dom a little down

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angelicbst -> dom a little down (1/29/2008 4:22:13 AM)
I am not an easy sub to master. I know this, and do my best to make it a little easier on my husband. I do like some pain, and I love to fight. Tell me to do something and I will try to fight it. That is part of the fun for me. I can't just give in, you have to take... anyways, this causes Him to recoil. How can I make him understand that fighting and crying are not his fault. It's just what I do. We live in an apartment and he doesn't want to hit me for fear of disturbing our neighbors, but we have to be able to get some sometimes... What can I do as his slave girl to loosen him up a bit. I want to be owned completely, but bouncing between free and slave is not so easy sometimes.

Dnomyar -> RE: dom a little down (1/29/2008 4:37:39 AM)
I think that you need to find a Dom who will cater to your interest. Right now you are driving a wedge between you and your husband. Your not going to force him to be a Dom.

venusinblu -> RE: dom a little down (1/29/2008 4:40:42 AM)
I think perhaps you're scaring the beejaysus out of him.

angelicbst -> RE: dom a little down (1/29/2008 4:43:41 AM)
I'm not trying to force him to be anything, he pushes me to be his sub, something we both enjoy, but sometimes I wont even know what I did to cause him to stop. He seems to have reserve about being who he. I have been with him for six years. He brought me into the lifestyle. Now granted, we have jumped some good hurdles. and are both alittle more open then we were six years ago. This is just one more hurdle

Bound2One -> RE: dom a little down (1/29/2008 4:50:46 AM)
quote: That is part of the fun for me. What is part of the fun for him? Does he enjoy having to subdue you? Or would he be much happier were you to obey and not give him such a fight? Some Doms just don't enjoy the fight. They like obedience. I'm not saying you can't mix it up occasionally, but perhaps a compromise is in order?

Rover -> RE: dom a little down (1/29/2008 4:56:59 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: angelicbst I do like some pain, and I love to fight. Tell me to do something and I will try to fight it. That is part of the fun for me. I can't just give in, you have to take... That's an understandable and not uncommon dynamic. However, it's not a dynamic that appeals to or works for everyone. And just because it doesn't appeal or work for them does not make them any less of a Dominant. I can speak from personal experience, as it does not work for or appeal to me. My power exchange relationships do not include power struggles. My girl will submit to me or not as it suits her; I will retain her or not as her obedience suits me. "Force" as part of resistence play or a rape scene or something like that is another matter entirely. Though we all recognize the difference between play and a relationship dynamic, and the appropriateness of each for different times and places. If I were to encounter this kind of situation myself, I would consider it a matter of incompatibility. Particularly so if she persisted in her refusals in order to manipulate me into forcing her. In fact, I'd be rather offended and the last thing I'd do is give her what she wants. Do it once and there'd be a lecture. The second time would include parting gifts, best wishes and a cab ride. John

Lashra -> RE: dom a little down (1/29/2008 4:59:50 AM)
My sub sometimes "acts up" when we are playing and it will cause me to recoil. Its a turn off for me when I am focusing on what I'm trying to do and he keeps acting up. I feel this way about it, either a sub/slave wants to obey and please me, or not. If not then both our time it being wasted. I used to get angry but I do not do that anymore, I found telling him "If you don't stop I'm calling the safeword and this scene will end to BOTH our disappointment." That usually stops it in its tracks. Perhaps your Dom feels this way about it when this happens, you may want to ask him. ~Lashra

TysGalilah -> RE: dom a little down (1/29/2008 5:05:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: angelicbst I am not an easy sub to master. I know this, and do my best to make it a little easier on my husband. I do like some pain, and I love to fight. Tell me to do something and I will try to fight it. That is part of the fun for me. I can't just give in, you have to take... anyways, this causes Him to recoil. How can I make him understand that fighting and crying are not his fault. It's just what I do. We live in an apartment and he doesn't want to hit me for fear of disturbing our neighbors, but we have to be able to get some sometimes... What can I do as his slave girl to loosen him up a bit. I want to be owned completely, but bouncing between free and slave is not so easy sometimes. What can I do as his slave girl to loosen him up a bit Ask HIM. Listen to his answer...and stop fighting the answers if you truly do want him to be happy and pleased with the way you serve him. call me strange but when I read your post I read manipulation and resentment ..and alot of ME ME ME statements.. what does he want?

