking test lol Confusion in IM's lol but we laugh about it and carry on. I thought pup told a girl she had big puppies, which is not what he wrote at all. Funny stuff. But here is the good news:
I no longer have to deal with traffic jams
If I don't like the color of my vehicle, I just imagine it is green
I don't have to see car accidents anymore
and if it is a cloudy day, I can say it is beautiful out. I choose what I want to "see". The ultimate power trip! <s>

(in reply to MistressOfGa)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Would you tell them? - 1/29/2008 1:36:18 AM   
Gwynvyd


Posts: 4949
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

quote:

ORIGINAL: YourhandMyAss

Did you regain your site or was the loss permenant?
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressOfGa

. When I lost my sight in Sept of last year, I told him myself.


Thank you for asking. My sight is gone. It is permanent. I have a program called JAWS that reads the screen to me so I can keep up with doing what I love to do. Now if I can just whip the voice on JAWS I would be happy lol sometimes it gives the wrong words. Mistress Hathor tells me that she is going to take a cooking test. I heard that she was going to be faking a cocking test lol Confusion in IM's lol but we laugh about it and carry on. I thought pup told a girl she had big puppies, which is not what he wrote at all. Funny stuff. But here is the good news:
I no longer have to deal with traffic jams
If I don't like the color of my vehicle, I just imagine it is green
I don't have to see car accidents anymore
and if it is a cloudy day, I can say it is beautiful out. I choose what I want to "see". The ultimate power trip! <s>


You have a very wonderful outlook on it all.

Yeah JAWS does give some of the damnedest responses.. and that's if the other folks know how to spell. LOL.

I used to live in Fort Myers where we have a huge centers for the blind, and many of my friends used JAWS. It is a true God send though for many many people.

I am glad to hear your pup was there for you.

*smiles*

I hope the rest is smooth sailing for you.

Gwyn

_____________________________

Self avowed Geek-Girl~
Come for the boobs, stay for the brains.

Be the kinda woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the Devil says "Oh shit, shes awake..."
~ Softandshy's "Shiney"

(in reply to MistressOfGa)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Would you tell them? - 1/29/2008 1:40:34 AM   
Gwynvyd


Posts: 4949
Status: offline 		*Hugs*

I am not up to telling about my fave Aunt... but yeah.. *hugs you again*


Gwyn

_____________________________

Self avowed Geek-Girl~
Come for the boobs, stay for the brains.

Be the kinda woman that when your feet hit the floor in the morning the Devil says "Oh shit, shes awake..."
~ Softandshy's "Shiney"

(in reply to Kalista07)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Would you tell them? - 1/29/2008 2:02:55 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline 		Yes, i would tell my family and of course my Master.  It is not up to me to decide how much truth someone else can handle.   i have tried to have a serious discussion with my offspring about how i want my body disposed of and they tell me to stop, they don't want to hear it.  i know i have to write it all down.  Recently my mother had a stroke and while she recovered with remarkable speed, it made her and my dad sit down and make copies of everything my brothers and i would need to make sure their final wishes are handled.  When i got the package of papers, i cried, and i hated it, but also very grateful that my parents went through the trouble to make sure i have all the information i will one day need. 

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Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

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Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Would you tell them? - 1/29/2008 3:26:29 AM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline 		*hugs kalista*  yeah.  *hugs her again*

kitten

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Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Would you tell them? - 1/29/2008 3:30:08 AM   
adoracat


Posts: 1779
Joined: 2/16/2007
Status: offline 		now that i can see again....

i knew fallcon was going to die once they said "colon cancer that had already spread".  we tried anyway.  in the end, i told him "dont keep fighting for my sake, let go and move on" and he agreed. 

just 2 years before that, james had died suddenly.  i had to get through that, too. 

all in all, knowing is better, because you dont have all those unfinished stories, the unasked questions, those last times saying "i love you" that you need to move on.  funny thing is....i accepted james' passing easier than fal's.  i suppose because james was so ill and out of shape for so long before i met him, that we knew his body would wear out.

kitten

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Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Would you tell them? - 1/29/2008 3:51:19 AM   
HeidiAnn


Posts: 113
Joined: 12/16/2007
Status: offline 		Ohh, I would make such a mess of things. I think I would definately tell my brother and my best friends. Maybe my mother too, depends on what I'm dying from.

And I hope I would find the strenght to tell my SO, too. Based on my past actions I might well end up sabotising the relationship to the point I was dumped and hated, just not to have anyone too close to me. But hopefully not.:)

heidi

EDIT: I do appreciate it when people do tell, although with my own dad I knew a year before he told that he's seriously ill (that was four years ago and the tough guy is still here, lol), but I just know I might not be one of those people able to tell. Our dog died last november and the last months he spend alone, sleeping alot and not being with us anymore. We were soulmates with that dog in so many ways, I feel that in that way too. I can totally relate to distancing youself from others when the time comes.

< Message edited by HeidiAnn -- 1/29/2008 3:59:48 AM >

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Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Would you tell them? - 1/29/2008 4:36:59 AM   
IrishMist


Posts: 7480
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline
quote:

Would you tell you significant other that you were dying?  And more importantly why would you tell them or not tell them?

Absolutly. They have a right to know; what they do with the information is their own choice; but I will not keep something so important as that from them.

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If I said something to offend you, please tell me what it was so that I can say it again later.


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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Would you tell them? - 1/29/2008 5:11:27 AM   
NewMaster86


Posts: 27
Joined: 12/28/2007
Status: offline 		Yes, I would tell them. Knowing I only have so much time left on this earth I would want myself and my partner to make the best we can out of it.

While I know that people will experience greif when a loved one passes, I personally find it alot easier to cope if I celebrate their life rather than mourn their death. I would want people who care for me to do the same.

(in reply to Termyn8or)
Profile   Post #: 40
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