angelicbst -> RE: dom a little down (1/29/2008 5:12:38 AM)
after reviewing what I had written I realize It was not the clearest view to portray. I do do what I am told. I don't straight up fight him on anything. I like to fight doesn't mean I do. I will try to clear this up a bit. It is not easy serving someone who does not know what they want. I have gone from totally vanilla, to bondage toy, to slave, to non touchable. once I stopped fighting, I have done what has been asked of me. None of this is very clear. sorry just forget it all okay

liminalRapture -> RE: dom a little down (1/29/2008 5:21:18 AM)
Couple of comments: You two are married and you were vanilla and you are doing this because he wants you to, right? (I could be wrong--that was my guess from your post.) If so... I say you get a lot more latitude and the two of you want to work this out, not just move on to someone else. Can you figure out why you are resisting? For me, I love the feeling of resistance being broken down. But for me, that can come in lots of different ways. With my ex, I had permission--if he was lying on top of me and had my hands pinned down, I could struggle all I wanted. I really enjoy the sensation, but I'm not particularly bratty, so this meant he decided when I could struggle, but I didn't have to say "May I please struggle?" or something that just made it much less fun. Is it possible that if you say something like "please don't make me......" and he says whatever he says about how you don't get to make that decision, that would help fulfill what you are after? Also, talk with him. Personally, I'm a submissive, not a masochist. I will avoid pain. I'll endure it, but I need to be led there. If I were to get serious about someone, I would let him know that. And I would say "I will try to talk you out of it, if you let me. But I know the difference between 'please don't' and 'safeword.'" But I'm also coming at this from a different end. I want someone who is compatible and whom will be a partner. You guys found each other (and I'm jealous!) and you are super GGG and trying to make this work.

Bound2One -> RE: dom a little down (1/29/2008 5:24:07 AM)
It's hard to express a problem online - no one knows your dynamic or both sides to the story. Perhaps some more open communication between you might help both of you? It definitely is not easy serving when you don't know what the Dom wants. When I don't know what is expected, or if the Dom seems to change his desires midstream, it's very difficult to keep up.

BlackPhx -> RE: dom a little down (1/29/2008 8:01:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: angelicbst I am not an easy sub to master. I know this, and do my best to make it a little easier on my husband. I do like some pain, and I love to fight. We live in an apartment and he doesn't want to hit me for fear of disturbing our neighbors, but we have to be able to get some sometimes.... I am a fighter as well. More a Challenge than a fighter I guess. He is a lot stronger than I, but there are times Master will stop himself from delivering all the pain I can handle and he wants to give for fear of hurting me. Love can get in the way sometimes. Suggestion, if there are clubs where you can go to play that may cut out the concern for the neighbors. Bound to a St. Andrews or a Rack at a club and you can struggle all you want and as long as the DM is satisfied you are a willing sufferer, no one will think anything of it. Date night out at the club can add it's own excitement and keep the frustrations of apartment living and playing down. poenkitten

SimplyMichael -> RE: dom a little down (1/29/2008 8:13:14 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: angelicbst after reviewing what I had written I realize It was not the clearest view to portray. I do do what I am told. I don't straight up fight him on anything. I like to fight doesn't mean I do. I will try to clear this up a bit. It is not easy serving someone who does not know what they want. I have gone from totally vanilla, to bondage toy, to slave, to non touchable. once I stopped fighting, I have done what has been asked of me. None of this is very clear. sorry just forget it all okay Looking into mirrors can be an unpleasant experience as they often tell us truths we would rather ignore. I think your explanation was fine, you just didn't like the answers because we didn't tell you what you wanted to hear, which was what he is "doing wrong." First off, doing any sort of D/s relationship doesn't make things easier, it makes things harder. You need to communicate better, listen better, understand yourself better, be more understanding and compassionate as well. Nobody gets it right (Okay, I am sure two of you did) and I know I fucked up quite a few relationships. Learning to dominate someone is hard, it requires unlearning quite a few social norms that are deeply ingrained. Cut the man some slack! Search for punishment posts by "LuckyAlbatros" and read them. Punishment and force are things often desired by submissives but are often destructive to relationships. You need to learn to ask for them, give him permission to violate social norms and you just might be surprised at how your relationship changes for the better.

Skully7000 -> RE: dom a little down (1/29/2008 8:25:06 AM)
Perhaps Homework is in order. sometimes it is quite hard to say to your master: "i want you to force me to do this and that" "it would be hot if you physically threw me down and forced me to ..." instead if you wrote an email/journal/letter in a third person or a diary about the fantasies you have or the problems you had. he can read it, then assimilate it into his play with you. rather then being asked to do something directly.

Leatherist -> RE: dom a little down (1/29/2008 8:28:15 AM)
He doesn't like it. Why are you trying to make him do things he hates?

batshalom -> RE: dom a little down (1/29/2008 8:33:39 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: angelicbst I do like some pain, and I love to fight. Tell me to do something and I will try to fight it. That is part of the fun for me. I can't just give in, you have to take... anyways, this causes Him to recoil. How can I make him understand that fighting and crying are not his fault. It's just what I do. What can I do as his slave girl to loosen him up a bit. I want to be owned completely, but bouncing between free and slave is not so easy sometimes. If you were enslaved, you'd do things his way whether or not you liked it, so do it his way. Since the fighting and crying bothers him which in turn bothers you, knock it off. The responsibility isn't just his. If all you do is fight him and cry when he gives you a command, what's his motivating to continue? Sounds like a drag to me.

meticulousgirl -> RE: dom a little down (1/29/2008 8:40:11 AM)
angel forgive me for being blunt but, being a slave and being His completely would mean that you wouldn't fight Him at all, part of being a slave is always doing what is expected and is always doing what you are told. If you have an issue with something you are (depending on the setup of your slavery to Him) allowed to ask for a moment to speak freely with Him about whatever may be bothering you however putting up a fight just to satisfy yourself is not typically how this works. as slaves it is our 24/7 jobs to be pleasing to our Owners and if your Dom does not want to "fight" you all the time then that is His choice to make, not yours. Now what i would suggest is to speak with Him openly about your desires for this type of play, there can be compromise here but, you both have to want it. ~meticulous~

SimplyMichael -> RE: dom a little down (1/29/2008 8:44:44 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Leatherist He doesn't like it. Why are you trying to make him do things he hates? Leatherist, the question is why does he "hate" it? If a woman gives a guy head and he "hates" it, it might be because he truly doesn't like oral, but it could also be because he is gay or perhaps she is dragging her teeth all over his cock. So, in two out three, he likes head and our conclusion that he "hates" head would be incorrect.

DiurnalVampire -> RE: dom a little down (1/29/2008 8:46:53 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: angelicbst I do like some pain, and I love to fight. Tell me to do something and I will try to fight it. That is part of the fun for me. I can't just give in, you have to take... anyways, this causes Him to recoil. How can I make him understand that fighting and crying are not his fault. It's just what I do. It IS his fault, he has not tried to break you of this habit even though he dislikes it. If your fighting and crying is part of your fun but it obviously bothers him, perhaps it is something you are goigto have to learn to tone down. If you are the submissive one, HIS interests are the ones YOU conform to, not vice versa. You two are not in a new relationship, it seems from other posts. There are just some things that are not going to work. Obviously this is one of them. I enjoy a little fighting, Fox will struggle but if I am not in the mood or it gets too be too much, a word from me and it stops. No questions asked it is over. Maybe the problem isnt that you occasionally fight, it is tha you dont know when to quit. Do you push it too far? Do you take into account it might not be what he wants every time? Maybe a compromise is in order. He permits you to fight on occasion, and you obey without arguement sometimes. If you are calling the shots and saying when you decide to fight and he has to deal, you are taking away from his ability to dominate. DV

DesFIP -> RE: dom a little down (1/29/2008 10:41:52 AM)
Do some sound proofing. It appears as though he can't relax knowing the neighbors will hear and may call the cops. Carpet and area rugs. Hang thick tapestries or colorful blankets on the wall. White noise machine and stereo or tv. Personally I can't stay in headspace when the tv is on but it's easier to deal with the neighbors if you meet them in the hall and say excitedly you're having a Rambo marathon. Then they'll assume any screaming was the movie. They'll aslo assume any future noise is an action flick.

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